I didn’t respond. Because there were no words.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Liam
I kissed Keira whenever the time would permit it. It happened in the truck, on the beach, on my couch, in my bed—everywhere. I never kissed anyone the way I kissed her. Most of the time, I didn’t kiss girls at all. It was my least favorite thing to do. But with Keira, I never wanted to stop.
I felt like I went back in time in terms of sexual maturity. Now I was kissing her like a teenager, too afraid to do anything more. But I was fine with it. If I were the man I used to be, I would dump her and find a girl who was willing to open her legs. But I only wanted Keira.
We didn’t need to rush into anything soon. If she did give herself to me, I wanted her to be absolutely sure she wanted to. I was ready as soon as we kissed. I knew I wanted to make love to her, to feel her small body connect to mine in mutual pleasure. I wanted to make her feel as good as she made me feel. And I would wait as long as she wanted. Even if she wanted to wait until marriage, I would do that—for her.
I wasn’t sure, but I suspected she was a virgin. When I asked her to come to my bedroom, she said she’s never done that before. Done what? She must have meant sex. That made me nervous. I wouldn’t have sex with her unless I intended to stick around forever. I fucked girls left and right, not giving a shit about their feelings, but they weren’t virgins. And they weren’t delicate like Keira. They were disposable. Keira was different—special.
And if she was a virgin, that would make me feel special. She was twenty-one and hadn’t given herself to anyone yet. That meant I really meant something to her. I stood out from every other guy, for whatever reason.
When Keira and I spent time together, it was no longer awkward or uncomfortable. She finally relaxed around me and trusted me implicitly. She slept in my bed most nights of the week, and she never flinched when I moved. When we kissed, she didn’t push me away.
I enjoyed the affection we shared in public. I loved holding her hand while we walked through the halls. I loved kissing her on the beach. I loved claiming her with my touch everywhere we went.
I didn’t tell Keira what I did for a living. The first time we played basketball, she tried to run away from me as soon as I raised my hand. The sight made me sick to my stomach. It replayed over and over. She thought I was going to hurt her. And that meant someone had hurt her before. I wasn’t sure how she would feel about me being a professional fighter. It could be violent and frightening. We finally came to a perfect place and I didn’t want to scare her. If she asked me, I couldn’t lie. But thankfully, she hadn’t. I assumed Scotty hadn’t mentioned it for the same reason. He was happy his cousin found someone she cared about. No one wanted to ruin that.
Thanksgiving was almost here and I didn’t have any plans. I wondered if Keira did. We’d only been together for three months so I wasn’t sure if she wanted to spend the holiday with me. I had nowhere to go and no one to spend my time with, but I wouldn’t make her feel bad about it. But I suspected she had nowhere to go either.
The guys decided to go out for karaoke night at the bar, and of course, I invited Keira. I took her everywhere I went. I wanted to get her out of the house and show her I wanted her to always be with me. The guys were surprised I finally settled down with someone since I always attested I’d be a bachelor my whole life. But when they saw how happy I was, they dropped it.
I held her hand as we walked inside. When we reached a table, I pulled her chair out and helped her sit down. I was never a gentleman to the women I spent time with, but I was with her. She always flashed me a look of surprise every time I did anything chivalric. When those looks finally stopped, I was happy. Now she was used to being treated like a lady.
I placed my arm around her shoulders then ordered our drinks. Her hand moved to my thigh. And I felt warm inside. She was usually withdrawn in public, but now she wasn’t. Our relationship was becoming more innate for her. She understood I wouldn’t disappear the following day. I worked really hard to be the man in her life and I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Are you going to sing?” she asked.
“I will if you will.”
She shook her head quickly. “No.”
I laughed. “Then, no.”
A few girls I knew took the mic and sang Lady Gaga. There wasn’t much talent in the place. But then I remembered what Keira told me.
“Do you sing well?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I’m not horrible, but I wouldn’t say I’m good.”
“I’d like to hear you sing.”
“Here?” she asked with a frightened voice.
“No. At home.”
“Oh.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “I can only do it when I’m singing to my plants.”
“Then I’ll get a plant.”
Her cheeks reddened. “Okay.”
We watched a few acts and we depleted our drinks.
“Another wine?” I asked her.
“Sure.”
“I’ll be right back, baby.”
“Okay.”
I walked to the bar and ordered the refills. I tapped my knuckles against the counter while I waited.
“Just your friend, my ass.”
I recognized that voice. “What do you want, Adrianna?” I didn’t look at her. I stared straight ahead.
“She’s not even pretty.”
She was trying to antagonize me. I wouldn’t give her that satisfaction. “Are you done?” Why couldn’t the bartender hurry up?
“She looks like a virgin,” she said with disdain. “Definitely not your type.”
The bartender finally handed me the drinks. “You look like a hag,” I said as I walked past her. I didn’t look at the hurt on her face because I didn’t care enough to. I returned to the table and returned my arm to its rightful place around Keira’s shoulders.
When I glanced at Adrianna, she was talking to a few girls at a table. By the flustered look on her face, I knew she was pissed. I turned away and ignored her. But when I saw the mob coming my way, I realized I threw gasoline in the fire. I slept with two of the girls in the girl, and they clearly weren’t happy that I settled down with someone besides them.
Rita, a flexible blonde, stopped at my side. Her arms were crossed over her chest. “Did you ever find my earrings?”
She left them there a few months ago. I ended up finding them in a drawer in the bathroom but I threw them away because I didn’t want to talk to her again.
Keira looked at me, trying to understand what was going on.
Adrianna pinned me to the wall like a fly. I couldn’t maneuver out of the situation unless I left, but that would make it seem like I had something to hide, which I didn’t. “No.”
She glared at me. “Did you try looking for them?”
“No.”
Vanessa, a brunette, stood on the other side of me. “You never called me back.”
“Because I didn’t want to,” I snapped. “Now if you ladies excuse me, my girlfriend and I are trying to watch the entertainment.”
“Your girlfriend?” one laughed. “Yeah right. You’ll use her just like you did with the rest of us.”
Keira didn’t move but I saw the hurt in her eyes.
The mob of girls finally walked away. Adrianna remained behind. She leaned toward my ear. “Don’t fuck with me, asshole.” She marched off, her nose in the air.
I took a deep breath and kept my arm on Keira’s shoulder so she wouldn’t slip away. The guys watched us for a moment, their eyes darting back and forth between us. Finally, they turned around and tried to ignore us. I waited for Keira to speak but she never did. She was as still as a statue, silent as a mime.
When the show was finally over, we walked out. I held her hand but she pulled it away as soon as we were outside.
Fuck.
“I’m going home with Scotty,” she said as she looked at the exit, waiting for him to come out.
“No.” I hooked my arm around her waist. “Don’t run
away until I explain myself.”
“I think an explanation is unnecessary. The girls made it pretty clear.” Her eyes were full of hurt, and her voice was full of anger.
“Just listen to me. Please.”
“I just want to leave.”
I pulled her toward my truck. “Just talk to me first. I’ll take you home after I’m done if you want.”
Indecision was in her eyes.
I didn’t give her time to think about it. I opened the passenger side and chauffeured her inside. Then I came into the driver side, locking all the doors, including the child safety lock.
Her eyes widened. “Unlock them now.”
The panic in her voice made me unlock them without hesitation.
She calmed down after she tried the door and closed it again.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“Are you not denying what they said?”
“No.”
“So you slept with all of them?” she asked with a hurt voice.
“No. Just the blonde and the brunette.”
“And you never called them again?” Her voice was weak.
“I told them what I wanted when we got together. I made it clear I would never give them a relationship or even a friendship. They still wanted to do it anyway.”
She looked away and stared out the window.
Now I hated myself. I was disgusting to her.
“How many women have you…”
“More than I can count.”
She took a deep breath. “Now you’re doing the same to me.”
“That where the story becomes fictitious. I actually care about you and want the relationship we have. I’m not using you for anything. I told you we didn’t have to have sex and I meant it. If you want to wait until we get married, I’m fine with that.”
“When we get married?”
“I’m in a relationship with you because I want to be serious. I wouldn’t
have worked my ass off to get you to take a chance on me if I didn’t see us together somewhere down the road.”
She rested her head against the glass. “Why did you do it?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Why does any guy sleep around? They like sex.”
She still didn’t look at me.
“I’ve been in so much pain that I haven’t wanted anything besides that. But when I met you…I changed.”
“Have you ever been in a serious relationship before?” she whispered.
“You’re my first.”
“Oh.”
“Please don’t leave me,” I begged. “I’ve never lied to you and I never will. But don’t let my past affect what we have now. I really care about you. If I just wanted to use you, I wouldn’t have spent two months trying to be with you.”
There was no way she could deny that. I wanted her to accept it and let it go. I realized how hard that was. If a group of guys claimed they all fucked her and they meant nothing to her, I wouldn’t feel good about it either.
“Baby, talk to me.”
“It’s just a lot to take in…”
“I know,” I whispered.
She sat on her side of the truck and didn’t speak. Her eyes were glued to the road. We sat in silence for an hour.
“Where am I heading?” I asked. “Your place or mine?”
She fidgeted with her hands. “Yours.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so happy, I hooked my arm around her waist and pulled her to my side of the truck. “Thank you.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
I squeezed her and held her tightly. “You’ll always have it.”
“I’m so used to being lied to. It’s nice not having to worry about it…even if it hurts.”
I wondered what she was referring to. It must be a time in her past she hadn’t shared with me.
I kept her beside me as I drove back to my house. It was a horrific night, but I’m glad it was over. Keira was going to find out about my past one way or another, so at least it was over and done with. I admit it would have been better if I just told her myself, but I was waiting for her to ask first.
When we came back to my house, she was still a little stiff. We went into my bedroom, and she grabbed her own clothes from my drawer like she did every night. It was a routine we established a month ago. Together, we brushed our teeth in the bathroom and washed our faces. It was very domestic. She was the first girl I did any of this with.
She and I lay in bed. Instead of pushing me away like I feared, she clung to me. Her ability to pardon my sins despite her trust issues was a testament to our relationship. She really cared about me and knew she didn’t want to be without me. It only reminded me of my own feelings for her. I knew how I felt about her a long time ago. There was no other explanation for my behavior. A man couldn’t turn his back on the only life he knew unless he had a profound reason to. And I knew my reason was profound.
I moved on top of her and kissed her, my lips moving slowly. Her response was less enthusiastic than it usually was, but she warmed up quickly. Her fingers fisted my hair as she breathed into my mouth. We’d been getting hot and heavy for a month, and I enjoyed every second of it. My cock got hard for her every time. I imagined the sight of her body in her bikini and that didn’t help my hard-on. I knew Keira felt it. There was no way she couldn’t.
When I moved further over her, her left leg moved so I was between them. This was the most sexual we’d been. I kept myself under control because I didn’t want to push her too far, or make her assume I was pushing her at all.
My arm hooked around her waist and lifted her to me, wanting to feel her as much as possible. She started touching my stomach and chest a lot more often than normal. I knew she desired me in a physical way as well. I loved knowing she wanted me. I worked hard on my body. I wanted my girlfriend to enjoy it.
My heart started to convulse the longer I kissed her. I never opened up to someone so much before. I never told anyone about my sister and I already revealed that to her. I was honest about my past even though I was scared to admit it. And she was still here. I didn’t want her to ever leave. My emotion taking control of my actions, I pulled my lips away and pressed my face close to hers. Our eyes locked for a full minute, both of us breathing heavily. Then I cupped her cheek and pressed my lips to her forehead, letting my mouth linger for a long time. It was the most intense moment of emotion I ever felt. I heard her sigh beneath me, the happy noise she always made. When I pulled away, I looked her in the eye. “I love you.”
Speechless, she stared at me. Her hands gripped my forearms and they squeezed gently. Her lips didn’t move.
“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know that.” I leaned down and kissed her lips again, conveying more passion than I felt before. I didn’t feel rejected when she didn’t reciprocate the love. She could only pardon me for my past if she loved me, so I knew she already felt the same way. She just wasn’t ready to tell me. I was okay with that. I’d wait.
I’d wait forever for her.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Keira
Liam loved me. He said he did. Did he? Or did I dream that? No, I’m pretty sure he did. And I couldn’t believe it.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Scotty asked.
“But he doesn’t know me.”
“What? You’ve been dating for three months. How can he not know you?”
“He doesn’t know what happened…”
Scotty eyed me. “Just tell him, Keira.”
“I’m scared.”
“He’s not going to stop loving you because of it.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Because I see the way he looks at you. He loves you.”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, god.”
“Just get it over with.”
I wanted to tell him about Liam’s sister, but that was private. I kept it to myself.
“Are you okay with…his previous lifestyle?”
“Just because he was like that with them doesn’t mean he’ll be that way with you.”
“But still...”
“I knew you would immediately shut him out if I told you. And I didn’t want that,” Scotty said.
“That doesn’t bother you?” I asked. “How do you know he isn’t trying to use me?”
“I had a talk with him before you guys got serious. I made it clear how you were, and if he was just trying to get laid he was wasting his time.”
“What did he say…?”
“That I was telling him something he already knew.”
Well, at least he understood me pretty well.
“Just let it go,” Scotty said firmly. “And tell him you love him.”
“But, I don’t know if I do…”
“Cut the shit,” he said. “You do. I can see it all over your face. You’re just scared to love him.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It’s been long enough, Keira. Let it go and move on.”
Part of me would never move on. I was responsible for my parents’ deaths. That fact would haunt me for the rest of my days.
‘Tell him you love him or I will.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“That came out wrong…you know what I mean.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“The truth will set you free, Keira.” He stood up then adjusted his shirt. “Are you going to be home tonight?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.”
“Are you or are you not?” he pressed.
“Why?”
“Well, I would like to have the house to myself…”
Oh. “Gotcha. I’ll stay at Liam’s tonight.”
“Thank you.” He grabbed his keys and headed out the door. “See ya later.”
“Bye.”
When I went to Liam’s that night, I forgot to tell him I was coming. I just assumed I was coming over. He may not even be home. I went to the door and knocked.
He answered it, shirtless. And it was a beautiful surprise.
“Hey, baby.” He opened the door wider.
“Sorry I’m dropping by. Scotty kicked me out because he…has a date.”
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