Dreamspinner Press Year Three Greatest Hits

by Jenna Hilary Sinclair

  “And then we can, uh….”

  A startled expression crossed Kevin’s face. “Touch ourselves,” he said slowly. “I’m beginning to see the point. This is hot.” He pressed palm-down against his crotch. “Fifteen minutes with no touching, and then another fifteen minutes when we can touch ourselves but not each other.”

  “And no coming.”

  “This is going to be incredibly hard.”

  “I’m incredibly hard already.”

  “I’ll say. And after that, finally, we get to touch each other?”

  Already the palms of my hands were itching to touch his bare skin, and my cock strained against the zipper of my jeans—my best pair, new and as tight as I ever wore them. It seemed impossible to watch sex-on-the-screen for half an hour until we could head for his bed, those mirrors, the lube and condom, and Kevin over me, in me.

  I almost said the hell with it, almost rode the wave up to the top that absolutely required tumbling down immediately with him, but I didn’t.

  I reached for the remote to start the movie again. He stopped me with a hand on my arm, and then pulled it away as if I’d burned him. “I….” he started, but then he stopped. He looked down at the area carpet, a rich green color, and it was strange to see my confident Kevin looking, for once, bereft.

  My confident Kevin. The house was a space warp, taking me somewhere I never thought I’d be. Except he was with me other places too.

  He glanced back up. “I am so glad you came today, Tom.”

  And then he kissed me again, softly, gently, almost a goodbye kiss, as if we were going to leave each other, and my stomach clenched at the thought.

  We parted, settled with a good three feet of space between us, and I said, “Ready?”

  He nodded tersely. “Go.”

  The opening scene seemed to take forever. It wasn’t sexy but was the set-up for the sex to come, rules of betrayal and revenge that should have repulsed me—or at least fascinated me, the way the old Malkovich film had. Instead it bored me, because all I wanted was for the clothes to come off. Some fashion executive enlisted the aid of a photographer to get at his ex-boyfriend where it would wound the most: by seducing his new lover. It was more than a little convoluted, but at least it was a plot. I could tell right away it was a real movie, with a stab at more than awful acting, but who cared?

  Impatient, I looked around and wished the room were darker. So I got up and pulled the blinds down and then went into the kitchen and pulled closed the curtains over the one window. As I went back to him, Kevin reached over and shut off the freestanding light. It wasn’t nighttime dark, but it was dim. Shut off from everything else. Neither one of us said anything. Belatedly, I looked at my watch. Three twenty. At least another ten minutes to go.

  Finally the movie really started. Sebastian, a gorgeously broad-shouldered man with short cut hair like Kevin’s, got a call that he’d been booked for a photo shoot, but his lover Tom warned him that the photographer couldn’t be trusted.

  “Tom,” Kevin said softly. “He’s got your name.”

  “It’s not much of a name.”

  Kevin snorted. “Maybe it’s not the name so much as the man who’s wearing it.”

  I kept my eye on the screen because I never knew how to react when Kevin said things like that. Sebastian was letting movie-Tom know he had nothing to worry about, that he’d be faithful no matter what. It was easy to see how that was going to end further down the line, but for now, the hunk sounded like he meant it. Well, they were both hunks. Each of them was taller than me and muscled like nobody’s business. Almost too much muscle for me, because I preferred my men strong but understated, like….

  I glanced over at Kevin, who turned and gave me an incandescent smile. Right. Like Kevin. One of his arms was pressed on the arm of the couch. His other arm, closest to me, was resting on his thigh, but his fingers were curled as if he wanted to drum them over and over, and his stillness looked mostly like tension. My gaze followed his arm from elbow to wrist to fingers, fingers awfully close to the bulge in his pants, where I really wanted to be. I remembered what his cock looked like, the way he was a left-leaner, the ripe smell of it after he’d come, the taste of his skin stretched taut over the fire inside.

  What had I gotten us into? I wanted to see, touch, taste, be on the receiving end of Kevin’s cock, which he knew how to handle. Handle with me, anyway, because we hadn’t had sex one time that he hadn’t given me what I wanted. I took a deep breath that I knew he heard. Ten minutes before Kevin hauled it out….

  I turned back to the movie, where the two guys were trying to reassure each other, and I wished I had the reassurance of Kevin nibbling at my neck. I could almost feel it, the phantom touch. I glanced at my watch again. Time seemed to be passing as slowly as on the last day of school.

  Back to the movie. Sex was the best reassurance, wasn’t it? In this kind of film it was. Movie-Tom’s ass was everything I was sure mine was not, and a close-up proved it as finally the clothes came off. Normally at this point in watching a porn movie I’d have myself unzipped with my cock in my hand. But I couldn’t.

  I heard Kevin give a deep, sexy grunt when Sebastian went straight for movie-Tom’s dick, swallowing him whole and then slurping up with a long swipe of his tongue. The shot was a classic porn close-up of cock and tongue and lips, and though I’d seen plenty of those on my DVDs back home, the whole idea of it, the indisputable reality of it happening in front of me never failed to shoot electricity straight through me. And then there was knowing how Kevin and I would end this movie-watching…. One sizzle from my chest went rocketing down to my dick, which lifted so quickly into super-hard that I gasped.

  “You and your bright ideas,” Kevin said.

  “You got something against blow jobs?”

  “No, but I sure don’t think much of terminal frustration. We’ve got six minutes.”

  My watch said seven, but I wasn’t going to argue with him.

  No wonder Dangerous Liaisons had won awards. The guys were studs, beautiful men, with sexy eyes that gobbled each other up every time they looked at each other. That… yeah, that was good. Unusual for a porn flick, and I’d never cared before, but with Kevin right here next to me and the past two months behind us, I knew what that was like now, swallowing the dick of somebody you actually cared about. Making love with Kevin the past few times had been a combination of lust and familiarity and my growing feelings for him. That’s what these movie-men were trying to portray on screen in the middle of one of the best going-down scenes I’d ever watched.

  Movie-Tom wasn’t content with what he was getting; he grabbed Sebastian with palms over ears and started to fuck his mouth. Sebastian opened wide and took it easily, even though shots of movie-Tom’s flexing ass muscles proved he wasn’t holding anything back. I could barely stop myself from moving too, and that surprised me. But this was Kevin I was with, after all, and not anybody else, and that was a liberating, wild moment of realization. I wanted to grab myself through my pants, or turn over and hump the cushions, or throw myself on Kevin and push up against him.

  “Jesus!” I whispered. The shot was all motion, movie-Tom’s dick flying in and out of Sebastian’s pursed lips, his licking tongue, with plenty of sex-noise from both of them. New. Fresh. Not related to anything that had come before.

  Kevin turned toward me, his head thrown back on the cushion and his hand reaching out into the space between us. “Do you know how much I want to do that to you?” he asked, his voice low and intense. “Fuck your mouth?”

  I abandoned the TV screen and draped my gaze all over him. “About as much as I want to let you do it.”

  “I wouldn’t hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  “You know how to do it, let me all in.”

  Nothing turned me on like deep-throating him, and I could take the mouth-fucking and like it, I knew it. God. If Kevin kept looking at me like that…. His eyes were eating me alive. I tore my sight away from him. The s
cene had changed and they’d switched positions. Sebastian groaned loud and long when movie-Tom went down on him. And then I couldn’t help it; I groaned too when he slipped one finger up Sebastian’s back chute. My asshole flexed, because I knew how that felt, and I—

  “You love it when I do that, don’t you?” Kevin whispered. “One minute to go.”

  I wanted to laugh out loud because of the way Kevin was compressing time, and I loved that he was, that he wanted to, that he and I could play like this even now, but I was too busy panting and feeling his finger move in me….

  On the screen the two men were still going at it, another oral scene that would last a good long while, and way before it was over we’d…. Another forty seconds? Sure. I began to count how many times Sebastian was lucky enough to have that generous, possessive, demanding mouth go all the way down on him. Once, twice, three times, four, five. Surely a minute had passed. Six times, seven. Were we using Kevin’s watch, for God’s sake, or mine? If I couldn’t release my cock to the open air I was going to rocket off the couch, and that might happen even if I could, because one touch and I’d—

  “Watch me,” Kevin whispered.

  I whipped my head around to do exactly what he’d commanded. Deliberately he unbuckled, unsnapped, and unzipped. My mouth flooded with saliva as he lifted up and skimmed his pants down to his knees, and then he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxer briefs. There was a huge wet spot staining the front, and the head of his dick pulsed purple-pink against the white fabric.

  “Wait,” I said. “Let me do it. I won’t touch.”

  I wouldn’t touch, no. I’d only go out of my mind.

  He moaned, his head lolling back again. “No, no, we agreed. You stay over there, or I’m going to show you how fast I can fuck you into next week. Just watch.”

  So I did, and a moment later there it was, and a moment after that his fingers were wrapped around his thickness. Kevin sighed loud enough to be heard over the grunting from the movie, which I was hardly aware was still going on. His eyes closed in what looked like bliss as he gave himself a stroke, then two, then three, and then he squeezed himself and stopped. His eyes popped open and stared right at me. When had I jumped to my feet in the small space in front of the coffee table?

  His eyes were wide and dark. “Now you.”

  I pushed the table back without looking at it, and then I wasted no time: I opened my jeans and shoved them and my briefs together down to my ankles. I knew there was no way I could kick off my Reeboks—and I had to have them off, had to be free of clothes and shoes and inhibitions—so I sat back, bare-assed on the table, and tried to pull them off. But the angle was wrong for my arm, so I shifted and tried again. This time I did it, pulled them off with two huge jerks that scraped the back of my feet, but I didn’t give a damn. I tossed pants and briefs in the direction of the kitchen, and then somehow Kevin had me standing in Kenneton, in his home, naked from the waist down, showing him my hard-on that was so frustrated I could feel a dribble of pre-come drip down it. I cupped my hand around the underside and lifted it half an inch higher, showing it to him like I was one of those porn stars still going at it behind me, and then I let myself go.

  Kevin stared up at me, panting, his mouth open. “You are so fucking hot,” he managed to get out, and then he was pulling on his cock again. “Uh, uh, uh.”

  Behind me in the movie, the men were making the same sounds… uh, uh, uh. I didn’t know how all of me didn’t explode into a million pieces, because the sheer willpower I was exerting not to touch my own naked dick again was matched only by the total unreality of it all. None of this felt real. Not me in Kenneton, in this house where I’d sworn I’d never be, not me with a lover, a real lover, not a fake one like in Dangerous Liaisons but my Kevin jerking himself off in front of me, and for sure not me turned on more than I’d ever been before, with Kevin panting and red-faced, with neither one of us willing to break the artificial barrier that I’d placed between us.

  I threw myself back next to Kevin and slid down low until I was half-sprawled with my legs spread wide and my cock sticking straight up. Movie-Tom was sitting backward on Sebastian’s face. As I watched, he leaned forward and engulfed Sebastian’s impressive, porn-movie-sized cock again. Sebastian shivered and jerked, but then he lifted his head and began licking out his partner’s ass, where his finger had been the last time I’d looked. My legs straightened as if I had rigor mortis and quivered, and still I knew that if I touched my hardness I might not have anything left for Kevin.

  I rolled my head to look at him, at his cock, which was as effective as he was when it came to making me remember what I used to like way back when, when it came to making me recall the dreams I used to have. The head of Kevin’s dick was hugely swollen, surely on the edge of exploding. His fingers were wrapped in a fist just below it, motionless, clenched so tightly it looked almost painful to me, and I winced to see it.

  “See what you do to me? This isn’t much different from when I had to go to Arizona,” he said breathlessly. “Or during the week. God, especially on Tuesdays.”

  I swallowed around my desire. “I do that too.”

  “What? Tell me what you do. Tell me!”

  “Jerk off thinking of you. Especially after I see you on Tuesdays.”

  “Tuesdays when we can’t touch,” he groaned. “Just like now. Goddamn it, Tom, you’ve recreated the worst day of my week right here, when I have to see you and pretend I don’t feel anything for you at all. I’m sick of it. No more.”

  Explosively, he sat up and pulled his Nikes off, shoved his pants off his ankles, and two seconds later was kneeling between my spread legs. I didn’t try to stop him. I cried out and lifted my pelvis at the same time that he bent, and his lips opened to take in the head of my cock.

  The world narrowed to a pinpoint of sensation. Kevin’s mouth on me started from nothing and made everything. Here he was, demanding that I relinquish myself to him even though the second fifteen minutes we’d set ourselves hadn’t come close to ending yet. One possessive hand clutched at my thigh, the other held the base of my cock, and that was right, natural, the way it should be, and I knew it. I wanted to give it all to him, I did. From the beginning, it’d been natural for me to follow where he led, hadn’t it? Hadn’t it?

  I don’t know how I did it. Pride? Stubbornness? Long years of preventing anything good from happening? Even though my balls were drawn up as tight as marbles, I managed to stop myself from shooting everything into him.

  “No, no,” I moaned. I slapped my hands against the cushions and then shoved against his shoulders until he pulled off.

  It was a relief not to have that sucking mouth on me still; at the same moment it was inconsolable loss.

  “You,” I said, leaning straight into his bewildered face. “You let me do that to you. Right now. Up, get up, get up.”

  “But I—”

  “Kevin! Do it!”

  He sat, I slid to my knees, I turned and positioned myself between his legs the same way he’d been before me, and I slid my lips over him.

  Immediately his hands were on my head, pushing me down, but I didn’t need any urging to take him in. A spurt of pre-come splashed against my tongue. His cock was steel, on the edge.

  “I love this,” Kevin panted above me. “I love everything you do to me. Love it, love it, love—Tommy!”

  Bitter and hot, his come flooded my mouth, and that was what I’d needed. Without touching myself, my own cock jerked and released. I couldn’t help myself, and I sure couldn’t stay on Kevin. I wrenched myself back and gave myself over to my orgasm, to crying out with the sharp, indescribable waves of relief and pure body-pleasure that splashed against the front of the couch and dripped down onto the floor.

  And then it was over. Drained completely, I twisted down onto my butt and rested my cheek against his leg. Only then did I realize that my chin and neck were wet with his coming that I hadn’t been able to hold and swallow.

  We sat
there together, me at his feet, as we came down to Earth again. His fingers were still in my hair, but slowly his grip on me loosened. Behind me, Dangerous Liaisons was still going strong with a sex scene. I waited a minute until more of my strength returned, and then I looked over at it. Sebastian was screwing movie-Tom energetically, grunting with every wild thrust in, grinning as he gyrated his hips to reach every part. I guessed when they were finished the two of them would think they’d reassured each other sufficiently, but by the end of the movie I doubted they’d have the same trust in each other.

  “Should I turn that off?” Kevin asked from above me.

  “Yeah, why don’t you.”

  I guess he found the remote somewhere because there was a click and the screen went blank. I heard a clatter as he put it down again on the side table. His hands returned to my hair, stroking and petting. It felt good. Better than good. Kevin’s touch had fallen into the same category as going out to see Grant or the day I walked out of physical therapy for good. One of my best-things.

  Finally I stirred, sat up a bit, and looked up at him as his hand finally fell away.

  “Tommy?” I asked, giving a small smile so he’d know I didn’t really mind.

  He chuckled. “I might have called you that already a few times when you weren’t around. You know, like in one of those Tuesday night sessions. Tommy comes trippingly off my tongue as I, er, come. Okay?”

  I hadn’t been called Tommy since I was twelve years old. Sean hadn’t called me that: we had both been way too conscious of our near-adult status.

  “Okay,” I said.

  Kevin leaned over and kissed me. “You’re drenched,” he observed as a finger under my chin lifted my face to him. He looked at me critically, tilting his head left and right. “Get on up here and give me a chance to lick you clean.”

  Five minutes after I’d come, there was no chance that I’d be able to get it up again for a while, but still Kevin knew how to send a faint thrill through my depleted balls and cock. I let him pull me up next to him, and I let him lick me clean too. He was like a house cat going over my face, the rasp of his tongue somehow comforting.