Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition]

by Madison Parker

  The sounds were muffled, but he knew there were people piled against the door, trying to hear. Three loud bangs startled him, followed by a booming male voice that yelled, “Get it!”

  “Hi,” Alex said.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  He hated how soft and shaky his voice sounded. He hated how weak and vulnerable he felt. Most of all, he hated how he must look to this boy, the boy he’d started to think of as his Alex, despite how absurd he knew that was.

  “To stick it to those assholes. Never let them see how much they get to you, Lucas. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”

  He concentrated on steadying his voice. “Aren’t they your friends?”

  “Yeah. I guess. Doesn’t mean they’re not assholes.”

  In the darkness, all Lucas could see was the outline of Alex’s face. The only light in the closet came from the crack under the door. As Lucas glanced down at it, he saw shadows moving while the commotion outside grew louder.

  “They’re not gonna do anything,” someone said.

  “I don’t know. It’s really quiet in there.”

  “Dude, they’re getting their mack on.”

  “No way, dude. Alex wouldn’t do that.”

  “He went in there, didn’t he?”

  “That’s just Alex, man. He’s all about shock and awe.”

  “And blowjobs.”

  “Little Lucy Cocksucker!”

  “Get it, Alex!”

  Alex took a step closer to Lucas, who scuffled backward. What did Alex expect him to do? He felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder. His grip was gentle and his fingers warm, even through the fabric of his T-shirt. Lucas felt light-headed. His heart pounded and his knees felt weak. He needed to get out of this closet.

  “Have you ever kissed a boy before?” Alex said.

  Lucas gulped. The answer was no, but somehow he couldn’t get the word out. He shook his head.

  “But you want to, right?”

  Lucas didn’t respond. The question was too painful. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to admit something like that? But there was no point in denying it. It was true. He knew it. Alex knew it. Everyone knew it. Hell, his parents probably even knew it. For once he wanted to admit it. But he couldn’t say it. Not to Alex. Not to someone who might ridicule him upon confession. His eyes welled with tears, and he sniffled.

  “Shhh, come here,” Alex said, pulling Lucas into a hug. “It’s okay if you do, you know?”

  Lucas’s defenses weakened. He accepted the embrace. He reached his arms around Alex’s waist and held on. After a few moments, his tears let up, and he gave in to a flood of sensations. His face lay against Alex’s chest, where he could hear Alex’s heartbeat, the steady rhythm drowning out all other sounds. He buried his nose in Alex’s T-shirt and got his first real scent of boy, a pungent mix of sweat and something earthy. Lucas felt as though he were encased in a cocoon of warmth, a shelter, solid and strong. He felt safe in a way he never had before.

  The embrace lingered, and then Alex pulled away. “Close your eyes, Lucas.”

  “Why? What are you gonna do?”

  “I’m gonna kiss you. If that’s okay.”

  Lucas hesitated.

  “Okay?”

  “Yes,” Lucas said, barely a whisper.

  Alex wiped away the traces of Lucas’s tears. He reached for his wrists. “Here,” he said as he placed Lucas’s hands behind his neck, allowing Lucas’s fingers to rest in his hairline.

  Lucas’s heart fluttered. He was touching another boy!

  Alex leaned in. “Chin up, Lucas.”

  As Lucas tentatively lifted his chin, Alex’s lips searched for his, brushing first across his cheek before finding their mark. The press of warm, soft lips against his own caused a tingling sensation to spread through Lucas’s chest. When Alex parted his lips, Lucas did the same. Alex gently sucked Lucas’s top lip between his own. Lucas felt the sensation all the way to his toes.

  When Alex released him, a whimper escaped Lucas’s lips, and he tightened his grip on Alex’s neck.

  Alex chuckled, and then leaned in again, this time meeting his lips with more force. Lucas really did feel like he was in heaven.

  “10! 9! 8!”

  Alex jerked back. “Don’t listen to them, Lucas. They’re idiots.”

  “7! 6! 5!”

  Alex dropped to his knees and grabbed Lucas’s fly.

  Lucas squealed. “What are you doing?”

  “4! 3! 2! 1!”

  As the door swung open, Lucas reached frantically for his fly. The shouting and laughter died away as the crowd saw Alex on his knees. He climbed to his feet and stepped into the room, where Lucas saw nothing but shock and confusion.

  “What?” Alex grinned. “He’s hung like a bear!”

  “What the fuck, man?” said a voice in the crowd.

  “Dude, that’s disgusting.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  Lucas’s face grew hot. Why would Alex do that? Why would he say that?

  Everyone in the room was waiting for him to come out of the closet. He felt like a cornered animal and knew he had to get out of there. Head down, he kept his eyes on the ground as he made a dash for the exit.

  ALEX watched Lucas sprint toward the exit. He hoped Lucas wasn’t mad at him. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that.

  Alex cringed when he saw Trish charge toward him.

  “What the hell happened in there?” she said, placing both hands on her hips. “You better not have hurt him.”

  “No, I didn’t. I’ll go talk to him.”

  “No, I’ll go talk to him.”

  Donovan grabbed her arm. He looked even more pissed than she did. “Let him go. I’m sure Lucas would rather be left alone.”

  “I’ll go talk to him,” Alex said.

  He hurried outside, hoping to catch Lucas before he drove off. He spotted him across the lot getting into his car. He jogged over to find Lucas resting against the steering wheel, his head buried in his arms.

  Alex tapped on the passenger window.

  Lucas looked up and then shook his head.

  “Please? Please, can I talk to you?”

  Lucas hesitated but released the lock.

  “Hey,” Alex said, once he was inside.

  Lucas didn’t respond.

  “I’m sorry, Lucas.”

  “Why did you do that?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I hate stereotypes, you know? I don’t always think before I act. It was stupid.”

  Lucas remained quiet.

  “Shit. I guess I wasn’t thinking about you. I mean, just cause I don’t care what people think doesn’t mean you don’t either. I’m no better than the rest of those assholes sometimes. I’m really sorry.”

  Their eyes met, and Lucas said, “Are you…?”

  “Gay?” Alex shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

  Lucas looked away quickly.

  Alex hoped he hadn’t hurt him, hadn’t led him on. “So don’t go falling in love with me,” he said, attempting to make light of the heavy moment.

  “But people are going to think…. Aren’t you afraid what people are going to think?”

  “Fuck ’em. I don’t care what they think.”

  “So you’re really not….”

  “No.”

  Lucas was struggling. He couldn’t even say the word “gay.”

  “Are you?” Alex said.

  Lucas slowly nodded. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “Am what?”

  Lucas rolled his eyes. “I’m gay.”

  Alex chuckled. “There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “You don’t care?”

  “No. Why should I care?”

  “I don’t know. You’re probably gonna have a hard time getting dates now.”

  “Whatever. There’s only one girl I’m interested in. And apparently she likes gays, so I think I’m okay.”

&nbs
p; “Who?”

  “Promise not to tell?”

  “Who would I tell?”

  “Promise,” Alex said.

  “I promise.”

  “Trish.”

  Lucas drew in a quick breath.

  “I don’t think she likes me, though,” he continued. “You should’ve seen the way she was looking at me back there. Maybe you could put in a good word for me, yeah?”

  No response.

  “Sorry. That was probably insensitive.”

  “It’s okay. I think she likes someone else, though.”

  “Yeah, I figured.”

  Lucas’s phone buzzed, but he didn’t answer it.

  Alex poked his shoulder. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

  “No.”

  “I did kinda steal your first kiss.”

  Even in the dark car, Alex could see Lucas blush.

  “How was it?”

  Lucas didn’t answer but a smile spread across his face.

  “That good?”

  “Yeah.”

  Lucas’s phone buzzed again, and he turned it over in his hands.

  “That’s probably Trish. She was really worried about you.”

  “Oh God,” Lucas said. “I’m supposed to take her home after the party. I can’t go back in there.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she has a ride.”

  “How fortuitous,” Lucas deadpanned. Then he laughed. It was the first time Alex had heard him laugh.

  “Yeah, well, you know—I can’t refuse a damsel in distress.”

  Lucas’s smile fell. It was the wrong thing to say.

  “Hey, come on, it was a joke. I was talking about Trish.”

  Lucas was quiet for a moment, picking at the seam of his jeans. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah, anything.”

  “When you kissed me, was it like kissing a girl?”

  “No, it wasn’t like kissing a girl. I mean, I never kissed a boy before, but it was like—I don’t know. It was just like—kissing you.”

  Lucas smiled, then chewed on his bottom lip. “Can I ask you something else?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Have you ever… um… have you ever met my mom?”

  Alex laughed. Boy, had he ever. “Yeah, a couple weeks ago.”

  “Oh God.” Lucas hid his face in his hands.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. You know how moms are. They have to embarrass you. It’s in their job description.”

  “She’s out of control.”

  “Forget it. No big deal.” Alex placed a hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “Hey, are we okay?”

  Lucas nodded, then lowered his hands from his face. “Yeah.”

  “Cool. You were really good tonight, you know? You should be proud of yourself. I was impressed.”

  “Thanks.”

  “The piano playing wasn’t bad either,” Alex said, giving Lucas a wink.

  It took him a second to catch the joke, but then a wide grin spread across his face.

  “I’ll see ya,” Alex said and then left to go back to the party.

  Chapter Six

  Puckers and Peckers

  THE familiar scent of chlorine overwhelmed Lucas as he entered the pool facility. He climbed the bleachers to his usual seat at the far end. He spotted his brother in one of the middle lanes working on his backstroke. He liked watching Mason swim. Lucas admired passion in people, and his brother was as passionate about swimming as Lucas was about playing piano.

  Lucas spent a lot of time at the pool. He felt at home there despite the fact he was merely an onlooker. He’d grown accustomed to the noisy atmosphere: whistles chirping, water splashing, kids chattering, and coaches barking out instructions. It was an organized chaos. He’d learned to tune it out after a while, so he could read or do his homework instead of watching.

  Mason hated that his brother attended practice, so Lucas tried to keep a low profile. Lucas understood his reasons. Mason’s teammates gave him a hard time. Voices carried at the pool, and Lucas often heard the boys tease Mason. “Your brother’s checking out my junk” seemed to be a popular sentiment. It upset Lucas when he heard those remarks, because they made him sound dirty. He liked looking at the bodies of the male swimmers, but that didn’t make him a pervert. What was the harm in looking? A guy like Zach Teagan, for instance, had a body that was long and lean and graceful. He deserved to be worshiped.

  Zach was in the water, working on his best event, the butterfly. The butterfly was the most difficult stroke to perfect, but the most beautiful to watch. Zach had impeccable technique, moving in a wave-like body motion with smooth, fast strokes and a dolphin kick. The way Zach undulated his hips to help propel him out of the water as he pulled himself forward with strong arms and shoulders was breathtaking. Lucas couldn’t tear his eyes away when Zach swam the fly. It was masculine beauty at its best. Watching Zach swim never failed to stir something deep inside Lucas.

  He usually tried to be discreet about watching, but after what had happened at the cast party, he decided not to hide it anymore. He was gay. It was a relief to be honest about it.

  His thoughts were interrupted when Zach, now sitting on the edge of the pool, lifted his goggles. He looked right at Lucas, who’d been staring for several minutes. Lucas quickly glanced away and rummaged through his backpack. He didn’t need to be that honest.

  Better do some homework, he decided. He had an English assignment for Mr. Rose due at the end of the week. He was supposed to choose “someone special in his life” to use as the subject of an acrostic poem. He ran through the list of potential subjects, doodling and jotting down notes, while trying to ignore the wet, mostly naked bodies only feet away from him.

  He wrote about his dad, Will:

  W oefully

  I nadequate at making

  L ucas feel

  L oved

  Then his mom, Sharon:

  S he loves me in

  H er way

  A lthough she doesn’t

  R eally know

  O r understand me

  N owadays

  His brother, Mason:

  M ad

  A ll the time

  S ince his

  O lder brother likes

  N aked boys

  And finally, his friend, Trish:

  T he first

  R eal friend

  I ’ve made

  S ince starting

  H igh school

  This assignment sucked. He couldn’t turn in his dad’s poem—too personal. Or his mom’s—too angsty. His brother’s?—too embarrassing. Besides, Mason would find out and murder him in his sleep. Trish’s?—too honest.

  When Mr. Rose had given the assignment and instructed him to write about “someone special in his life,” the first person he thought of was Alex. Alex, who despite misguided efforts, had treated him with kindness. Alex, who’d shared an intimate moment with him that he’d remember forever. He couldn’t write about Alex, though. For one thing, Lucas would be ridiculed for writing about a boy like that. For another, Alex would find out. It would be an admission of how much Lucas liked him, and Alex had made it clear he didn’t want that. Lucas didn’t know if Alex even considered him a friend. When he’d seen him in class last period, Alex had smiled and said hello but nothing more. Besides, what word started with the letter X? It was impossible.

  SPRAWLED out on his bed later that night, Lucas opened his notebook, determined to give his English assignment another try. He decided to rewrite the poem about Trish, using the more traditional approach of one adjective per line. He knew it was a cop-out, but he couldn’t expose his emotions so openly. Poetry was a personal thing. He hated when Mr. Rose made them share their writing.

  Now, how to describe Trish? He hadn’t known her long—less than two weeks. She’d been a good friend to him in that time, though, complimenting him, encouraging him, introducing him to her friends. He knew she felt bad about what happened at the party. She’d called him twice
on Friday night and three times on Saturday before he found the courage to answer the phone and talk to her. Persistent.

  Lucas grabbed his phone and sent her a text.

  Lucas: is your real name patricia?

  Trish: yeah, why?

  Lucas: it’s a surprise :-)

  Trish: ooh, i love surprises!

  One letter down, seven more to go. When he talked to her on Saturday, he’d told her the truth. He told her about the kiss and how the part at the end was just a joke. She didn’t press for details. She didn’t ask if he was gay. She didn’t make a big deal of it at all. Accepting.

  The next few letters were easy. Theatrical, Rambunctious, Imaginative. Lucas had never met anyone who expressed herself with such enthusiasm. Her personality was so diametrically opposed to his own, he didn’t know what she saw in him, or how they managed to get along. He really liked being around her, though, despite their differences. She made him feel cared for. Caring.

  The one thing she didn’t seem to care about was blending in. She wasn’t one of the popular girls. She had a unique style and made no apologies about it. Her best friend was gay, and her newest friend was too. Individual.

  One more letter to go. Admired. He certainly admired her. And he knew of at least one other person who did too. Lucas felt his phone buzz and looked to see an incoming text.

  555-817-0512: hey, how are u?

  Lucas: who is this?

  555-817-0512: your pucker partner :-)

  Alex? Lucas stared at the display. It wasn’t Trish. Who else could it be?

  Lucas: alex?

  Alex: yeah, lol. how many other pucker partners do you have?

  Lucas: stop saying pucker partner, it sounds dirty

  Alex: better than pecker partner

  Lucas: !!!

  Alex: LMFAO… r u blushing?

  Lucas: !!!

  Alex: i sent u a msg on facebook

  Lucas: i’m not on there much

  Truthfully, he hadn’t been on Facebook at all since the Chris Robins incident. He’d even turned off his notifications.

  Alex: i wanted to know if u had any problems at school today—i had a shit ton of explaining to do