I Promise

by Adrianne Byrd

  A soft knock rapped on her bedroom door. “Chrissy?”

  Christian sat up and wiped her face with the backs of her hands.

  “Honey, are you all right?” Bobby entered then closed the door before rushing to her side.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she murmured the unconvincing lie with averted eyes.

  “Humph.” Bobby jabbed her hands at her sides. “You sure don’t look fine.” She draped her arm around her granddaughter’s shoulders and drew her close.

  Christian laid her head against her grandmother’s shoulder as she had as a child. Bobby had always been her rock. She had been loving and constant, but Christian doubted she could help her this time. She lifted her head.

  Bobby frowned down at her. “Do you want to tell me what happened at the doctor’s office today?” A hint of apprehension laced her voice.

  “False alarm,” Christian responded with a casual shrug of her shoulders. She couldn’t bear to tell her the truth. If the biopsy showed that her lump was malignant, then she’d confess. Until then, there was no use in worrying anyone.

  Bobby expelled a long, noisy breath. “Well, honey, that’s great news,” she exclaimed, then fell silent at her granddaughter’s lack of enthusiasm. “Then what’s troubling you? We’re all waiting for you at the dinner table.”

  “I’m not very hungry.”

  “I don’t understand. If you had a false alarm, why are you moping up here?”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to worry you. I’m just trying to pull myself together, that’s all.” She stood and moved toward the window. As she absorbed the picturesque view, she struggled to remember how many times in the past she had stood there, bonding with the land. The ranch was what connected her to her mother.

  Bobby’s hand settled on her shoulder. “Chrissy, please tell me what’s troubling you. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “That’s just it. I’m not so sure you can help.”

  They fell silent as they gazed outside.

  “He’s gone,” Bobby answered the unasked question.

  With her chin lifted, Christian continued to stare out the window. Tomorrow he’d be gone and she could go on with her life. Gone.

  “I know it’s none of my business,” Bobby began. “But maybe you can enlighten me as to why you’re so determined to be miserable?”

  Christian pivoted and stared incredulous at her grandmother. “Determined? You mean fated, don’t you?”

  Bobby squared her shoulders and crossed her arms. “All right, so you’ve been thrown off your horse a few times. That’s no reason for you to simply give up. I thought I taught you better than that.”

  Her grandmother’s words hit her with full force and she jerked away from the window. “Thanks for the pep talk, Bobby. I feel much better.”

  “You’re too old for me to coddle. What you need to do is face life.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,” she muttered under her breath.

  Bobby’s eyes narrowed. “Do you think that you’re the only one that has problems in this world? You can’t see the forest for the trees. You lost a mother—I lost a daughter.”

  She strode closer and closed the gap between them. “You lost your breast to cancer,” she placed her fingers beneath Christian’s chin and forced their gazes to meet. “But you didn’t lose your life.”

  Much later, Christian walked down the moonlit path toward the lake. She needed time to think. As a child, she favored the lake as a place to reflect and a place where she could hide from everyone’s curious eyes. Her family meant well, but she couldn’t bear to read sympathy in their eyes.

  Jordan was gone.

  Pain gripped her heart. She closed her eyes and continued to move down the trail she had memorized years ago. Images of the times she had shared with Jordan over the past week, flashed through her mind, deepening her sense of loss.

  A delicious aroma drifted on the night air. She opened her eyes, inches away from the quaint gazebo near the lake. A gasp stole from her lips.

  Jordan stood in the arc’s entrance. Her gaze traveled his length. He wore a pair of tight Wranglers and a white oversized shirt open to expose half of his chest. He was breathtaking.

  “I thought you would never get here,” he said in a low, seductive voice.

  Candles flickered behind him and Christian shifted her gaze to an enticing candlelight dinner for two.

  “What’s this?”

  Dimples grooved his cheeks as his slow smile weakened her knees. “It’s dinner. I hope you’re hungry.”

  Their gazes met.

  “I thought you’d left,” she whispered.

  “Disappointed?”

  Her mouth went dry as she shook her head.

  “I’m glad to hear it.” He stepped down and offered his hand to her. “Shall we?”

  She accepted his hand while butterflies fluttered in the pit of her stomach. She stared down at the romantic setting with disbelieving eyes; it brought a subtle smile to her lips.

  “I’m glad you like it,” he said, pulling out a chair for her.

  Christian sat. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Just like you,” Jordan whispered. He moved to the opposite side of the table and grabbed the bottle of champagne that chilled in an ice bucket.

  “May I ask why you went through all this trouble?”

  “I thought that was obvious.” His gaze caught and held hers prisoner.

  The intensity in his eyes rendered her breathless. The sight of him raged havoc on her senses. The magic wouldn’t last long, she reminded herself. “I really appreciate what you’re trying to do—”

  “What am I trying to do?”

  Speechless, she struggled for the right words. She had to stop this, stop where they were heading. “What I mean to say is—that we will never work.”

  Instead of getting angry, which she’d half-expected him to do, Jordan crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair to stare at her. “Are you about to give me your let’s be friends routine now?”

  She averted her eyes and swallowed the rest of her speech.

  “I think you forgot I’ve heard this one before. It was the night we met; only then, you thought I was Malcolm.” When she said nothing, he continued. “I believe the next phrase is something about how you consider me to be more like a brother and that you want us to remain friends. How am I doing so far?”

  Christian shifted in her chair.

  He reached across the table to take her hand. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s not think about anything past this moment. Right here, right now. Let’s just let tomorrow take care of itself.”

  A tempting offer, too tempting, but the voice of reason shouted in her ears. She withdrew her hand. “You’re making this difficult for me.”

  “Good. I intended to.”

  “Please don’t do this,” she whispered. “There are some things you don’t know about me.”

  He took a deep breath. “You mean about your breast cancer?” he murmured.

  Christian sucked in a sharp gasp of air. Her eyes stung with unshed tears. Silence stretched between them as she gathered her thoughts.

  Jordan tried again. “I didn’t mean to be so blunt. I just wanted you to know that it doesn’t matter to me.”

  “So you think you have me all figured out? Is that why you came here and staged this big production?” She jumped to her feet. Anger, rage, and a deep sense of shame washed over her in waves. “I have to go.”

  “Christian, wait.” Jordan stood and cut off her path before she stepped a foot out of the gazebo. “Please, just talk to me.” The wounded look in her eyes pulled on his heartstrings. “I came here because…I love you.”

  A hysterical laugh stumbled from her lips as if he’d told a cruel joke. “Love me? Love me?”

  A thin gloss shimmered in her eyes. Jordan’s hands rose to touch her cheek. “Don’t do this.”

  Christian recoiled from his touch. “So, who told you?”

  �
�Does it matter? Why didn’t you tell me? I know you care for me. I can see it in your eyes. Why did you think it would matter to me—”

  “Stop it,” she shouted, shaking her head to block his words. “You have no idea what it’s like.” Accusation trembled in her voice. “I wake up every morning and face…” She stopped and closed her eyes. “Do you know what it’s like looking at your body in the mirror and not being able to feel whole? To wonder why this had to happen to you.” She faced him. “You can’t possibly want me. You can’t. I’m not whole. I’m not…”

  Infuriated, Jordan grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t you ever talk like that.”

  She lifted her chin in defiance. “I’ve come to terms with my mastectomy. I have one breast, Jordan. That’s my harsh reality. Can you deal with that?”

  He searched her eyes. “If only you could see yourself through my eyes, you would never ask me that.” He lifted his hand, and traced the delicate lines of her face. “Do you know what I see when I look at you?”

  With her vision blurred, she shook her head.

  “I see my life,” he answered in a low voice. He moved closer, his head lowered until their faces remained only inches apart. “I see everything that makes me complete. At this moment, I can’t remember what I did or how I lived before you. But I do know there is no way I can go on without you. I can’t leave without you.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Her head spun, while her heart swelled.

  “You do believe me, don’t you?”

  Spellbound, she couldn’t answer, she was afraid to, afraid that she would wake from a dream. She’d spent so much time pushing men away; afraid once they’d learned about her breast cancer, learned she wasn’t what they wanted, they would reject her. And now, the man of her dreams had told her he couldn’t live without her.

  “You have to believe me,” he whispered. “I want you to be a part of my life. I want you to be my wife.”

  He made it all sound easy, but she knew better. If life had taught her anything, it taught her that she was destined for heartache. Her heart quickened as she answered in a firm voice. “I can’t.”

  Chapter 26

  Christian raced across the wide, open path that led back toward the house. Sharp pangs of anguish stabbed her heart at the sound of Jordan’s voice calling her name. She had to get away. Her body trembled as soul-wrenching sobs ripped through her.

  Bolting through the front door of the house, she made a quick prayer of gratitude that everyone had retired for the night. She took the stairs two at a time. The pounding of her heart drummed in her ears. She made it to the private sanctuary of her bedroom and slumped against the door.

  Her chest heaved as her lungs struggled for air. She closed her eyes, but was unable to block out Jordan’s image.

  “Christian, let me in.” His low voice vibrated across her soul.

  She shook her head against the door. “Please, just go away.”

  The panic he heard in her voice frustrated him. “I’m not leaving until we finish what we started; what I started.”

  “You are finished. There can never be an us.”

  “Step away from the door and let me in.”

  Her silence was his answer.

  “I’m going to count to three. If you don’t move away from this door, I swear I’ll cause a scene so loud it will wake the whole house. Is this what you want?”

  Christian tensed. “You won’t.”

  “One.”

  “Jordan, please listen to me—”

  “Two.”

  “You will regret marrying me.”

  “Three!”

  She stepped away from the door as he pushed it open and entered the bedroom.

  Christian stood near the window, silhouetted by the moon’s beams. Jordan’s gaze danced over her figure. His long strides swallowed the space between them.

  When he stood only inches from her, he gazed down at her upturned face. Regardless of how much she wanted to hide her emotions, she knew he read them in the depths of her eyes.

  They remained facing each other, neither uttering a word, as if spellbound by the other’s presence.

  Jordan reached out his hand and caressed her supple face.

  Christian lowered her head and closed her eyes to revel in the gentleness of his touch.

  “Look at me.” He tilted her chin up and locked gazes with her. “Let me stay here with you tonight.”

  Her breath wedged in her throat. She had suppressed her hope into the corners of her mind, but the look in his eyes crumbled her wall of defense.

  “I—I can’t,” she managed to force out the words.

  “Why?” he challenged as a slow, sardonic smile slid into place and a predatory male gleam sparkled in his eyes.

  Weakness returned to her knees but this time her head swam with dizzy desire.

  “I—I—”

  “Don’t you want me to stay?” He strode forward.

  She stepped back.

  He moved until her back pressed against the wall. “Say I can stay.”

  Breathe, she reminded herself.

  “I want you,” he murmured.

  His warm breath caressed her cheek. Her spine quivered.

  “I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you.” His head descended in a seductive arc, capturing a kiss, seizing her breath. She was sure she no longer stood of her own accord, but floated on heaven’s clouds.

  He covered her mouth beneath his, intoxicating her brain. Desire licked the walls of her feminine core.

  She whimpered, powerless to prevent her body’s slow betrayal against his skilled hands. His tongue darted boldly into the warmth of her mouth, demanding more.

  Pressed against his chest, she registered the descent of his hands and what he was seconds away from. “Stop.” She broke away.

  Short gasps of air heaved from his chest, but he made no attempt to back away. “Do you really want me to stop?”

  No.

  Their gazes locked as he cupped her face. “Please don’t ask me to leave.”

  Her vision blurred in a jumble of watery colors. She wanted him to stay, and thought she would die if he stopped gazing lovingly at her.

  Jordan settled his hand at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. His thumb dipped into the V of her collarbone. “Your pulse is racing.”

  She made a half attempt to pull away, but couldn’t make herself reject the magic of his touch.

  A low laugh rumbled from him. “You don’t want me to go. Do you?”

  She lifted her chin. “No.” She couldn’t turn back now. With that one word, she’d sealed her fate. The fear of rejection weakened her. Her body trembled as she prepared for the heartbreak.

  Jordan lowered his hand to the tiny buttons of her shirt.

  Christian pressed her quivering lips together, stifling any further protest. Time suspended, hearts pounded, and love laced its invisible fingers between them.

  Breathe.

  Slowly he slid her shirt over her shoulders. It fell and pooled around her legs. When she blinked, tears crested her lashes and slid down her face.

  “There’s no need for these.” He brushed a kiss along the dewy tracks.

  “I’m scared,” she admitted in a shaky whisper.

  His lips lowered to settle against her mouth. Her body arched. Her mind’s protests muddled into incomprehensible words while her heart rejoiced.

  She slid her arms behind his neck to draw him closer. She couldn’t get enough of his hot, sensual mouth and teasing tongue. His strong arms provided a sense of security, strength, and love.

  Love. The word swirled inside her head. A warm glow radiated within her.

  His hand curved around her waist and drew her even closer. Their gentle rain of kisses soon turned into a raging storm of passion. Each sought what only the other could give.

  Drunk from the sweetness of her mouth, a blistering heat rose and consumed Jordan’s soul. Her signature fragrance enchanted him as the softness of her body
beguiled him. Hard with need and filled with longing, he struggled to prolong his seduction.

  With a sense of urgency, Christian tugged on his shirt. His buttons opened with a snap. She slid her hands up his bare chest, spreading the material of his shirt wide apart.

  His hand roamed over her shoulder, then his strong fingers curved around the nape of her neck. She was convinced her soul poured from her lips as he drained her strength, but he rejuvenated her by giving her his soul, his strength.

  His hands lowered to cup her breast.

  Christian stilled.

  Jordan broke their kiss.

  Against her will, tears slithered from her eyes, but she couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop the inevitable.

  “Look at me,” he coaxed. His fingers tilted her chin upward.

  Swallowing, she lifted her shimmering gaze to his.

  “Do you trust me? he asked.

  She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

  He waited.

  Too scared to try speaking again, she nodded her response.

  “Do you want me?”

  Breathe. She nodded again.

  Dimples grooved his cheeks as a smile raised the corners of his mouth. He unsnapped her bra.

  She held her breath. It was the moment of truth. Fresh tears blurred her vision as she watched him while her bra fell from her shoulders and joined her shirt puddle around her legs. The pain of waiting choked her.

  Jordan’s head descended.

  Christian’s lungs threatened to burst.

  When his lips made contact, a sweet world blossomed open at the feel of his soothing mouth pressed firmly against the thin scar along the flat surface of her flat breast. He pulled himself up. He forced her gaze to meet his. “You’re beautiful.”

  Lips pursed, eyes shimmering, love blossomed within her.

  Hope. She named the emotion. Hope at the chance of love, at the chance of a life she’d only lived in her dreams. She shook her head, not wanting to believe in the impossible.

  Jordan lifted her as though she weighed nothing and carried her to the bed.

  The mattress dipped as it supported their weight. She kissed him with a blind need, seeking to fill the void she’d had in her heart for so long, too long.