He dropped the box like a hot potato and stared down at the gift. A dildo? Zach had bought him a dildo?
His fingers trembled as he reached for the folded note resting inside the box.
You can thank me later.—D
The tears kicked in as he realized the package was from Donovan. They were tears of relief mixed in equal parts with tears of frustration. He remembered Alex’s words of advice from yesterday. He needed to confront Donovan. He needed to tell him to stop. Lucas wiped his eyes and replaced the lid of the box. He needed to put an end to this.
LUCAS stood on Donovan’s doorstep and rang the bell with shaking fingers. On the third ring, the door flew open.
Donovan stared at him with a smug expression. “What do you want?”
Lucas thrust the offensive package toward Donovan. “I came to return this.”
Donovan shrugged. “Suit yourself. I was only trying to help.”
“Can I come in?”
“For what?”
“I want to talk.”
“So talk.”
Lucas fidgeted. “Please?”
“One condition.” Donovan narrowed his eyes. “You don’t leave until you’ve heard me out.”
“Fine.”
Lucas pushed the memories of his prior visit aside as he followed Donovan to his room. He steadied his breathing and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. A chill ran down his spine when the bedroom door clicked shut behind them. Lucas glanced around and found the room as polished and pristine as it had been before.
Donovan sat on the edge of his bed and waited for Lucas to say something. “Well?”
“I want you to leave me alone.” His voice wavered, but he was determined to see this through.
Donovan pursed his lips but said nothing.
“I’ve never done anything to you. I don’t understand why you hate me so much.”
“No, of course you don’t,” Donovan said, crossing his arms. “You have a lot to learn, Lucas. Especially if you think I have to explain myself to you.”
“Can we at least call a truce?”
“Not making any promises.”
“I always hoped we could be friends. I mean, I always sort of looked up to you.” Lucas hesitated. It was a difficult admission. “You gave me hope—just because I was gay, it didn’t mean I was going to have a horrible life.”
“How sweet,” Donovan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“I mean it. You have a lot of friends. People like you.” Lucas ran his fingers through his hair, then stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Trish is devastated that you won’t speak to her. She acts like she doesn’t care, but I know she misses you. I’m not asking you to apologize to me, but I wish you’d patch things up with her. She loves you.”
Donovan looked at him with a blank expression. “You done?”
Had anything he’d said gotten through to him?
“We’re never going to be friends, Lucas. We’re too much alike.”
“Why is that a bad thing?”
Donovan sighed. “All the things I don’t like about myself? I see them when I look at you. You wanted an explanation? There you have it. Have I been a bitch to you? Yes. Did you deserve it? No. That’s the closest to an apology you’re gonna get, so take it.”
Lucas nodded.
“Understand this,” Donovan said. “I may be a spiteful bitch, but I tell the truth. I call it like I see it. You and Zach? You’re not right for each other.”
“What you said before—about me not measuring up. Zach doesn’t care about that stuff.”
Even as he said it, Lucas didn’t know if it was true. But neither did Donovan. Donovan had no right saying those things about Zach.
“No? Time for some show and tell.”
Donovan crouched on the floor and slid a large box out from under his bed. He set it on top of the mattress, then waved Lucas over. Donovan lifted the lid and reached inside.
“Dildo… dildo… dildo,” he said as he pulled the items out one by one and placed them on the comforter.
“What are you doing?” said Lucas, recoiling from the display.
“I’ll explain in a moment. Just watch. Or touch, I don’t care.”
Lucas shook his head quickly.
“Vibrator, cock ring, butt plug.”
Lucas’s eyes bulged, and his mouth felt dry. He wanted to get out of there, but he steeled himself. He’d come here to stand up to Donovan, not wimp out and run away.
“Stop,” Lucas said.
“Almost done.” Donovan flashed Lucas a fake smile as he continued to unpack his box of tricks. “Ah, the paddle… and last but not least, leather restraints.”
“You use this stuff?”
“Sometimes. See anything you like?”
Lucas shook his head vigorously. He didn’t even know what all of it was. Why was Donovan showing him this stuff?
“No? Well all of this… this is child’s play for David Shelby. This shit would barely make his cock twitch. He’s into some pretty kinky stuff.”
“So?”
“Your boy Zach is into some pretty kinky stuff too.”
“Don’t talk about Zach like that.”
“Hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with getting paddled. I just can’t see you being the one to hold the paddle.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Zach. He likes to be spanked. During sex. He likes to be tied up. He likes to be fucked.”
“Stop! Why are you saying that? You don’t even know him. You didn’t even know he was gay until a few days ago.”
“No, but I know David.”
“So?”
“So, I asked him what he knew about Zach. They do spend all that time in the locker room together.”
Lucas’s nostrils flared. “And David told you all that stuff? Just like that?”
“I asked nicely.”
“You asked nicely?” said Lucas, his voice an octave too high.
“I assed nicely.” Donovan pulled down the back of his pants to reveal a series of angry welts. “That’s what it cost me to get the scoop on Zach.”
“Well, he’s lying.”
“You don’t have to believe me. Just ask Zach. Ask him if he’s ever had his ass paddled. Ask him if he’s ever been handcuffed. Ask him if he’s ever had a cock up his ass. And if he says yes….” Donovan paused. “Run.”
Lucas was on the verge of tears. Why was Donovan spewing these lies? Zach wasn’t like that.
“Lucas, find yourself someone who’s more like you. A nice little gay boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Then flit away together and live happily ever after. Guys like Zach? They’re trouble. They know they’re hot as shit, so they think they can shit all over you. What the fuck he’s doing with you, I have no idea. Maybe he’s scoping you out for David. Maybe they’re looking for a three-way or something.”
Lucas knew his voice would be shaky, but he couldn’t hold back his anger. “Why are you being such a fucking… fuck!”
Donovan laughed at him. “What am I being? Say it again. Please?”
“David doesn’t know what Zach is like. Zach told me they aren’t even friends.”
“Lucas, don’t be dense. David is Zach’s ex-boyfriend.”
“What? That’s not true. I don’t want to hear anymore.”
His tears broke, despite his efforts to keep Donovan from seeing him cry.
“And David’s an exclusive top, which means Zach is a bottom. I just don’t see it working out for you two.”
“I’m leaving.”
Donovan had stooped to an all-time low with these hateful lies.
“Here. Take this with you.” Donovan handed Lucas a photograph of two boys, cheek to cheek, making kissy faces at the camera. It was Zach and David.
LUCAS rolled up to the curb in front of Zach’s house but remained seated behind the wheel. He wasn’t ready to face Zach yet. He didn’t want to believe any of what Donovan had said, but the photographic evidence sittin
g heavy in his palm told him at least part of the story was true. He told himself not to jump to conclusions. He needed to hear it from Zach. This whole thing could be one of Donovan’s twisted plays for revenge, but Lucas’s fears and insecurities wouldn’t let his mind rest. Donovan had never lied to him before. He’d been cruel, but never dishonest.
But how could those things be true about Zach? Zach was sweet and gentle. He wrote romantic poetry and gave the warmest, kindest hugs. He’d told Lucas he wasn’t a pervert before they’d even gone out. Could any of this be true? If so, then it wouldn’t be the first time Lucas had been duped.
He slapped the photograph face down on the dash. He was twenty minutes late, but he needed to regain his composure before he confronted Zach. He wiped his tears and took a few deep breaths, but his mind wouldn’t allow him any peace. He was terrified that this would all end badly.
Several minutes passed before the rap on his window snapped him out of his thoughts.
“Lucas? Lucas, what’s wrong? Why are you sitting out here?” Zach peered through the window, worry written on his face. He walked around the car and climbed in the passenger side. “What’s wrong? Did something happen at home?”
Lucas shook his head and averted his eyes.
“I just saw you a few hours ago, and everything was fine. What happened?”
Lucas sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “I have to ask you something.”
“Okay. What is it?”
He didn’t mean to be so blunt, but he didn’t know any other way to say it.
“Did you have sex with David Shelby?”
“What?” Zach drew back, his posture defensive.
As difficult as it was, Lucas made eye contact with him. His bottom lip quivered as his words came out in a whimper. “Just say no.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Please say no.”
Zach let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t do that.”
Lucas’s eyes filled with tears.
They sat in silence as Lucas worked up the courage to continue the conversation.
“Was he your boyfriend?”
Zach leaned back against the headrest and stared up at the roof. “Yes. But it’s been over since summer. I’ve barely spoken to him since then.”
Lucas wiped at his eyes. “Were you going to tell me?”
“Eventually. I mean, we haven’t been going out that long. I wasn’t going to just dump my baggage on you. I told you I had an ex.” Zach let out another sigh. “It’s not really fair for you to be upset about something I did before I knew you.”
The tightness in his throat made it hard for Lucas to speak. “You see him every day, though. You see him in the locker room.”
“Lucas.”
The tone in Zach’s voice revealed his unspoken words. Don’t be childish. Lucas knew how he sounded. Jealous and insecure. He knew those qualities were unbecoming, but he couldn’t help it. David was tall and muscular with rugged features. He was everything Lucas wasn’t. And he probably paraded around naked in front of Zach every chance he got. How could Zach not notice? How could Zach be attracted to Lucas after having been with David? Zach hadn’t even seen Lucas without a shirt. He was weak and scrawny. And as Donovan loved to point out, not very well endowed. How could he even hope to compete with David? He couldn’t stop his tears as he came to the realization that he and Zach weren’t going to work out.
“Please don’t cry. You have nothing to be jealous about. I’m not interested in David. I can’t help that I have to see him at practice. You can’t expect me to quit the team.”
“I know. I don’t.”
“I’m sorry you found out this way. I can’t believe he told you. He was always so adamant about being in the closet.”
“He didn’t tell me.” Lucas reached for the photograph on the dash. Without turning it over, he handed it to Zach. “Donovan gave me this. He told me.”
Zach glanced at the evidence and clenched his jaw. He ripped the photo to pieces. “Don’t let him do this. He’s a spiteful little cunt. He’s trying to come between us. This doesn’t change anything, Lucas.”
Lucas wiped his tears. What Zach had said about Donovan was true, but so far, what Donovan had said about Zach was also true. He pictured the toys Donovan had spread out on the bed. Was that what Zach liked? That and more, Donovan had said. Lucas was a puny, blubbering mess. How was he supposed to fuck Zach?
Zach reached over and took Lucas’s hand. He squeezed it gently. “Let’s go inside.”
“Wait… I have to ask you one more thing.” He clenched the steering wheel with his free hand. “When you were with David… did he ever—”
“Don’t, Lucas.”
Zach gave him a pleading look, but Lucas pressed on. “Did he ever… spank you?” He felt ridiculous saying it. A grown man getting a spanking?
“Jesus!” Zach ran a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly. “What I did or didn’t do with David has nothing to do with us. Please just let it go.”
Lucas pulled his right hand free from Zach’s grasp and placed it on the steering wheel. The lump in his throat was painful now. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“Lucas,” Zach said, choking back tears of his own. “Please come inside.”
“No. I want to go home.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Zach, but he heard him sniffle. Zach opened the door and climbed out. He didn’t say good-bye. He just walked away, his head down. And he didn’t look back.
Chapter Twenty
Match Point
LUCAS awoke to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He lifted his head to see his mom peeking into the room.
“Good morning, honey.”
He turned away from her and buried his face back into the pillow. “Mrmph.”
A few seconds later the bed dipped as she sat down beside him. “Look at me, sweetie.”
Lucas rolled over and rubbed his eyes. How many hours had he sobbed into his pillow last night? Did he even have any more tears left?
His mom brushed his bangs back with her fingers and leaned down to kiss his forehead.
“I’m not a baby, Mom.”
“You’re not a baby, but I’m still a mom. I can’t help myself.” She smiled down at him. “You wanna tell me what happened?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. We heard you crying last night from all the way down the hall. It was after midnight when you finally fell asleep.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you didn’t want to talk about it last night, but please tell me what this is all about. Did you have a fight with Zach?”
Lucas swallowed. “Sort of.”
“You’ll feel better if you talk about it.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
“Would you rather talk to your dad?”
“No.”
She shifted her weight but made no attempt to get up.
Lucas sighed heavily. “It’s Zach’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Donovan?”
“No. Someone else. Zach and his ex-boyfriend used to… play tennis.” He chewed on his lower lip while he formulated what to say next.
“Okay… and?”
“And I’m no good at tennis. I’m a bumbling idiot. Even if I tried to play with him, I would just make a complete fool of myself.”
“Sweetie, I’m sure you two can find something else to play besides tennis.”
“But he really likes tennis.”
“Well, let him play with someone else. You can still go with him and watch. Cheer him on.”
“But I don’t want him to play with someone else.”
“Now don’t be selfish, sweetheart. Besides, you can still take part. You can be the ball boy if you don’t want to play yourself.”
“No! That’s not what I…. It’s not…. Oh, for God’s sake.”
“It can be embarrassing to admit you’re not good at something, especially to som
eone you want to impress. But honey, you can’t compare yourself to others. You have your own talents. Have you told him how you feel?”
“Not exactly.”
“Just explain to him that you’re a beginner. If he loves you, he’ll be patient and coach you through it.”
“But I don’t even like tennis!” He clapped both hands over his eyes.
“Relationships are give and take, sweetie. You have to be willing to at least try the things your partner likes to do. And the same goes for him. If that means playing a game of tennis now and then, it’s not so much to ask, is it? I’m sure he doesn’t expect you to be an expert. Do you expect him to be a skilled pianist?”
“Mom, that’s different. We’re not talking about piano.”
“Call it whatever you like, honey.” She patted his arm and then stood. “Come down and get some breakfast. Your dad and Mason have already left for the meet.”
LUCAS couldn’t manage to pull himself out of bed for anything other than the occasional bathroom break. His mom had left for work hours ago, and he had the house to himself. The silence, though usually welcome, now seemed to taunt him.
He shouldn’t be alone, he thought. He should be with Zach.
He thought about what his mom had said. For once in his life, her advice made sense. If Zach wanted to play tennis every now and then, that wasn’t such a big deal, was it? The real problem was that he couldn’t get past the fear of disappointing Zach should they ever have sex. Or try to have sex, rather, because Lucas wasn’t sure he could do it. The few times he’d thought about doing that, he’d always pictured himself on the bottom.
Lucas gathered his courage and brought his laptop over to his bed. He pulled up his web browser and typed “spanking during sex” in the search box. The first site he looked at was a how-to guide for men spanking women. He didn’t suppose there was much difference, so he read through the article. He could fine-tune his search terms later. He was surprised to find detailed instructions on the site. Apparently there was technique involved.
“You can’t just start smacking away at her ass like a maniac.”
Lucas chuckled despite his solemn mood. He read through the list of tips: warm up your hand first, only hit one cheek at a time, make sure your partner is in a secure position, keep your hand tight and slightly cupped, and aim for the meat.
Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] Page 19
