I jumped at the voice, the Lego figure flinging out of my hand and into the first row of other figures. They all went down like a line of dominos, knocking each other over like they’d all drunk ten shots of tequila and couldn’t stand straight if their life depended on it.
“Oh, shit.” I turned to face JJ who was standing just inside his room. My heart beat faster, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I was caught snooping or because he was so close to me. I decided to go with the former even though in the back of my mind I knew it was the latter.
JJ lunged forward, his hands hovering above the figures. “What did you do?” he asked, the pained expression on his face making my stomach dip with nerves.
I stepped back at the rough tone of his voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“This is my room. You shouldn’t be in my room. It’s mine.”
“I know.” I moved forward and stood beside him, picking up one of the figures to stand it back into its position. I needed to try and remember how he had them set out, I could fix this, I just needed a minute to—
“No!” I froze as JJ’s booming voice ricocheted off the walls. “Leave it. Get out. Leave it!”
“I…”
JJ frantically tried to put all his figures back, and I just stood there and watched him. He’d asked me to leave, but I’d caused this, and I couldn’t just step away and let him deal with it. It was my fault.
“I’m really sorry, JJ.”
He didn’t answer me as he sat down at his station and arranged all of the figures. A normal person would have let him be and walked away, but I was so far from normal it wasn’t even funny. Instead, I slowly moved backward until the edge of his bed hit the back of my knees and let my ass hit the soft mattress. Damn. Was this memory foam? Because it felt like a cloud to me and I needed one for my body to sink into. It hugged my muscles like nothing else ever had, and for a moment I forgot what I’d done.
Once all the figures were lined up, JJ’s back moved up and down as he took a deep breath, his head dipping back and exposing his throat. He stayed like that for thirty seconds—I counted on account of being so enamored by the sight of him—and in that time he’d hypnotized me.
“JJ?” I whispered. I expected him to have forgotten I was here and to jump up out of his seat, but instead, he turned his head slowly and opened his eyes. “I really am sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be in my room, Ella.”
I let out a breath. “I know. I’m sorry. My mind was running away with me, and then the door opened on its own, and my feet were moving, and I couldn’t stop them from coming inside. And then I saw all your figures, and I—”
“I have a system.” JJ stood, his feet hip-width apart. “You can’t touch my Lego figures.”
I nodded, my gaze flicking around the room and taking in all of his Lego. “I won’t touch them again,” I told him and stood. Looking down at my red-painted toenails, I started to walk out of his room. My heart was beating a mile a minute because I’d crossed a line I shouldn’t have. Why the hell did I have to be so nosey?
I made it to the threshold of his room when his deep voice asked, “Do you want to see my castle?”
Was castle a euphemism? Because if it was, then I knew my answer would be yes. I half expected him to be giving me come-hither eyes with a smirk on his face, but when I turned, I followed his arm to where he was pointed at the table to his—
“Your castle?”
“Yeah.” He pointed at it. “I’ve been building it for weeks.”
Turning slowly, I smiled. “Well, I didn’t want to comment on the amount of time you’d spent in here lately.” I moved a step closer to him. “I had this image of you watching porn nonstop.” I chuckled and finally came to a stop a foot away from him.
“I do that too.”
My head reeled back, sure I’d heard him wrong, so I went over the conversation again in my head. Nope. I hadn’t. He definitely said he watched porn in here.
“You…” My skin heated to epic proportions as I dipped my head back to stare at his face. There was no sign of any grin or smirk to tell me he was joking, and the gold flecks in his green eyes burned brighter as he stared down at me. Was he thinking what I was thinking right now? Was he imagining me without my clothes on, because I was doing a pretty awesome job of ripping his clothes off inside my head.
I stuttered a breath, my arm moving without my permission, and just as I was about to make contact with his stubble-covered jaw, Jeffery shouted, “Dinner!”
I jerked back, spun around, and ran out of there like a bat out of hell.
That was the exact reason why you shouldn’t go snooping into other people’s private spaces. You found things out you never thought you would.
Porn. He watched freakin’ porn.
Chapter 12
Confession #36: My favourite pastime is to make up swear words that are also normal words.
“I’ve filled all the cupboards with the ingredients for the next four dinners. I should be back by then, but if not, I’ve left a grocery list just in case.”
I stood beside JJ as we watched Jeffery get into his car on Sunday night. His brows were drawn down, his gaze flicking between the two of us. I could tell he was nervous about leaving. He wasn’t the only one. It had been two days since JJ told me he watched porn in his house and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. At least with Jeffery here I had someone there as a buffer, but he’d be gone now for at least four days.
“We’ll be fine,” I said, trying to reassure him and myself at the same time.
Jeffery hesitated, shook his head, and wrapped his arms around JJ. “You be good, son.” He pulled back and chuckled. “No crazy parties while I’m gone.”
“Awww shucks!” I threw my hands up in the air. “Guess I’m gonna have to cancel that circus performer and all those kegs.” I pouted and clicked my fingers. “Dang it.”
Jeffery pointed at me, his lips quirking up on one side. “You are trouble with a capital T, Ella.”
I gasped, my hand flying to my chest and landing over my heart. “I resent that. I’m always well-behaved. I do what I’m told and never veer from the rules.”
“For some reason,” Jeffery murmured, opening up the driver side door, “I just don’t believe you.”
I shook my head and put on a fake disappointed expression on my face as I turned to focus my attention on JJ. “You hear this, JJ? Your dad thinks I’m trouble. You don’t think I’m trouble do you?”
His green eyes met mine, boring into me, and I just knew he was thinking about me coming into his room uninvited on Friday. I mean, sheesh, it wasn’t like I was a vampire and needed an invitation to enter his room. Either way, fangs wouldn’t suit my face shape, and the thought of staining my clothes with all that blood I’d have to drink just didn’t appeal to me. It would be like constantly eating a burger where the ketchup ratio was way off and squirting down your top. No, thank you, I’d stick to being a human. Or maybe I needed to have my mind controlled by a vamp instead. They could do that memory-evaporation-thingy, and then I’d forget all about JJ sitting in his room and watching...that.
“Don’t answer that,” I finally told JJ, waving my hand in the air and turning back to Jeffery. “Drive safe!”
“Will do.” Jeffery took one last look at JJ, pushed inside his car, and drove away from the curb.
I didn’t know how JJ would react to not having his dad here. It was his routine to know what time he’d be home and what they would be doing, so when he spun around and walked into the house, I followed.
I felt like a stalker as I slowly matched him step for step into the living room where he sat in his usual seat, turned his tablet on, and started to watch another video of some guy building a structure from thousands of pieces of Lego.
That was when I realized this was his de-stressor. We all had one. Mine happened to be listening to the saddest love songs you could imagine over and over again—there was nothing that couldn’t fix. Music sp
oke to my soul, and if I’d been blessed with a voice that could actually reach a single note and sound good, there was no doubt I would have been a super famous singer. Unfortunately, I was tone-deaf, but that did not stop me from singing at the top of my lungs any chance I got. I may have resembled a strangled cat who was in a fight with another ten cats, all of whom had very strong cat paws and were basically bullying said cat, but I liked to think I made it work.
“So…” I started, shuffling on my feet. JJ didn’t turn or acknowledge me in any way, so I just stood there like a penguin, flapping my arms from side to side and probably doing the worst version of the dab possible. Wait...which one was the dab and which one was the floss? Either way, I couldn’t do either, but you’re damn right that I practiced it every night. Just because I’d gone over the hill in my twenties and was now at the back end, didn’t mean I couldn’t be down with the kids. I was fly as fuck.
JJ continued watching his video, so I moved over to my seat. I had work I needed to finish, but I just couldn’t be bothered. I wanted to sit there and pretend that nothing else mattered while I watched a movie and got lost in an epic love story. I turned the TV on and flicked through the channels, stopping on a romance movie. Settling down, I brought my legs up and got comfortable. I was so used to watching movies with Chad and not feeling uncomfortable, that when the first kissing scene came on, I almost forgot where I was as I scoffed.
“That is not how you kiss a woman.” I rolled my eyes and pointed to the screen. “Look at where he’s holding her.” I shook my head and tutted. “What’s he afraid of? Losing his hand?”
I didn’t expect a response so when JJ said, “I’ve never kissed anyone,” my mouth opened, and I shot up.
“What?” My gaze roved over his navy-blue T-shirt and down to his jean-clad thighs. How had a guy this super-hot never been kissed? “You haven’t?”
His attention was firmly fixed to the TV, studying it with such intensity you’d have thought they were building Lego. I’d never seen a guy watch a kiss that way before. It was like he was taking mental notes on how to do it, but the problem was that kissing a girl like that would not be beneficial.
“No,” he answered and turned to face me, placing his tablet on the arm of the sofa. “Have you?”
I swallowed almost audibly. “I have.” I bit down on my bottom lip, my gaze batting to his lips without my permission. Dammit. All I could think about was whether his lips would be soft and sweet or hard and fast.
He frowned down at his hands in his lap. “How do you...how do you get someone to kiss you?”
My heart beat harder in my chest and a lump built in my throat. He was twenty-two, but at that moment he seemed so much younger. Having someone look so vulnerable in front of me was heartbreaking. Had no one ever taken the time to get to know him? I knew he was different from everyone else after the first time we met, and not because of his diagnosis, but because of the way he made my pulse race and my heart stammer in my chest. He elicited feelings in me that I never thought were possible and we’d barely touched, not even been on a date, and not once kissed.
I, ladies and gentlemen, had a full-blown crush on JJ.
Hot damn, I’d turned into a thirteen-year-old girl. How the hell had that happened?
“Well…” I cleared my throat and shuffled closer to him. “Normally if you like a girl and want to kiss them, you just erm...kind of...do it.” I shrugged, my face heating. Great, now I’d become a virgin again. Could that actually happen? It had been a couple of years since I had anyone take an adventure in the land between my legs. Maybe it had grown back and now needed to be destroyed.
Movement on the sofa had my head snapping up and then JJ was coming at me. My eyes widened as his face came closer, but he was moving too fast. His forehead smacked off mine, and I groaned in pain.
“Ow.” I moaned and clutched my head, squeezing my eyes closed.
Silence rained down on us, only the hum of the movie playing echoing around us, but as soon as I felt JJ stand, I opened my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he rushed out, leaning down to get his tablet. He was faster than I could have imagined because, by the time his footsteps were thudding off the stairs, I’d just made it off the sofa.
My mind took a few seconds to catch up with what had happened. He’d tried to kiss me. Holy-forking-shirt! He’d wanted to kiss me and tried to and…
Oh shit, he wanted to kiss me.
I paused the TV and slowly moved out of the room and up the stairs. I didn’t know whether I should try and give him a sneak attack like he’d tried to do to me or just come out and say, “I want to kiss you, too.” Nothing seemed right, but as I got to his door and lifted my hand to knock, I flicked my gaze to my own door.
I could walk into my room and pretend that this never happened, that he hadn’t tried to kiss me, and go on with life as it were. But did I want to do that? I’d been in LA for just over a month, but I already felt something for JJ, and it was more than what a friend felt.
I’d never been the kind of person to debate every little move I made when it came to love, which was probably why I was alone and living with my gay boyfriend. Shaking my arms out, I made a split-second decision and opened up his bedroom door. My gaze zoned in on him as he sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees and his fists propping his chin up as he stared down at the floor.
Taking a deep breath, I paced toward him. Each step felt bigger than the last, but the closer I got to him, the more I knew this had to happen. It may be his first time ever, but that was exactly how I felt with him.
My fingers threaded through his soft hair, and he looked up at me, his arms dropping to his sides. I didn’t think, I just acted as I pushed myself between his legs. His forehead came level with mine in this position.
His green eyes were darker as they stared into mine, swirling with what I was sure was the same desire I was staring at him with. I couldn’t push it to the back of my mind anymore. I couldn’t not act on it, not after what he’d tried to do downstairs.
“I want you to kiss me,” I whispered.
“You do?” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his voice deeper than I’d ever heard it.
“I do.” I moved impossibly closer, dipped my head, and stopped centimeters from his lips. “Do you?” His breath fanned over my lips, and I shivered from the little contact. “Do you want to kiss me?” I needed to make sure I wasn’t imagining all of this inside my own head.
“Yes,” he answered immediately with no hesitation.
Our breaths mingled as we stayed in the same position, neither of us making a move. This was as much of a turn-on as actually kissing him. The air swirled, and I wanted nothing more than for him to—
“Touch me,” I blurted out. “Put your hands on the back of my thighs.”
He nodded, the movement causing our lips to graze against each other as his hands moved from his sides and landed on the back of my thighs. His large palms were both smooth but rough. I expected him to be gentle, but he gripped me like he never wanted to let me go, and I couldn’t stop the moan from escaping my lips.
His fingertips dug into the soft flesh with bruising force, and I relished in it as I shifted closer. I softly placed my lips against his, giving him a closed-mouth kiss and pulling away. He followed, seeking out more and pulling me closer to him. His eyes stared into mine as he placed his lips on mine this time, just as soft as I had, but he didn’t stop at one. He kissed me again, and again, each peck becoming harder and longer until it was all I could do not to push him down on the bed and strip him of his clothes.
At that thought, I slowed him down, taking back the control and placing one final soft kiss on his lips and hating my brain for kicking in and having me move away. “Well,” I murmured, “that was one awesome first kiss.”
He stared at me as I pulled out of his embrace, sucking in a breath as his rough palms grazed over the back of my knees. I took two steps back, not moving my attention off his face and
finally able to take a breath. He consumed me when I was that close, and I knew it was a danger, but no woman in their right mind, who knew a man was a danger to her emotions, ever walked away. We kept returning for those moments where we lost ourselves and surrendered to the heat and pleasure. And yet, he’d caused all that with a few closed-mouth kisses. I didn’t even have to guess what it would be like if we went further.
But we couldn’t, could we?
“Can we do that again?” JJ asked.
Nothing could stop the smile from breaking free on my face. In my mind, I knew the answer was yes, but what came out of my mouth was, “Maybe.”
There was no maybe about it. I needed his magical lips on me again, and I’d do anything to make it happen.
“You didn’t tell me you left town.” That was the first thing Miriam said when the video call connected. Her brows were drawn down and lips pursed.
“I—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She shook her head, her face coming closer to the screen. “Is it because I’m sick?”
“No, that’s not…” I trailed off because that was a lie. I hadn’t told her for that exact reason. Since we all found out her diagnosis, everyone had tiptoed around Miriam, whereas I hadn’t. I’d been honest with her from the start, and I knew that I was probably the only one that would talk about it with her. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” Her fierce expression soon turned when her lips lifted into a smile. “Now, tell me all about LA and why you’re there.”
“Well, you’re currently looking at a teacher of college students.” I found myself sitting straighter with a smile to rival hers as I framed my face with my hand. “It’s so different and weird, but fun at the same time. I have a whole new respect for my teachers now.” I moved my arm and wrapped it around my waist. “You’d think teaching adult kids would be easier, but it’s really not.”
“Do you have a favorite student?” Miriam asked.
I rolled my eyes. “No, but I have a worst student. She just will not shut up when I’m trying to freakin’ teach. I mean, come on already! Just let me get my words out.”
Confessions Of A Chatterbox (Confessions Series Book 2) Page 12
