Donovan grabbed him by the arm, digging his fingers into his bicep while he dragged him down the hall. Lucas tried to pull free, but Donovan only tightened his grip and yanked all the harder.
He shoved Lucas into the bathroom, then snarled at the freshman standing at the urinal. “Get the fuck out!”
The kid quickly zipped up and left.
Donovan spun Lucas around until they were face-to-face. “What the fuck, Lucas? What. The. Fuck.”
What had Zach been thinking this morning, telling Lucas he’d found his underwear in the shower? He had to have known Donovan was within earshot. He had to have known he’d be listening. It was the first time Zach had ever walked over and talked to Lucas after class. It was a surefire way to get Donovan’s attention. And now Donovan was fuming.
Lucas stared up at him in shock.
“What’s the deal with you and Zach?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“No? You’re a fucking hypocrite. All that self-righteous bullshit about not checking out the guys at the pool. You fucking bitched me out for getting turned on when you had a hard-on for Zach the whole time.”
But it wasn’t like that. Or was it? Lucas felt suddenly confused, and a little guilty. Maybe he hadn’t been fair to Donovan.
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said.
Donovan released him with a jerk. “Whatever. Have your kicks. How long do you think it’s gonna be before he realizes you don’t measure up?” He eyed Lucas’s crotch. “Literally.”
Lucas winced.
“You better hope he’s only interested in your ass.” Donovan gave Lucas one last shove. “Cute and cuddly wears off pretty damn quickly. When he’s done wasting his time with you, I’ll be happy to show him what he’s been missing.”
Donovan turned and walked out.
His words stung, and the tears came quickly. Lucas rubbed his arm where Donovan had gripped him, trying to ease the hurt, but the real pain was in his heart.
LUCAS was used to his routine of spending lunchtime alone in the music room. It was the only point during the day when he felt free from scrutiny, free to relax and be himself. This day, however, was different. Zach had asked him to come to the cafeteria and eat lunch with him. Zach wanted the guys on the team to see them together, to see that they were a regular couple just like any other. Zach said he didn’t want to make a big announcement about being gay. He wanted to act naturally and let people figure things out for themselves. Lucas had been skeptical, afraid of initial reactions, afraid of putting himself in a place where he’d never been welcome before, but Zach assured him it would be okay.
“We’re together now,” he’d said. “You don’t have to deal with things on your own anymore.”
Lucas gathered his courage and entered the cafeteria. He scanned the noisy room looking for Zach as kids pushed past him on their way to their seats. It didn’t take long for Lucas to spot Zach. There was a gap on his left where he was saving Lucas a seat. He was otherwise surrounded by boys from the swim team. They looked like they’d been friends for a lifetime, talking and joking with ease. The guy to Zach’s right reached an arm around and clapped Zach on the back. The longer Lucas stood and watched, the farther away the table seemed, until he couldn’t imagine ever being able to reach it.
As Lucas contemplated making an escape, Zach caught sight of him and waved him over. Lucas stepped cautiously toward the table.
“Hey,” said Zach. He picked up the sweater that lay on the seat beside him. “I saved you a seat.”
Lucas sat hesitantly on the bench and tucked his hands under his thighs. He lowered his head when the boy beside him scooted away.
“Do you have a lunch?” Zach said.
Lucas shook his head.
“Here.” Zach slid his tray closer to Lucas. “Have some of my fries.”
As Lucas reached for a French fry, Zach squeezed his knee under the table. Lucas jumped, flipping the fry onto Mike Garnet’s pizza.
“Fuck,” Mike said angrily. He picked up the French fry and flung it at Lucas.
Lucas flinched.
“Relax, Mike. He didn’t mean it,” said Zach.
Mike looked at Zach, shifted his gaze to Lucas, and then back to Zach. “Yeah… I think I just lost my appetite.”
Suddenly there was silence. Lucas had been there less than two minutes and had already drawn the attention of everyone at the table.
“What’s going on?” asked someone on the end.
“I don’t know,” said another.
“Hey, Mike, you having a lovers’ quarrel?”
“Fuck, no,” said Mike. He gestured to Lucas. “Not with this little twat.”
Lucas’s heart thumped. He’d known something like this would happen. Something like this always happened. He searched for something to say. Anything that would make him look like less of a wimp in Zach’s eyes.
But Zach beat him to it. “Watch your mouth, bro.”
There was a mutter or two as the boys at the table eyed Lucas and Zach.
“Dude, what’s your brother doing here?” Adam said to Mason.
Mason shrugged. “Don’t know. Don’t care.”
“Hey, Lucas,” Adam said and nodded across the room. “The little girls’ table’s over there.”
Zach balled his hand into a fist. “Say that again, Adam, and I’ll punch your fucking face in.”
Lucas drew in a sharp breath and grabbed hold of Zach’s arm. “Don’t.”
The boys all stared as Lucas clung to Zach’s arm.
“What, are you a fag now?” Adam said to Zach, then turned to Mason. “Did you know about this?”
“Big fucking deal,” said Mason.
“Yeah, it is a big fucking deal,” said Adam. “I don’t need some fag staring at my junk in the locker room.”
“Think about it,” said Mason. “I’d be more worried if he didn’t look.”
A couple of the guys snickered.
Mike crossed his arms. “You should’ve told us,” he said to Zach.
“It’s got nothing to do with how I swim. Or how I feel about the team. I’m the same person I’ve always been.”
“Does Coach know?” Brian said.
Zach shook his head. “I haven’t told him yet.”
“Whatever, man,” said Jace. “I don’t give a shit. As long as we defeat the Banshees on Saturday.”
Brian Kim beat on the table rapidly and recited the team’s battle cry. “The faster we swim, the sooner we win!”
“Booyah!” several boys shouted in unison.
Zach tapped on Lucas’s knee and then placed his hand, palm up, on Lucas’s thigh.
Lucas reached under the table and laced his fingers into Zach’s.
Moments later, an elbow struck Lucas in the back. He turned to see Chris Robins walking past him.
“What’s this?” Chris said. “Adopt-a-fag day?”
Zach rose from his seat, but Lucas tugged him back down.
“Don’t,” Lucas said. “Don’t get in trouble. It’s not worth it.”
“Better listen to your girlfriend, faggot,” Chris said with a sneer.
Brian stood and crossed his arms. “Fuck off, pencil dick.”
Jace stood as well. “You got a problem with one of us, you got a problem with all of us, man.”
Mason stood and scowled at Chris. “Get over it, dude.”
One by one, the guys seated around Lucas and Zach stood. David Shelby got up and shoved Adam’s arm. Then even he stood. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to face the commotion.
Zach squeezed Lucas’s hand tighter, and Lucas blinked back tears.
Chris shrank back. “Whatever,” he said, then turned and walked away.
The guys returned to their seats.
“If anyone’s gonna kick your ass, it’ll be one of us,” said Brian, as he made an obscene gesture with his hands. “Doing the breaststroke.”
Most of the guys laughed. “Yeah, Zach. It is your weakest stroke.”
&n
bsp; THE talent show auditions and rehearsals kept Lucas busy after school for the next several days. He’d agreed to play backup for Trish again but had also entered as a solo act. Alex hung out with them in the auditorium when he could, even though Trish subjected him to boy talk.
“Is Zach a good kisser?” Trish asked.
Lucas nodded, smiling from ear to ear.
“Better than me?” Alex said.
Lucas glanced nervously at Trish. “Uh….”
“Oh, quit teasing him,” she said, slapping Alex on the arm.
“What? I can’t help it if I like having my ego stroked.”
“Oh, is that what you’re calling it these days?” she said.
“Yeah, baby, suck my ego.”
Trish’s jaw dropped in a mock expression of shock.
“So,” Alex said, “does Zach have a big ego?”
Lucas felt the rush of heat to his face. He looked to Trish for help, but she only cocked an eyebrow. It seemed she wanted to know the answer too.
“Uh… I don’t think guys are supposed to ask other guys that question,” Lucas said.
“Yeah, but you’re gay,” said Alex. “The rules are different.”
“Well, he might not want me talking about his… ego.”
“All guys like their girlfriends—or boyfriends—to brag about their cocks,” said Alex.
Trish sighed. “Almost as much as they like bragging about their own.”
Lucas suddenly felt tiny, in more ways than one. He didn’t like bragging about his equipment, and he didn’t like the idea of Zach telling other people about it either.
“Donovan sure as shit does,” said Trish.
Alex narrowed his eyes. “Donovan’s a tool.”
“Has he said anything about me?” Lucas said.
“Not to me, Boo. He isn’t speaking to me. Not since he found out I was going out with Alex. Can you believe that? We’ve been best friends for six years, and he has a complete fucking hissy fit because I’m going out with a hot guy. A straight hot guy.”
Lucas didn’t know they’d been fighting. It explained why Donovan had been so mad when he found out about Zach. Now that he thought about it, Donovan had watched his friends hook up with both of the guys he liked. Lucas almost felt sorry for him. Donovan was overreacting, though. He couldn’t call dibs on all the boys he thought were hot. Especially not the straight ones.
A memory popped into Lucas’s head. “Bobby Kendall.”
Trish gave him a quizzical look.
“Bobby Kendall. He told me about Bobby, how you both were in love with him. Donovan couldn’t stand losing.”
Trish laughed. “Oh my God, we were like, eleven. I can’t believe he told you about that.”
“I was terrified you’d hate me when you found out I liked Zach.”
“Lucas, don’t be ridiculous.” She grabbed his cheeks, causing him to make a fish face, and then planted a kiss on his lips. “I love you.”
Lucas’s eyes bugged out, and Alex laughed.
“I like to think I’ve grown up a little since the age of eleven,” she said.
“I’m sorry to hear about Donovan,” said Lucas. “I know you’ve been friends for a long time.”
She pouted. “He’s being a total jerk.”
“I’m sure he’ll come around. He must miss you. I mean, you’re the best friend a guy could have.”
“And the best girlfriend,” Alex said. He smiled at Lucas. “You’re the best gayfriend.”
“Aww,” Trish said. “Group hug.”
Trish and Alex both tackled Lucas at the same time.
“You guys are ridiculous,” Lucas said, squealing.
“Who needs that loser when I have two besties right here?” Trish said. “He’s a petty, vindictive jerk, and he’s gonna have to apologize to more than just me if he wants to save our friendship. I’ve never told you this, Lucas, and I feel terrible about it….”
Lucas drew in a breath and held it. He hated confessions. Whatever she was about to say couldn’t be good.
“Donovan put your name in the jar at the cast party.”
Alex jerked his head back. “He what?”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you, Lucas. It was a cruel joke. I didn’t find out until later.”
Lucas was stunned. He’d always assumed it was one of the jocks who’d done it. Why did Donovan hate him so much?
“Lucas,” Alex said, “you need to confront him and tell him to stop. Punch him in the fucking balls if you have to. You’ve gotta stand up to him.”
“C’mon, guys. Happy thoughts,” said Trish as though she were trying to lighten the mood. “Lucas and I are performing soon. I live for the spotlight. Don’t ruin it for me.”
“Watch out, dude. You remember what happened the last time you performed with her. You ended up in the closet, getting your mack on.”
Lucas blushed. How could Alex talk about it so casually? In front of his girlfriend, no less.
“Well we’re not playing SMIH with these losers ever again,” Trish said, gesturing to the other kids in rehearsal.
“We’ll have our own private game later,” Alex said to her, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Is that all it takes?” Lucas teased. “Seven minutes?”
Trish snickered and lifted her hand to Lucas for a high five.
“Hilarious,” Alex said sarcastically.
Two hands grabbed Lucas from behind. He yelped and turned to find Zach behind him.
“What’s so funny?” Zach said.
Lucas chuckled. “Alex’s stamina.”
“Yeah, well we can’t all be studs like you, big boy,” said Alex.
Lucas sobered and looked away.
ZACH stuck around after Trish and Alex left. Lucas was last on the roster to rehearse his solo piece.
“You didn’t have to stay,” Lucas said as he descended from the stage and collected his things.
“I love hearing you play.”
Zach took his hand and led him toward the exit. There weren’t many people left in the auditorium, but even so, the public display of affection made his heart skip a beat.
“It sounded different from the one you played yesterday. Did you change it?”
“Yeah. I’ve actually played a different piece each day. I don’t think anyone noticed.”
“I noticed.”
Lucas squeezed his hand.
“Can’t make up your mind?” Zach asked.
“No, it’s not that. I guess I just play what I play depending on how I’m feeling at the time. I know it sounds conceited, but I don’t need to rehearse the same thing over and over. I play these pieces all the time.”
Zach chuckled. “You’re not conceited, Lucas. You’re allowed to be proud of your talent. Have you decided which one you’re going to play in the show, then?”
“No. Mrs. Davidson thinks I should play the Pathétique because it’s the most technically challenging, and it has the wow factor, but I don’t know.”
“Sounds like good advice if you want to win.”
“Yeah, but….” Lucas trailed off.
Zach stopped and wrapped his arms around Lucas, pulling him into a hug. “But what?”
“Nothing,” Lucas said, shaking his head.
“No, tell me.”
“Well, it sounds petty, but… I don’t want to play it for them.” He lowered his head.
“Because it’s too personal?”
“Because it’s too beautiful. They won’t appreciate it. They don’t deserve to hear it.”
“It’s not just students in the audience. Parents and teachers will be there too. I’m sure some of them would appreciate it.”
Lucas nodded. He couldn’t trust himself to speak, and he felt his emotions building again. To him, the Pathétique was a tale of sadness, a plea for compassion. If he played it, his heart and soul would be on display. If even one person heckled him, he feared he might shatter.
“You should play what feels right.”
&nbs
p; “How about Lily Allen’s ‘Fuck You’?” He bit his lip, hardly believing he’d said that out loud.
“Oh my God, Lucas. That would be so freaking awesome! You have to do it.”
“Have you seen the music video? I love it when she plucks the bridge and sends that guy flying through the air.”
“I love the fat ass in the beginning. Serves them bitches right.”
“And now, here’s Lucas Tate,” Lucas said in his best attempt at a deep voice, “performing a very special rendition of ‘Fuck You (Very Much)’.”
They both laughed.
“It’s really simple to play on the piano too.”
“I think I like you feisty,” Zach said. “It’s sexy.”
Zach traced a finger along Lucas’s jaw and then along his bottom lip.
Lucas closed his eyes, anticipating Zach’s kiss. The kiss cut through all those negative thoughts, leaving nothing but tingling heat and lingering hope in their place.
“I’m so glad tomorrow’s Friday,” Zach whispered. “I’ve missed you so much this week.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Come over tomorrow?” Zach said, a hint of desperation in his voice.
“Yes.”
Zach gave him another soft kiss before saying goodnight, the promise of more to come resting on those sweet lips.
Chapter Nineteen
Boys and Their Toys
“WHAT’S this?” Mason said as they approached the front door. He bent down and scooped up a box—a gift box, it looked like. He studied it and then groaned. “Oh. It’s for you.”
Lucas smiled from ear to ear. How had Zach managed to leave a present on his doorstep? They had all left practice at the same time that afternoon.
Lucas clutched the package and raced to his room.
He turned the box over and wondered what was inside. What was the occasion? Would tonight mark a turning point in their relationship? He’d thought about it all day. He figured they’d be alone at Zach’s place tonight. Surely they’d do more together than they had the last time.
He shook the package in a futile attempt to discover its contents. Nothing. No clues. He tore into the paper, the anticipation too much to withstand. But as he opened it and looked inside, his heart sank.
Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] Page 18
