The Winemaker's Dinner: Dessert (The Winemaker's Feast)

by Rusilko, Dr. Ivan

  His next thrust plunged him into complete bliss, and he felt as if bright lights exploded around him and in him. This encounter had taken him higher than he’d ever been in his life. As his body trembled inside her, he collapsed onto her and held her tight. She clamped her knees around his shoulders and took all of him she could. The seven seconds of perfection this act provided meant the satisfaction he’d longed for.

  He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and held on to her wrists, keeping the feeling for as long as he could. This moment was perfect: no pain, no fear, no confusion or questions. He wished he could freeze time and never leave.

  As the sensation diminished, so did the guard he’d meticulously maintained to protect himself. He could feel his heart flickering to life. Perhaps…He felt the pang of pity shove aside the anger and sorrow and disappointment he’d felt for so long. An encounter that had started in an alley as the freak’s ultimate conquest, the sweetest revenge, had evolved into…the possibility of something more. Perhaps this woman could be his future, his destiny, after all.

  Chapter 19

  “If You Leave”

  IVAN RELEASED JADEN’S WRISTS and felt the blood rush back into his fingers. Gentle now, he coaxed her legs from over his shoulders and helped her uncoil. He smiled as she hummed in pleasure—or maybe it was sadness?—as he shifted his hips and the last bit of her heaven slid away from him. He deftly removed the condom and tossed it to the floor. It was a burden he didn’t want to acknowledge.

  He crawled over to lie beside her on the bed, cloaked in darkness. Neither of them spoke a word as their lust dissipated into an afterglow that seemed to engulf them both. Unlike the distance he’d previously maintained, Ivan now sought to continue their connection and enjoy the moment. He slowly traced his finger up from the top of her naked thigh, past her hip, across her stomach and to her nipple, which he circled softly. His dissipated fury had left him awash in a rush of endorphins.

  From time to time he sensed that Jaden was on the verge of saying something, but she remained quiet. Hastened breaths would hint at an impending exclamation, but then dissolve into a sigh as she indulged in the feeling of his touch.

  Moments turned to minutes and minutes to hours as the two lay in silence. Ivan’s mind roved in search of some sort of explanation for the evening, and he guessed Jaden was trying to make sense of it as well. More importantly, he wondered what was to come. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to spoil this moment. He didn’t know when, or if, the next one might come.

  He marveled at how connected they’d once been and realized he didn’t know much about her life now at all. But she seemed successful in a world she’d always wanted to be in. He was happy for that. And he knew she was single because people always told him her situation, even though he never asked. But he also couldn’t deny the occasional Google recon when times felt especially tough.

  After hearing Damian’s story at the bar and sharing the last several hours with her, his mind—and certainly his body—had begun hinting at the future. And now, for the first time, he began to think it might be possible. He’d spent so long shutting himself off from everything that didn’t go his way, trying to eliminate pain, but perhaps this was something worth repairing. Her love was worth the fall, and it always had been.

  His soft caresses turned into a massage, which caused her body to melt under his touch as it had so many times before. How many times had he massaged her to sleep after a night of passion? He savored every sensation and smell around him at this moment. He believed it was something, much like their time spent in the cabin and their moment in the vineyard, that would live in his soul forever.

  Ivan gently rolled Jaden away from him onto her side and slid closer, resting her body on his where it fit so perfectly. He propped himself up on one elbow and gathered all of her hair in his hands, raking his fingers through the heavy, tumbling mass and dropping his lips to her neck. He indulged in his most favorite scent in the world. Jaden. She nestled against him and sighed when he pushed her hair aside and continued her massage as the sun began to rise, slowly illuminating her bedroom and their bodies. After some time, the masterpiece of a night of unbridled emotions dissolved completely, and they lay open and exposed in the light of day. It was magnificent.

  Her ebony hair fanned across the white bedspread like a stenciled work of art. He watched her chest rise and fall with every precious breath. She was thinner now, her ribs more prominent, but her skin was still the perfect shade of tan, and he couldn’t help but steal a taste. He kissed her shoulder and reeled at the salt on her flesh. It was delicious. His fingers worked the small of her back as he continued to take her in. He needed her. And he needed to tell her.

  “Jaden,” he called softly.

  No response.

  “Jaden?”

  Still nothing.

  Listening for a moment, he heard the sounds of her breath, indicating a deep sleep he knew all too well. Smiling, he contemplated his next move. Being able to lie there and enjoy having her in his arms again seemed like a great idea, but he knew she’d be out for hours. Even after further indulgence, he’d be ready to move before she was.

  When he finally grew so restless he feared he’d wake her, he decided breakfast in bed would be a good way to begin the conversation he now believed he wanted to have. This mess with Damian was over. It had been over for a long time, really. And if anything remained, he’d finished it last night—with him and with her. A smile flickered across his face, and, careful not to wake her, he maneuvered his way out of bed. He couldn’t help but glance back to watch her sleep. It was beautiful.

  After he found his clothes, he silently gathered the evidence of carnal relations and slipped into the bathroom. He tossed the condom in the garbage and went to work cleaning himself up. He turned the water on, then cupped his hands under it and splashed it on his face.

  As the cold water streamed down his cheeks, he looked in the mirror and saw a little black patchwork bear looking back at him. The sight nearly brought him to his knees. In a rush he remembered every instant, every memory attached to that bear, which told the tale of true love. He was so glad to see it. He began to dress and had to laugh when he pulled on his shirt and realized there was only one surviving button. Some things never change.

  Once he had everything he thought he’d come in with back on, he tiptoed back into the bedroom. He stole another glimpse to confirm she was still asleep, and then crept out of the apartment to find breakfast. He left the door unlocked behind him so he could be sure to surprise her upon his return.

  He went down the elevator, through the lobby, and out the door—he hadn’t paid much attention when the cab had dropped them off in the dark, but now that he had his bearings, he had to laugh. Jaden’s building was right next to his. Damn convenient. She’d been in his ’hood this whole time, and he’d never known—she’d probably never known. He pulled the flyaway tails of his shirt around him and trotted over to the fresh juice place just a couple doors down. He wanted it to be perfect. Exhaling an out-of-breath order for two juices and various yogurt, fruit, and granola combinations, Ivan then found a seat to contemplate what he really wanted. Should he attempt to move cautiously? Start slowly again? Should he jump right back into it? He sighed. After six months of not thinking about it, suddenly everything came in a rush.

  Back and forth he went until his eyes came to rest on an image his mind couldn’t fathom. Staring back at him from the morning paper, which was scattered across an adjacent table, were two people he recognized: one wore a teal dress, and she was wrapped in a devil’s embrace, his lips ravishing hers. Ivan didn’t even have to read the headline, but the large black letters spelled it out for him anyway: Jaden Thorne and Damian Gris Make for One Hot Event.

  “Fuck me,” escaped him, and an elderly couple sitting nearby looked over.

  Done. It’s done. He couldn’t possibly open himself to this kind of pain anymore. The picture mocked him from the table, displaying itself for
everyone in Miami—all his friends and associates and colleagues—to see. Maybe she hadn’t chosen Damian, maybe he’d manipulated her, but she’d certainly chosen fame at any cost—and that was somehow worse. Why else would she fake a relationship with him for the cameras? Someone she loathed, and with quite good reason—why wasn’t she strong enough to say no?

  It just wasn’t worth getting back into it, because evidently the mess with Damian was far from over. One way or another, she would continue to make this decision, become anyone she needed to be, and continue to screw him, over and over again. What would happen the next time she felt overwhelmed or they had a fight? Maybe next time her conscience wouldn’t be strong enough to stop her. Maybe she hadn’t really loved him at all, at least not the way he’d thought she did.

  “Ivan!” His order was ready.

  Feeling sick to his stomach, he approached the counter, expressionless and devoid of any hope. In the time it took for the kid to make two juices, the earth had tilted on its axis and knocked him off his feet. Again.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. You have a pen?”

  “Yep.” The clerk reached into the pocket of his ridiculous yellow outfit.

  “Can I get one of these?” Ivan motioned to the newspaper.

  “Sure, man. Just take one. No one buys them anyway.”

  “Thanks, boss.”

  Ivan picked up his order, his evidence, the pen, and a stack of napkins and returned to his seat to plot the course for his future. He wrote, pouring his heart onto the paper in black ink. When he’d finished he read and reread what he’d written before gathering his things and returning to her apartment. Each step felt as if he had irons tethered around his ankles.

  Just at the other side of her door, he stalled out and stood staring at the numbers fastened to it: 1218. He prayed she was still asleep and he could slip in without her knowing. Slowly he turned the unlocked knob and pushed the door open. He poked his head in to check. He could hear nothing. Finally he crept in and tiptoed to the bedroom, only to find the demon in an angel’s skin still sound asleep.

  He watched her for a time, asking himself over and over if this was what he wanted to do. But the headline ran through his head, and he knew it was the smart play, the self-preserving play. He was finished being a fool. What they’d once had, the person he’d thought she’d been, was gone.

  Ivan stole into the bathroom, grabbed the token of a young love lost, and returned to her bedroom. He set up the breakfast he’d meant to share on the dresser near her bed and placed the bear next to it, on top of the newspaper and holding a pile of paper napkins. Then he took a final look at her, made a final gut check, and left the apartment.

  He told himself he was going back to a life he was now free to live, free to find a way to enjoy. His burden had been lifted.

  Chapter 20

  “Waiting for the End”

  AS RAYS OF SUN WARMED HER SKIN, Jaden’s mind powered on before her eyes or the rest of her body followed. She smiled as the night rushed back to her, and she relived its passion in seconds. The incredible ache in all the right places, along with the tender spots on her hips and wrists that she knew Ivan’s hands had marked, elicited another grin. Her fingers traced her hip, and she breathed out a soft laugh. Yep, he’d left his mark. He may as well have spelled out, IVAN WAS HERE. She stretched and flexed her body, enjoying every twinge as she twisted in the sheets. Her whole body throbbed in the aftermath of pleasure.

  Her body also registered the fact that there was no arm draped over her before her brain did. No sweaty torso tucked in behind her. No breath danced across the back of her neck. A siren of alarm began to whine in her body, but nothing from the night before had hinted she’d be waking up alone this morning.

  As her eyes opened and caught up to the rest of her body, they went in search of answers. She rolled over to find the answer staring back at her with black button eyes. Noting the breakfast for two, she was eager to see what good news BoBo had to deliver this time. She bounced across the room to the dresser in search of one of Ivan’s infamous notes. “Thank you, BoBo,” she mused aloud as she snagged the napkins.

  Still naked, she made herself comfortable with the pillows and linens all piled up in the middle of the bed and began to read.

  Jaden,

  Last night was amazing. I’d forgotten what it was like to feel such intense chemistry and unspoken connection with another person’s soul. If I’d slept at all it would have been a waste of such a perfect moment. But I didn’t sleep, and instead I dreamed of a destiny I thought I’d lost.

  Overwhelmed with the words, Jaden smiled as she continued to the next napkin.

  I’ve always viewed love and its progression as an education. You learn from your failures and grow with successes. Many of these lessons are hard learned, but the result can be pure magic that makes every tear shed worth it. I can say without a doubt that the love we shared has been my greatest educator. It has taught me to understand what I need in my life to truly be happy. But it has also shown me what I can’t have in order to do so.

  She paused at the sudden turn and felt foreboding begin to build within her. Yet she continued.

  Last night, with you, my everything was distilled into a singular magical symphony of beauty and perfection. But this morning served me with an unwanted lesson in my continued education. A lesson in dreams versus reality. Fate versus hope. Business versus pleasure.

  The foreboding turned to queasiness, and Jaden dropped the napkin to her lap—not daring to read any more. She looked back to the bear that had once delivered such a beautiful message, but who now seemed to have betrayed her. She forced herself to continue.

  As you fell asleep under my touch, I imagined a life where the mistakes of the past held no bearing on the prosperity of the future. One where love would find a way, like in a fairy tale. But this enthusiasm, anchored only by a breath of possibility, has been tainted by an ugly realization...a single image that warns of countless future risks and pitfalls.

  What the hell is he talking about? Jaden now felt a flush of anger and confusion. She looked back to the bear as if to ask for an explanation. It was then she noticed that BoBo and the breakfast were not the only new items on her dresser. Under him sat a folded newspaper. In a flood of panic she snatched it, toppling the bear to its side. She quickly placed him back upright, feeling foolish for believing she needed to.

  As she scanned the paper, anger, embarrassment, and sorrow flooded her entire body, replacing the warmth she’d awoken with.

  “Oh my God,” she gasped. The sight of that bastard all over her was sickening. But nauseated or not, she forced herself to skim the article.

  Jaden Thorne, formerly linked to Dr. Ivan Rusilko as half of last year’s gorgeous Miami Beach power couple, cozies up to her recently departed One Hot Kitchen co-host, Damian Gris. Gris is set to star in the new series What a Man Wants. Rumors of a possible relationship between the two circulated from several sources during their days on set, and it seems things remain quite friendly despite the professional split. Could they be a new couple in the industry?

  Fighting back tears, she picked up the last napkin.

  Please know that I consider you the most amazing thing to happen to me in my life, and I thank you for that unconditionally. However, I now fully understand the extent of your commitment to a kind of life I want no part of. I want you to be happy, to achieve all your dreams, but this path to find them is one I cannot and will not travel with you. I have to be true to myself. I have to protect myself. I cannot bear another blow from you, as the last one nearly shattered me. I wish you nothing less than the world, and I know you will have it. I know now you will do anything to get there. But I will always remember you as my baby girl...

  With that final goodbye, Jaden fell apart.

  She curled into the fetal position and cried herself dry. He had officially written The End on their great romance. Her hopes of sparking a new chance for their love washed away
like a grain of sand into an ocean of never mores. She lay there a moment longer, and then wrenched herself to sitting. The voices in her head were angry.

  How dare he? He won’t even talk to her?

  Won’t even hear what she has to say?

  Maybe he should have, but she created

  this situation. She brought this on herself.

  Still, he should want to hear

  the truth from her.

  She had a chance to tell him

  six months ago. And she didn’t.

  Jaden sighed. It wasn’t enough to prove her love for him against some asshole from Los Angeles. She was now fighting an assumption—one well-fueled with circumstantial evidence and documentation—as untrue as it might be. She’d lost his trust, and all the privileges that came with it because she’d been chasing what she thought was her dream. And she’d gotten lost along the way.

  She wanted to scream because the truth was, she was over it—over the whole thing. Over the bullshit glamour and ridiculous lifestyle she’d been forced to live for this industry. She would trade it all for a different tomorrow, but proving that was something it didn’t seem likely she—or anyone else, for that matter—would be able to do. Why couldn’t she have woken up with him, talked with him, explained everything? They hadn’t exchanged one word the entire night. Had she wasted her chance? At the time she’d felt they’d spoken volumes and the time for conversation would come, but it seemed no real communication had happened at all.

  She was lost and alone in a life she’d created. And the one thing she needed, the person who made it all worthwhile, had just put his heart onto a pile of napkins and left her behind.

  Chapter 21

  “Diamonds and Rust”

  “THIS LOOK GOOD?” Liz turned as she put the final touches on the display of colorful boxes and bottles just inside the entrance to Club Essentia. The first shipment of Novella, their new custom product line, had just arrived.