A Dragon's Clutch

by Alica Mckenna Johnson

  “I would love that. You’re stuck with me now. At eighteen I’m getting on a plane and flying to where ever you guys are, if I’m not powerful enough to come right away.”

  His hope bubbled around me, almost tickling. I felt like I had won something. He just had to get through until he was eighteen. He wouldn’t be killing himself. At least I hoped not.

  * * *

  The reserved Japanese stereotype wasn’t found here, well occasionally through the lace, colorful wigs, stuffed animals as accessories, and black trench coat with face masks. But while these were self-expression they also were masks and costumes. I still felt very little emotion from people. Their brightness and creativity on the outside was in direct contrast to the lack of emotions I sensed. Walking through the crowds of people going in and out of shops my empathy only picked up the occasional burst of happiness, usually accompanied by giggling.

  “Sapphire,” Miu called. “Come on, we’re going to do a photo sticker booth.”

  Yay? “What about the guys?”

  Emiko shook her head. “Nope. No boys allowed.”

  “Well, now I want to go,” said Shin.

  “Come on,” Hiroshi said. “I need a nice dress shirt for my birthday. You guys can help me pick one.”

  “I will make sure you look perfect,” Sasha said.

  Taliesin rolled his eyes. “We’ll all help.”

  Miu and Emiko grabbed my hands before I could follow the guys.

  A pink booth with pictures of girls with writing, hearts, little characters, and glitter on them covered the front of the booth. The sign said “Do You Want To Be A Beautiful Girl?” I was shoved into the booth, in the middle of the group. Miu put in the required yen and hit a bunch of buttons. How many choices could there be?

  “Watch the screen,” Emiko said. “And copy the pose shown.”

  Surrounded by the other girls I did my best, tilting my head and giving a cheesy smile. I bet I looked like a dork.

  “We’re re-doing this one,” Miu said. “Sapphire, smile like you didn’t just suck on a lemon.”

  “Rude.” Fine. I did my best to think of funny happy things as we went through the rest of the poses. I must have done okay ’cause Miu only made me re-do one more.

  “Okay, now how do we want to change them?”

  Change them? The other girls started calling out things in Japanese and then eyes became bigger, skin evened out, kanji drawn on, and glitter hearts added.

  Emiko tapped me. “Do you want to change anything?”

  I looked at our photo, I was bigger than the other girls, less delicate, thicker arms and neck. Should I use the program to look more delicate? More like Miu and her friends. “No, that’s okay.”

  “Okay, now we wait for them to be printed.” Emiko got out and we followed the machine that made soft busy sounds.

  “Crap,” I yelled. What the hell? Grabbing the base of my braid I turned. No one stood behind me. I scanned into the crowd of people but didn’t see anyone suspicious.

  The machine chimed, spit out five sheets. Oh, thank god. “It’s done.”

  The girls squealed as they looked over their sheets. Miu handed me mine. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. These are fun. Thanks for including me.”

  “Of course. You’re my friend too.” Miu hugged me before returning to the others.

  Tucking my photo sheet into my bag I pulled my braid in front of me. Taking off the hair tie, I undid the braid, while following the others back out to the street.

  “Did you find a shirt?” I asked Hiroshi, running my fingers through my hair to smooth the curls as best as I could.

  “Yes. I hope you will be able to come to my party and see it.”

  “I’d love to. Miu, do we have a show on Hiroshi’s birthday?”

  “Only a matinee. I asked Michael to make sure the night was free,” Miu said.

  “Great. I’ll be there,” I said.

  His cheeks pinked. “I hope you’ll all be able to come.”

  “I would like to come,” Kayin said.

  “Wouldn’t miss it.” Shin grinned.

  “Of course,” Sasha said. “You said there would be karaoke. I am a very good singer.”

  I winced but hid it before Hiroshi saw. I was so not singing.

  “Maybe you guys should have a contest?” Emiko said taking Taliesin’s hand.

  “It won’t be much of a contest, but I’ll be there,” Taliesin said, flipping his white braid over his shoulder so it lay over his back, reaching his waist.

  “Sapphire, can I see your pictures?” Kayin asked.

  Miu and her friends gasped.

  “What?” I asked

  “Photo stickers are very private things,” Emiko said.

  Miu nodded. “Yes, it would be like asking to see a girl’s underwear or something. It’s very private.”

  I turned to Kayin, my lips twitching. “You perve. Asking me such a thing on the street. Come to my room tonight and I’ll show you them.”

  Kayin’s mouth dropped open and Shin laughed. “I think you broke him.”

  “I didn’t know,” he squeaked.

  “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t mean the same thing to me. I look like She-Hulk next to the other girls.”

  Kayin took my hand as we began to walk. “You are much stronger than the other girls. They look breakable, you look fierce.”

  Was that good?

  Shin took Kayin’s other hand. “He’s right. You’re powerful and have a strong presence about you.”

  Okay, I thought gay men were supposed to give better compliments than this. Another stereotype shattered. “Thanks guys.”

  I jumped at Miu’s squeals. Oh god no.

  Chapter Five

  Overwhelmed by the cute and pink, I did my best to keep my eyes on the floor. I was surrounded by Hello Kitty. Miu bounced around the store, as if she hadn’t been to every Sanrio store we got within twenty miles of in the past nine months. Oh well, I could amuse myself until she was done, or wait outside. I looked for an exit when I saw something perfect.

  Hello Kitty in a pink ballerina outfit. Shante would love this. I touched the pink satin slipper.

  “Are you going to get that for Shante?” Taliesin asked. “It’s perfect for her. She sent me a picture of her latest recital. I think the teacher likes having my mom help with costumes.”

  “Well, having a professional costume designer is quite the asset.” Cordelia designed all of the costumes for the cirque too. “I was thinking of getting it, unless you want to.”

  “No that’s …” he trailed off when Emiko came and slid her hand into his.

  “If it’s the perfect gift shouldn’t Shante’s real family give it to her?” Emiko said.

  Taliesin frowned. His emotions became confused and muted, like he wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sure she’d like it from either of us,” he said.

  Sure, I had taken care of Shante at the group home, like her mom had taken care of me when I was first put into the system, but she’s Taliesin’s little sister now, not mine. I passed him the toy. “Hey, I’m not that attached.” Honestly, finding a gift for Shante is easy.

  “Sapphire, I hope I didn’t say the wrong thing?” Emiko bit her lip.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I walked off. I would wait for everyone outside.

  Kayin and Shin sat outside all close and being super cute, so I gave them space. I pulled out my phone and opened Huckleberry Finn, the last book in my American Lit class.

  “There you are.” Miu said thirty minutes later. “Ready to go?”

  “Yep.” I stood, my foot tingling. Crap it fell asleep. Shaking my foot to get the feeling back, I followed everyone else. The rest of the afternoon blurred together. I choose to stay outside, with Hiroshi as company, while the girls shopped for clothes. I knew from accidentally putting on Miu’s tee shirts that if they fit around my waist the arms and shoulders are way too tight. The last time it happened I had to sew a split seam in the sho
ulder.

  “Where to next?” Emiko asked as they exited a store that only sold socks.

  “Home,” I said. “We have a performance tonight and need to get going.”

  “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. Come on, the train station is this way,” said Miu.

  The crowd of colorful teens was diluted by business people wearing dull grays, browns, and navy blue. They were weary. Deep in their soul weary. Sorrow and hopelessness seeped from the men, too tired and too beaten-down to contain their emotions. One brushed against me as he walked past. Gasping, I moved away. He felt cold and empty, as if he had no life, no energy left in him.

  I had read about men who worked themselves to death. They called it Kāroshi. They even had foundations to help support the widows and children left behind. What is so important that bosses willingly pushed their workers to death? Blinking back tears, I followed the others.

  At the platform Miu said goodbye to her friends, who went to a different train.

  “Hey, there’s our train,” Miu said.

  We hurried to catch it until we saw what was happening. Oh, hell no.

  I stopped. “No, I’m not getting on that train.”

  “Maybe the next one won't be so full,” Kayin said.

  A man in a uniform pushed people into the train car, packing them in. Through the windows, I saw a sea of men pressed together. One of the men caught my gaze. My knees shook. He cried out for help, for energy, for life, for hope. Hands grabbed me as I fell towards the floor. Kayin. I soaked his warmth and strength and clung to the spark between us. The energy that connected us as Children of Fire. “I can’t get in a train car with the business men. I’ll pay for a cab but I can’t be that close to them.”

  “I saw cabs out front,” Shin said. He grabbed my right arm and Kayin my left. “Come on, it’ll be okay.”

  I shook my head. It wouldn’t. For those men it wouldn’t be okay.

  * * *

  I had never seen Miu so nervous. She had to fix her makeup three times as we got ready for our first performance in Japan. I guess having family and friends in the audience makes a big difference.

  “It’s going to be great,” I said, painting red triangles on my cheeks. The heavy oily smell helped me sink into performer’s space. This theater was odd; it didn’t have the stale popcorn smell of most of the places we’d performed. I wasn’t even sure if they sold food.

  “I hope so. I like performing hula hoop and I hope my family is proud of me.” Miu painted metallic gold over her eyebrows. “I know this isn’t the life they want for me.”

  “I hope they like it too. I think you’re amazing.”

  “Miu, time to queue up,” Nyota said walking by with a clipboard and headset as she directed the backstage crew.

  “See you later.” Miu smoothed her blue and gold leotard and gathered her hula hoops.

  I finished my makeup as Miu’s lighthearted pop music began to play. Standing at the side of the stage I watched Miu. She started with one hoop spinning it around her waist, moving so it traveled up her body and along an arm held above her head then down to her toes. Once it settled back at her waist Miu used her foot to get another hoop, and the real fun began. She had hoops going two different directions, hoops spinning from her knees to her shoulders. In time with each other and then in a wave pattern. Hoops on arms, around her neck, a flurry of spinning hula hoops.

  Looking out into the audience I saw soft smiles, eyes focused completely on Miu, and people sitting on the edge of their seats. Opening my empathy, I felt a faint wave of excitement, happiness, and awe, but still so reserved. As her piece ended and Miu took a bow the audience exploded. Their emotions hit me with such force that I stumbled, while they clapped and cheered. Miu’s family even stood.

  Smiling, I went to find Kayin and got in line. We were up after the juggler.

  I focused on our music and syncing my breath with Kayin’s, as I balanced my shoulders on top of his. Our arms were outstretched, mine on top of his. Kayin turned in a circle, breath by breath. I focused on keeping my body solid and unmoving. Once back in place, Kayin raised his hands to his shoulders palms up. I placed my hands on his and pushed into a handstand then opened my legs into the splits. Kayin knelt, lay on the floor, then brought his legs up, bottoms of his feet flexed. I brought my legs together, curled my body down until I sat on his feet.

  Inch by inch we moved through our routine of strength and balancing poses. It was nice to not have to block out the emotions of the audience while focusing on Kayin and our performance. The music ended as Kayin and I curled around each other on the stage floor. The crowd began to cheer and applaud, their emotions released in a fierce wave. Whimpering, I clung to Kayin tighter and tried to strengthen my shields against the sudden onslaught.

  “Hush, little sister. I’ve got you. It’s almost done,” Kayin said.

  The spotlight dimmed on us as piano music began to play, and the clowns ran out onto the stage. European style clowns wearing a little makeup and baggy suits pretended to do the previous acts. Kayin and I stood and slipped between them as they threw hula hoops at each other. Moving their hips in exaggerated circles the hoops fell loudly to the floor. In truth the clowns are very skilled, agile, and strong. Not everyone could perfect the gift of comedic timing.

  I’d never told anyone, but I was so grateful the clowns weren’t the typical American style; those creeped me out, along with a lot of other kids. Our clowns didn’t scare the kids as often.

  “You guys were amazing.” Shin grabbed Kayin and kissed him.

  “Shin,” Kayin hissed, but smiled. “I can’t wait to see you preform. I always like watching you.” Kayin ran his hands over Shin’s arms.

  And I’m out of here. While Shin does have nice arms, watching my honorary big brother flirt wasn’t my idea of a good time. I pulled on a black and red polka dot skirt and a red pill box top hat for the jump rope act. It was the first act after intermission. I had a while and grabbed a coconut water and went to watch the show from the side. I kept waiting for it to get old, but after almost a year I still enjoyed watching the other performers and the audience’s reaction to them.

  * * *

  Grinning, I signed another program. The young girl in front of me smiled and said something excitedly in Japanese. I wish I had an interpreter. She bowed several times as she backed away and got in the next line.

  “You were spectacular,” said an older man in a gray fitted suit and a bright orange shirt handing me a business card with both hands. “Both of you.”

  Kayin nodded at us and turned back to the boy in front of him.

  “Thank you, would you like me to sign your program?” I asked.

  “Yes, very much.” I opened to the right page and signed my name under my picture in silver Sharpie.

  He bowed. “I shall be seeing you later.”

  Well, that wasn’t creepy. “Have a good evening.”

  I looked over at Taliesin surrounded by girls, and a few boys, as usual. I thought about offering to stand next to him but he seemed calm. No one was touching him. Oh, Emiko stood on the other side of him. Cool, I’m glad he isn’t being touched by strangers, he hates that.

  First the kids then the adults finally left. I was ready to wash off the heavy sticky makeup. The crowd had been polite and everyone had stacks of business cards. Some of the others planned on going out to a club that they had been invited to.

  “Everyone,” Michael called out. “I know you’re hungry and ready to leave but Mr. Kurosawa would like a brief word.”

  Okay, this was a first.

  The man in the orange shirt smiled brightly. “Thank you all for a moment of your time. I have an offer. I am something of a circus enthusiast. I have a huge collection of circus memorabilia and I have already bought tickets for every show I’m able to attend. Anyway, I have a party coming up and I’d like to have some of you there as paid guests to talk to and entertain my friends.”

  “What?” asked one of the ac
robats.

  “You will be the highlight of my party.” Mr. Kurosawa explained everything in calm details, but I felt his excitement and his lust. I stepped back. Kayin took my hand and pulled me close. On the other side of him was Shin. Kayin did not look happy.

  “I’ve given everyone my card, so please contact me with any questions.” Mr. Kurosawa bowed and left with all of Cirque du Feu Magique staring after him.

  “Eight hundred dollars for entertaining people at a party,” Shin said. “It’s a lot of money.”

  “Are you considering it?” I asked. It didn’t seem like Shin. Did he need money for something?

  “No,” snapped Kayin letting go of my hand. “I forbid it.”

  Shin arched an eyebrow. “You forbid it.”

  “Yes, you said that you are mine and I do not wish that creepy man and his guests to be entertained by you.” Kayin frowned and crossed his arms.

  Shin grinned and wrapped his arms around Kayin. “Would you like to be entertained by me?”

  And time to leave. I walked away before I heard Kayin’s answer.

  “Sapphire, you were amazing,” Hiroshi said running ahead of his parents.

  “Thanks, I’m so glad you enjoyed the show.” I pointed at the program he held. “Did you get it signed? I didn’t see you earlier.”

  “Mom and Dad are kind of embarrassed.” He shrugged. “I mean they’re proud of Miu but embarrassed at the same time.”

  I guess that makes sense, kind of. “Do you want me to get it signed for you? Michael reserved a restaurant for everyone. I can pass it around then.”

  Hiroshi beamed. “Would you? That would be great.”

  “Hey, it’s time to go,” Miu said. She’d already washed her makeup off.

  “Did your family enjoy the show?” I asked.

  “Yes. My parents still wish I was going to college to find a husband like a proper Japanese girl, but they are impressed. My grandparents are here. They’re staying until our next break and then taking us to their house near Mt. Fuji to see some magical creatures.”

  “I can’t wait to meet them. Have a good evening, and I’ll get this signed for you.” I held up the program. Hiroshi grinned before walking away.