Break Away

by Robin Edwards

  Amy didn’t even have the heart to defend herself, she didn’t have a heart at all. When I walked in on them during their rendezvous, she looked me in the eye and kept encouraging him as he kept plowing away into her despite my presence. I swear at one point she looked me square in the eye while she moaned in pleasure. Amy didn’t care anymore and was probably relieved that I finally knew and she didn’t have to sneak around anymore. Amy said that deep down she found herself hoping they would get caught one day.

  I got the last laugh, however. Shortly after our separation, Mason had a side to him that I never really noticed and decided it wasn’t as fun when they weren’t sneaking around and ended their coups de grâce, sotospeak.

  “I have nothing to move on from, it’s you who hasn’t. What were you thinking, emailing her like that?” Patrick questioned as he pulled out a ten dollar bill to pay the lunch truck vendor for his chicken salad sandwich and cola. I already had my sandwich and bottled water idling in my hands.

  “Like I said, all I was merely doing was seeing how she was doing. I think enough time has passed to where we could possibly be friends again.” I shrugged.

  “Right. I don’t think any amount of time passing before friendship with Amy should ever be considered a possibility, Sean. Let her stew in her own mistakes and move on.” Patrick urged after he found the nearest bench we could sit on.

  “So, what’s your score for today?” I changed the subject as I bit into my ham and cheese sandwich.

  “This sandwich, I’d probably give it an ‘8’, but the women…ugh. I’d give them a disappointing ‘5’.” Patrick sighed as he stared at his half-eaten sandwich before he dropped it back into the white paper bag it came in.

  “Agreed.”

  Every day during lunch time, Patrick and I would have our lunch at Grand Park in Downtown Los Angeles, walking distance from our office. During out meal, we gave scores to the quality of both female passersby and our food. Call it a little sexist, but we didn’t mean anything by it and it also helped pass the time. We did this almost every day for the past two years.

  “Don’t you hate it when our lunch is better than the women?” I said with my mouth stuffed full of bread, cheese, mayo and deli meat.

  “Yep. It’s depressing but it all depends on how hungry I am on any particular day.” Patrick shrugged and laughed to himself.

  For me, being the hopeless romantic that I now was, I couldn’t help but feel that all too familiar sense of longing every day. Without a great love, life just wasn’t the same. From the first moment, I laid eyes upon her at the Irish bar all those years ago, I knew or at least thought that Amy was the one. Despite her transgressions, a part of me still believe that she was. Patrick thought I was being naïve, but I would bet every penny I owned on the fact that she could still be.

  Look at me, I’m just a sucker. Women still looked at me as Mr. Lothario – sexy, macho and swoon worthy but as time passed, I saw it in myself less and less.

  I glanced up at the wooden bridge walkway that hovered over the duck pond and a beautiful blonde angel glided past us as she chatted enthusiastically to whomever was on the end of her phone conversation. Her canary yellow sundress flowed perfectly in the breeze while Patrick and I stared at her beauty with our mouths gaped open.

  “So much better than my sandwich.” Patrick muttered.

  “I think I’ve just seen an angel. Patrick, she’s my dream girl.” I said with bated breath.

  Patrick, out of his trance, rolled his eyes, “No offense or anything, bro, but the waiting list is probably a mile long for that one.”

  I disregarded everything and everyone around me and I stood up to wave at the angel in the yellow sundress. The woman, engrossed in her phone call glanced in my direction and smiled.

  “Did you see that?! She just smiled at me!” I shouted, shaking Patrick by the shoulders in my excitement. “I am a strong believer that NOTHING can keep you from the woman you are meant to be with!”

  “If you believe that’s the case, go catch up to her and sweep her off her feet. Don’t forget to invite me to your wedding.” Patrick responded sarcastically.

  I don’t need to. If she and I are meant to be together then it will just happen. You know, naturally.”

  “Yeah, just like all of the women you have met since Amy, naturally.”

  “Go ahead and laugh. Have your fun but she’s going to be different.” I said satisfied in my theory about fate.

  “Right. Whatever you say.” Patrick chuckled to himself.

  Every the realist, Patrick knew what he was talking about. I turned into a hard core romantic. Patrick didn’t know me during my college days but he has known me long enough to hear about it. He doesn’t believe me of course, looking at me now but it was all true. I probably always was a hopeless romantic under the surface but ever since my fallout with Amy, I turned into a serial monogamist. Only problem was, my high expectations caused any women I dated these past few months to end things quickly.

  I was on a major losing streak and it was no wonder I was losing my charisma. I was in love with love and Patrick and I still couldn’t really pin down where it started but we both knew how it always ended. Me, heartbroken and that suave alter ego disappearing more and more. The difference was this time I was enamored with a woman I did not know, yet.

  “You know what we should do, bro?” Patrick had an idea.

  “What?” I sighed watching the image of the angel slowly disappear from my sight.

  “Nah, never mind.”

  “No, what?” Now I was curious.

  “All those women you had in college, you weren’t messing with me were you man?” Patrick asked.

  “No, they actually happened. All of them.”

  “Really? You, Mr. Charisma and all? You got to be kidding me.” Patrick said sarcastically.

  “Get to the point.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Okay, sorry. Anyway, my idea was, why don’t we just get you some new duds and …”

  “What’s the wrong with the way I dress?”

  “Nothing but it doesn’t ooze ‘macho’. The point is that you said you were at your happiest before you met Amy. We need to get you back to that. You’ve been on a losing streak for months and frankly your whole raw deal with her was one long losing streak and the way I see it is unless we get you out there dating, you’ll only get more and more pathetic.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “I’m serious. We’ve got to get you out of that funk you’ve been in. It’s depressing.”

  “I don’t know man. What about the angel?”

  “The woman in the yellow dress? Right, if you ever see her again. Besides, that woman is a knockout. The way you are man, you’d just get pushed back to the end of that mile long line, man.” Patrick said.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m telling you, unless you clean up your act, you’d never land her. Fate or not.”

  “Fine, I’m convinced. Where do I start?”

  “Yeah where do you start?”

  Chapter Two

  BRIDGETTE

  I WAS RUNNING LATE picking up Kyle but let’s be honest, I was always running late. I swear I have always been an organized person but lately it’s been getting out of hand. It was tough being a single mother and I was going through a rough time right now.

  “Come on, Bridgette. Get your act together.” I muttered to myself as I checked my make up one last time in the rear view mirror as I shut off the SUV’s engine. I ran my hand one final time through my tick, curly red hair before getting out of the vehicle.

  I ran into the elementary school and down the hall to Kyle’s fifth grade classroom. He was sitting quietly at the activities table reading the book about dinosaurs I bought for him last week. It was thick and could compete in size with any encyclopedia. I still couldn’t believe he totes it around, wherever he goes. It must have weighed a ton.

  My son Kyle was an impressionable young man who looked all too much like his father �
�� strawberry blonde hair, horn rimmed glasses and an inquisitive personality. He was a mini version of Scott but I’m hoping as he got older that he’ll turn out more like me. I didn’t want any reminders of how Scott used to be but the more Kyle brought Scott up, the harder it was to forget.

  “Hey, honey.” I said as I walked up to him and caressed the hair on his head with my fingertips.

  “Hi, mom!” Kyle said with wide eyes and a big smile before returning to his esteemed book.

  “Ready to go? I want to get going before I run into some of the other parents and afternoon traffic.” I said anxiously.

  “What, mom?” Kyle looked up at me.

  “Nothing, honey. Just talking to myself.”

  “Oh.” Kyle giggled.

  “Come on, time to go.”

  “Oh, alright.” Kyle said reluctantly and closed the dinosaur book before stuffing it into his small back pack.

  “It actually fits?”

  “Yup!” Kyle acknowledged.

  Kyle was a great kid and thankfully he turned out alright, so far. I swear that there were some days he acted exactly like his father. Kyle was intelligent, had light freckles and a crooked smile. He was getting taller and taller every day and he was already at chest level. In a couple of years he’d probably be as tall as my chin or cheek. He was growing so fast.

  “Why are we walking so fast?” Kyle asked as we rushed down the hallway to the exit nearest the elementary school’s main visitor parking lot.

  “We are walking fast because I want to beat traffic.”

  “Bridgette! It’s so nice to see you.” Stan Miller, the school principal greeted us with enthusiasm.

  “Shit!” I cursed quietly. “Oh, hello Mr. Miller. It’s lovely to see you.”

  “Please, call me Stan.”

  “Okay, Stan.”

  Stan Miller has had a thing for me ever since I enrolled Kyle into the school’s kindergarten class. He was married back then, surprisingly, but ever since I heard he was no longer with his wife, he had been pouring on the charm. It was borderline obsession and I found it very uncomfortable.

  The difficult part was he didn’t say anything that was even remotely sexual or inappropriate, he was just way too friendly and accommodating more so than he was with the other children’s parents. He also stood really close to me, always invading my personal space and the way he stared constantly. It was creepy. Even if he crossed the line and said something really vulgar, I wasn’t sure I’d do anything about it. I wasn’t the kind of person to rock the boat. I know I was being absurd but I kept my life simple and under the radar. That’s how I liked it and that’s how I managed to keep it for years.

  The less people around, the creepier Stan got, “Kyle, why don’t you go play with the other kids in the playground for a few minutes, I need to talk to your mother in my office for a second.”

  “Uh, we’ve got to go. I have plans I need to attend to.”

  “It won’t take more than a minute, my office is just right there. There’s important things I need to discuss with you.” He urged grabbing my arm.

  “Kyle, wait for me in your classroom, it’ll only be a minute.”

  “Okay, mom.” Kyle said as he walked back to his classroom.

  Stan and I walked around the corner into his office and he shut the door. I don’t know why I agreed but I didn’t have a good feeling about this.

  “Bridgette, have a seat.” He said gesturing toward one of the guest chairs. “I wanted to talk to you about you Kyle.”

  Stan sat down on the edge of his desk right in front of me. He had his legs open wider than normal giving me a direct line of sight of his crotch.

  “You see, the school is encouraging kids to live more of an active lifestyle as we want to help in the fight to combat obesity and have made the last hour of the school day all about physical education. All of the kids were encouraged to play some sort of sport with their peers. Unfortunately, Kyle was the only one who did not participate last week. His teacher notify me that every day he would stand there watching for some time before requesting to go back inside to read.”

  “Oh I see. Well, does he say why he won’t participate?”

  “No, he just clams up apparently.”

  “Well, I’ll talk to Kyle tonight and find out what’s wrong. I’ll make sure he participates.”

  “Great. That’s all I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Oh, good.” That’s a relief.

  I stood up and opened up the office door quickly Stan blocked it with his hand.

  “You know, if there’s anything you need help with, you can call me. I’m always available to talk.” Stan said almost suggestively.

  “Great, thank you. I appreciate the help.” I smiled and rushed out of the office quickly.

  As Kyle and I walked through the elementary school parking lot towards our SUV, Kyle tugged at the hem of my tan dress shirt.

  “Mom, look! That car has been to Water Zone. See the bumper sticker?” Kyle pointed towards the familiar cartoon fish bumper sticker.

  “Yeah, how about that?” I smiled endearingly at the 10-year-old.

  Water Zone was one of the premiere amusement parks on the coast of California. Kyle was determined to go ever since he saw the commercial of the amusement park with animated sea creatures, a catchy tune and scenes of families laughing and having a good time on the water rides.

  “But the fish isn’t blue, it’s red.” Kyle said in confusion.

  “Well, that’s very non-water like.” I confirmed.

  “Uh huh.” Kyle said and then asked, “Mom, do you think there are sharks at Water Zone? Or maybe dolphins?”

  “Maybe there are sharks and dolphins.” I chuckled.

  “Maybe dad might be there too.” Kyle said nonchalantly.

  I felt a twinge of pain every time Kyle mentioned his father. Scott was no longer in Kyle’s life ever since he left. There were times where I strongly held a belief that he would come back one day, but he hadn’t. Not even a call or an ounce of communication. Everyone told me I should sue for child custody but why get into that debate. We were doing just fine and I didn’t want to see him again.

  Kyle was just a toddler when Scott left but he was not at the age where a boy needed his father. Kyle needed someone to play catch and build things with and learn things from. That person shouldn’t be me, not initially. It should have been things he’d experience with his father but Scott robbed Kyle of that. I tried hard to be both mother and father but Kyle had gotten older and he started asking about his father more and more.

  I didn’t and still don’t have the heart to get into the matter with him so I just brushed off his questions or comments about his father whenever he had the urge to discuss it. It wasn’t fair to Kyle but I don’t have any other way of handling it. The only other solution for Kyle would to have another male figure in his life but I was far from the stage in my life where I would even consider dating. That was another diatribe, love forced upon me from time to time.

  I hadn’t dated since Scott left and the idea of getting into another relationship or even dealing with another man in a romantic sense was too much to handle back then. It still was. I refused to have another man enter Kyle’s life only to have him leave again. I didn’t ever want to see Kyle disappointed about not having a father figure more than he was now. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to me.

  I never expected Kyle’s father to leave when he did and sure we were having problems but what marriages didn’t? The difference was, in those marriages the husbands stuck around. Scott didn’t. He wasn’t ready to be a father or be responsible for another human being. He barely took responsible for me. I was always the adult and the parent. I was the responsible one thinking about things long-term.

  Scott wanted his freedom. He wanted to be free from obligations, responsibility and worry. It didn’t matter that he had a son that would eventually want to look up to him. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be idoli
zed, at least not in that way. So he took off and I hadn’t heard from him since.

  I’m not sure where it all went wrong. He was a great man when we first started dating or at least I thought but when I took a look back now, there were red flags all over the place. It was the hundreds of times where he didn’t follow through with anything he said, forgotten birthdays and anniversaries, the financial problems and even the loser friends.

  I guess what won me over initially was his natural good looks and charm. He was a smooth talker and easily convinced me to give him a chance after flashing me those pearly whites and cute dimples when I met him in that bar one summer. I was mesmerized by the macho way he slicked his blonde hair back.

  I didn’t go out with him right away but it was after his weeks of charming persistence that finally won me over, feeble smile and all. He swept me off my feet and knowing now, as long as things were fun…he was fun to be with. When things got heavy, he got skittish and took off.

  When I told Scott I was pregnant, he showed some enthusiasm but you also sensed the slight fear in the way he reacted when I was in labor at the hospital. Scott was resistant to go into the delivery room and freaked out when the nurse put Kyle into his arms.

  As Kyle started accomplishing things as a baby like rolling over on his own, crawling, babbling – I told Scott that we should start reading to him more, encouraging and working with him on his developmental and learning abilities. That was around the time Scott really freaked out and the idea of being responsible for someone else for the rest of his life took a toll on him. That was when Scott took off for good.

  It was hard on me, sure, but I knew I’d get over it eventually but a child doesn’t ever get over not having a parent even if they were too young to remember them. Being a parent but being a father especially was an experience that Kyle would never know for the rest of his life and Scott took that away from him.

  Chapter Three

  SEAN

  “SEAN, THESE ARE GOING TO BE just the test ads because we have to stay within budget but if we get this right then we will nail this campaign.” Patrick said to me over lunch the following weekend.