The room brightened and Van turned his back on her, aware that his eyes were changing and not wanting her to see them. He took long deep breaths, holding each one for a moment before exhaling so he could claw back control. His hunger abated and he closed his eyes, thanking the gods for their mercy. If he lost control near Amerii, his only option would be to knock himself out, if he was even conscious enough to do that. He wouldn’t allow himself to hurt her.
He looked at his arm, remembering her reaction to his touch. She had pushed him away. She had been angry for some reason. It hadn’t been her lack of air.
“Van?” she said and he heard her move off the bed. Before he could turn to face her, she had padded softly across the room to him, her footsteps a bare whisper. She stepped around him, hesitated a moment, and went to the window. “My ship looks tiny from here.”
Small talk. Regis had warned him that females made small talk when they feared asking something. She had come to him with a question and had shied away from asking it.
“She is not a large vessel,” Van said and moved to stand beside Amerii at the window. She fidgeted, picking at the hem of her top. “Once the doctors have confirmed you are well enough, I will have you escorted back to your ship.”
She looked at him and then back at the ship. There wasn’t any sign that she liked or disliked that idea.
“Van?” she said again and he faced her, hoping it would help her voice her question. Small talk was all very interesting but he had no patience with it, not when he wanted to know what she needed to ask.
“Your highness?”
Her frown said that she didn’t appreciate his falling back onto treating her as royalty.
“Amerii,” he said, staring into her eyes. Hers widened and her cheeks coloured. The sight of such a sweet reaction to him stirred his blood and he again found himself fighting his bloodlust. An image of her in his arms flashed across his mind—her body bare and neck exposed to him as soft mewls escaped her lips. He swallowed, clenched his fists and shut his feelings down.
She avoided his gaze and nibbled on her lip. Seeing that she was going to make small talk again, he stepped towards her, closing the gap so much that she looked at him.
“There is something bothering you,” he whispered and relinquished a slither of control over his feelings so she would see his concern was genuine. “You left the room in such a hurry. I was worried you were not feeling well.”
“Worried?” Amerii said and her eyes searched his, their rich blue depths questioning him. He nodded. “You truly have been practicing.”
“Are you unwell still?”
“I’m fine.” She toyed with the hem of her white top again. “I just... I couldn’t... I didn’t... I mean... I realised that perhaps I was acting out of place.”
She spoke her last sentence in such a cold distant tone that it drew a frown from him. Again, she had changed on him in the blink of an eye.
“Amerii, what is wrong?” he said and fought the temptation to reach out to her. His heart said to touch her. One touch and she would understand him, she would know what it was that he felt and would hopefully respond as she did in his dreams. He couldn’t do it though.
One touch and he might lose control.
It was hard enough just being close to her right now. He didn’t know how much more he could take.
“I...” She closed her eyes and turned her face away from him, lowering her head. “I’m an idiot.”
Van stood silent, knowing that she wasn’t finished. She was building up the courage to say something, to ask something that he could sense was important to her. Her heart was beating rapidly and her emotions were so intense that he could almost feel them.
“The women,” she whispered and her cheeks darkened with the shame that he could sense in her. “They’re beautiful, Van.”
Women? The alteration in her attitude towards him had been because of women? He wished Regis were here. All of his crew had little experience of the opposite sex and none had ever had contact with a member of the opposite sex who was also of another species. He didn’t understand.
Amerii turned away from him fully, her arms wrapped tight around herself.
Women.
Beautiful.
The answer hit him hard, sending his eyes wide.
She thought that he would want such inferior females as those under his command?
Van stepped up behind her, took hold of her shoulders with trembling hands, and turned her swiftly to face him. She stumbled but regained her footing. He frowned down into her eyes, trying to discern whether he was right. They swam with tears.
Foolish Lyran.
He raised his hands to her face, cupping her cheeks, and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. His hands shook, the feel of her soft warm skin triggering a war within him, a battle to control his bloodlust.
“Amerii,” he husked, his voice tight with his fight against his hunger. He stepped into her, so their bodies were pressed against each other, desperate to slake a little of his desire with the sense of contact. He ran his hands down from her jaw to her neck, caressing the delicate curve of it. The room brightened and an intense wave of bloodlust crashed through him. “You do not know how much I want you.”
****
Chapter 4
Amerii stared into Van’s eyes. Their bright crimson depths and the strain in his voice told her exactly how much he wanted her. Her heart beat hard against her chest, her body quivering under the intensity of his touch and the heat of his gaze. She swallowed and pressed her hands into his chest, against rock hard muscles that trembled with restraint. He was fighting it.
He dipped his head towards her and her eyes closed as their cheeks brushed, sending a shiver of anticipation through her. His lips caressed her jaw and then trailed downwards towards her throat, his breath hot against her skin.
She swallowed again, waiting, aching to experience what Sophia had called exquisite when she had spoken of being bitten.
Van’s mouth closed over her neck and Amerii shuddered when his tongue brushed her skin.
A second later his lips, hands and body had broken contact with her. She opened her eyes to see that he had moved away from her and was standing by the window, his breathing heavy and his eyes still vivid red.
“Leave,” he said in a gruff voice.
Amerii didn’t understand. One moment all of her fantasies had been coming true and she had felt as though Van really did want her, and the next he was distant and cold.
“Leave!” He turned his back on her.
His shoulders shook violently.
Why had he suddenly changed? Was his hunger too strong for him to control? Perhaps she had been wrong. Perhaps he might hurt her if the bloodlust took hold of him and he couldn’t control it. She had thought it would be others in danger, not her. Nerves fluttered in her stomach but she slowly walked towards him, intent on soothing him if she could. She had brought out this hunger in him. Maybe she could ease it and help him.
“No,” she whispered and he looked over his shoulder at her, his expression solemn. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You don’t know what you do to me,” he said, his voice so low that she barely heard the words. She edged closer, her movements slow so she didn’t startle him into reacting. He laughed; a self-mocking one that made her wonder what he was thinking. “I cannot do this... I don’t... I am not worthy and you are royalty... you... Amerii, you don’t know how dangerous I am.”
Amerii swallowed her fear and stepped up to him. With a steady hand, she reached up and touched his back. His eyes closed and he inhaled slowly.
“I think I know,” she whispered in a soft tone, full of the warmth she felt inside. “I believe that you won’t hurt me. You don’t.”
Van frowned, his eyes still closed, black lashes brushing his cheeks. Her hand trailed upwards, brushing the ponytail of his long black hair aside. When her fingers reached his neck, he tensed. She stroked the pale skin above his collar and then
his ear. He turned, leaning into her touch.
“You won’t hurt me.” She didn’t know whether she was saying that to him or to herself. “I know you won’t.”
“Amerii,” he muttered and opened his eyes. They slid to meet hers, filled with incredulity. “You do not fear me? You do not think I am a monster?”
She shook her head and stepped around him, trailing her fingertips along the line of his strong jaw. He was beautiful even when he looked so frightened. The sight of his fear made her want to comfort him, to show him her own feelings in the hope that he would find some reassurance in them. She wanted him to know that she truly didn’t fear him and she didn’t think he was a monster because of his bloodlust. His eyes narrowed, dark red and penetrating hers, searching deeply as though he needed to see the truth in them. She cupped his cheek and held it.
“I have never feared you, not once since I met you that night, and I have never thought you a monster,” she whispered up at him, holding his gaze.
His gaze shifted to her throat and then back to her eyes.
“Would it help if I said I wanted to feel it... that you have no idea how much I want you too?” she said.
His eyes narrowed and brightened.
Evidently, it would help.
“I’ve thought about you ever since that night, Van. I’ve dreamed of you.”
“Dreamed?” he husked, his voice echoing eerily, and moved closer to her, his eyes zeroing in on her neck again. “Tell me... tell me this isn’t wrong... tell me I am not overstepping the mark... tell me what you dreamed.”
He certainly was embracing worry at least. Fear and worry. Both negative emotions. Amerii wanted him to feel others, ones that were positive. Happiness, desire, love.
Love.
Regis had been teaching Van to lose control so he too could achieve that feeling.
So far, Regis was the only Varkan capable of love. If she could, then she would help Van know it too.
“Tell me,” he pleaded as his hands caught hold of her upper arms and he neared her.
“This isn’t wrong,” she said and closed her eyes when he kissed her jaw. Tingles swept through her, hardening her nipples against her white vest. “This isn’t wrong and you aren’t overstepping the mark. It doesn’t matter that I’m royalty. I’m free to fall in love with whomever I choose.”
“Love?” he whispered against her throat, his voice tight again. “Tell me what love is. I fear I still do not understand it.”
Amerii smiled and sighed as his lips caressed her neck, soft and slow, tender and warm. He was so gentle with her. He worried so much about her. He didn’t want to hurt her and had tried to protect her from himself. Perhaps he already knew love but couldn’t recognise it.
“Do you feel as though you’re flying and falling at the same time?”
Silence.
“Yes.”
Her heart beat harder. “Then this is love. Love is flying and falling at the same time.”
Her eyes shot wide when he licked her neck and then his teeth scraped it a moment later. He wrapped his lips around the graze, encircled her waist with his arms, and pulled her close to him. She tilted her head to one side, her hands pressing into his chest. Each brush of his tongue over the small cut made her shiver. His body trembled against hers.
“Van?” she whispered and was surprised at the hunger in her voice. “Do you want to bite me?”
His breath shuddered against her neck. “More than anything.”
She frowned. “Then why don’t you?”
She could tell that he was holding back. He wanted more than the tiny drop of blood he must have taken from the scratch. She wanted more than that too.
He kissed along her shoulder, caressing it with his fingertips and pulling the strap of her white vest down.
“It is not that simple,” he whispered and kissed her collarbone. “I cannot bite you there.”
“Somewhere else?” She was aware of how desperate that made her sound but she didn’t care. She wanted to feel him bite her. She wanted to feel his need for her and know that this wasn’t a dream. Dreams. He had asked her to tell him about them. “I’ve dreamt of you biting me.”
Van groaned and his arm around her waist tightened, pressing her so hard against him that she could barely breathe.
“You always bite me... it always feels... I can’t explain it.”
“Try,” he whispered and licked the cut on her throat again. “Try for me.”
“Divine,” Amerii said and he moaned and bucked his hips against her. Her eyes widened at the feel of his hard length against her stomach. The thought that she was affecting him so much with nothing more than simple words gave her the confidence to say a little more. “Divine... exquisite... like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”
“Where,” he muttered, his voice trembling. He kissed up to her jaw and she tilted her head to one side. “Tell me where I bite you.”
She had never had to say things like this before. It was embarrassing and only made worse by the fact that she was talking about her fantasies with the object of them.
She cleared her throat and stroked his chest, slowly moving towards the buttons of his jacket. She needed to feel him skin on skin with her. She wanted to see the svelte body that she knew his uniform concealed.
He kissed her shoulder.
“Here?” he whispered and she nodded. He took hold of her wrist, stopping her attempts to get him naked, and kissed the inside of it. “Here?”
She nodded again.
His hands grazed her stomach. “Here?”
She bit her lip and nodded.
He stepped up to her and pressed a solitary kiss to her throat. “Here?”
She moaned her reply.
“More than once?”
“Almost every time,” she whispered and trembled when he closed his lips around her throat and sucked. She ached for him to bite her, her body tightening and yearning for his touch.
“Do you know what a bite here means?” His voice was a sultry whisper in her ear, sending warm shivers dancing down her spine.
Amerii shook her head, her hands going back to work on the buttons of his jacket. When she had it open, she dipped her hands inside, pushing the two sides of his jacket apart. He was naked beneath it. She groaned at the feel of hard muscles and tight sinew. Filled with a need to see what she was touching, she pushed him gently backwards, and furrowed her brow when she saw his body.
In all her times on Lyra Six, she had never seen such a perfect example of masculinity. Every muscle was taut and pronounced, but not overly developed. His body was lithe and powerful, calling to her on a base level where she had no control. She wanted to taste every inch of his flesh, to spend long hours exploring his body. She wanted to feel that body against hers, filling her, knowing that it would be every bit as wonderful as she had imagined.
Van pulled her back to him.
“If I bite you here.” He spoke the words between kisses against her throat. Each kiss made her temperature rise a little more until she was burning with need. “It means that you are mine.”
“Yours?” Amerii said and, in her desire-hazed mind, she liked the sound of it. She kept her mouth closed tight though, not wanting to voice her thoughts. He had said that he wouldn’t bite her there but she knew that it didn’t mean that he didn’t want to. It meant that he didn’t feel worthy of staking a claim on her. His mention of her royal status hadn’t gone unnoticed. She didn’t care that she was royalty. As far as she was concerned, she chose who she wanted to be with.
Daughters of Lyra: Heart of a Commander Page 4
