Nine Ten Begin Again: A Grasshopper Lawns affair

by EJ Lamprey

  ‘I’ve got my storyboard and I think you’re right: allowing for a little ad-libbing could bring in good stuff. We’ll see how they handle it first time out the box. They’re a good team, used to working together. Edge, I’m getting a bit excited about this. It’s starting to fizz.’

  ‘It is, isn’t it? And by the way, Donald is only reminding me we’ve got a phone call to make. That’s all.’

  ‘Oh right, and you don’t look at each other as if no-one else is in the room. Did you meet him through the research?’

  ‘No, we’re neighbours. You’re sure you’re okay with him sitting in for the read-through tomorrow?’

  ‘Edge, while he’s thinking of investing in the show,’ Shona said frankly, ‘he can sit on my lap if he thinks that will be more comfortable. On my head. He can read one of the parts if he likes—I was going to get Jason to read the Hanson role, but he’s no actor, and Donald was. Up to him. He made some really good points on the planning side yesterday, he must be pretty familiar with the scripts.’

  ‘Yes, he is, I’ll ask, he might find it fun. Ten tomorrow, then.’

  She took down her padded jacket and shrugged into it, half-raised her hand in farewell as Shona picked up her storyboard to frown over it again, and let herself out of the darkened offices. Donald was crossing the parking lot towards the door and walked straight up to her to swing her round and dip her in a stage embrace. She gasped with laughter and caught at the lapels of his coat.

  ‘If you drop me, Mr MacDonald!’

  ‘Not going to happen, Mrs Cameron. Oops—’

  She shrieked as he let her drop a few inches, before pulling her upright, then looked over her shoulder, grinning.

  ‘You two. Get a room.’ Shona walked past, smiling.

  ‘An excellent idea. We have one. We have two. I’m still not sure why you wanted to book adjoining rooms?’

  ‘It seemed like a good idea, in case one of us wanted to escape for a while. We’re going to get fed up with each other at some point, want some peace and quiet. This way it’s there on tap, refuge for an hour at least. And I don’t really like sharing a bathroom. It’s been worth it for that alone. I’m sorry we ran a bit late and I forgot all about the call, but it went really well today. I wished you had been there a couple of times because you know more about the overall planning thing than I do, but it was mainly dialogue. We’ve got in the stuff Shona wanted. She’s got such a strong vision and we’re knocking really good sparks out of the interaction. We’ve left pointers on the bits we couldn’t agree over and will ask you guys to adlib, see if you come up with something stronger?’

  ‘Us guys?’

  He was listening, smiling, but at that gave her a surprised look. She shook her head, laughing at herself.

  ‘Would you like to read Hanson tomorrow? The rest of the parts will be read by the actors shooting here at the moment, but if you’d rather not, Jason can read. It’s just to get a feel of the dialogue live.’

  ‘I’ll read. No problem. You’re really getting into this, aren’t you?’

  ‘Donald,’ she stopped walking and tugged on his arm to bring him round to face her, smiling up into his blue eyes. ‘It won’t last. It couldn’t. But right now, when the planning is exciting and the writing is going smoothly, and you here to share it—I’ve never had more fun in my life. This is a perfect moment, one of the ones that you count over at the end of your life and think, wasn’t life great?’ She put her hand on his lean face in his own familiar gesture to run her thumb over his lips, then kissed him lightly. ‘Perfect moment.’

  ‘Cheeky bint, using my moves on me.’ His voice was husky, and he cleared his throat hastily. ‘That is quite sexy.’

  ‘Yes, it is. I might try a few more of your tried-and-true moves, if you like them.’ She ran her finger up his throat to take his chin between her thumb and forefinger and he stepped back sharply, laughing.

  ‘Not out here. Too cold for me to show you how you should have responded to that. But yes, when we get to the room, you can show me what else you’ve been practicing. You’re a diligent pupil, Miss Prim.’

  ‘I’ve a good teacher.’

  She swayed against him and he caught her arm and walked her on briskly.

  ‘Cut it out, woman. We have to find out how William got on last night. Funny, I was really looking forward to that. Now I’m wondering if we should call them tomorrow instead.’

  ~~~

  ‘Vivian? I’ve got speaker phone on, can you hear me clearly?’

  ‘Ooh, yes, hello both of you. Let me put you on speaker phone here too—okay, fire away. William’s here. He’s still recovering from his ordeal. How’s Devon?’

  ‘Really good so far, lots of fun. But we’re dying to know how William got on!’

  ‘That Angie’s a piece of work,’ William said gloomily. ‘Kept suggesting we forget about Sputnik and stay at her club. Anyway, I insisted and we got him at that Coppelia’s, the one you guys went to. It was the third place we tried. I see what you mean, good vibe, but they still don’t have a security door. I told them to put one in, and they said they’re thinking about it. Anyway, Sputnik nearly had a heart attack when Angie took me over. Took him about ten minutes to decide I really didn’t know who he was, and he kept giving me fascinated looks. If he decides to reveal himself, and consider me a buddy because of this, I will not be impressed. Anyway, it then took me another twenty minutes and fifty quid to talk him into touring with me. I had to promise we’d be done before the real hunting starts. We left Angie climbing up on one of the raised seats and set off on the least pleasant evening of my life. I don’t enjoy sleaze. As an evening’s sleuthing, one of the low points of my life.’

  ‘Did you find them, big man?’ Donald asked a little impatiently and William snorted.

  ‘Four hours of my life and you want me to wrap up my suffering in two minutes? Yes. We did. In a dive of note. Her chain was on a hook and she was sitting in a chair looking dejected and being ignored, so I couldn’t see the dynamic between them. He and two other blokes were swaggering and preening round a woman I wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole, even one with a health certificate pinned to the end. But it was definately her, and definately Thomas. And one of the guys had a broken nose, which ties back to that night you saw them, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Did they see you?’

  William snorted again. ‘Donald, don’t know if you ever noticed, but I’m quite a big bloke? Of course they did. I was wearing your foul biker hat and biker glasses, and I deliberately hadn’t taken a stick with me, so I don’t know if they recognized me, but they saw me. I was causing havoc in every club, huge sighs of relief when I left. Not least because Sputnik was rushing round telling everyone I was still some kind of Big Bad John. I think it boosted his ego. He’s well out of date, must be all of ten years since my real hell-raising days, but he near as a toucher involved me in two different fights. Bampot.’

  Vivian giggled in the background and Edge bit her lip.

  ‘Okay. Excellent. How’s Vivian doing with seeing Slimy Si?’

  ‘Oh, that’s been very interesting!’ Vivian leaned closer to the speaker phone. ‘His assistant said he would be delighted to see me but that he wasn’t available until January. Well, I mean that’s unheard of. I’m a long way from the richest woman in Scotland but they had called me about six times to get my accounts back, and suddenly when I make the opening moves, they don’t want to see me? So William got a friend of his to call to make an appointment, and got one straight away! Okay, next Wednesday.’

  ‘Suspicious in itself,’ Donald was thoughtful. ‘But Vivian, if he is Thomas, as soon as he sees you waiting he’ll cancel the appointment on some pretext. He must know he can’t risk face to face.’

  ‘That would be a form of confirmation, wouldn’t it? If Thomas isn’t at the Lawns at the time, that’ll be another pointer. And William says he’ll hang about the parking area so if Slimy Si makes an actual break for it and doesn’t just lock himself in
the loo until I leave, he’ll see him.’

  Hamish - a week later

  Edge ducked away as Donald teasingly waved a cream cake at her and bumped into a man behind her in the little supermarket, putting her hand on his arm in laughing apology as he looked round.

  ‘I’m so sorry, that was really clumsy of me—why Hamish, what a lovely surprise!’

  The Lawns bursar certainly looked surprised, but, for the first time in their acquaintance, he wasn’t finding it a lovely one, if his look of horror was anything to go by.

  ‘Edge! MacDonald? What—what an extraordinary thing! So sorry, must go, just passing through, long way to drive today.’ He was almost gabbling as he half-lifted his hat, left his half-filled trolley and headed rapidly for the door.

  ‘That was odd.’ Edge stared after him, puzzled. ‘He’s practically running down the road, look!’

  Donald shrugged. ‘He had to be the last person I’d have expected to see here, for sure. What was his sabbatical for, anyway? Does anyone know?’

  ‘Patrick said he told the Trust he needed time to get over the death of his son. I do know Patrick didn’t know where he was. Do you suppose he’s right here in Barnstaple?’

  Donald paid for their purchases and took the bag from the cashier with a nod of thanks. ‘He said he had a long way to drive, so mebbe not. Is he married?’

  Edge looked at him, surprised. ‘Divorced or widowed, I think. Why do you ask?’

  ‘Well, he looked like a man spotted on a dirty weekend. Horrified that it would get back to his wife.’

  ‘Oh, you’re right—it was that sort of look. Maybe I’m wrong about the married thing, I’ll ask Vivian.’ They stepped together into the windswept street and she shivered and turned up her collar. ‘I’ve had enough of Devon now. Nearly two weeks living out of suitcases and it’s not one single degree warmer than Scotland that I can tell. It’s been fun to be away from anyone who knows us but now I’m looking forward to getting back. I miss Mortimer.’

  ‘Olga told you he’s made himself at home at hers. You do realize it’s a little odd, to miss your cat and not your friends, right?’

  ‘I can’t talk to my cat on the phone. Should we walk Odette here, or do you want to go out on the estuary from the hotel?’

  ‘Hotel. You promised to get that rewrite done for Shona and I can walk her while you’re doing it. We haven’t had a real walk in days, she’s getting twitchy. You’re right, it’s bloody freezing. Be useful, Miss Prim, warm me up.’

  He put his arm round her and she pressed gratefully into his side as they hurried to the shelter of the waiting car.

  ~~~

  The rewrite, as it turned out, was easier than anticipated, the change falling into place in a few neat sentences. Edge went down to the coffee shop in the foyer of the hotel rather than make a cup of the rather vile instant coffee supplied in the room. She’d taken a chair where she could watch through the window for Donald’s return when her phone rang and Vivian’s photograph came up on the screen.

  ‘Excellent timing, I’ve just got comfortable with a cup of coffee. How are you? I miss you.’

  ‘We miss you too, but I wasn’t only phoning to blether, I have some news to pass on. Jemima Bateman is dead—she died last night.’

  ‘No!’ Edge put her coffee down hastily and dabbed at the splash on the arm of the chair. ‘How did she die? How did you find out?’

  ‘Kirsty rang to ask when you were coming home. She didn’t want to break into what she called your working honeymoon. I said I thought on Sunday. Then she passed on the news about Jemima.’

  ‘We finish here tomorrow. We were going to have a final weekend to ourselves but the weather’s really dreich, so maybe we’ll come back earlier. But what happened? Where was she found?’

  ‘She was last seen at one of those clubs. I’m not as keen on going as I was.’ Vivian paused to cough and Edge winced sympathetically. Every winter Vivian was plagued by bronchitis. She continued, a little hoarsely, after a moment. ‘They don’t sound at all safe, one way and another. She was found in her car, in her garage, still in her club outfit. It looked like a suicide but Kirsty said they’re very quietly checking it as murder. Bruises and semi-throttled and all sorts of unappealing details.’

  ‘It sounds gruesome. By bizarre coincidence, you’ll never guess who we saw today. Hamish, right here in Barnstable.’

  ‘That must have made his day, or was he horrified to find Donald has cut him out?’

  ‘He was horrified, but certainly not for that! Donald thought he looked as appalled as a man caught red-handed on a dirty weekend, although I had it in my head he was a widower.’

  ‘He is a widower, and there’s no bidey-in. Maybe he was with a married woman, although highly unlikely to be anyone you knew, so no reason to be horrified.’ She laughed. ‘Or perhaps he kills Jemima, dashes off to the other end of the country and runs straight into two people from the Lawns! Anyway, Edge, I wanted to let you know, Katryn’s suggesting a Residents Association meeting on Monday to talk through the Jemima Bateman thing, because it’s extremely unlikely we’ll get a bursar this side of Christmas. If you could plan to be back for that, it might be a good thing. It’s one of those odd roles where they pop in for a couple of hours a day, don’t seem to do anything at all when they’re doing it right, but the wheels fall off when they do it wrong. Or not at all. Did you manage to find out what Hamish is doing? Maybe he’d consider coming back.’

  ‘Vivian, no. There was no conversation at all. He looked absolutely appalled, gabbled something about places to go and things to do and pretty much bolted out of the shop.’

  ‘That’s odd. I didn’t realize from what you said earlier.’

  ‘So what else has been going on?’

  ‘Oh!’ Vivian’s laugh rolled down the phone. ‘You remember the appointment with Slimy Si? That was yesterday, at two, and I presented myself in good time. He didn’t. Someone else came out, all teeth and patent-leather hair, to say they were so sorry, he’d been called away on urgent family matters but they’d love to help me. The thing is, William was lurking as planned under an umbrella, and thought he saw Thomas making a dash for it in the parking lot. He can’t be one hundred percent sure, because he didn’t see his face clearly, but the timing itself was spot on. As far as the Lawns side goes, Thomas had the afternoon off for a dentist’s appointment. So you think there’s still the possibility that a bank official driving an extremely flash car and wearing a thousand-pound suit is also hanging out as a wannabe maintenance manager and groundskeeper?’

  Edge drew a deep breath. ‘Million dollar question. That does it. I’m talking Donald into coming back as soon as we finish tomorrow. We need to put our heads together again.’

  ‘Edge, I just had an awful thought. Telling you about the two things at once, it’s the first time I connected them. I tricked Si into an appointment by using another name and Jemima died that night. You don’t think I scared him into covering his traces, do you?’

  ‘Oh, help! No, I don’t. At most, if Si is Thomas and was planning something, it would give him pause, not make him murderous. Why would he be? He had her totally under control, from what William said. I really don’t think it’s connected.’

  ‘I triggered a murder once before.’ Vivian sounded subdued and Edge snorted bracingly.

  ‘Hardly triggered, that one was always going to happen. Don’t you dare blame yourself because murdered people brush up against your life. I’ll call you back when I know what we’re doing. Keep that chest of yours indoors.’

  She rang off and glanced out of the window again. Maybe Donald had returned while she was engrossed in the call with Vivian? Her eyesight was good for distance, and she could see a man being orbited by a smallish dog far out along the estuary. Quite the walk Odette was getting.

  ‘Edge?’

  She turned, surprised, and Hamish, smiling uneasily, held out his hand. She shook it politely and he said awkwardly, ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stop, earli
er, in the shop. To be honest, I thought it would be embarrassing for you. Being seen with Donald, I mean.’

  ‘Oh, how funny, and we thought that you were embarrassed at being seen! No, my reputation’s gone for good now. Pretty much everyone at the Lawns knows that we’re an item.’

  ‘Don’t say that, about your reputation. That’s my point, I got halfway down the road and thought how stupid I was being. You’re both single consenting adults, so of course it’s nobody’s business what you. . .well, if you want to go away on holiday.’

  ‘Actually it’s a business trip,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Pretty much done, now. I’m waiting for Donald to get back from walking Odette to see how he feels about heading back early. But Hamish, tell me what you’ve been up to? And by the way, you’ve probably not heard, but Jemima Bateman has been found dead. So if you’re bored with your sabbatical, I imagine they’d welcome you back with open arms.’

  ‘Well, how extraordinary. Dead, you say? I hardly knew her, ken, but that’s tragic. Tragic. Perhaps I should contact the Trust? But they may have already made other plans.’

  ‘I don’t think so, from what Vivian said. So you’re staying here? Small world, again. Three people from the Lawns finding themselves staying in the same hotel in Devon.’

  ‘Er, no, I’m in a boarding house, yes, down the road. I came in for coffee. So you’re, er, staying here?’

  ‘Yes.’ She eyed him curiously. She had got to know ‘Of Course’ Kirby fairly well over the last few years and he had always been cheerful and competent. He sounded now as if he was reading off a singularly poor script. Despite Vivian’s teasing, she couldn’t believe his partiality had ever been more than the mildest of flirtations. Maybe he was far more straitlaced than she had ever realized, but he’d said himself that they were consenting adults. ‘Please join me for your coffee. Donald won’t be more than another twenty minutes at most.’