Becoming Maddie (The Casterhouse series Book 1)

by Hannah Gittins

  As soon as she was finished, silence filled the room, but it was not alone as the echoes of all the words that Maddie had said flew around. It was like the words were bouncing of the walls and hitting her ears. She had said them now so there was no way to take them back. Aiden hadn’t torn his eyes off of her. Marvin, who had been woken by the bickering, looked back and forward between the two of them not really understanding what was going on. But he definitely sensed the tension. Aiden rose from his sitting position and nodded at her.

  “When you share you really share.” He stated standing up.

  Maddie wanted to step away but she didn’t. She was just too angry.

  “I am not sharing with you! I have only known you a few days but you have the ability to make me so angry in seconds. I have never met someone else that makes me feel like this.” She took her arms off of her hips and wrapped them round herself.

  “DO I make you angry?” Aiden asked walking towards her.

  “Yes.” She whispered. “It scares me because I am not an angry person.”

  Maddie didn’t know how the conversation had turned to this. One second she was so mad the next she was scared. Although she had promised herself that she would never feel scared around a man ever again, she was now. Honestly though this fear was not the same as the others she had felt before. She actually felt more exposed than she ever had before. Maddie felt like she didn’t know who she was anymore or what she was feeling.

  “I don’t think I make you angry.” Aiden said gently putting his hands on her shoulders and bending so he was her height. “I think I make you frightened because you want to know me better.”

  Her eyes shot up to look directly into his, her mouth opened getting ready to tell him that he was wrong.

  “I think I make you want to spend time with me and maybe even want to see if there really is something here between us.” He rubbed his thumbs tenderly up and down the side of her neck. “But for some reason you won’t let yourself. So I actually think you are angry at yourself. There is definitely something between us and you can fight it and get angry at me whenever you want but it’s not going to stop me from trying to get in there.”

  This time her mouth fell open because she didn’t know what to say. Aiden’s words hit her in a place that she wasn’t sure existed anymore.

  He moved a hand and placed a finger on her skin above her heart. His eyes watched his finger.

  “I will get in there and it will be so sweet.” His voice whispered across her skin and she could feel goosebumps. “So get annoyed with me and shout at me because you feel you need to. I don’t mind, I like that too. It shows your passion. I even get off on that a bit too. When I get you into bed we will put that passion to good use. For now though –.” He ran the tip of his finger slowly from her heart up her neck, along her jaw, under her lower lip and stopped on the apple of her cheek. “I get to watch the Ruby colour spread across your skin anytime you get worked up and I just can’t get enough of it. That already makes me a lucky guy. When you let me in there I will not make you regret it and we can be lucky together.”

  Maddie still stood in front of him, her arms still wrapped around herself and her lips still slightly parted. Her heart was acting like it had just run a marathon and her breath was trying to catch up. Her thighs were clenched and she was most definitely wet.

  Aiden was a straight talker and never, ever, minced his words and she knew that he meant everything he just said. Maddie may not agree with everything he had said about her anger but there may have been a hint of truth to it somewhere. Everything else he had said though…

  Wow.

  Totally wow.

  There was nothing that she could say now. Nothing. Because her heart (and other body parts) may be singing but her brain knew that she was never going to get over leaving him and that was what she had to do. Even sooner now because she could not let anything happen to this beautiful man.

  “You’re shutting down on me.” He said letting her go and standing straighter.

  Maddie couldn’t bring herself to say anything to contradict him. It would just be an obviously lie that would hurt them both.

  Aiden sighed and bent to pick up the pillows. Marvin stood and walked over to him and tilted his head.

  “Come with me.” He said and walked down the hall to his bedroom. Marvin followed leaving her alone in the living room.

  She took a moment or two to get her thoughts straight before following him. Almost as soon as she walked into the room he picked her up and laid them both down on the bed. He grabbed the covers and threw it over them both. Just like big spoon-little spoon, Aiden lay behind her with one of his legs between hers and his arm around her waist. She was pressed tight to his chest and he tucked his face into the back of her neck.

  “Aiden-.” Maddie started to say.

  “I’m not inside yet but I am at least going to get to hold you all night.” He muttered back his arm squeezing her just a little tighter.

  “Aiden-.” She tried again.

  “Shut up and go to sleep Maddie.” He demanded this time.

  Although she didn’t like it she could feel his ever present warmth penetrate her though her clothes. Plus she was grateful he had not made her undress. But she could not sleep like this. Her body was way too aware of his.

  “Aiden-.”

  “I was up at the break of dawn to open the garage so shut up and go to sleep Maddie.” He grunted this time.

  She never thought of that.

  Marvin jumped up onto the bed and circled a couple of times before dropping down at their feet with a huff. Maddie thought Aiden would kick him off and make him sleep on the floor, which Marvin would do if told, but he didn’t. She liked that. A lot.

  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. It would just be one night. Then when she was in her new home somewhere and she had cried herself to a sleep she could remember how warm it was to be in his arms. How totally safe and protected she suddenly felt. How she knew that she would never find somewhere else she would want to be as much as she did here. She couldn’t believe that she had only know Aiden a matter of days. She felt like her soul had known his for so much longer.

  Before Maddie really knew what was happening she slowly started to drift to sleep. Just before she was totally gone she thought she heard him whisper.

  “I will keep you safe from anything, Ruby, the real monsters and the ones inside you head.” Aiden whispered and kissed her neck. Then again just behind her ear before he settled into her nearly sleeping body and held her just a little bit tighter.

  Chapter 11

  Maddie smiled and rolled over in the bed stretching making Marvin’s head come up and stare at her from her feet. She’d had such a good night’s sleep, when had that last happened? Sunbeams came in the window, she smiled and watched it as it landed next to her hand. Wait, these weren’t her bed covers and that wasn’t her window. As she looked around the room she slowly started to remember how she had gotten there.

  The bed was empty now and Maddie couldn’t have been more pleased. Why had she fallen asleep? She should have waited till he had fallen asleep then slipped out of the bed, gone through to the living room and slept on the floor. There had just been something about laying in someone else’s arms and feeling their warmth around you. It was more than just laying with somebody though, it was laying with Aiden. Granted it was also not just the comfort of laying with him that she had liked. His chest felt great against her back and even though his hand lay innocently against her rib cage, she couldn’t stop the tingles in her breasts. She knew that Aiden was not totally immune to having her in his arms.

  Nope Maddie refused to let her thoughts go down that road. Just thinking about what she had felt pressed against her butt made her blush. Enough of this she needed to find out what the time was and get home to change.

  As she got out of bed and looked down at her wrinkled clothes, she ran her hand through her hair. It must look like a rats nest. How had things gotten to this?
Maybe it was the harsh light of the day that made her realise what a fool she was yesterday. There was nobody following her no matter how much she thought there was and what in the world was she thinking? Agreeing to stay at his? Maddie honestly needed to get her head checked she decided. Thinking down this route led her to everything Aiden had said to her last night.

  Nope she wasn’t going to go there or at least not until she had a minimum of one cup of coffee in her. Standing she walked out of the bedroom and walked into the bathroom, blue walls and white facilities. Marvin jumped off the bed and followed her through like he did every morning. Looking around she took in the shampoo, shower gel and razor stuff. There was nothing else. Only a man could have so little stuff in the bathroom. Opening the mirrored cupboard she found several spare toothbrushes. Now what did that say about Aiden? That he regularly had women stay over. Enough that he had to have a supply of brushes from them all in the morning and he hated popping down to the shop every time.

  Biting her lip and trying to not think about the jealousy boiling in her guts she opened a brush. After getting through a somewhat cut down version of her morning routine she left the bathroom smoothing down her wrinkled clothes. She really needed to get home and change before she got ready for the late shift at the hotel. People would think she was doing the walk of shame if she came in looking like this. No matter how much her body might have wanted to, nothing like that had happened. They hadn’t even kissed. Biting her lip, Maddie tried not to let this upset her or stress her out as to what that might mean. Again the words he had said sprang up in her mind. Did she want him to follow through on what he said? Yes. Was it wise? No.

  Maddie knew that she needed to build the wall around herself again. Keep herself separated from Aiden. Things somehow changed between them last night but no matter how much she liked it they had to stop whatever seemed to be starting between the two of them. Maddie was leaving and there was no way round that. So up her defences would have to go.

  Then her nose picked up the unmistakable sent of coffee. Following it she came out of the hall into the living room then turned into the kitchen. Aiden stood there filling two travel mugs from a brand new coffee machine that was definitely not there before. She had put the cartoons away last night and as hard as she thought about it there was no coffee machine in that room. It looked like a top of the line one too plus it was a lovely shiny red colour.

  “Where did that come from?” Maddie asked.

  Well that was smooth Maddie thought. She could have at least started with ‘Hello’ or ‘Thanks for holding me all night and making me feel safe for the first time in years’. Maybe something not so in-depth but better than demanding where he got a coffee maker from.

  Aiden took this in his stride and just turned to smile at her.

  “Morning to you too Ruby.” He said before turning back to screw on the lids on the travel mugs. “I went out this morning and got it.”

  Worried about the name ‘Ruby’ not bothering her anymore, Maddie walked in and picked up one of the mugs. Taking a deep breath of the rich fresh smell she tried to collect herself and start to rebuild her defences. God it smelt so good but probably not good enough to help her. Marvin sat at her feet and leaned his heavy body against her legs. His tongue hung out in a cute goofy way and he seemed totally content to be in Aiden’s kitchen watching them drink coffee.

  Aiden stood still in front of the coffee machine in another pair of blue combat trousers and the same black hoody. His hair was still wet and clearly he just let it lay where it wanted. It was a good look. He smelt way better than the coffee.

  “You went out and bought one…this morning?” She said looking up from her mug stunned.

  He just shrugged and took a mouthful of coffee.

  “We needed coffee, I didn’t have a coffee maker, so thought I might as well just get one this morning.” He replied.

  “Let me get this right.” Maddie said putting her coffee down on the counter. “You thought we needed coffee this morning so you went out and bought a coffee maker instead of buying some take-away coffees? What time were you up this morning?”

  He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms.

  “Long enough to walk Marvin and get this.” He said tilting his head to the machine. “Also picked up a couple of bowls for the dog and some food. Why does it bother you so much?” He asked.

  Feeling instantly guilty that she had not been up earlier to walk her dog she scratched his ears. This was a totally first for Maddie. Even when she was ill she had always gotten up early in the morning to walk her dog. Knowing that Aiden had not woken her so she could sleep in for once while he walked the dog touched her in the same place his words had last night. A place she hadn’t drunk enough coffee to delve into. Or maybe never would. She didn’t even want to go near how she felt about Aiden feeding or watering her dog.

  “People don’t just go out first thing in the morning to buy coffee makers.” She exclaimed. “They go after work or on lunch breaks, they think about it carefully and look at which one works best. Then when they have tested them all they think about it again before picking and paying for one.”

  Maddie had decided to just not mention Marvin’s new bowls and food.

  “They do?” he asked biting his lip trying not to laugh.

  “Yes they do.” Maddie stated putting her hands on her hips. “What they don’t do is buy one first thing in the morning because they ‘might as well’. How did you even pick this one?” she waved her hand at the machine.

  Aiden gave in and started laughing. He put a hand to his belly and threw his head back letting it all come out.

  “It was the most expensive.” He said still chuckling.

  Well there was just nothing Maddie could say to that. Clearly he had enough money that he could just nip out in the morning and buy the most expensive coffee machine. She had never had that much money. Never. It wasn’t that she scraped by it was more that she had enough money to do a few things and that was it. Aiden, on the other hand, he clearly had more than enough. He clearly didn’t care that much about what he did with it either. This was not really a good trait to have Maddie thought. One she hadn’t expected Aiden to have.

  “So that’s what you’re gonna use to stay away from me now?” He asked.

  Focusing back on him she frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “Your face is so easy to read.” He commented. “You think I have so much money I spend it without thinking about and according to you that makes me a shit person because of it.”

  Damn, her face must really be readable, and it looked like he certainly didn’t like what he saw either. She watched as his body tightened up and anger started coming off him in strong waves. His mood shifted so quickly it gave her whiplash. She never knew what was going to tip him to the dark side. Though it could be said that this time it was her fault. But only a little bit.

  “I work hard for my money. Really fucking hard.” He said uncrossing his arms and walking towards her and looking down at her. “When I need to buy something I buy the best that I can get. I hate bloody shopping so I do it quickly or online. So go ahead and fucking judge but get off your snobby high horse first, yeah? Now I would love to stay and have more of your fucked judgements put on me but I have to go to work.”

  And with that he walked out the kitchen then out the door leaving Maddie standing stunned. He had managed to make her feel like a snob. Honestly though she had made herself seem like a snob. She wasn’t though, she didn’t even really know why she had thought what she had, and have it clear on her face. Really she believed that people could spend their own money any way they wanted. Mostly she had been surprised that he had just nipped out to buy a machine because they needed coffee. That she needed coffee. Maddie guessed that after seeing all the toothbrushes in the cupboard she had not expected something like this. Something thoughtful. Then he had added to that thoughtful by also thinking about Marvin.

  Although this wasn’t really how she
wanted it to pan out, her defences were working.

  Picking up her mug again she grabbed her bag from the hall floor, checked that Marvin was at her side and was about to walk out the door when she paused. Rifling around in her bag she found a scrap bit of paper and wrote…

  Thanks for the Chinese and for crashing at yours

  Thanks for the coffee and for walking Marvin

  Thanks for the bowls and here is a little money for them

  Pausing she bit her lip trying to think about how to say what she wanted to say.

  And thank you for trying.

  P.S I love the coffee machine.

  Dropping the pen back in her bag she then pulled out her purse and put some money on the counter next to the note, grabbed his full traveling mug too and then left his flat, Marvin in tow.

  Aiden was sat in his truck outside the flat clearly waiting for her and not doing it very patiently

  “You headed home or to work?” He asked not looking at her.

  “My place.” She answered not sure how to heal the breach she had caused. Not even sure that that was the best thing to do anyway. “You left your mug.”

  She then started to walk towards the passenger side window to hand him his travel mug. Aiden just sat behind the wheel watching her with eyes that she couldn’t read.

  “Get in I will take you back.” He said.

  Deciding not to say anything to annoy him further, Maddie opened the back door closest to her for Marvin to jump in then she got in the front and buckled up.

  The journey took a bit longer in the morning traffic. It was 10 but still the roads seemed to be full.

  “Sorry I am taking you out of your way.” She said very quietly, almost hoping he didn’t hear her at all.