Healing a Heart

by Amy Lillard

  But right now, in this moment, she could enjoy his hands on her body, his mouth ravaging hers, and blame it on hormones and the like. But what about tomorrow in the light of day? Would she hate herself for being so weak? And would she regret being with him once again when the future held nothing for them except shared visitation rights?

  Reluctantly she pulled herself from his embrace. It might have been the hardest thing she had ever done voluntarily.

  “Good night, Jake.”

  • • •

  He watched her hurry back into the house and forced himself not to go after her. Pressuring her wouldn’t make things any better. Kota whined and lay down, propping his chin on the top of his paws.

  “I know how you feel, buddy.”

  This was something she had to realize on her own. That she needed to stay in Texas. That they needed to make a family. It could work. Why not? The attraction was there. They were having babies together. Wesley adored her. All the makings for a perfect family were in place. So why couldn’t she see it?

  Damn! Nights like tonight made him wish he’d never stopped drinking the hard stuff. But whiskey wouldn’t take the edge off his desire for her. Or get rid of his raging hard-on. The first night he’d spent with her had taught him that. And the hard liquor would just make things fuzzy, and whenever Bryn was around his thoughts were indistinct enough.

  Actually that wasn’t entirely true. His thoughts were crisp and clean, but they were all about pulling her close and never letting her go. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel that way about anyone in a long, long time. Cecelia had been his last love. He’d met her when he’d gotten his master’s, a city girl from Houston and a West Texas rancher. It was an ill-fated match from the start, but they had tried. Oh, how they had tried.

  He pushed those thoughts from his mind. He wasn’t traveling down that road tonight.

  “Jake, are you out here?” Grandma Esther came out of the house, still wearing her clothes from dinner.

  Kota jumped back to attention.

  “It’s getting late, Grandma. You should be getting ready for bed.”

  “Don’t sass me, young man. I just saw Bryn running through the house looking like the devil was on her heels. What’d you do to her?”

  He’d kissed her like there was no tomorrow, because maybe for them there wasn’t. He’d tried to talk to her about staying in Texas and raising babies, but mostly he’d just kissed her. But he couldn’t tell his grandmother that. “Nothing.”

  “Now you and I both know that isn’t true. And whatever you did or said, you better go make it right.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” His intention had been to go back into the house, head in the general direction of Bryn’s room, then abandon the idea.

  His grandma must have figured that out. She followed him all the way to Bryn’s room and stood behind him, overseeing his every move. What choice did he have but to knock and wait?

  “Jake.” She seemed breathless as she pulled open the door.

  “I came to make sure you’re all right.” He cut his eyes to the side trying to let her know that his grandmother was just out of view. This was almost as bad as the time he asked Danielle Maynard to the seventh-grade dance and his grandmother had come along, hiding just out of sight and feeding him unwanted lines like some crazed Cyrano de Bergerac.

  “I’m fine.” But she looked tired. Not physically, but emotionally. He couldn’t say that he blamed her. It had been a trying week. And she had been dealing with all the stress and surprises a lot longer than he had.

  He cut his gaze to the side once again.

  “Do you have something in your eye?” she asked.

  He smiled and repeated the motion. “No. Can I come in?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Please, Bryn.” He cut his gaze to the side once more, and she finally understood that something else was afoot.

  “Okay, fine.” She stepped to one side to allow Jake the space to enter.

  His grandmother patted him on the back encouragingly. “Attaboy.”

  At least Bryn waited until the door was shut behind him before crossing her arms and staring him down.

  “You want to tell me what that was all about?” With her arms folded like that, her belly looked all the bigger. He reached toward her wanting to feel the curve, touch the place where his babies rested. But he stopped himself, shoving his hands into his pockets instead.

  “Grandma Esther can be a little meddling.”

  “And she’s trying to push us together?”

  “Something like that.”

  She raised one brow and waited for him to continue.

  “She saw you come through the house and decided I had done something to upset you. She wanted me to come in here and make sure you’re okay.”

  “And she followed you here?”

  Jake nodded.

  “I’m okay.” She seemed to relax a little and dropped her arms at her sides.

  He shot her a sheepish grin. “I’m a little afraid to leave.”

  “You don’t think she’s out there waiting for you?”

  “I wouldn’t put it past her. She takes her great-grandchildren very seriously.”

  Bryn shook her head. “No, no, no, you can’t stay here.”

  “Just for a little bit.”

  “Jake, really. This is ridiculous.”

  He made his way over to the door and pressed his ear against it. He couldn’t hear anything, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t out there silently waiting.

  Of course she could have already headed to bed. But he wasn’t willing to chance it. And . . . okay, he admitted it. It gave him the perfect excuse to stay with Bryn a little while longer.

  And what? Sit panting at her feet hoping for a couple of scraps of her attention like Kota?

  He was being overly dramatic, but it beat facing the truth. The more time he spent with Bryn, the more time he wanted to spend with her. And that was something he didn’t want. He would marry her if only she agreed, but he didn’t want to love her. Love got messy. He had fallen for a city girl once, and he didn’t plan on doing it again. But somehow whenever Bryn was near, he forgot all those rules he had set for himself.

  “Trust me. I know.” He turned around and rested against the door as he stalled.

  “I’m sure you do. But you can’t stay here. I don’t want you here.”

  “Are you afraid of me?”

  She shook her head. “When you kiss me, I lose my direction. I forget about things I need to remember. Always.”

  “Like what?” he quietly asked.

  “Like the fact that I don’t belong here. This isn’t my family. I live in Georgia. And—”

  “And what?”

  She shook her head. “You should leave.”

  But he didn’t want to.

  “So which one is it?” he asked, grasping onto the first thought he had to prolong their time together. “Which one is your lie?”

  “I thought the object of the game was to guess.”

  “Okay.” He straightened to his full height and rubbed his chin. “Every girl in Cattle Creek wants to be a cheerleader, so that one’s got to be a truth. And you’ve already defended romance novels.”

  “I did?”

  “Pretty much.” He took an involuntary step in her direction. She pulled him to her like metal to a magnet. “And I certainly hope that you had Kool-Aid before you were in college. So that’s my guess.”

  “Final answer?” she quipped.

  He gave a quick nod. “Final answer.”

  “Nope. I never wanted to be a cheerleader.”

  “Really?”

  “I was all about art class.”

  “And you never drank Kool-Aid?”

  “Science nerd parents.” She took ahold of his a
rm and led him back to the bedroom door.

  “Right,” he said.

  “Good night, Jake.”

  He shook his head. “What if Grandma Esther is still out there?”

  “It’s a chance you’re going to have to take.”

  “Hold on.” He dug in his heels, using his superior size to hold his ground. “Don’t I get a turn?”

  She dipped her chin in a quick nod. “Okay, then. Go.”

  He thought about it a minute. “My favorite color is yellow. I love barbeque ribs, and I don’t own any type of shoes but boots.”

  “You aren’t even trying.” She maneuvered him toward the door once again.

  “Let me go through there, at least.” He pointed toward the bathroom door.

  She stumbled a bit as if she had forgotten that their rooms connected, then caught herself and redirected him. “Fine, as long as you leave.”

  Next thing he knew, he was halfway through the bathroom door. “Wait. So that means you really do read romance novels?” It was a pitiful attempt to distract her and as he had known all along, it didn’t work.

  “Good night, Jake.”

  “But—”

  She closed the door on his words.

  He stared at the stained wood. When had he lost his charm? Wasn’t he the fifteenth most eligible bachelor in Texas?

  He raised his hand to the knob, but didn’t make contact before she spoke.

  “And don’t even think about using this door again.”

  Chapter Nine

  Bryn stepped out on the porch around ten the following morning. She refused to look over at the corral and see if Jake was among the cowboys working there. Well, she didn’t need to. She knew he was there. Saw him right off. And the sight of him in those loverly Wranglers and scarred chaps was burned into her memory forever. So that wasn’t really the problem. She just didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having her stare at him like a lovesick schoolgirl.

  Jessie honked as she pulled her dark blue Jeep into the driveway. A cloud of dust followed behind her as she waved enthusiastically at Bryn.

  Bryn returned the wave, thankful to be getting off the ranch for a while. The place was starting to get to her, starting to feel like more than it should. If she had any fortitude at all, she would pack her car today and head out first thing in the morning, but instead she was headed into small Cattle Creek to shop for new maternity clothes.

  She adjusted the shoulder strap and headed toward the passenger’s side of Jessie’s SUV. “Hey,” she said after Jessie rolled down the window. Thankfully the dust cloud dissipated and the air was clear once again. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

  “Shopping?” Jessie shrugged. “I have to admit that I’m not one for shopping all the time, but occasionally it’s fun to get out and browse the stores.”

  “I mean shopping for maternity clothes.”

  Her gray eyes clouded over for just a moment, then cleared once again. “I can’t say it’ll be easy, but I can’t hide from pregnant women forever.”

  “Or we could just go get some lunch and forget shopping.” She could go into town tomorrow and get a couple of things.

  Jessie smiled. “Whatever you want, I’m game. But don’t you need some clothes?”

  Getting more clothes meant staying longer, and after last night, she really needed to get herself on back to Georgia. “I could use a couple of packs of underwear.”

  “I know just where to get those.” She cocked her head to one side. “Get in. Let’s go.”

  “It’s so different here,” Bryn said as they drove toward town.

  “Different how?”

  “It’s . . . rugged,” she finally said.

  Jessie gave a quick shrug. “I’ve never been anyplace else. I wouldn’t know.”

  “Never?”

  “Never.”

  Bryn decided not to press. She really hadn’t been out of Georgia much. Especially after her parents died. Not until she had to keep her promise to Emery. Not until she decided to follow Rick to Austin and hook up with a sexy cowboy rancher.

  “Tex-Mex okay?” Jessie asked as they neared the outskirts of the town.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Jessie pulled the Jeep into the parking lot of a tiled-roof adobe-looking building. THE CANTINA was painted across the front in large, old-school cursive lettering. Next to that was a wrought iron basket of silk flowers that was both cheesy and welcoming at the same time.

  The inside was more of the same. Mexican blankets tacked to the faux-adobe walls, more silk flowers, and brightly painted clay statues of lizards, frogs, and the like.

  “What’s good?” Bryn asked after they were seated and handed menus.

  “Everything.” Jessie glanced up from her menu. “But the enchiladas are my favorite.”

  “Sounds terrific.”

  The waitress came back bearing a tray with waters, little bowls of salsa, and a large basket of chips. Bryn and Jessie placed their orders and the waitress was gone again.

  “So,” Jessie said, suddenly seeming uncomfortable. “You and Jake.”

  Bryn nodded and punched down the ice with her straw.

  “I’ve known Jake since I was seven years old. He’s like a brother to me.”

  “I could tell that you were very close,” Bryn murmured, unsure of what to say and a little unsure of where this was going. She had an idea though.

  “I don’t know what the future might bring, but I see how he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking.”

  She had?

  “And if you hurt him . . .” She trailed off with a shake of her head. “Just don’t.”

  Jessie had to be mistaken. Bryn could never break Jake’s heart. He would never let her close enough. Anyone could see that he was still hung up over his late wife. It was Bryn’s heart that was in danger.

  “I would never hurt him.”

  Jessie gave her a sweet, understanding smile. “Just see that you don’t.”

  • • •

  Once Jessie seemed to get it out of her system, her “you better not hurt Jake” speech, Bryn enjoyed the sassy redhead. One thing she could honestly say about Jessie Langston, she was forthright and down-to-earth. Okay, that was two things, but they both fit her to a T.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to look at clothes?” Jessie asked as they eased down Main Street.

  Cattle Creek was the quintessential small Texas town. Everything about it screamed “come in and sit a spell.” Bryn had been raised in the city and had always lived in one big metropolis or another. But this . . . she was pretty sure that if a person looked up charming in the dictionary, a picture of Cattle Creek wouldn’t be far down the page.

  Brick storefronts that looked as if they had been there since the turn of the century, the twentieth century. Lampposts she was certain were turned on each night. Hanging flowers and striped awnings. Who had hanging flowers in this heat? Cattle Creek, that was who.

  “It’s quiet here,” she said.

  Jessie shook her head. “Only if you’re not from here.”

  Bryn didn’t have a chance to ask what she meant by that before Jessie pulled her SUV into the parking lot of the Dollar General.

  “They won’t be silk, but they’ll keep your fanny covered until you can get back home.” She slid from the truck, then stopped. “You are going back to Georgia, right?”

  Bryn nodded. Every day she stayed in Cattle Creek, the farther away Georgia seemed. She had to get back before she forgot herself and where she was from. “In a day or two.” Maybe a week.

  “Is Georgia nice?” Jessie asked as they walked inside. She pointed her over to the small clothing section.

  “It’s green.” Bryn said. “I live in Atlanta. It’s big and . . .” Big. That was the only word she could think of to describe her
hometown. There were so many great things about the city and she couldn’t think of one.

  “Seth would love having a baseball team that close.” Jessie smiled. “That man loves his baseball.”

  “I thought football was king in Texas.”

  Jessie laughed. “It is, but Seth says baseball is a gentleman’s sport.”

  She had only talked with the sheriff of Page County twice, but she could see him saying that, as if she had heard it firsthand. Seth Langston was a gentleman cowboy, no doubt about it.

  And what was Jake? More of the same. Except sexy. Yet she didn’t know if he liked baseball or not. She had been there over a week, and she still didn’t feel like she knew that much about him.

  “I don’t see any maternity panties,” Jessie mused as they perused the wall of packaged undies.

  “I guess I’ll just have to get some regular ones, just a bigger size.” It wasn’t like she’d be wearing them for long.

  Her cell phone chimed, alerting her to a new text message. She fished it out of her purse. Jake. She couldn’t stop her smile, then it froze as she immediately wondered if something was wrong. She thumbed open her messages.

  I’m something of a cat person. I’ve never been to the movies alone. I hope you have two girls.

  She stared at the screen a full five seconds trying to figure out what he was talking about.

  “Is something wrong?” Jessie asked.

  “I don’t think so.” She typed What? into the phone and hit send, still staring at it as she waited for his reply.

  Our game. It’s my turn right?

  Right, she responded with a laugh.

  Tonight you tell me which one is the lie.

  This wasn’t two lies and a truth, which was exactly what it looked like. She was fairly certain he wasn’t a cat person and maybe he had been to the movies alone, maybe not. But her having two girls . . . ? That didn’t seem like Jake at all.

  “I tell you, it’s a crying shame.”

  Bryn looked up from replying to Jake. She might not have ever paid any attention to the voice and the woman it belonged to except Jessie stiffened like she’d been shellacked into a stick.