“I’m betting you got it all in order though, huh?”
I grinned at the baritone of his voice. He’d been my one constant for the last couple of years, and even though I missed him like a hole in my head, it was nice not to have to keep up a pretense for everyone.
“I sure did.” I leaned back in my seat and let out a breath. “How’s Miriam?”
The silence over the line told me more than any words ever could. My usual weekly visits had turned into video calls.
“She’s not doing too great.”
I bit down on my bottom lip and looked at my pajama bottoms. A thread had started to loosen on them, and I wrapped it around my finger. “Yeah. She didn’t seem...herself when I spoke to her last.”
“She’s getting worse.” I could imagine Chad holding his head in his hands with a frown on his face.
My stomach dipped, my heart beating like an erratic drum in my chest. Miriam was one of the first people to welcome me to New York and actually helped make the place a home. I’d missed the mother figure when mine had decided to become some badass pirate, and I needed it more than I had realized.
“Maybe…” My voice cracked, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “Maybe I should come home.” I shuffled forward and balanced on the edge of my seat. “She needs me, you—”
“No,” Chad cut in. “You’re not coming home. You’re there for a couple more months, and then you’ll be back and we can continue how things were.”
I grimaced. The idea of going back to how things were didn’t appeal to me, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that. Instead, I said, “Sure.”
The line was silent, and it was the most awkward quiet I’d ever experienced. My mind went right to JJ, and how we could be around each other and not say a word and it would feel as normal as my next breath. It opened my eyes to how things were around other people. Nothing ever felt as comfortable as when I was with JJ.
“Anyway, how’s the new job?”
“I... Yeah, it’s good.” My gaze flicked to my open laptop and the cover I was creating in Photoshop. “Look, I’ve got to go. I’m behind on my work and need to catch up before Monday.”
“Right. I’ll let you get back to it.”
I nodded but didn’t move the cell away from my ear. I wanted to scream the truth down the line to him, tell him how different I felt just from being back in LA and away from him. But something stopped me, and I didn’t know whether it was for my benefit or his.
“I’ll speak to you later?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
I yanked the cell from my ear, clicked the end call button, and threw it down on the sofa.
My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, much like how the water would flush down a toilet, although I’m not sure whether it’d be clockwise or anti-clockwise. I was sure that I was taught it went one way in half of the world and the other way in the other half.
I tried to not think of much as I continued on with my work. That was the beauty about losing myself to designing and letting it consume me. The time disappeared in the blink of an eye. The front door opened, but I still didn’t look up from my screen, not until the seat at the end of the sofa dipped. JJ’s unmistakable woodsy cologne wrapped around me, infecting the air with the addictive scent.
“You’re in the same position as you were seven hours ago,” JJ’s deep voice said.
My fingers stalled on the trackpad and I glanced up. He was sitting with a tablet on his lap, and when I tilted my body to see what he was doing, I noticed the YouTube screen.
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I’m working.”
His head turned, his gaze tracking over my crossed legs, my pajamas, and up to my face. “You work in your pajamas?”
“I do. It’s one of the best things about my job. That, and the fact I can work from anywhere.” I rolled my hands through the air. “Back in New York, I’d forget to leave the apartment for days at a time.” I laughed. “I’ve gone six days without washing my hair before. And I have to say, it was the best six days of my life. Dry shampoo is legit the best invention ever.” I shook my head. “This one time, Chad went away for the weekend and came home to find me in the same position. He thought I hadn’t washed for two days, and okay, so I didn’t shower, but I at least brushed my teeth and changed my underwear. I’m not a Neanderthal, you know?”
JJ stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “You look like a crazy person.”
I threw my head back and cackled like an evil witch. I probably wasn’t helping my case, but his one-liners were almost as good as that guy from Impractical Jokers who shouted for Larry at random times. When I got myself under control, I realized JJ was watching a video, so I leaned over and asked, “What are you watching?”
“Lego building.”
There was no sound coming from the tablet as he made the video full screen and a box with a castle on the front flashed. A hand proceeded to open the box and start to build a castle from tiny pieces of Lego.
Damn. They put anything on YouTube nowadays.
“Oh. Cool.”
I stared at the screen for a beat and looked away, getting on with the last of my work and knowing that I’d probably still be sitting here in another seven hours.
Chapter 11
Confession #53: My wardrobe consists of 95% pajamas and 3% socks.
Mondays were my most favoritist days.
Some people thought Sunday was the start of the week, but for me, that was a cheat day. A day that meant you could do what you want when you wanted. It was a day to binge-watch your favorite TV show or lie in bed all day to read that next book in a series you’d waited all week to start. But Monday meant a fresh start. A new week. Anything could happen on a Monday, including me being born. If you couldn’t tell, I was a Monday baby.
Monday was also the first class of the week where I tested out what I was trying to teach. I was sure I could have been reciting the alphabet, and they would have soaked it up like it was the next coming.
However, today was Tuesday which meant my most annoying student was sitting in the fourth row up. I didn’t know how many times I’d rolled my eyes at the questions from her. She never seemed to stop talking and questioning every little thing I said. She was a nightmare, one I wanted to eradicate with a dreamcatcher. Maybe if I displayed one above her seat on the ceiling, she’d stop talking just once.
“So you’re saying that being Insta-famous isn’t a real job?” her sickly sweet voice asked.
Why the hell did I decide to do open discussions on this course? I made a mental note to not do as many in the future.
“No.” I shook my head and leaned against the edge of my desk. “What I’m saying is that there’s more work to it than posting a few pictures a day.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You only ever see a snapshot of their lives. What you don’t witness is the amount of work and hours they put in behind the scenes.” I stood and walked toward the middle of the floor. “It’s true that having a following on social media can gain you attention, and you can definitely earn a good living off it, but what isn’t true is how it looks. These people spend hours upon hours getting the perfect picture to post, or hours learning how to market to get noticed and to sell products.”
“So it is a real job?”
I nodded. “It is. But it’s a lot more work than you think. It’s not just about having people who listen to your every word. There are powerful platforms behind these people, and it’s important to teach the young people who listen to you the right things.”
“I don’t understand.” She flipped her light-brown hair over her shoulder. “Surely it’s easy to post a picture and then earn money.”
I pointed at her. “And that’s the exact reason why you won’t make it far. You have the wrong attitude.”
She gasped, her hand moving to her chest. Chick was dramatic as hell. She was probably one of these girls who was handed everything and didn’t have to work a day in her life if s
he didn’t want to. Yeah, I was judging her, but I knew who she was on account of her last name.
“Listen.” I huffed out a breath and tried my hardest to use as little words as possible. It was a task that was harder than you could have ever imagined. “I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. I may be teaching this course, but I know what I’m talking about. Your attitude and drive are half of the battle. You have to be doing it for the right reasons, not just for the follow count shown next to your name.”
“I have nearly ten thousand followers, and I’m sure they’d be—”
“That there is the reason you shouldn’t be in this class.” I smiled politely, the kind of smile a girl would give her older relative. “And that is the end of class today. I need to go drink a bottle of tequila or something.” I rubbed at my temples. “This shit is draining.”
A couple of chuckles rang out, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel any kind of remorse for saying it in front of a room full of students. They’d just have to deal with it. I wasn’t going to be like the other educated grown-ups here. I was Ella, the girl who wanted to live in her pajamas and unwashed hair. Ella the extraordinaire.
Normally I’d wait for everyone to exit, but today I just couldn’t be bothered, so I packed up my things and was the first one out of the class. My legs carried me to The Coffee Hut, my body needing the scent of coffee to infuse into my skin. I walked right up to the counter and ordered a huge cup and a brownie. God, I’d missed the brownies here. Every day while I was a student I’d have one, and it was the highlight of each and every day. The chocolate gooeyness was purse orgasmic.
Finding the seat nearest the back, I let my body drop into the two-seater, brown leather sofa and closed my eyes. Those students were going to be the death of me. I hated having to stand up and talk to them for nearly ninety minutes four times a week, but a part of me actually loved it. What could I say? I was an attention whore at times.
The aroma of coffee beans was singing to my soul, and it was the best thing about today. How dare that stupid girl ruin my Tuesday with her incessant babbling. Ugh. I was getting to that age where anyone under twenty was considered a kid. Damn.
Chatter surrounded me, but one voice cut through it as he ordered a sandwich. I knew what filling he was going to get before he even said it. You could set your watch by JJ and his Tuesday and Thursday trips to The Coffee Hut for his lunch. My eyes sprung open and immediately focused on him standing at the counter. His head was down as he pulled out his Marvel wallet and handed the woman behind the counter a twenty. She smiled at him, but he wasn’t even paying attention as he moved to the side to wait for his order.
I leaned over the other seat, planted my elbow on the arm, and rested my chin on the palm of my hand. I observed him like a middle-aged woman who stalked Noah Centineo on Instagram—with stealth and my full attention.
He shifted his feet from side to side, his hand clutching his ever-present Lego figure. He was uncomfortable being in here, but he was still standing there, overcoming his fears. I didn’t think I’d ever admired someone as much as I did right at that moment.
I’d barely seen him this past weekend because he was either at the pet shop or in his bedroom. Several times I had to stop myself from knocking on his door. Why the hell did I find him so fascinating? I wanted his attention, I wanted alone time with him.
I wanted him.
My eyes widened at the realization, and I scanned the shop to make sure no one could hear my thoughts. You never knew when a mind-reading vampire was around to catch you out.
The woman behind the counter handed JJ his wrapped sandwich and a bottle of water, and I knew he was going to leave at any second, which was the only reason I shouted out, “Yo, JJ! What’s up?”
His body twirled at the vibration of my voice, his gaze finding mine right away. “Ella.”
“Want to join me?” I asked, sitting straight and pointing at the seat next to me.
He turned his head to look at the door on the opposite side of the shop and spun back to face me. “I eat lunch at my bench outside.”
I opened my mouth to say he could eat in here, but shook my head and stood. “Okay. I’ll come and sit with you.” I grabbed my brownie and took a huge bite while throwing my bag strap over my shoulder.
“You forgot your coffee,” JJ said when I was standing next to him.
I shrugged. “I don’t drink coffee.”
I strolled between all the tables with JJ behind me. “Then why did you get a coffee?”
Pulling open the door, I turned to face him. “I like to smell it.” I grinned.
He frowned and followed me out of the shop. “That’s a waste of money.”
“Meh. I like things that smell nice.” I quirked one side of my lips as we walked toward the quad and looked up at him. “You smell nice. Maybe I should buy you too.”
“You can’t buy humans, Ella.”
I tutted. “Not even if I supplied said human with every Lego figure known to man?”
He chewed down on his bottom lip and raised his brows. “That would cost a lot of money.”
Tilting my head to the side, I made out like I was thinking really hard. “It would, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
“Gandalf sacrifices himself. I have a Lego figure of him in my bedroom.”
The change of conversation would sometimes catch me unaware, but I was getting used to the flow JJ had with his thinking. “Who the hell is this Gandalf dude?”
He halted next to a bench with a small plaque attached to the back. I didn’t bother reading it because I honestly didn’t care where I sat my ass down as long as I was next to JJ.
“He’s the wizard in The Lord Of The Rings. His original name is Gandalf the Grey, and he sacrificed himself to fight the Balrog to allow the fellowship of the rings to escape.”
I stared at him like he had six heads. “I have no idea—”
“Although he does come back. So it’s only a part sacrifice.”
My mouth opened and closed as he sat down. I didn’t know what the hell he just said, and he may as well have been talking in Russian, but damn it was sexy as hell. Nerdy talk to me was like sexy talk to a Christian Grey super fan. Dayuuuum. I was hot and bothered, and it had nothing to do with the midday sun beating down on me.
Holy shiitake mushrooms.
Boredom was a real thing. It wasn’t like I didn’t have a thousand things to do, but I was procrastinating, and when you knew you were doing it, it wasn’t a bad thing.
It was Friday, and I was again home alone. I’d been living here for a few weeks now, and there were only two rooms I hadn’t investigated: Jeffery’s and JJ’s bedrooms. It’s their private space, Ella. You can’t go in there. I shouldn’t go into Jeffery’s bedroom, which was why I was currently opening up JJ’s bedroom door.
I couldn’t help but be drawn to JJ’s room. I was under some kind of spell—probably that Gandalf wizard. He needed me to go in there to investigate. Why was he holing himself up in his room all the time? He needed to get out more and go and see things. Have adventures.
I snorted at myself. I was one to talk, I hated going outside. Maybe it was because I wanted JJ to be with me while inside his house rather than in a room by himself.
I stood on the threshold as the door swung open. I wouldn’t step inside and invade his privacy. Nope, I’d stand here and observe with just my eyes—damn, my feet were moving. Well, I was inside now. I may as well do one lap around the room.
My arms were glued to my hips so that they wouldn’t reach out and touch anything as I scanned his room. The first thing that hit me was the scent that was JJ, only inside these four walls it was that much more intense. It was heady, and I never wanted to leave. I wanted to live inside this cocoon and do my best impression of a caterpillar while it waited to become a beautiful butterfly.
A double bed covered in dark-blue sheets sat against the far wall, and I had to stop myself from gravitating toward it. It looked so inviting
, and I was sure I heard it whisper my name as I took another step inside. Beside it was a gray bedside table with a lone alarm clock and circle light on top of it.
I spun in a circle to glance opposite the bed where a desk organized to perfection sat proudly. I couldn’t help the smile working its way over my face at the sight. Next to that was a different kind of desk and shelves above it. It almost resembled a workstation, and when I stepped closer, I noticed all the Lego pieces and figures lined up like soldiers in four and a half rows. I moved closer to it and reached out to pick up the first one.
I’d seen JJ with a different figure each day, but I hadn’t realized he had a whole system going on. It had become so normal to see one in his hands that I never thought twice about it now. It was what he needed, and that was all that mattered.
The sun streamed in through the half-open blind and flashed across the wall and desk like a bolt of lightning, illuminating the huge castle made of small Lego pieces that JJ had been building. Was that intricate building why he was always watching that one YouTube video, and why he seemed to always be in his room when he was home?
Tingles ran down my arms, and my breathing became easier. It didn’t feel like I was invading someone’s space being in here. In fact, I felt more comfortable than I did in my own room. Maybe it was because his room looked out into the backyard? My body always wanted to face a particular way, so that had to be the reason why I wanted to curl up into a ball on his bed, right?
I brought the Lego figure closer to my face and moved the arms and legs back and forth. I never understood the whole Lego thing. For one reason, it was like the god of hell had stuck a burning-hot fork into the sole of your foot when you stood on one, and the other reason was that I knew I would lose those tiny pieces. Who the hell wanted to build a seven-thousand-piece building from tiny little squares and rectangles?
“What are you doing?”
Confessions Of A Chatterbox (Confessions Series Book 2) Page 11
