Nine Ten Begin Again: A Grasshopper Lawns affair

by EJ Lamprey

  ‘It’s nothing, it’s sorted.’ Jemima seemed to be fully back to normal after that odd obsequiousness, and Edge looked at her slightly indignantly.

  ‘Hardly nothing, Jemima. The runs are supposed to be kept at twenty degrees year-round, they’re cooled in hot weather and heated in winter. A lot of the dogs here are quite elderly.’

  ‘Thank you, Mrs Cameron. I appreciate your input, but I do have a job to do here.’

  ‘Enough.’ Patrick rounded on her and she shrank back from his stern face. ‘I don’t want to be coming back about this. Nothing changes from the way it was, unless the order is counter-signed by Katryn, is that clear? And Katryn, Megan, I expect you to check everything that might have been changed and set it back. The new contract staff go. The old order continues as it was. MacNab uses the suppliers he chooses, Matron runs her department exactly as she always did, and that goes for every department. The central heating stays in the house and in the dog runs, and anywhere else that should be heated. One of the complaints said the apartments aren’t being heated properly—I hadn’t even realized that was probably genuine. The apartments should be at twenty degrees between November and March. I want that checked and corrected immediately. For the rest, if you have genuine concerns you bring them to the Trust before you act on them. Have I made myself entirely clear?’

  Jemima nodded and glanced up at him with a fleeting expression so quick Edge half-thought she had imagined it, and he turned away.

  ‘Ladies, good afternoon. Edge, will you come out to the car with me?’

  She took her coat down from the rack and pulled it on, following him out. As soon as they were on the windswept stairs, she said involuntarily, ‘Patrick, there’s something very strange about that woman. She changed completely when Donald shouted at her, and again when you laid down the law. It’s as though nothing registers with her except angry men.’

  ‘I noticed.’ He used his remote to unlock his car, looking troubled. ‘It was as though she thought I was going to hit her. That’s the last thing I need, the temporary bursar putting in a complaint about me bullying her.’

  ‘More than that.’ Edge put a hand on his arm and looked up into his face. ‘I may have imagined it but I got the weirdest feeling she suddenly saw you in a different light and—okay, tell me I’m nuts—a more attractive one.’

  ‘God, you got that too?’ He rubbed his beard, looking perplexed. ‘How can she go into politics, where as best I can tell they all shout at each other all the time? Anyway, Edge,’ he bent to kiss her lightly, ‘nice to see you again. Would you like to go to dinner Friday? There’s a new chef at that place we like in Falkirk, and he seems pretty good.’

  ‘Talking of chefs, I thought you were going to see Bill MacNab?’

  ‘I was, but I’m running a bit late. Katryn can sort it. I don’t want to be stepping on her toes, and it is her job after all, now that I’ve made it clear the Trust is behind her. Keep an eye on things, though, and let me know if it seems to be going out of whack again. Or set Donald on Jemima. I didn’t even know he could get angry! That was a whole new side of him.’

  ‘I’ll go by his apartment on my way, check that Odette’s okay. I’ve never seen him angry either. I actually find it a bit reassuring that he can feel strongly about things. And yes, dinner on Friday would be lovely.’

  Chapter 3 – Tuesday November 12th

  Bridge at William’s

  Edge laid down her cards and Vivian, who was her partner for the rubber, peered at them a bit doubtfully.

  ‘I didn’t support your bidding,’ she reminded her friend defensively, and Vivian nodded.

  ‘No, but I think we’re okay. Nice diamonds, partner, if I can work out how to use them. As long as Donald isn’t holding all the missing hearts, we should make the contract.’

  William looked guilty and Vivian sighed, then frowned over her hand. They weren’t very good bridge players, apart from Donald, but on a cold wet November evening, with half the residents of the village already flown like swallows to warmer climes, even Edge, a reluctant fourth, conceded it passed the time.

  She stood up restlessly and walked over to the window to peer out. Still raining. She collected the glasses from the bridge table and took them into William’s brightly-lit kitchen as play started behind her, rinsing them out and leaving them ready for the next rubber. If there was one. She glanced up at the clock. Ten pm: they never played late, so this would be the last rubber. She went back to walk around the table, wincing as she saw Donald’s hand. The man had the devil’s own luck at cards, which seemed extremely unfair as he was by far the best player of the four anyway. Rather than sit at the table again, she perched on the arm of the Chesterfield and watched glumly. Donald glanced sideways and lifted an eyebrow.

  ‘Bored?’

  ‘To tears,’ she agreed. ‘Not the bridge, but there seems to be nothing happening in the foreseeable future. We’ve spent the whole year solving murders and now suddenly we’ve run out. Not a corpse in sight, apart from poor Hamish’s son and there’s nothing for us in that. Nothing but rain, rain, rain, and I don’t know about the rest of you but the next thing written in my diary is your birthday. Over a week away. And nothing after that until I go down to Devon to see the Black-Brown-Black set-up. I’ve got used to having excitement around. I want life, and lights, and new and interesting experiences.’ She shifted restlessly on the sofa arm, and the leather made a flatulent noise, sparking an idea. ‘Donald! When are you next going to your leather club?’

  It wasn’t easy to surprise a man who usually surveyed the world with remote amusement, but his vivid blue eyes widened as he glanced across again. ‘Are you serious?’

  Edge shrugged. ‘It would be an experience. And you have invited us before, but no worries if you’ve changed your mind.’

  ‘No, you’d be welcome. I was going to check out a new place tomorrow, anyway, which is being highly recommended by my little clique. Good music and excellent lighting.’

  ‘They love the lighting, it makes them gleam more,’ William explained to Vivian and Edge, and shook his head. ‘Edge, not a good idea. And Donald, are you crazy, even thinking of taking her to a new place? You’ve no idea what it will be like.’

  ‘The last three are mine. Sorry, Vivian, but if you’d led your spade instead of your club, you would have made it.’ Donald put down his last three cards and looked severely at William. ‘New to me. Some of the regulars have tried it recently and they said it was good. Nothing dodgy.’

  ‘Still.’ William heaved himself out of his chair and strode heavily into his bedroom, returning quite quickly with a black leather collar and leash set which he handed to Edge, who looked at it in disbelief.

  ‘You want me to put Donald on a lead?’

  Donald was giving it a very disdainful look and William gave a roar of laughter.

  ‘You could try,’ he spluttered. ‘I’d pay good money to see you try!’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ Edge was a little impatient.

  ‘I’m guessing you’ve got the thigh boots and bicep ties too?’ Donald asked William irately, then, to Edge, ‘he thinks I’d take you to the sort of place he went to. In places like that, when it gets rough, women wear the collar and give the leash to the man they’re with. It’s a safety thing, shows you’re with someone already.’

  Vivian’s mouth opened and William shook his head, still chuckling.

  ‘Nay, not me. I do have a tasteful lightly studded kit tucked away somewhere, but it wasn’t my scene. Liked the music, didn’t care for too many of the people. I got the collar out the other day to give to Clarissa for that dog of hers, but never got round to it. I’m not saying you should wear it, Edge, but carry it in your handbag. Just in case. Be fair, Donald. One bad group suddenly arriving can change everything. ‘

  ‘Edge, you’ll never go!’ Vivian looked appalled. ‘They’re for freaks and deviants!’

  ‘Sitting right here, Vivian,’ Donald said sardonically and she coloured.
>
  ‘Well, okay. But still, Donald! I saw the most horrifying documentary on TV not long ago, it was absolutely awful. I wondered then how you could even admit you went to places like that.’

  ‘Because I don’t go to places like that. I go to places where people who look good in leather meet other people who look good in leather so they can talk about how good they look in leather, and then find what else they have in common. You’re scaring Edge off. Do you really think I would take her to the sort of place you saw? You two can come too, if you like. I’m not saying that world doesn’t get a little racy in the wee small hours, but I’m tucked up in bed sleeping the sleep of the just by then.’ He smiled blandly at her and she looked uncertainly at Edge, who was listening closely as she absently ran the collar through her fingers. ‘I’m not going to expose her to any risk. It’s a bit of fun.’

  William shrugged. ‘He wouldn’t risk her, you know,’ he told Vivian. ‘If he does, I’ll hold him while you beat the tar out of him. We’ll get a full debrief on Thursday, decide on his fate then.’

  ‘I’m driving down to London Thursday,’ Donald objected, then shrugged. ‘But okay, I can do lunch, I’m collecting stuff in the morning. As long as I’m away by mid-afternoon, but I’m guessing Edge will back out once she’s had time to think about it. If not, aye, debrief it is.’

  Dressing up

  Edge decided that a little boredom wasn’t, after all, a bad thing as she zipped up the second borrowed boot. What had she been thinking? Vaguely, in her naiveté, especially after his reassurances to Vivian, she had expected to wear her Grease fancy dress outfit, with a tasteful and concealing jacket, and that Donald would wear leather trousers with one of his many leather jackets. They would pop into a strategically-lit theme pub, have a drink, see a lot of people wearing similar leather outfits, and leave. When he rang her shortly before lunch on the internal phone to say he’d booked her makeover, she couldn’t suppress a startled squawk and he had sounded amused.

  ‘I thought you hadn’t a clue. I’m just out to walk Odette, I’ll stop by on my way back past and talk you through it. I can still cancel with Angie if you change your mind.’

  In the half hour before his arrival she Googled leather clubs and followed up a few offered links, and greeted him indignantly. ‘Vivian’s right, it looks horrific, men doing fairly foul things to each other or women being treated like dirt! What were you thinking, inviting us along? You said you all stand around admiring each other. You said, back on my birthday, that you could take your maiden aunt to your club! She must be a very peculiar aunt, Donald.’

  ‘Ah, you’ve been doing a little belated research.’ His whippet slipped past Edge and went to see if the cat had left anything of interest in his bowl as Donald shrugged off his raincoat. ‘Mebbe not a maiden aunt, but my usual is very sedate. Nothing like as freaky as some of the stuff you probably saw. Drinking, dancing, it only starts to heat up around midnight. This place tonight is trying to build a reputation for being a fun alternative to the hard core stuff out there, but if we don’t like the look of it we won’t stay. But see here, Edge, you don’t go to these clubs, even mine, looking like yourself. Since I didn’t see you as the type to wear a mask or hood, I asked Angie to take you on. She’ll do a full makeup, and she’s got boots, wigs and other props. Even Vivian won’t recognize you when she’s finished.’

  He dropped gracefully onto her sofa and smiled sardonically up at her. ‘You did say you were bored.’

  ‘Well—if I trust anyone, I trust you. I definitely won’t be the only woman there?’

  ‘Definately,’ he promised. ‘I checked. We’ll get there about ten, plan to leave before midnight. Even the sedate places start getting a little too lively for a visitor by then. I promise you I’ll keep you well away from anything shocking, Miss Prim.’ There was definitely a challenge in his blue eyes, and she smiled involuntarily. He smiled back. ‘I’ll collect you around eight, okay?’

  ‘For ten? I don’t think I’d better eat first,’ she said doubtfully. ‘The outfit is pretty tight as it is. What time is your friend expecting us, and why aren’t we going to Gillie Campbell? I like her.’

  ‘Gillie doesn’t know about the leather side of my life, and anyway, it’s quite specialized. I told Angie to expect us around half past eight,’ he told her back as she switched the kettle off, and she spun around, astonished.

  ‘However long does a makeover take? Oh, but I suppose you get made-up too.’

  ‘No.’ He looked, for once, slightly sheepish. ‘I prefer a half-hood. But don’t tell Angie that.’

  ~~~

  Close on an hour had passed, and Angie still hadn’t allowed her to see her reflection. She stood cautiously, then took a careful step, half-convinced she would fall over. The boots were alarmingly high, platform-soled, and flared out above the knee, and she glanced doubtfully at Angie, who nodded, unsmiling. She wasn’t particularly friendly and hadn’t yet missed a chance to prick at Edge’s confidence, but Donald had said she was excellent at her job.

  ‘You need them, hen. Pulls your bottom into shape, tightens up your whole leg. Without them, you’re a pudding in a leather bag. With them, you pass for sexy. You can walk around in a minute, practice your stalk. Now, your daggers go here,’ she bent to slot one into a sheath on the right boot, ‘here—give me your right arm—into the forearm sheath, like so. Twist your hand back to shoot it free, see? Other arm.’

  Edge obediently held out her other arm, and glanced across at Donald who was standing watching, arms crossed across his chest. She had to fight down the urge to say she’d changed her mind, that she wasn’t enjoying herself at all and was becoming increasingly anxious. He was in black leather from head to foot, including a peaked leather cap, alarmingly remote and unfamiliar. The minute they got out of here she’d apologise, say she’d changed her mind, insist on reimbursing him for Angie’s time and hope their friendship survived this. He was such a very good friend; if he would only talk, laugh, take off that hideous jacket!

  ‘Daggers,’ she repeated in a half-whisper, and Angie shot her a glance.

  ‘Blunted tips, you cannae cut yourself, but the idea is that you are declaring you’re no cowed bitch. Even if you wear the leash, it will look like Mac is holding it for their protection, not yours. The whole leather thing is power. Image is everything. You look at someone, you know exactly what to expect. The way I’ve made you up, you’re your own person, subservient to no-one, remember that. No nervous whispers about daggers, not if you are dressing like this. You’re not representing yourself, you’re representing a type. We choose, and no man says otherwise. Mac gave me his word you won’t let us down. These are my personal daggers, but I usually wear red. They look good with black, though, I may try that sometime.’ Angie tried once again to make eye-contact with Donald, who looked away. ‘Well, hen, I guess you can look now. Walk down the passage, there’s a full-length mirror on the door. You can watch yourself.’

  The boots forced her to adopt a very stiff and precise walk, but the effect was astonishing as she approached her reflection. She’d worn the outfit twice before and knew it exaggerated her trim figure into unfamiliar curves, but the woman in the mirror was now also impossibly long-legged and predatory. The wig was heavy black hair cut in the Cleopatra style. A very full floor-length black and gold cape was clipped to her shoulders, and the extraordinary boots and daggers made her a total stranger.

  Even in close-up her reflection was completely alien. Angie had quite literally sprayed on her makeup, using a miniature spray-gun powered by a tiny chugging compressor. The effect was eerie, leaving her face smoothed and very nearly line-free. Heavy kohl around her eyes, and an exaggerated dark lip-line filled in with a high-gloss scarlet, concealed more than accentuated her features. He’d been right, not even Vivian would know her, and she felt very slightly better.

  ‘I look like a hooker,’ she remarked, turning to where Angie and Donald stood together watching her, and he smiled for the first time si
nce their arrival.

  ‘An extremely expensive and accomplished one. Nice, Angie. You never cease to amaze me.’

  Angie unbent slightly. ‘You’ve got that collar and lead safely in the inside pocket of the cloak,’ she reminded Edge and put her head on one side. ‘Look arrogant, don’t smile, and push your chest out. Your boobs are good, use them. Keep your chin up—I wish I could have got rid of the little sag under it, and the deeper creases around your eyes, but Mac’s right, they do add an air of maturity.’ Her eyes were frankly curious. ‘Until now, I was the only person in the leather world who knew who he really was. Or so I thought.’

  ‘Beulah’s a scriptwriter,’ Donald said shortly. ‘This is a field trip for her.’

  ‘So you’re not an item.’ Angela was suddenly friendlier, and looked directly at Edge. ‘You haven’t seen the tattoo.’

  ‘Ange—’ Donald said warningly, and she laughed.

  ‘Mac, you kill me, honestly you do. Your poor friend is looking absolutely blank.’

  Edge leaned forward to examine her reflection more closely. ‘I don’t think I could look anything but blank. This makeup is extraordinary. I don’t even look young, more like I’ve never experienced anything in my life. You say you couldn’t conceal them, but I can’t even see a laugh line.’

  ‘Aw, darlin’, the way you looked when you walked in, those weren’t laugh lines. Nothing is that funny.’

  Edge watched the stranger in the mirror turn a smouldering look on the makeup artist, and tried a smile. It didn’t make her reflection look any less dangerous, but Donald was back to himself, and she did look absolutely spectacular. One drink, then.

  Coppelia’s

  ‘Mac?’ she asked as she stalked carefully to his BMW and gathered her cloak around her with a little shiver. ‘That’s what Gillie Campbell calls you as well. Do you prefer that to Donald? And you said you wear a half-hood, but you’re wearing a cap in front of her. She thinks she knows you in the leather world but she doesn’t, does she?’