Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition]

by Madison Parker

  “Morning, Boo!”

  Caught by surprise, Lucas let out a squeak. “Trish, what are you doing here?”

  “Just came by to say hi, check out the scenery, you know….”

  Lucas glanced over at Zach, who was seated a few feet away.

  Trish linked arms with Lucas and led him to where Donovan was sitting.

  “Hey,” Lucas said, still unsure of how things stood between them.

  Donovan smirked. “Morning, bear cub.”

  “Bear cub? Aww, how cute. See, I told you he liked you.”

  Lucas blushed, knowing the nickname hadn’t been given out of affection. He looked around the room, hoping no one else had heard, but Zach was glaring at them. Lucas gulped. He needed to be more careful about public displays of affection. Public displays of gayness, he corrected himself.

  “Okay, lovebirds, I’ll catch you later,” Trish said as the first bell rang.

  Lucas took his seat and pulled out his notebook. He felt something bounce off his head. It was a piece of paper, folded into a small projectile. Why did everyone get a kick out of tormenting him? Against his better judgment, Lucas reached down and plucked it off the floor. When he opened it, he found a lewd drawing of a dick with hairy testicles. He glanced to his left and saw both Zach and Donovan staring at him. Had one of them done it?

  Mr. Rose passed out a test that Lucas finished quickly, leaving him time to sit and contemplate the advice he’d received yesterday. First there was the conversation with Trish.

  Trish: D won’t tell me what you did after the party

  Trish: which means it must have been juicy. spill

  Lucas: we went to his house

  Trish: omg and ??

  Lucas: !!!

  Trish: i knew it! you guys are so cute together

  Lucas: i don’t think it’s like that

  Trish: he likes you. you just have to be patient with him

  He wouldn’t mind being patient if he could just have some small sign that he wasn’t making a fool of himself.

  And then there was the conversation with Alex.

  Alex: u ok? trish said donovan took you home

  Lucas: yeah i’m fine

  Alex: dude what happened?

  Lucas: nothing, just a misunderstanding

  Alex: explain

  Lucas: we were sorta on a date. i guess he thought i was cheating with you

  Alex: a date? seriously? wtf

  Lucas: is it that hard to believe i had a date?

  Alex: no, it’s just u can do so much better

  Lucas: he’s okay

  Alex: he’s a dick

  Lucas: he’s not so bad one on one

  Alex: please tell me he’s not your pecker partner

  Lucas: !!!

  Alex: r u blushing? lol

  Alex told him he could do better. But could he? Donovan was witty and sophisticated. He was popular and confident. Most of all, Lucas admired how comfortable Donovan seemed to be in his own skin. Lucas could learn a lot from him. He was good-looking too. Lucas should be grateful for any attention Donovan was willing to give him.

  His mom certainly thought so. She’d only met Donovan briefly, yet she’d spent most of yesterday singing his praises and giving Lucas dating tips. She practically had them married off already. His father, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care for Donovan. Donovan hadn’t made a good first impression. And although Lucas had tried to plaster on his most convincing smile when he came home Saturday night, he was sure his dad had seen through it.

  So, two in favor of him dating Donovan and two opposed. He didn’t know who to listen to. The only person he really wanted to hear from right now was Donovan.

  How did he feel?

  Lucas stole a quick glance at him, then blushed as he remembered what Donovan looked like naked. Well, partially naked. Would he ever get to see him like that again? Did Donovan still want him like that? What they’d done together had been so personal, and yet it had felt somehow impersonal at the same time. It reminded him of the comment Zach had written on Donovan’s poem: impersonal. Zach’s poem, on the other hand, had been deeply romantic. What Lucas had done with Donovan wasn’t anything like Zach’s poem had suggested. There was no feeling of unity, no feeling of love.

  He glanced at Zach, who was still working on his test. He wondered if it would’ve been different had Zach been the one sprawled out on that couch. Not that it mattered, he told himself. Zach wasn’t gay. He’d never do anything like that.

  At the end of class, Donovan walked up to Lucas. “You wanna come over after school?”

  Lucas twisted his hand in the hem of his T-shirt. “I have to take my brother home after swim practice. Can I come over later?”

  “Not sure what I’m doing later. I’ll call you.”

  DONOVAN didn’t call, not that night. But he did call the night after. He asked Lucas to meet him at his house after dinner. When Lucas got there, Donovan wasted no time in leading him to his room. Lucas looked around in wonder. Donovan’s bedroom was nothing like his own. The furniture was modern and everything matched. With the exception of his desk, where books and papers were haphazardly arranged, the room was clean and neat.

  “This is really nice,” Lucas said.

  “I’m glad you approve. You wanna listen to some music?”

  “Sure, whatever you want.”

  Lucas didn’t recognize what Donovan put on. It was some type of punk rock. He smiled as he imagined himself trying to play it on piano. He caught himself doing that often, trying to strip songs down to their purest form and imagine what they’d sound like if he were to perform them.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing. I was just wondering what this would sound like on a piano.”

  Donovan didn’t respond.

  “You know, Trish keeps feeding me ideas for audition pieces for the talent show. She even wants to give me a makeover, take me shopping.”

  “Careful,” Donovan finally said. “She has a penchant for glitter. Let her dress you and you may end up getting your ass kicked.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Lucas said hesitantly.

  “Shoot.”

  “How come no one messes with you? I mean, you could roll around in rainbow glitter and no one would say a word.”

  Donovan snorted. “Because, if they mess with me, I’ll tell everyone how I mess around with them.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t really do it anymore. Most of the jocks have girlfriends now. But when we were younger, I guess it wasn’t as easy for them to find girls who were willing to provide certain services, if you know what I mean.”

  Lucas’s jaw dropped.

  “Don’t look so shocked.” There was a long pause before Donovan shrugged and said, “It didn’t mean anything.”

  Lucas wondered if what the two of them had done together meant anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

  “No, not really. There was one guy I really liked last year, and I thought he was into me too, but I guess he decided girls were easier.”

  “Someone at school?”

  “Yeah. But don’t ask me who. I’m not gonna out the guy.”

  “I thought you and I were the only ones.”

  “The only ones who are honest about it, yeah. If you could have any guy at school—any guy at all, who would it be?”

  “I don’t know.” But he did know.

  “Come on. Tell me who you like. I’ll tell you if he’s been known to experiment.”

  Lucas remained silent. He wouldn’t be able to stand it if Zach had fooled around with Donovan.

  “Alex, maybe?” Donovan said.

  Lucas tensed. Even if he did like Alex, he would never tell Donovan. It was already a source of tension between them.

  “Relax. I never did anything with Alex. Not for lack of trying either. That’s why I was surprised about the whole closet incident.”

  Lucas finally unders
tood. Donovan felt about Alex the way Lucas felt about Zach. So here they were, left to commiserate with each other.

  Lucas frowned. “What’s the point of thinking about straight boys?”

  “Straight doesn’t always mean off limits, bear cub. Shit, half the guys in gay porn are straight.”

  “You have a one-track mind, don’t you?”

  “Now you sound like Trish.” Donovan grabbed his laptop, then returned to the bed. “Here, let me show you something.”

  Donovan took a minute to find what he was looking for and then turned the laptop around so they could see.

  Lucas jumped off the bed as if it had caught fire. “What are you doing?”

  “I wanna show you this. It’s a site where straight guys do shit with other guys. Come look.”

  “No! What if your parents catch us?”

  “They’re not here. Don’t worry about it. Come here.”

  Lucas froze. Breathy moans and grunting noises sounded from the laptop, followed by the occasional expletive.

  “Turn it off. Please.”

  “We don’t have to watch this one. We’ll watch something you like. Tell me what you like.”

  Lucas wet his lips but said nothing.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. Tell me what you like.”

  Lucas remained silent.

  “Don’t tell me you’ve never watched porn.”

  Lucas shook his head.

  Donovan snapped the lid to his computer shut and set it aside. He snorted again.

  Lucas crossed his arms. “Not everyone does, you know.”

  “Well, how else are you gonna learn to please your man?”

  “I don’t know. You could just tell me.”

  “You really are sweet, aren’t you? But I wasn’t talking about me.” He reached out and pulled Lucas back onto the bed. “One day, bear cub, you’re gonna find yourself a real man. We both will. Until then, you’ve got me. And my porn. And my toys.”

  Lucas’s eyebrows shot up at his last remark.

  Donovan smirked. “I have a dildo,” he said. “Wanna use it on me?”

  “What? No!” Lucas recoiled.

  “Want me to use it on you?”

  “No!”

  “Lucas, you’re such a tight ass. And I don’t mean that in a good way.”

  Lucas’s throat tightened, and his eyes began to sting. He was clearly in way over his head here. Why did Donovan have to be so crass? Didn’t he care about his feelings at all?

  “What do you want, then?” Donovan said, his voice laced with irritation.

  Lucas knew what he wanted, but he couldn’t say it. Donovan would laugh in his face if he told him he wanted to be cuddled, to be kissed, to be loved.

  “I want to go home,” Lucas said in a shaky voice. He got up.

  “No, don’t be like that. I’m sorry. Come here.” Donovan reached for him. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll be nice, I promise.”

  Lucas didn’t protest as Donovan sat him on the edge of the bed and stood between Lucas’s legs. Donovan bent down and kissed Lucas with quick, soft pecks all over his face.

  “Is this what you like?” Donovan said.

  Lucas couldn’t tell if he was making fun of him or not.

  Donovan pushed him down on the bed, then lifted the hem of Lucas’s T-shirt, just far enough to expose his midriff. He peppered Lucas’s belly with little kisses, working his way up to Lucas’s mouth. This time he kissed him with more force.

  Lucas quickly became aroused by the feel of Donovan’s weight on him. This was what he liked, the feeling of being close. It didn’t last long, though. Donovan broke the kiss and knelt on the floor between Lucas’s legs.

  “One vanilla bear cub, coming right up,” he said as he went at Lucas’s zipper.

  At least Lucas knew what to expect this time. And he was lying down so he was more relaxed. Even so, he found it difficult to stay in the moment. The way Donovan’s hand pulled gently on his balls while his mouth slid up and down his cock felt incredible, yet Lucas’s mind wandered. He wondered how many times Donovan had done this and with who. He wondered if Donovan had done this with Zach. Wondered what it would be like if Zach wanted to do this with him. He thought about Zach’s poem, reciting it in his head. And as the pleasure in his groin continued to build, so too did the ache in his heart.

  “Lucas,” Donovan hissed, stopping abruptly. “You’re squealing like a girl. It’s throwing me off.”

  “Sorry,” he whispered.

  Donovan returned to his task, but Lucas found himself wanting it to be over quickly. He hadn’t thought sex would be like this. Honestly, he was more comfortable taking care of himself. Maybe romance was a fairy tale, the stuff poets dreamed up. Hollywood magic. Real life didn’t measure up.

  If nothing else, Donovan seemed to be enjoying himself. Maybe it was true that the pleasure of giving was greater than that of receiving. Lucas wanted to ask Donovan if he’d take his clothes off when it was his turn to reciprocate. Lucas wanted to see him again, all of him. That had been his favorite part last time they were together. Donovan obviously didn’t feel the same way. Lucas was once again fully clothed. But he didn’t blame Donovan, really. Lucas knew he wasn’t sexy. Donovan, on the other hand, was gorgeous, even if he was skinny. Remembering how Donovan had looked with his pants down and his T-shirt pushed up finally pushed Lucas over the edge.

  But when Donovan stood, Lucas saw that he’d already finished himself off.

  “Sorry,” Donovan said as he tucked himself back into his pants. “I jumped the gun. Next time you can practice on me first.”

  Lucas’s mouth fell open. Was Donovan using him for practice? Was that what it was? Lucas felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He sat up quickly and fastened his pants.

  “I have to go,” he said.

  Chapter Eleven

  The Moment of Truth

  LUCAS avoided eye contact with Donovan the next day. He was still upset about what had happened, and he didn’t know what to say. He hoped to avoid a confrontation, but by Friday, his luck had run out. Donovan cornered him at his locker after school.

  “Hey, you’re not avoiding me are you?”

  “No.”

  “I know I come on strong sometimes. If you don’t like something, just say so.”

  He made it sound so easy.

  “Really. You won’t hurt my feelings.”

  Because you don’t have any, he thought.

  “Where are you going? You wanna hang out?”

  “Um… I can’t. I’m on my way to the pool. I have to wait for my brother.”

  “That’s cool. I’ll join you.”

  Lucas tensed. He hadn’t considered that as a possible response. Not only would he now have to talk to Donovan, but he’d have to contend with Mason as well. His brother would kill him if he drew attention to himself at the pool.

  As they entered the facility, Lucas climbed the bleachers to his usual spot. It felt strange to have Donovan follow, almost like they’d switched roles for the moment. Lucas felt comfortable here. The familiar sights and sounds put him at ease and helped boost his confidence.

  “How do you stand the smell?” Donovan said, wrinkling his nose.

  Yep, here Donovan was the fish out of water. “You get used to it.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather wait in the library or something?”

  “I like it here.”

  As the swimmers emerged from the locker rooms, they formed up for their group exercises. Lucas watched as Zach grabbed a medicine ball and began tossing it back and forth with Brian.

  “Oh, hello,” Donovan said. “Now I see why.”

  “Don’t stare.”

  “Why the fuck not? They’re hot. Jesus, look at Zach. I had no idea he was that ripped.”

  Lucas tightened the grip he had on his backpack. He had no right to feel possessive of Zach. Zach wasn’t his. But even so, he didn’t like Donovan leering at him like that. And Zach hadn’t even stripped down to his Speedos yet.
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br />   “Look, there’s my brother,” Lucas said, but Donovan paid no attention.

  Mason, on the other hand, was keenly aware of their presence. He glowered at his brother from a distance.

  “Let’s sit closer so we can get a better view,” Donovan said.

  “I like it here.”

  “Come on. I can’t see the size of their cocks from here.”

  “You can move if you want to. I’m staying here.”

  “What’s up your ass?”

  Lucas pursed his lips. “Nothing.”

  “That’s your problem.”

  “They’re here to work, not entertain. I’m sure they don’t want you ogling their cocks.”

  Donovan laughed. “I can’t believe you just said ‘cock’.”

  Lucas blushed. “Please behave. Mason already looks pissed.”

  “So? What? Are you afraid of your little brother?”

  “No, I just don’t want to embarrass him.”

  “Who the fuck cares what he thinks? We’re just looking. It’s not a crime.”

  Lucas rested his head in his hands and took a deep breath. He’d had the same thought before, but somehow, this felt different.

  “Christ, don’t have an aneurysm. We’ll stay here.”

  They watched as the team finished their exercises and jumped into the pool.

  “Can’t they skip the swimming and do more push-ups?” said Donovan.

  What Donovan didn’t seem to realize was that Zach was even more impressive in the water. With Zach in the pool, however, Donovan merely turned to other people for amusement.

  “Look at that kid,” he said, nodding to one of the junior varsity boys who was standing at the edge of the pool. “He shouldn’t be allowed to wear a bathing suit in public.”

  The boy was scrawny, almost the same build as Lucas. No wonder Donovan hadn’t tried getting him out of his clothes.

  Lucas tried steering the conversation elsewhere by pointing out the various techniques the swimmers were working on. He tried everything he could think of to keep Donovan’s mind out of the gutter. Unfortunately, Zach seemed to be out of the pool more often than not. It was too much temptation for Donovan, who couldn’t stop talking about Zach’s body.