The Parasol Protectorate Boxed Set

by Gail Carriger

  “My goodness, that’s rather outside his preferred practice, is it not?”

  “Most assuredly, but out of fond regard, he took the order anyway. He has, I am afraid to say, encountered some difficulty in execution. Hasn’t Madame Lefoux’s touch with accessories.”

  “I should think not, with a beard like that. Are you quite certain he is up to the task?”

  “Too late now—the finished product was supposed to arrive just before we departed. I left instructions with Lyall to send the article on as soon as it appeared. It was meant to be a surprise.”

  “Knowing Monsieur Trouvé’s taste, I’m certain it still will be. But thank you, my love, very thoughtful. I have felt quite bereft these past few years. Although, thank goodness, I have had very little need of it.”

  “Comparative peace has been nice.” Conall moved Prudence, who had dozed off, to drape more artistically over one massive shoulder and shifted closer to his wife. They stood at the rear of the ship, watching the cliffs of England retreat into the mist.

  “But?”

  “But you have been getting restless, my harridan. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You wanted to come to Egypt for a bit of excitement, if nothing else.”

  Alexia smiled and leaned her chin on his vacant shoulder. “You’d think Prudence would be excitement enough.”

  “Mmm.”

  “And don’t place this all on me—you’re harking after some adventure yourself, aren’t you, husband? Or have you Egyptian interests?”

  “Ah, Alexia, how do you know me so well?”

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  “Not yet.”

  “I loathe it when you do that.”

  “It’s only fair. You practice the same policies, wife. Case in point: were you going to tell me about Biffy?”

  “What about him?”

  “You said something to him before we left. Didn’t you?”

  “Good gracious me, how could you possibly know that? Biffy has far too much circumspection to reveal anything to you.”

  “I know, my dear, because he changed. There was a lightness about him. He fit correctly into the pack, a role he has been reluctant to fill heretofore. What did you do?”

  “I gave him a purpose and a family. I told you all along that was what he needed.”

  “But I tried that with the hat shop.”

  “I guess it had to be the right purpose.”

  “And you aren’t going to tell me any more until I tell you about my reason for visiting Egypt.”

  “My love, now it is you who knows me too well.”

  Lord Maccon laughed, jiggling Prudence quite violently. Fortunately, much like her father, she was difficult to awaken.

  It was a gray, wintry day, and there was little to see now that they had taken to the open ocean.

  Alexia was beginning to feel the chill. “So long as we understand each other. And now let’s get our daughter inside. It’s a mite cold out here on deck, don’t you think?”

  “Indubitably.”

  Biffy felt the absence of his Alphas as a kind of odd ache. It was difficult to describe, but the world was rather like a tailored waistcoat without buttonholes—missing something important. It wasn’t as though he could not function without buttonholes; it was simply that everything felt a little unfastened without them.

  He returned from the station in good time only to find a stranger at the door to his hat shop. A well-rounded stranger with a narrow wooden box tucked under one arm, an indifferent mode of dress, and an abnormally proactive beard. From the quantity of dust about his person, Biffy surmised the man had been traveling. Without spats, he noticed in alarm. There was a certain cut to the stranger’s greatcoat that suggested France, and from the weathered appearance of the garment, Biffy deduced he must have come by train directly from the Dover landing green, on the Channel Dirigible Express out of Calais.

  “Good evening, sir,” said Biffy. “May I help you at all?”

  “Ah, good evening.” The man had a jovial way of speaking and a French accent.

  “Are you looking for Madame Lefoux, perhaps?”

  “Cousin Genevieve, no. Why would you think…? Ah, yes, this used to be her shop. No, I am in search of Lady Maccon. I have a delivery for her. This was the address given with the commission.”

  “Indeed? Is it something for the London Pack perchance?”

  “No, no. For her specifically, at Lord Maccon’s request.”

  Biffy unlocked the shop door. “In that case, you had best come in, Mr.…?”

  “Monsieur Trouvé, at your service.” The Frenchman doffed his hat, his button eyes twinkling, apparently at the mere pleasure of being asked to introduce himself.

  Biffy felt the bushiness of his beard became less offensive in a man who seemed so very good-natured.

  “Pardon me for a moment. I must see to the lights.” Biffy left the Frenchman at the entrance and flitted quickly about in his practiced nightly ritual of turning up the gas in all the lamps and straightening gloves and hairmuffs from the day’s activities. His head girl was good, but when she closed the shop for supper, she never left things quite up to his exacting standards. He remembered talking with Lady Maccon about her journey through Europe after Lord Maccon’s unfortunate distrust of her moral fiber. At the time, he had been locked in a massive egg beneath the Thames. Later, however, Lady Maccon had related her side of the story, and it had included this French clockmaker, one Monsieur Trouvé. He was also the man who had designed the cages in the contrivance chamber below.

  He completed his circuit of the shop and returned to his visitor.

  “You are said by experts to be the last word on the subject of clocks. And I have heard of your exploits as relates to a certain ornithopter, the Muddy Duck. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

  The Frenchman threw his head back and let loose an infectious peal of laughter. “Yes, of course. It has been so long since I saw either Lady Maccon or Cousin Genevieve that I thought I might make the trip to London myself with the goods. An excuse for socializing, yes?”

  “I am afraid you’ve missed them both. They left only a few hours ago for Southampton.”

  “Oh, how unfortunate. Will they be back soon?”

  “Regrettably, no. They have taken a large party on an Egyptian tour. But if that box contains what I think it contains, Lady Maccon will want it as soon as possible. I am charged to send important items on to her. They are traveling by steamer in deference to Lord Maccon’s, er, health.”

  “Ah, mail by dirigible has ample opportunity to bisect their journey? A most acceptable proposal, Mr.…?”

  “Oh, dear me, my sincerest apologies, sir. Sandalio de Rabiffano. But everyone calls me Biffy.”

  “Ah, the newest member of the London Pack. Genevieve wrote of your metamorphosis. A matter of some scientific interest not to mention political unrest. Not my field, of course.” Knowing he was conversing with a member of Lord Maccon’s pack seemed to relax the Frenchman. Yet France was not progressive in its approach to the supernatural.

  “You are not afraid of me, Monsieur Trouvé?”

  “My dear young man, why should I be? Oh, ah, your unfortunate monthly condition. I admit before meeting Lady Maccon I might indeed have been taken aback, but a werewolf came to our rescue on several occasions, and of wonderful use he was, too. Now vampires, I will say, I have little use for. But werewolves are good to have on one’s side in a fight.”

  “How kind of you to say.”

  “Here is the box for her ladyship. The contents are quite durable, but I should not like to see it lost.”

  “Certainly not. I will ensure it is transported safely.”

  The twinkle reappeared from the depths of all the facial hair. Biffy dearly wanted to recommend the man the services of a good barber but thought this might be taken as an insult. So he bent his head to examine the package—a plain thing of untreated wood, cut thin like a cigar box.

  “There is one other
matter.”

  Biffy looked up from his inspection expectantly. “Yes?”

  “Major Channing, is he also out of town?”

  Biffy’s good breeding took over, hiding his surprise. “No, sir, I believe he is at the pack’s town residence.” He tried to hide the curiosity in his voice, but the Frenchman seemed to sense it.

  “Ah, that werewolf I spoke of, the one who came to our rescue. We ended up traveling through Europe together. Decent fellow.”

  At a complete loss, Biffy told him the pack address. He and the Gamma had very little to do with one another. Biffy showed the major his neck on a regular basis, and the major took control as needed and ignored him the rest of the time. But never before had anyone described Major Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings as a decent fellow.

  The French clockmaker continued this surprising line of conversation. “I believe I will pay him a call, seeing as the ladies are away. Thank you for your time, Mr. Biffy. Good evening to you.”

  “I hope the rest of your London visit is more productive, Monsieur Trouvé. Good night.”

  As soon as the man left, Biffy popped open the long, skinny wooden box to look inside. It was terribly out of form, of course, to inspect someone else’s mail. But he argued himself into believing it was to check on the safety of the contents, and he was now a member of Lady Maccon’s Parasol Protectorate. It granted him, he felt, certain rights of familiarity.

  He gasped in horror at the contents. Lady Maccon had carried with her many rather ill-advised parasols over the course of their association, one of which had been a good deal more. There was something to be said for such a weapon. But the parasol in the box before him was a travesty. Apart from everything else, it was utterly plain and undecorated except for the stitching of the supposedly hidden pockets. It was made of drab olive canvas! It was probably quite deadly, and there was no doubt the bobbles on the handle housed hidden dials and debilitating poisons. It was certainly heavy enough to do any number of things. But if such a thing could be said of a parasol, it looked like the kind of object a sportsman would carry, all function and no beauty. The brass handle positively clashed with the olive color. It looked—Biffy shuddered in utter horror—like an… umbrella!

  He checked the delivery schedule. He’d have to place it on the early morning Casablanca-bound post in order for it to cross Lady Maccon’s path as soon as possible. With a determined gait, he returned to the front of the shop and flipped the CLOSED sign. He had only six hours to rectify the situation. Taking the hideous thing in hand, he made room upon the counter. He pulled out all the laces, silk flowers, feathers, and other trims, dumped them all around him, found a needle and thread, and went to work.

  The P & O’s Express Steamer was constructed with luxury in mind. Built to take advantage of the new craze in antiquities collecting and Egyptian tours, the line was an attempt by the shipping industry to compete with dirigible carriers. Dirigibles had the advantage of being faster and more frequent, but a steamer had more space and carrying capacity. Lord and Lady Maccon’s first class cabin was quite as large as Lord Akeldama’s closet, perhaps even bigger, and outfitted with two portholes—an improvement on the closet, which had no windows at all. Of course, the portholes could be covered over with thick curtains, as the one clientele liners could guarantee was werewolves.

  Lord and Lady Maccon knocked on the adjoining cabin, which they had rented for Ivy’s nursemaid and the children, and deposited the sleeping Prudence into a small cot there. They could hear Ivy, still chattering to her husband in a distressed tone over the loss of her hat, in the cabin on the far side.

  In the interest of limiting numbers, they had not included a butler, valet, or lady’s maid among their personnel. This was an embarrassing breach in propriety, should the information get out. Alexia was nervous because it meant Conall had to help her with her toilette, but she supposed she might call upon the theatrical troupe’s wardrobe mistress in dire emergencies. Her hair would simply have to be stuffed under a cap as much as possible. She had a few of Ivy’s hairmuffs on hand as well, suspecting that the deck of a steamer got just as cold as that of a dirigible, possibly more so.

  Being of the supernatural set, and rather confirmed in their habits and ways, the Maccons defied the breakfast bell and all tenets of fellow traveler obligation by undressing and taking to bed. Alexia figured the acting troupe was also likely to keep to nighttime hours, and as their visit in Egypt was to pay court on a vampire, she saw no reason to alter the entire pattern of her married life merely because of a sea voyage. No doubt the crew was accustomed to such idiosyncratic behavior. She left very clear orders with regard to meal times and postal deliveries. It was daylight, so even if Prudence did awaken, the infant couldn’t cause more harm than any ordinary precocious toddler. Thus Alexia felt comfortable falling gratefully into Conall’s welcome embrace. The world outside could await her pleasure.

  Lady Maccon awakened late that afternoon. She dressed herself as much as she was able and left the cabin without disturbing her husband. Poor Conall, he looked as though he’d been hit by a train.

  The designated nursery was quiet and still, but a certain waving of arms and burbling indicated that Prudence was awake, although not inclined to cry and unsettle her companions. Lord Akeldama had noted, on more than one occasion, that while Prudence’s peculiar abilities made her somewhat of a handful, she was a very good-natured child. He then flattered Alexia by saying this rather reminded him of her.

  Alexia made her way over to the cot and looked in.

  “Mama!” announced Prudence, delighted.

  “Shush,” admonished her mother. “You will awaken the others.”

  The nursemaid came up behind Alexia. “Lady Maccon, is everything all right?”

  “Yes, thank you, Mrs. Dawaud-Plonk. I think I’ll take Prudence down with me, if you don’t mind seeing to the necessities?”

  “Of course, madam.” The nursemaid whisked Prudence off behind an Oriental screen in one corner of the cabin. The infant emerged moments later wearing a fresh nappy and a pretty dress of cerulean muslin with a fur cape for warmth and a French-style hat. She looked quite smart and a little mystified by the rapidity with which she had been dressed. So, indeed, was Alexia. Such efficiency in relation to her daughter was a miracle of the highest order.

  “I see why Ivy values your services so highly, Mrs. Dawaud-Plonk.”

  “Thank you, Lady Maccon.”

  “You aren’t, by any chance, related to my butler, Mr. Floote, are you?”

  “I am afraid not, madam.”

  “I had no idea there could be more than one.”

  “Madam?”

  “Oh, nothing. I should warn you, as you are likely to have care of my child as well as the twins over the next few weeks, that Prudence has some very unusual habits.”

  “Madam?”

  “Special.”

  “Every child is special in his or her own way, madam.”

  “Ah, yes, well, Prudence can be quite special indeed. Please try to keep her from touching her father after sunset, would you? She gets overly excitable.”

  The nursemaid didn’t even flinch at such an odd request. “Very good, madam.”

  Alexia propped Prudence on one hip and together they went to explore the ship.

  Up top, the day proved still dreary. The wind was running fierce and cold and there was nothing to see but whitecaps atop a darkened ocean. Alexia merely wished to ascertain that they were still going in the correct direction.

  “Brrr,” was Prudence’s eloquent comment.

  “Indeed, most inclement weather.”

  “Pttttt.”

  “Exactly, let us adjourn elsewhere.”

  She switched Prudence to her other hip and made her way to the forward section of the steamer, in front of the first smokestack, where the dining room and the library were situated.

  Unsure as to the wakefulness of her party, Lady Maccon visited the library first for some light re
ading so that if she did have to dine alone, she might have some kind of intellectual discourse. Prudence was not quite yet up to her mother’s standard of debate. The library was of questionable curation, but she found a scientific manual on human anatomy that she thought might prove absorbing, if not entirely appropriate to dining. The cover was innocuous enough, and there were some rather graphic pictures within that intrigued Prudence. Alexia was enough her father’s daughter to relax some standards of propriety so long as scientific inquiry was the result. If Prudence was interested in anatomy, who was Alexia to gainsay her?

  Despite it being very nearly teatime, the eatery was empty save for one gentleman in the far corner. Lady Maccon was about to settle on the opposite side of the room, feeling it a standard of common decency not to inflict a child on anyone, least of all a lone gentleman, when the gentleman in question rose and nodded at her, revealing that he was Madame Lefoux.

  Reluctantly, but not wishing to appear rude, Alexia wended through the chairs and tables to join her.

  Lady Maccon settled Prudence on her lap. The infant stared at Madame Lefoux with interest. “Foo?”

  “Good afternoon, Miss Prudence, Alexia.”

  “No,” objected Prudence.

  “It’s her latest word,” explained Alexia, distracting her child with the book. “I’m not entirely certain she knows what it means. How have you settled in, Genevieve?”

  A steward appeared at Lady Maccon’s elbow with a small scrap of paper on which was printed the comestibles on offer.

  “Interesting approach to food service,” she said, fluttering the pamphlet about. Prudence grabbed at it.

  “Saves the bother of having to hold everything in stock for the entirety of a journey and at the whims of passengers,” replied the Frenchwoman.

  Alexia was not interested in commerce, only tea. “A pot of Assam, if you would be so kind. One of the apple tarts and a cup of warm milk for the infant,” she said to the hovering man. “Do you have any cinnamon sticks by chance?” The steward nodded. “Infant, do you want cinnamon?”