The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy

by Sara Angelini

  “Judge Darcy, what a surprise,” she said. She certainly wasn’t going to lie and say she was happy to see him. For crying out loud, she saw him practically every day, did she need to see him on weekends too?

  “Yes, indeed,” he said. He seemed at a loss for words.

  “Do you ski often?” she asked, wanting to make polite conversation and then leave as soon as was socially acceptable.

  “Yes, well, when I can. A few times a year. And yourself?”

  “No, usually only once a year.”

  “I see you snowboard?” he said. She nodded. He looked different; she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. The glasses; he wasn’t wearing the glasses. And he was wearing a ski cap. And, surprisingly, he cut a fine figure in his ski suit. He reminded her not a little of Speed Racer, she thought wistfully. Speed, Speed, where have you gone? went through her mind.

  “Yes, I took to it more easily than skiing,” she replied. He nodded.

  “I learned both at the same time in high school,” he commented.

  In high school? They had snowboarding back when you were in high school? she thought.

  They were joined by a willowy blond in a pink cap. The blond looked up expectantly at Judge Darcy but he was looking at Elizabeth strangely.

  “Yes, they did,” he said.

  Good lord, had she said that out loud?! The blond was laughing at them.

  “I’m Georgiana,” she said, putting her hand out.

  Darcy seemed to remember himself and said, “Georgie, this is Elizabeth Bennet, she’s an attorney in my courtroom.” He looked at Elizabeth again with some consternation.

  Elizabeth shook Georgiana’s hand and murmured that she was pleased to meet her. Just then, Lou appeared at her side.

  “Who’s this?” Lou asked pleasantly. He rubbed his hands together and took Elizabeth’s drink from her, sipped it, and gave it back to her.

  “Judge Darcy, this is my good friend Lou Hurst. Lou, this is Judge Darcy and Georgiana, his... daughter?” she finished quizzically. Georgiana threw her head back in a hooting laugh and Elizabeth saw Judge Darcy’s eyebrows slam down across his nose. Yikes.

  “Georgiana is my sister,” he said dryly. His nostrils flared just a little bit. How old does she think I am? he wondered.

  “No, come on, Dad, stop teasing her,” Georgiana laughed. “You’re what, fifty?”

  Darcy looked at his sister in dismay. Why was she braying like that? Why was Elizabeth Bennet acting surprised to see him out of his robes? Was this what the world thought of him?

  “Excuse me,” he said shortly. He strode over to a bench and sat down.

  “I think you struck a nerve,” Georgiana said, amused. “I’d better go sooth his ego. For the record, he’s thirty-six.”

  “Sorry,” Elizabeth mumbled. She watched Darcy sit down and fuss with his boot bindings while Georgiana pulled off his cap and mussed his hair. She said something to him and he nodded his head curtly. Elizabeth felt bad at her gaffe and was relieved to see that his sister seemed to have a true affection for him rather than ribbing him about it.

  That hurt, he thought. That really hurt. She was all over him when he was Speed Racer but Judge Darcy was an old fart?

  “Come on, it’s the judge thing, people always think you’re older than you are,” Georgie said, pulling his cap off and ruffling his hair. He nodded curtly.

  He finished fussing with his binding and stood up. “Ready?” he said to Georgiana. She smiled, handed him his cap, and they trudged out to the slopes again.

  At six, Elizabeth was dressed and waiting for Lou in the restaurant when she saw Judge Darcy and Georgiana several tables away. She felt terrible for her comments earlier and didn’t want him to be upset. She called the waiter over and gave him instructions.

  Georgiana and Darcy were eating quietly when the waiter approached with a bottle of wine. “From the young lady by the fireplace,” the waiter said. Darcy looked over and saw Elizabeth, who raised a glass to him and cocked her head slightly in apology. He took the bottle; it had only about one glass’ worth of wine in it. He smiled and nodded in thanks at Elizabeth.

  “Why would she send you a mostly empty bottle of wine?” Georgiana asked curiously, looking over at Elizabeth.

  “Rules. You can’t give a judge anything worth more than ten dollars,” he explained. He looked at Elizabeth again but she had been joined by her companion. She looked very fine tonight, he thought, in her spaghetti-strapped burgundy dress and sandals, with her hair falling in dark curls all around her shoulders. He had the outrageous urge to go over and grab a handful of her hair, just to see how it would feel against his fingers. Nothing like the cold steel of the handcuffs that would be slapped on my wrists shortly after, he mused.

  “You’re looking at her an awful lot,” Georgiana said nonchalantly.

  He shrugged. “She’s pretty. Why can’t I look?”

  “Why can’t you ask her out?”

  “A, she’s with someone. B, it’s against the rules of the profession. C, she thinks I’m your father,” he ticked off on his fingers.

  Georgiana sighed and shook her head. “I just have to say that it’s very sad that you bought a Valentine’s day ski package and took your sister,” she said. “Almost as sad as her taking her gay friend.”

  ***

  Charlotte Lucas wasn’t the first to notice the change in Judge Darcy but she was the first to comment out loud.

  “What happened to his glasses and hair gel?” she asked Elizabeth. Elizabeth shrugged. Judge Darcy was looking uncommonly better these days, no longer plastering his hair down with gel and wearing ridiculous Clark Kent glasses. She thought it might have something to do with her comments at the ski lodge but didn’t want to presume that she could have any influence over him.

  “He’s yummy,” commented Maria Lucas, no relation to Charlotte, from deBourgh and Associates. “Don’t you think he looks better? I mean, look at those eyes! Who knew he had green eyes?” she prattled on.

  “I do kinda want to run my fingers through his hair,” said another attorney, Mary King, to Maria. “Did you know that he’s the youngest judge ever appointed in the county?”

  “Is he married?” Maria asked her. Mary shook her head. “He’s not. I heard a rumor that Catherine deBourgh has been trying to get him hooked up with her daughter Anne.”

  “Is there a very strong attraction?” Maria asked, wide-eyed. Mary shrugged.

  “I think it’s unlikely; I’ve met Anne. She’s an artist but her art is a little on the disturbing side. No watercolors, if you know what I mean. I think she sculpts with hamburger.” Elizabeth and Charlotte both put their hands over their mouths to stifle their laughs.

  Her humor was short-lived. Judge Darcy criticized Elizabeth’s case harshly in front of everyone, making her angry. Then he did it again to the next attorney. And the next. Soon it became apparent that Judge Darcy was in a foul mood. For days. On end. February was a very bad month to appear before Judge Darcy.

  ***

  Darcy had exactly one entry in his little black book: Anne deBourgh. He found her a little repugnant; she always seemed to smell like meat and he found her art absolutely frightening. But it was a start and she was a good conversationalist. Especially if it could be done in fresh air. Which was why he invited her to the Symphony in the Park in April.

  “Thank you so much for inviting me,” she said as they found a spot to spread out their blanket. She was a short, thin woman with her black hair cut in a severe bob slashing past her chin. Her blue eyes were too big for her face and her cheeks had a pinched look about them. She was dressed in a loose-fitting purple sundress and sandals; her skin was dreadfully pale.

  “It was my pleasure,” Darcy replied. He laid out the blanket and sat down, elbows slung on his knees. “Your mother thought you would like it,” he said cryptically. Catherine deBourgh had been calling Darcy monthly to advertise her daughter’s availability. Anne looked down and smiled.

  “I’m so
rry for that,” she said. “She is very determined. Just so you know, I do not share my mother’s motives.” She looked at him and gave him a friendly smile that said ‘hands off.’ Darcy inwardly sighed. He would have to scratch that lone entry from his black book.

  “Yes, well...” he said awkwardly. He smoothed a hand over his jean-clad thigh and looked at his tennis shoe. He was glad the sun was going down; even in his t-shirt, he was hot.

  “My mother tells me you have some connection with the symphony?” she said.

  “Well, I was on the board a few years ago... but I’m not really that involved anymore,” he answered. “And my sister is a violinist in the symphony,” he added.

  “Really! I had no idea!” she smiled with pleasure. Always pleased to extol the talents of his sister, Darcy leaned back on his elbows and stretched his legs out. Immediately, someone tripped over them.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed, instantly moving to help that person up. That person being Elizabeth Bennet. “Miss Bennet,” he finished somewhat weakly. Elizabeth Bennet looked up at him with her big brown eyes, somewhat surprised. He met her gaze rather boldly as he held her arm, steadying her on her feet. Why did he find her so damned attractive?

  “Watch your step, Lizzy!” came a shrill voice from behind her. Lizzy? Darcy thought. Not Beth, or Liz, or Eliza? He thought it suited her, and wondered how it would feel to call her Lizzy, to whisper it in her ear while... stop it! He was giving himself the shivers.

  Elizabeth gave him a tight smile. Then she turned toward the voice.

  “I’m fine, Mom,” she replied. She turned back to Judge Darcy.

  “I’m sorry, are you OK?” she asked him. He nodded. He was indeed very OK. His mouth was too dry to talk. Elizabeth’s mother joined them with a little huff.

  “Why, this looks like the perfect spot!” Elizabeth’s mother exclaimed. Her blond hair frizzed about her face as the breeze ruffled it and her cheeks were pink with exertion.

  “No, Mom, let’s go on over there,” Elizabeth said, pointing in a general direction away from Darcy.

  “Nonsense! This is perfect and this is where I’ll sit!” With that, Mrs. Bennet flicked out her lawn chair and sat resolutely in it.

  “Mom, this spot is already taken by these people. Have a little consideration,” Elizabeth said, flushing deeply.

  “Consideration! They should have some consideration for my nerves! I can’t walk another step in this heat, I shall faint. You don’t mind if I sit here, do you?” she concluded, turning to Darcy. Elizabeth looked away in embarrassment. Her father and Lou caught up with her and began to spread out a blanket for them. She would not be able to decamp.

  Darcy shook his head, looked to Elizabeth, and said, “Not at all, Miss Bennet, I’m happy to share the space.”

  Mrs. Bennet looked at Elizabeth. “Do you know each other?” she said sharply. Elizabeth sighed and hung her head. She looked up with a grim smile.

  “Mom, this is Judge Darcy. Judge Darcy, this is my mother, Fanny Bennet, my father, Tom Bennet, and you’ve already met Lou Hurst.” Darcy began to shake hands with Mr. Bennet when Mrs. Bennet said rather excitedly,

  “A judge, Tom! A judge!” she looked over her sunglasses at Judge Darcy. “And so young, too!”

  “Mom, this is Judge Darcy, before whom I appear nearly every day,” she intervened with a significant tone. Her mother was embarrassing enough on her own, god forbid she try to match-make with Judge Darcy!

  “Have you met Anne deBourgh?” Darcy said, introducing Elizabeth to Anne. “Anne is my date,” he volunteered. Not my daughter and not my sister, he thought bitterly. Anne looked at him with some amusement.

  Elizabeth shook hands with Anne and looked for a place to sit. Darcy moved over to give them more space and Elizabeth and Lou sat on the ground next to them.

  “You are Catherine deBourgh’s daughter?” Elizabeth inquired politely. Anne nodded. They had a brief friendly conversation and then each ran out of things to say. Darcy did nothing to intervene. Elizabeth turned her attention back to her family and tried to forget his presence.

  “I’ve been looking forward to this concert quite a bit, Lizzy,” Mr. Bennet said to her from his lawn chair.

  “What is it again?” Mrs. Bennet asked, looking at the program.

  “It’s a symphonic rendition of Led Zeppelin.” Lou said.

  “Remember seeing them in concert before we were married?” Mr. Bennet said to Mrs. Bennet.

  “No, I don’t,” she said, creasing her brow.

  “I shouldn’t be surprised, my dear, we were very, very high.”

  Elizabeth burst out laughing. As absurd as it was, she could completely picture her parents spaced out on LSD and ‘getting the Led out.’

  “I always did like Robert Plant, especially in that red coat,” Mrs. Bennet sighed.

  “Remember how Lizzy used to dance to ‘All of My Love’ when she was little?” Mr. Bennet said, giving Elizabeth a teasing glance. “She used leap around in her little ballet slippers and tutu,” he said with a fond smile. Elizabeth blushed and glanced out of the corner of her eye to Darcy, who was studying the program and appeared not to be listening to their conversation.

  “Yes, and remember how she split her chin open when she decided to hula-dance on the freshly waxed floor?” Mrs. Bennet reminded him. “Lord, what a fright! I looked up and there was blood everywhere!” she said to Lou. Then she laughed. “She was only four, and she had taken her shirt off and was in just a little skirt, because that’s how the women did it on Hawaii Five-O! We had to take her to the emergency room like that!”

  Now Elizabeth was sure she could see a little twitch at the corner of Darcy’s mouth but she was determined to ignore it.

  “That was when we decided she’d better have dance lessons or she’d be a danger to herself and others,” Mr. Bennet added.

  “You haven’t seen her at a nightclub, then. She’s still a danger,” Lou snorted.

  “Oh, does she have a little bit of Britney Spears in her?” Mrs. Bennet teased, looking at Elizabeth over the rims of her sunglasses with a pert smile.

  “More like Cameron Diaz in Charley’s Angels,” Lou laughed. “Baby got back and she likes to use it!”

  Elizabeth cringed but couldn’t help laughing with them. What did she care what Judge Darcy thought of her? He’s here with Morticia Addams and she’s embarrassed by her family? With that thought in her head, she put him out of her mind completely and enjoyed an evening at the Symphony with her family.

  Darcy was a terrible date; he was fortunate that Anne had no interest in him at all. He made little conversation with her because he was focused on eavesdropping on the Bennet family. He listened and tried not to laugh when he heard her parents talk about her dancing. He could very easily envision her as a little girl scampering about in a pink tutu. Lou’s comments on her club dancing, however, incited a different reaction: longing. He wanted to see her dance. He wanted to see her supple body stretch and bend, shake and shimmy.

  His eyes crept over to her. She lay back on the ground, knees bent up. She kicked off her sandals and dug her toes into the grass. Her green sarong skirt fell open revealing a good portion of her leg and thigh that Darcy’s fingers itched to touch. He admired the curve of her breasts under her fitted t-shirt. He watched her talk easily to Lou, joking with him. Lou touched her arms and legs in a familiar way that made Darcy feel not a little jealous. He watched her close her eyes and move her hands to the music. He envied Lou when he put his arms around Elizabeth and tapped out melodies with his fingers on her arms.

  Lou was not unaware of the observation. On the drive back, he commented to Elizabeth, “He’s got the hots for you.”

  “Who?” she asked, mystified.

  “The judge,” he said, laughing.

  “What? Are you deluded?” she laughed. “I’m just ‘alright’, remember? Anyway, he’s no Speed Racer,” she grinned.

  Lou shook his head. He recognized the signs of a man’s
attraction; the judge had it written all over him.

  “Maybe he’s having second thoughts about how ‘tempting’ you are,” Lou laughed, recalling the bar scene in which Darcy had so clearly dismissed the possibility of any romantic interest in Elizabeth. “If you try really hard, maybe you could get him kicked off the bench for improperly shagging you.”

  “I’m not sure if he could give a proper shag if he tried,” she replied with a smirk. She suppressed the little flame of resentment that still flickered in her heart at Darcy’s out-of-hand rejection of her. Insufferable man!

  “He’s a good looking man, Lizzy. You should consider it,” Lou said pensively.

  “A, EEEEEEEEEEEK! B, Are you insane? C, EEEEEEEEEEK!” she said, ticking off her fingers. The thought of Judge Darcy being in any way a sexual being was repulsive to her and to imagine herself involved with him in that way or any way... well, she’d rather just not go there. Besides, it was against the rules; the ethical implications of her dating a judge before whom she appeared on a regular basis were significant. Even if she was interested, and she most vehemently was not, it was not an option.

  ***

  He was walking along a path lined with giant redwoods, enjoying the absolute silence. Dappled sunlight filtered through the trees, warming his shoulders. The rich, organic, mossy smell of the loamy soil filled his nostrils. He was alone; nobody else had passed him for hours. He looked around him, tense with anticipation.

  “Will.” He heard his name whispered from his right. He turned his head. She was standing in a t-shirt and green sarong, chest heaving from exertion and excitement. She peeled her t-shirt off and stood displayed before him. He jumped over the fence marking the trail and scrambled over a fallen log to get to her. He was kissing her and fondling her breasts before he knew what he was even doing. She melted under his touch, mouth hot and wet under his. She sunk to the ground and pulled him to join her, legs spread invitingly. He knelt over her, admiring her now-naked body, then covered it with his own, plunging himself into her and pumping furiously. She curled her fingers into his hair and whispered, “I object!”