Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator

by Andrew Beymer

  Though that was only the beginning of the game I was playing tonight.

  “I’m not telling you this because I want to impress you or anything,” I said. “I’m telling you this because I want you to believe what I’m about to say.”

  I tossed the bullet a couple of times. Twirled it between my fingers, the light from the squad car glinting off the metal. This was something I’d learned how to do on long lonely nights out in the middle of nowhere when the only entertainment was the sort you made for yourself.

  “See we had to go through all sorts of specialized training to do that job, and one of them was going to a course where some of the meanest motherfuckers Uncle Sam has ever trained did their best to torture us and break us,” I said. “And the thing about that course was it sort of gives you ideas. Ideas about what you could do if you were in a situation where you needed someone to tell you something fast, and you didn’t have time to play nice.”

  I got down on my knees in front of Higgins. The cop was sweating now even though it wasn’t all that hot out tonight. It was late enough in the semester that it was cool at night, but not outright cold.

  I held the bullet up until Higgins went crosseyed looking at it.

  “They taught us how to do things you couldn’t even begin to imagine, and if you don’t tell me everything I want to know about what sort of deal you assholes have with the local vampire population then you won’t have to imagine what I’m going to do to you for long because I’m just going to start doing it. Understand?”

  I tossed the bullet up and down a couple more times. By now Higgins eyes were following it every time it rose and fell and it was all I could do to keep from grinning. If Higgins was watching the bullet then I pretty much had the asshole. The hypnotism was complete.

  I snatched the bullet out of the air and pressed the tip right between Higgins’ eyes.

  “So what do you say? Are you going to tell me what I need to know? Or am I going to have to show you some of the things they taught us in those classes? Because I guarantee you there are far worse things I can do with this bullet than put it in a gun and shoot you between the eyes, and if you’re lucky you’ll be screaming loud enough that they might hear you on the next farm over by the time I’m done with you. That only means someone will come along and bury what’s left of you, don’t think about a rescue or anything, but your family will have something to bury. Better than getting eaten by all the critters who live in this cornfield.”

  I could see the gears turning. I'd seen it so many times before. The slow realization that there was no getting out of this. The knowledge that bad things were about to happen and there was nothing he could do about it but sing like his life depended on it.

  "Fine! I'll talk!" Higgins said.

  I paused flipping the bullet between my fingers and crossed my arms. Made sure to give a good flex to remind this guy that even without a gun I could still kill him in more ways than he could possibly imagine. I'd proved I still had it fighting off vampires, after all, so what was an overweight cop in comparison?

  “Fine. Talk," I said.

  "This is the first time the vampires asked us to do something like this," he said, licking his lips.

  Higgins looked around nervously as though he was still hoping for backup that was never going to come. "At least it's the first time I've been on a call where they asked us to do something like this. You hear rumors, but…"

  "You're rambling," I said. "Get to the fucking point."

  "The fucking point," Higgins said.

  His voice sped up. Words spilled out of him mouth as he tried desperately to keep me from doing whatever the hell it was he thought I was going to do with a single bullet that wasn’t even in the fucking gun.

  Idiot.

  "We get calls out to The Factory all the time," he said. "We usually ignore them. Orders from on high. They said someone special takes care of that, but anyone who's been on the force long enough knows what's really going on."

  I shook my head. I couldn't believe it. Not only were the cops corrupt, but it went all the way to the top. It was infuriating. Their willingness to look the other way for so long was a big part of the reason my wife was dead and my daughter had been kidnapped by fucking vampires.

  White-hot rage filled me knowing the system had failed both me and my family. And suddenly in that moment the list of people I planned on getting a little revenge on expanded to include a few mortal local officials who probably thought they were safe as long as they kept the vampires happy.

  Well they were about to learn what a mistake that kind of thinking was.

  "Go on," I said.

  I’d learned long ago that when you were trying to get somebody to talk it was usually a good idea to give them plenty of silence to fill. Plenty of rope to hang themselves on.

  "I don't know what you did to piss off the vampires, but they fucking hate you,” Higgins said. "The order to do this came down from the chief himself."

  I let the awkward pauses stretch out. Though I figured it was a probably far more awkward for Higgins than it was for me. After all, Higgins was the one who was trying to come up with a story believable enough that I wouldn't torture him, or worse.

  “So you don't have anything else to add? The chief made you do it? You were only following orders? Is that really the line of bullshit you're going to feed me?"

  "But it's the truth!" Higgins wailed.

  There was something about his tone that told me the guy was telling the truth. There was something about the terror in somebody's voice when they thought they were about to die even though they'd been telling the truth that was supposed to keep them alive.

  Though, admittedly, this was the first time I found myself in a situation where somebody who should've been on my side was working for the bad guys.

  I suppose there was a first time for everything. Especially since I’d had so many notable firsts in the past couple of nights. Chief among them being discovering the existence of fucking vampires.

  I sighed. "I was really hoping you’d have more information, but I suppose giving up your chief gives me enough to work with for now."

  I held the gun to the cop’s forehead. The guy went crosseyed and tears streamed down his face which turned several different shades of red.

  "I really didn't want to have to do this," I said. "But I can’t have you following me around, and I’m kind of pissed off to find out you guys have been working with the vampires so…"

  I didn't feel any regret as my finger gently squeezed the trigger. I knew it would be just another breath and the bullet would explode out ending this corrupt cop’s time on this world.

  No, my regret didn't come from ending the life of someone who’d been prepared to end mine and might have done the same to others in the past. My only regret was that lights flipped on and an engine gunned before I could pull the trigger.

  I raised the gun towards the car revving into the clearing but didn't fire.

  The car was an unmarked old-style Crown Victoria. The kind that still held on with local and federal agencies who were too cheap or too broke to replace their fleet. I lowered the gun and Higgins started blubbering as he realized he'd been saved.

  For the moment.

  The door opened and agent Hooks stepped out from the passenger side. Anderson followed on the driver’s side.

  "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't shoot me Byron," Hooks said.

  "I was wondering how long you boys were going to wait before you interrupted my interrogation," I said, coming up with a bluff on the fly.

  They’d done a pretty good job of sneaking up on me. I’d been so preoccupied with interrogating this idiot in front of me that I’d allowed myself to lose track of my surroundings.

  Of course I didn't need to let them know they'd gotten the drop on me. If they were going to believe my lie that I knew they were there all along then I wasn't going to disabuse them of that notion.

  "So is there something I can help you wi
th tonight?" I asked.

  32

  Intel

  Anderson walked around in front of Higgins and let out a disgusted noise that summed up exactly what he thought of the guy. I knew the feeling.

  "You know we could go ahead and let Byron cap this guy," Anderson said.

  My eyebrows shot up at that. I was expecting them to chew my ass out. I was used to getting my ass chewed by government officials. It was a fact of life when you were the one pointing guns at people.

  Their approval of what I was doing was different. Not that their approval mattered all that much considering I wasn’t working for them.

  I raised my requisitioned gun again. Smiled.

  "Well in that case…"

  Of course I had no intention of shooting the guy. As soon as those lights came on all the rage had left me. My fight wasn't with this cop. He was just an extension of a corrupt system.

  "Please God no!" Higgins shouted.

  Anderson seem to pick up on what I was doing. He nodded sadly and shook his head.

  "Yeah, backing a bunch of vampires? Sure Renfields take a little more cleanup than when you kill the vampires since they turn to dust. They don’t leave much evidence behind. But we can do an old-fashioned cover-up."

  "Sure," Hooks said. “The Bureau's been doing this sort of thing forever."

  I looked up at Hooks. "The Bureau?"

  “Well that's not necessarily who we work for, mind you, but we’ve learned a few tricks from them," Hooks said. "You have to have a few tricks up your sleeve if you're taking on paranormal shit that doesn't want to be found. Right Anderson?"

  "Right you are Hooks," Anderson said. He got down on his knees in front of the cop. "And one of the first things we learned when we started taking on vampires was it's a good idea to take out the Renfields as you find them."

  There was that name again. Something about it that almost tickled the back of my mind. Almost, but not quite.

  From the way Anderson looked at me expectantly it was clear he expected me to be in on some joke I was completely missing. Damn it.

  "Renfields? Come on, this is comedy gold."

  "The sad thing is he’s telling the truth as far as his sense of humor goes," Hooks said.

  "I'm afraid I don't know what the hell you're talking about," I said.

  Anderson made another disgusted noise. "Dracula's servant? Renfield?"

  I moved to slap my palm against my head and only stopped at the last moment when I realized I was about to slap my gun against my forehead right along with my palm. That wouldn't have been fun.

  "Of course! He was played by that weaselly little guy from the second Ghostbusters movie in the Mel Brooks version!"

  Anderson and Hooks hit me with blank stares. I hit them with a disbelieving stare.

  "Come on guys," I said. "You can't tell me you've never heard of Ghostbusters?"

  "We have," Anderson said. "It's just not the sort of thing we tend to watch in our profession."

  "Yeah," Hooks said, adjusting his suit jacket. "When you go home to relax the last thing you want to do is watch a movie about work."

  Obviously these guys had no appreciation for cinematic gems. But I wasn't going to stand around and argue the merits of sequels that were exact copies of their original or late career Mel Brooks movies. I had more important business.

  "So I'm obviously not going to kill the guy," I said.

  "You're not?" Higgins asked.

  "Shut up," Hooks, Anderson, and I all said at the same time. Higgins looked down again.

  “The real question is why am I going to hand him over to you guys?"

  Anderson cracked his knuckles and nodded for Hooks to go over and check out Mosley. I’d forgotten all about him in my desire to get information out of this asshole. I was starting to lose focus. That was sloppy.

  Sloppy wasn't good. Sloppy could mean dead. Especially with a situation like this.

  "We’re friends, right?" Anderson asked.

  "I'm not sure about that," I said. "But I get about as warm and fuzzy with you as I ever have for any government agent type.”

  I figured it wasn't a good idea to mention that the warm and fuzzies I felt for Anderson and Hooks weren't particularly warm or particularly fuzzy to begin with, but something about Anderson's expression told me the agent knew it.

  "Well we consider you a friend Byron,” he said. "For now, at least. So we’re going to help you out because you're helping us out."

  "And what does that mean?" I asked.

  "It means we’re going to take care of the little problem you have right now and keep you from having to commit murder to cover up what you're doing out here tonight," Anderson said.

  “To be fair they’re the ones who brought me out here,” I said.

  “The man has a point,” Hooks said. “Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing and all that.”

  “Besides,” Anderson continued. “If you let us have this cop then I can promise we’ll look the other way when you go on whatever murder spree you’re planning.”

  I grinned. “What makes you think I’m planning any sort of murder spree?”

  “You’re right,” Anderson said. “Not sure it counts as a murder spree if the ones you’re killing are already dead.”

  “So I let you have this guy and you keep covering stuff up?”

  “I can guarantee you the local vampires aren’t the only ones good at covering stuff up. Your United States government has a lot of practice at that sort of thing, Byron,” Anderson said.

  It made sense. I didn’t have time to do anything about the cop. Leaving Higgins alive ran the risk of him going back to his superiors which meant word getting back to the vampires which meant nothing but headaches for me.

  “Fine,” I said after not thinking it over all that long.

  Anderson had to know I had no choice, and from the grin that split his face it was obvious.

  “Good to know you know how to play ball Byron,” he said. “Your country thanks you.”

  “My country can thank me for giving you this guy by giving him the works. I want you to make him sing about everything he knows about the bloodsuckers,” I said.

  “Don’t worry,” Higgins said, no grin on his face. “Your United States government has a lot of practice doing that sort of thing too.”

  I thought back to some of the things I’d seen overseas. To some of the stuff I’d heard the intel pukes over there talking about when they didn’t think anyone was listening.

  I shivered. Normally I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but a crooked cop who enabled the bloodsuckers who killed my wife and kidnapped my baby girl?

  Higgins could go fuck himself. I wasn’t going to lose any sleep over his fate.

  I looked over to the cop car and then to the agents’ car.

  “I don’t suppose you’re going to let me take their car, are you?” I asked.

  “Afraid we can’t do that,” Anderson said. “But we would be more than happy to let you help us torch it so no one asks too many questions about what happened out here.”

  I looked at Mosley. The one who’d been reluctant to take part in any of this. The one who seemed like he might still have some small shred of a soul that could be saved.

  “What about that one?” I asked.

  “What about him?” Hooks asked.

  I felt a chill. I might be cold when it came to the bloodsuckers or anyone allied with the bloodsuckers, but Hooks’ tone was a stark reminder that they were the coldest motherfuckers in this clearing.

  Hooks shook his head and the ghost of a smile played across his lips.

  “Fucking with you Byron,” he said. “He’s not going to tell anyone about anything that happened here tonight.”

  I blinked. “What, do you guys have some sort of memory wiping thing?”

  “We don’t,” Anderson said in a tone that clearly communicated what a huge idiot he thought I was for even thinking something like that was real.

  “Give me a br
eak,” I said. “I just found out vampires were real yesterday. I’m having a little trouble with the boundaries between fiction and reality right now.”

  “Understandable,” Hooks said. “We all went through that. You’ll get used to it eventually.”

  “That or you’ll go mad,” Anderson said.

  “It’s simple,” Hooks said. “The rookie is going to gather up any family or wife or girlfriend he has…”

  “Or husband or boyfriend. We don’t judge,” Anderson said.

  “That we don’t,” Hooks said. “Or husband or boyfriend. He’s going to gather them up and get the hell out of town. Move very far away as fast as he can.”

  Mosley glared up at the three of us and it was clear he didn’t like what he was hearing, but it was also clear he knew when to shut the fuck up. This was one of those moments in life when it was better to shut the fuck up.

  “If he doesn’t he’s going to have problems,” Anderson continued.

  “Like he’s going to have vampires after him for sure,” Hooks said. “They’ll want to know what happened to the cop who was working for them and the first person they’re going to go after for a little Q&A is the guy who was partnered with the guy who disappeared.”

  “Most definitely,” Anderson said. “And let me tell you Byron. It isn’t pretty when vampires decide they want to question someone.”

  “Not pretty at all,” Hooks said.

  “Took a hazmat team a week to scrape up everything they left behind the last time we found someone the vamps decided to question,” Anderson said. “Hell of a time. Half the team took an early retirement after that.”

  “But vampires aren’t the end of our friend’s problems,” Hooks said. “Because if he sticks around long enough to talk to the vampires that’s going to make us very cross.”

  “Most definitely,” Anderson picked up. “If you think what the vampires can do to a man is bad then you really haven’t seen the depths the U.S. Government will sink to when they really want to fuck someone over.”

  “I can imagine,” I said, my mouth suddenly dry.