Break Away

by Robin Edwards

  “Yeah?” Sam exhaled deeply.

  “Do you remember the Fourth of July Celebration last year?”

  “Yes, what about it?”

  “I remembered you had asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime and like go running or meet Owen,” I explained.

  “Yes, that is why Owen comes with me to the office. He loves people.”

  “Yeah, he’s a cute dog. I love him. Sometimes he lays under my desk on top of my feet.” I laughed.

  “I’m glad he has company,” Sam said as walked to my car.

  “Well, what I wanted to ask you is why I didn’t meet him sooner,” I said quickly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What I meant was that you went out of your way to ask me if I wanted to meet him and then nothing, you kind of disappeared,” I said.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not understanding.” Sam was confused, and I instantly regretted wondering.

  “You know what, never mind. You’re right, it’s late. I should get back.” I said unlocking my car door.

  Sam put his hand on mine to stop me, “No tell me.”

  “What I meant was you went out of your way that night to ask me if I wanted to hang out and then nothing, you kind of disappeared. We kind of made plans and you never called.”

  “Plans?” Sam said with his eyebrows raised.

  “Yes. Like I said, you went out of your way and asked me if I wanted to meet him or go running, you know hang out.”

  The more I explained, the more embarrassed I felt. I realized it may not have been legitimate plans back then and merely small talk. I could sense by the look in his eyes.

  “You know what, never mind, I misunderstood you,” I said quickly and tried to get into my car.

  “Jamie, wait.”

  “No, it’s okay. I assumed you meant something more than it was.” I said not meeting his eyes as Sam grabbed me by the arm to stop me from leaving.

  “Jamie, listen to me. You’re a great person…”

  “Here we go. You can save it.”

  “No, listen. Jamie, I think you are a wonderful person, more than I believe that you give yourself credit for. It was fun to meet someone here in this city that isn’t trying to use me to make them famous. It’s rare to find someone that I could just talk to about things that we both enjoy and not have to worry.”

  “Great, I’m one of those people,” I said as I pulled my arm from his grasp. I was humiliated.

  “Jamie, I like you a lot. I really do but what we did back there, shouldn’t have happened. Amy and I…”

  “Oh, you two…I get it. You don’t need to tell me. Can I go now please?” I wanted to leave. He was taken after all.

  “I…”

  “No, Sam, it’s okay. I jumped to conclusions. It was silly of me to think that it would ever be something. You’d think by now, I would realize that people like that don’t win.”

  “Jamie, that isn’t it at all…”

  “No, it is. If it weren't, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’d like to get into my car now.”

  ****

  “I am such an idiot! I should have listened to everyone. I mean I did, but I didn’t actually.” I cried to Lily.

  “You couldn’t have known he was actually with her. I know in the beginning we all tried to steer you away from thinking recklessly, but from the stories you’ve told describing your interactions with Sam, I started to assume the same thing. He was more than friendly with you.”

  “That’s just it exactly. Sam wasn’t just friendly, he was kind and attentive. He was a good guy, and that’s all he was. He had a girlfriend this entire time. Damn it. I can’t even tell when someone is nice and when they are being interested anymore.”

  “Jamie, you know he was more than nice. We all saw you two talking that night. He showed all of the classic signs – close proximity, eye contact, smiling.” Lily encouraged.

  “There were no signs. You are either interested enough, or you are not. If you are interested enough, then you do something about it. He didn’t do anything about it, so he never was.”

  “He did ask you to hang out, and he did make out with you last night.”

  “It wasn’t premeditated, Lily. That’s the difference. It was the heat of the moment. If it were anyone else, he would have probably done the same thing. He already has someone!”

  “It doesn’t have to be premeditated to mean something. He kissed you because he felt something. It’s obvious he’s battling some demons inside, and unless you know what they are, you can’t make assumptions. The best thing you can do is talk to him about it, find out what he’s battling.”

  “I don’t think I can,” more tears flowed from my eyes as I collapsed onto my bed and cried into my pillows. “The worst part was seeing the look he had.

  “What kind of look?”

  “You know that look. When the conversation started to go downhill, he had that look of guilt. The exact second he realized I wanted more than what he wanted to give. Ugh his eyes, I saw the pity.” I sniffled.

  “Oh, Jamie. It isn’t the end of the world. There will be other guys.” Lily consoled.

  “No wonder Amy had been treating me the way she did. She probably sensed my interest in Sam right away. I cannot believe I left a stable job for all of this. I don’t want to face him tomorrow.”

  “Oh, come on. Jamie. If you aren’t ready to talk to him about it just yet, then head to work and focus on nothing but your projects. Five o’ clock will come before you know it.” Lily smiled and gave me a big hug of reassurance.

  “It’ll be a matter of time when I run into him again. My position supports the both of them at least in the interim. Once they officially promote me, I’ll be working with him only. There isn’t a way I can avoid him forever.”

  “Then you will have to face him. The sooner, the better.”

  “That is easy for you to say, you weren’t completely humiliated. I was so foolish to think that an attractive and wealthy guy could ever be interested in me. I mean look at me and look at where I live. What would I have to offer? Nothing. He could do so much better than me, he already did! Why did I ever think he’d choose me?”

  “Jamie, don’t say that about yourself. You are an amazing person, any guy would be proud to be in your presence.”

  “You’re just saying that because you’re my friend. We all know that I’m not exactly someone most guys choose when there’s always a much better option. Do you understand how that feels?”

  “Jamie…” Lily sighed.

  “Oh, what do you know? You’ve never had any trouble, you’re married.”

  “Jamie, stop…”

  “No, you’re right. I’m done. I’m sorry, I’m just done with all of it.”

  ****

  I managed to avoid Sam for a few weeks because our schedules never coincided much and it took them a while to put the promotional paperwork into motion. He was off traveling doing interviews, promotional spots, meetings, conferences and product releases. On the rare occasion, he was in the office, I was helping Amy with training events and presentations or simply on the phone.

  Sam did make attempts to communicate with me but managed to keep it professional thankfully. Most of the communication, though, went through Amy, so I was safe from him. I was getting used to not seeing him and started getting through the day the busier it got. Potential awkward situations aside, I loved working for the Foundation. Unlike, my previous job, everyone was down to earth and hardworking, and they actually cared about my career growth. I was starting to see that it was the best choice I could have made as long as I didn’t run into Sam.

  As far as Amy went, it didn’t look like he had told her about what happened that night because her attitude towards me didn’t get any worse than it always was. If anything, it was a tad better probably because he wasn’t around me like he used to be.

  “I’m going to head on out, Jamie. You should think about doing the same, it’s alre
ady seven.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late, Amy. Sorry, I lost track of time. I was trying to get the reports ready for our final presentation next week for NSK. It’s my first time doing something like this, and I wanted to make a good first impression. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.”

  “I didn’t, Sam did. Whether you were ready or not, Sam felt we needed you on this. He seems to think highly of you and with Sam away on other important matters, we’re a man down and he believes you’ve been filling in fine.”

  “Thank you so much. Do you mind if I stay a little bit longer, I have a few things to finalize, and then I’ll head home?”

  “No need to thank me, thank Sam. Those were his comments, not mine. Make sure you lock up.” Amy had said before she headed out the front door.

  “Okay, I will. I’ll be ready, have a good night.” I waved goodbye. I was acutely aware that Amy was still not too fond of me.

  The front door began to unlock, and before I could react, Sam was standing in the doorway surprised to see me sitting here still. I’m sure he figured I had already gone home. Did he purposely return late to avoid running into me?

  “Jamie? What are you still doing here, it’s late.”

  “I was just finalizing a report for the NSK presentation next week. It’s my first one, and I wanted to make sure all my bases were covered. I didn’t think you’d be back in town until tomorrow.” I explained.

  “I caught an earlier flight, I’m sure your report is fine. You will do well. Thank you for agreeing to assist us.”

  “Thank you. I guess you are right, there isn’t much more I could do more than I’ve already done.” I said nervously. “I suppose I’ll just head home and get some rest.”

  “Jamie, can we talk about this?”

  “There’s nothing to say, Mr. Ellis.”

  “Jamie, call me Sam, please? Look, I know you’re upset.”

  “You think? I have every right to be angry, Sam. You led me on, but it’s not your fault, not entirely at least. I’m mostly mad at myself.” I sighed.

  “I led you on? I did nothing of the sort, and you know it. The kiss, now that I will take the blame for but everything else…”

  “You made an invitation, Sam and you know damn well you treat me differently than the other staff.”

  “Jamie, we’ve already been through this. Look, I’m sorry for that night. I really am, it shouldn’t have happened. I didn’t plan it, but I think you misunderstand me. Amy and I…”

  “No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to hear about your relationship.”

  “We’re not in a relationship.”

  “Right, whatever you want to call it,” I said looking down.

  “Sure, we occasionally slept together, but it was a big mistake that I shouldn’t have ever let happen. I put a stop to it, though.”

  “When? That night. Not only did I realize I hurt you but I wasn’t thinking about getting involved with her. There was no reason for it other than for shallow reasons. As far as treating you differently, I treat you the way I’d treat anyone with your talent. I treat everyone equally. I’m not a bad guy despite what you think.”

  When I made no move to respond, Sam continued, “I honestly believe that you are someone I could identify with. You know how people are here in Sutton Hill, I just wanted a friend. I guess that was too much to ask for.”

  Sam started pacing around, and I began to cry, “I have friends. I don’t need more friends.”

  “Jamie…”

  “No, you know what? I know what everyone thinks, ‘Jamie, you’re hung up on a guy you just met and barely know, get over it.’ It’s easier said than done, Sam.”

  “You more than barely know me, Jamie.”

  I started to yell, “That’s not the point. Do you even know what it’s like being me? Going your whole life being the odd one out. Being the girl among her friends and always being the one that isn’t ever picked. I am tired of it not working out for me, and I’m tired of people not noticing what I had to offer. I am sick of the excuses you men come up with because you’re shallow. Actually, I am not sorry. If you can’t see me, then it’s your loss. Not mine.” I slammed the report on my desk and tried to storm out.

  Sam grabbed my arm before I could leave the building. He didn’t say anything but pull me into his arms tight.

  ****

  SAM

  I DIDN’T HAVE THE GUTS to say anything, I just wanted to stop her. I didn’t know what to say or how to react, all I knew is that I didn’t want her to be as hurt as she was and I definitely didn’t want to hurt her at all. I did not intentionally lead her on. I never meant to, and I didn’t realize I had before.

  I enjoyed her company and loved her gentle nature. It was refreshing, and I needed that in my life but attracted to her? I needed to be alone and me breaking up whatever Amy and I had was the reason, not her. I wish Jamie were, but there wasn’t room in my life to let anyone in. It would never be fair for them to keep them at bay when all they would want was more. I wished Jamie could understand that, but it wasn’t too late now.

  It had been a long time since he had been attracted to anyone enough to get into a long term relationship. Gina, my ex-wife, was the last long-term relationship he had. It was a short marriage, and after her, he had a bevy of women, but none of them stuck. Gina was tall, slim, blonde and beautiful but it didn’t work out. As carefree as I was back then, it wouldn’t have worked out with Gina anyway.

  She didn’t understand where I came from and how overwhelming being a part of the Ellis Family was, neither did Amy or any other woman that came into his life. Gina loved the lifestyle, no doubt and she loved the glitz, glamor and forced her way into having an opinion on the Foundation. She also enjoyed the traveling they did and insisted he take her along.

  God, she was beautiful, but she wasn’t what he needed. Since Gina, there had been a handful of women he dated now and then but nothing that lasted long or went anywhere. I eventually buried myself in my work, family and any extra-curricular activities ever since. I had no time to think about women or dating.

  Being in a serious relationship just wasn’t a part of my life anymore, and all I wanted now was peace. I wanted to just pour everything I had into honoring my father’s legacy. Gina didn’t understand it then, and the groupies and Amy didn’t really understand it now. Jamie did, she understood it quite well or at least I thought she did.

  I couldn’t imagine my life alone forever, but in the interim, it was what I needed until I found a balance in my life where I could find myself with the time and energy to dedicate to someone. To find someone who not only understand me, but also my family and my father was not something I found easily. Everyone seemed to want to benefit from the Foundation or my family on some level or another.

  Jamie seemed to, but I couldn’t fathom if it were just another ploy to win me over like all of the others, but I doubted it. She wasn’t like the others, but I couldn’t imagine myself with her. It wasn’t her fault, I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone long-term.

  “Shh, easy now.” Jamie tried to resist, but I held her tight to me. My soothing made her sob even more, and I just held her, trying to soothe her and not saying anything. She was in a vulnerable state, and anything more would have made things worse.

  After her crying had seemed to quiet down, I brushed her hair out of her face and tucked a strand behind her ear, “You okay, now?” I let her out of my arms and Jamie just stood there looking down. I lifted her chin so that she could look directly at me.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, again and again, she said nothing. I pulled her into my arms a second time and sighed, “Jamie, what am I going to do with you?”

  “I’m sorry.” She finally peeped against my chest.

  “You ought to really stop apologizing for being who you are.” I chuckled. “Jamie, I want to talk more about this but it is getting late, and we need to get home. Can we talk about this after the presentation?”
/>   “Okay.” Jamie agreed, and I grabbed a few tissues and handed them to her.

  I held her face in my hands so I could look directly into her eyes, “I don’t want you to go home feeling miserable, and we will talk more about this. I promise you that my actions and choices have nothing to do with what you look like. It has nothing to do with you, Jamie. It’s more about me and the decisions I’ve made in my life before I even met you. I want you to understand that.”

  “What about Amy?”

  “She…I don’t know. That was a complete mistake that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I am not at the place in my life where I should be bringing people into it despite what I want.” I sighed. “Come on, we should get going.”

  “Alright.”

  After I had grabbed what I needed from the office, I contemplated the guilt I felt. On my way home, Amy had left a voicemail to let me that she collected her things from my place that she had kept there and didn’t understand why I put a stop to things and if I had anything to do with Jamie. She was taken aback and offended, but it was the right thing to do. I hadn’t intended on leading Jamie on, but I was straightforward with Amy.

  Once home, I walked out to my back door onto my private dock and into the cabin of my boat. I poured myself a Scotch; I didn’t know what I was going to do and the thing that bothered me the most was Jamie didn’t deserve any of this. She was right, I was too friendly, and I definitely overstepped my bounds. Things were going so well ever since she entered my life and now it was getting worse.

  The stars were out and other than the crickets chirping, it was a quiet night. I picked up my acoustic guitar and strummed the strings rhythmically. I didn’t have any songs in mind, I had just started taking lessons only recently, but I hadn’t mastered any modern music yet. To my discomfort, the sounds that typically relaxed me did nothing to ease my distress.

  I put the guitar down and disembarked the boat with the scotch in hand and headed inside to try and catch on some sleep so I could work on the presentation more in the morning. I took off my jacket and draped it over a dining room chair before picking up a file folder to pack it back into my leather bag.