“Is Len your uncle?”
This was the question Geoff had been dreading for some time. He’d already determined that he was going to tell Eli the truth, but he wasn’t sure how to make him understand. He’d done some Internet research, so he knew what the Amish taught about homosexuality, and if he was being frank with himself, he was concerned that the answer would drive Eli away. “No, Len was my dad’s partner.”
Eli started to say something, but Geoff stopped him. “There’s something you have to understand, and I’m going to ask you to keep an open mind.” Eli nodded. “Len and my father were lovers. They loved each other, took care of each other, and raised me together for almost my whole life.”
Eli’s mouth gaped open. “You mean Len and your dad were sodomites?”
“We use the term ‘gay’, but yes.” Geoff watched as Eli swallowed hard, saying nothing, his expression unreadable. “I know what the Bible says about it, but there’s something else you need to know. Len and my dad loved each other deeply for more than twenty years. They helped each other, took care of each other when they were sick, took care of me—I just don’t see how that kind of love can be wrong.”
“I’ve heard about people like them, but I never met anyone like that before. Len seems so nice, I….” Eli’s words trailed off, and Geoff could see the confusion on his face.
“Eli, I know this is hard for you to reconcile with what you’ve been taught all your life, but think about this for me.” Those incredible blue eyes rose from the ground, boring into Geoff’s with the intensity of a hurricane. “The Bible says a lot about many things, but the one thing it always says is good is love. Dad and Len loved each other very much, and the rest just doesn’t matter.” Geoff stood up and paced around the clearing before stopping to pat Kirk’s neck, waiting for whatever Eli had to say.
“Does that make you… like them?”
“Eli, the proper word is ‘gay’, and yes, I’m gay, but not because of them. It wasn’t something they taught me. It’s just the way I am, just like I have brown hair and brown eyes. It’s part of the way I was made.” Eli sat there, his face stony. “I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, and if you want to leave, I’ll make arrangements for your pay as soon as we get back to the farm. I won’t hold it against you. It’s a lot for you to accept.” Geoff could see the turmoil continue behind Eli’s eyes, and he waited for whatever he decided.
“You and Len have been good to me, both of you. And one of the reasons that I’m taking a year away from the community is because I’ve been having troubles with some of the teachings. Papa says I’m rebellious and that I don’t think right about things.”
“What are you saying?”
“You’ve been truthful with me, so I need to be truthful with you.”
Geoff sat back down as Eli continued.
“Papa stays very close to the old ways. Others in the community have telephones or will ride in cars, but not Papa. Not even for business, which even the elders say is acceptable.” Eli hung his head like he was ashamed of something.
“Eli, you have nothing to be ashamed of. One of the things about being gay is that you tend to accept people for who they are. I won’t judge you, I promise.”
“I have always looked at things differently from Papa. He says that telephones are wrong and that we should never use them, so he conducts all his business in person. I argued with him that they were allowed for business and that he would be able to get more work if he used one. He didn’t have to have one in the house; he could use the community telephone, but he yelled at me and told me not to talk back to him. When I didn’t turn away, he hit me on the side of my head and told me to never mention it again.”
“He hit you?”
“Not hard. Just to emphasize that I should not to argue with him. The point is that I tend to think too much, and I don’t think the way most in the community think. That’s why my Papa and uncle, the one with the bakery, thought I should spend a year away. They want me to find out how hard life is outside the community so I’ll come back, marry, have children, and take over for Papa.”
“What about your mother? What does she think?”
“I don’t know. Papa runs the family, and mother goes along with whatever he says. She wouldn’t dare oppose him. She’d be brought before the church and shamed in front of everyone.”
Geoff didn’t like the sound of that. “‘Shamed’, what’s that?”
“When you break one of the community’s laws, you are brought before the entire community in church, and the minister tells everyone what you did. If you do it again, they might kick you out.”
“Kick you out of what?” Geoff was finding it a little hard to follow.
“The community will shun you—pretend you don’t exist. Completely ignore you. I saw it happen once about five years ago. One man’s wife accused him of not having proper marital relations.”
Geoff wasn’t sure what he meant, but he decided not to interrupt.
Eli explained. “He was found in his barn by his wife, taking himself in hand.”
“That’s against the rules?” Good God, he was glad he wasn’t Amish; he’d done that so many times as a teenager, he’d have been shunned for sure.
Eli nodded. “At first they shamed him in church, telling everyone what he’d done, but he did it again. This time, the whole community shunned him. They wouldn’t have anything to do with him, his wife, or his children. Eventually they left the community, I guess, because I never saw any of them again. There were rumors about one man in the community, that he was….” Geoff could almost see Eli choosing his words. “Like Len. Some people shunned him just based on the rumor.”
“It sounds harsh.” Actually, it sounded beyond harsh to Geoff. To those who fit in, it was probably easy, but to those who didn’t fit the mold, it could be very difficult.
“I don’t want you to think we’re all harsh. We have fun, too, and my family loves me. That’s why they gave me the year away, so I could come back and fit better in the community.”
Geoff looked at his watch. They’d been talking for a while, and they had things to do. “We should be getting back.” He stood up and took Kirk’s reins, mounting the horse with ease, and waited for Eli to do the same with Twilight. “Whatever you decide, I’ll respect your decision.”
Eli and Twilight walked up next to him. “I’d like to stay if I can. You and Len have been nice to me, and part of the purpose of a year away is to spend time with people who are different.”
“I’m glad.” Geoff really was. He had worried about how he was going to tell Eli, but the young man seemed to accept the news well and was willing to stay.
“Yesterday you said that you’d show me how to use the oven thing so I could make bread. Can we do that today?” Eli’s eyes were wide with hope and expectation.
“Sure. Once our chores are done.”
They headed down the trail and back toward the pasture. The sun was bright and warming as they emerged from the woods. At the edge of the pasture, Geoff watched as Eli gave Twilight her head and the two of them raced across the field. Kirk was itching to follow, and when Geoff gave him the signal, he was off.
When they reached the barn, they unsaddled their mounts and brushed them again before making sure each had plenty of water and oats. They then went back to the house where Len had breakfast waiting. Eli ate quickly and took off for the barn to get his chores done.
Len cleared the plate. “Looks like you two had a good ride this morning. He’s so happy he could barely sit still.”
“He asked if I’d show him how to use the oven so he could bake bread. I think he’s feeling a little homesick. And yes, the ride was exhilarating. We rode to the clearing where you and dad used to take me as a kid for picnics.”
“I haven’t been there in some time.”
“He asked if you were my uncle.”
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth. I was concerned how he’d react, but I’m n
ot ashamed of you or my dad.” Geoff smiled. “It seems that our Eli has a bit of a rebellious streak in him. He took the news remarkably well and told me some things about himself.”
“You like him, don’t you.”
“Yes, he’s a nice kid and a good worker.”
“Don’t you try to fool me. I’ve seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you.” Geoff snapped his head around so fast his neck hurt, but Len just smiled. “You can’t tell me that lovely young man with that angelic face hasn’t caught your eye, and I know he’s been watching you.”
“Look, Len….” The confrontational tone Geoff was about to use slipped away. “He’s one of the men; he works for me. I can’t think about him that way, and you know it. And as for him looking at me, I think you’re seeing things.”
“Maybe, but I know you. Just be careful.” Len got up from the table. A firm hand clasped Geoff’s shoulder, and then Len went outside, calling to the men, getting them started.
Geoff cleaned up the kitchen and went to the office, spending the day with the books, still working on getting them up to date. At lunchtime, Len brought him a sandwich, and he ate and kept at it, determined to get this done. It had taken him a few weeks, but by the end of the day, he had everything together and computerized so he could spend more time working and less time with the books.
As he was finishing up, he heard the back door open, and Eli called his name.
“I’m in the office.”
Eli came in holding his hat. “I was wondering if now was a good time?” Eli would work himself to the bone, but every time he asked for anything, he was almost apologetic.
Geoff knew this was part of his upbringing, but it made him a little angry every time he saw it. He kept that to himself—saying anything to Eli would only upset him and would probably be interpreted as an attack on the community. “It’s the perfect time. My eyes are crossing, I’ve spent so much time in here.” He closed the books, shut off the computer, and turned out the light. “Let’s go bake some bread.”
Geoff led the way to the kitchen, opening cupboards and pulling out bowls, spoons, and measuring cups. “I know some of these things are different from what you’re used to. I hope you can manage.”
“I should be able to.” Eli watched as Geoff got out some whole wheat flour. At least this Eli would be used to. Dad had gotten it at the Amish bakery.
“What else do you need?”
“Yeast, salt, milk, a little sugar, and some water.” Geoff got the ingredients together while Eli started setting everything the way he wanted it. “I need a board.” Geoff got one from one of the cabinets. Then Eli went to work measuring the ingredients. He looked up, smiling, “Do you want to help?” Geoff smiled back and stood next to Eli. “You can measure the flour.” Eli told him how much, and Geoff started measuring it out, pouring it into the bowl.
Just as he was finishing, the bag slipped and a handful of flour hit the counter and sprayed back up in a white cloud, covering them both. To Geoff’s relief, Eli started to laugh, and he joined in, the two of them shaking their clothes and sending more flour dust into the air, covering them both in white.
“You look like a ghost,” Eli teased.
“And you look like a demented snowman.” The laughter was infectious, and every time one of them would stop, the other would start again, flour going everywhere. At one point, Len walked in, took one look around, and walked right back out again, shaking his head and not saying a word.
Finally, the laughter subsided, and the air cleared. Eli’s eyes were dancing with delight, and Geoff felt his breath catch a little but refrained from turning away. That face was just too happy not to look at. “I need to get this flour out of my shirt.” It was starting to itch. Geoff unbuttoned and took off his shirt and opened the back door, shaking out the flour. He came back inside and put his shirt back on, watching Eli as he did. Maybe Len was right; Eli did seem to be watching him pretty closely. Once he had his shirt on, he went back to work and finished measuring out the flour, watching Eli out of the corner of his eye as the young man took off his own shirt and waved it outside to shake off the flour. Geoff didn’t get more than a few seconds’ peek at his skin, but what he saw was flawless. Damn….
Geoff kept his mind on the task at hand as they finished the bread dough and set it to rise. They spent the next half hour cleaning up the flour, but it took Geoff a lot longer than that to get the image of Eli’s bare chest and bright smile out of his mind.
Chapter 7
“JESUS CHRIST, I’m glad that’s done.” Geoff walked stiffly into the kitchen, hanging his hat on the rack near the door. “I swear I planted half of Mason County in the last week.” His legs hurt and his rear hurt, but he kept moving, trying to keep his muscles from seizing up.
Len got up from the table and brought him a cup of coffee, “You did really good. After the rain last week, I didn’t think we’d get everything planted in time. But you did.”
Geoff started to sit but thought better of it. “I feel like I have that tractor seat attached to my butt, but I got it done.” He actually felt really good, like he’d accomplished something pretty amazing. All the fields were planted, and it was still a week before Memorial Day. Granted, it had almost killed him, but it was done.
“Did Eli like driving the tractor?” Len asked. Geoff gave him a “how did you know?” look. “I saw the two of you when I was going into town this afternoon.”
“Yeah, he seemed to. At first he was nervous, but then he really seemed to get into it. I think he likes trying new things.” Eli really was an Amish rebel.
“You should go to bed.” Geoff nodded and went upstairs, passing Eli as he made his way to his room.
“Geoff, are you all right?” The concern in Eli’s voice made him stop and turn.
Geoff smiled; the tightness in the face he’d come to think of as almost angelic was really touching. “I’m fine, just really tired.”
“You can barely walk.” Eli stepped toward him, taking his arm and helping him into the bedroom, settling him on the side of the bed. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes, just really tired.” The concerned look on Eli’s face made Geoff want to reach out and kiss a smile into its place. In fact, he found himself leaning forward slightly, but he pulled back. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t take the chance. He’d spent the last two weeks trying not to think of Eli as anything other than another of the farm hands, but it was becoming more and more difficult. Besides, he didn’t really know if Eli was even interested, and even if he was…. He had to stop thinking this way. Eli was just another of the farm hands and had to be treated just like the other men. “Thanks for helping me. I’ll be fine.”
Eli turned to leave the room. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Then he was gone, and Geoff slowly got his tired, aching muscles to work. Getting undressed, he managed to get himself into the bathroom and under the spray of a hot shower. The water felt good on his body but did nothing to calm his mind or drive away the thoughts he kept having about Eli. He knew he had to get himself under control, or he’d do something he’d regret. “This is something I just have to keep to myself and can’t act on, no matter what.”
Geoff knew he was developing feelings for the angelic, innocent young Amish man, feelings he shouldn’t be having and most definitely couldn’t act on.
With a sigh, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, drying himself off. He took some ibuprofen against the pain he knew was to come and climbed into bed, falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He woke at the usual time, his body protesting each and every movement. He hadn’t felt this bad since the last time he’d been out drinking all night, and at least then he’d had sex. Forcing his legs to move, he got to the bathroom and took some more pain relievers. Somehow he got himself dressed and presentable before dragging himself down to the kitchen, where a pot of coffee was blessedly waiting. Pouring himself a mug, he sipped as he walked s
lowly around the kitchen, loosening up tightened muscles.
Once he’d finished his coffee, he put his mug in the sink and walked carefully to the barn to see what was going on. He had no intention of going riding—the thought of trying to get on a horse made his legs throb. Opening the door, he saw movement in one of the stalls and figured it was Eli with Twilight. Sure enough, he found Eli in Twilight’s stall, tightening the girth on her saddle. “Morning, Eli.”
The smile he got lit the entire barn. “Good morning, Geoff. Feeling better?”
“Yes, and thank you for helping me.”
Eli smiled, nodded, and went back to saddling Twilight. Geoff went down to Kirk’s stall, and that majestic black head poked out as soon as he heard footsteps. “Morning, boy.” He patted his nose and was about to give him a carrot when he noticed the bit and bridle. Looking in the stall he saw that Kirk had been brushed and groomed until his coat gleamed, with his saddle on his back. Every morning for the last week, Geoff had come out to find Kirk saddled and ready for their morning ride.
“Okay, boy, I guess we’re going after all.” He heard Eli leading Twilight out of the barn, so he opened the stall door and led Kirk out too. “Eli, thank you, but you don’t have to saddle him for me.” Eli’s smile faded, and Geoff knew he had to say something, anything to get that smile back. “He looks beautiful.” Geoff smiled, and Eli’s returned full force.
They mounted their horses, Geoff far more gingerly than usual, and headed out. The sun had just risen, and the cool May morning was refreshing and crisp. They talked very little, just riding together, passing fields of wildflowers and pastures with grazing cattle.
Eli rode up next to him. “Geoff, I’m not sure how to ask this, but here in the English world, is it okay to be….” He stopped, and Geoff waited for him to continue. “You know… gay?”
They hadn’t spoken on this topic since their morning ride a few weeks earlier, and Geoff had figured it was because Eli wasn’t comfortable talking about it.
Dreamspinner Press Year Three Greatest Hits Page 30
