Small Town EMP (Book 3): Survive The Conflict

by Hamilton, Grace

  Malachi rubbed his eyes. The wind had kicked up and he kept getting dirt in his eyes. He’d left the clearing behind earlier, tired of listening to the adults fighting and arguing about what they should do. He didn’t really get a choice in the matter anyway. His mom would decide what was best for them, though he’d push for them to stay with Savannah and her dad if he could.

  “Savannah!” he called out into the woods.

  The sun was setting, blinding him even through the trees when he looked to the west. He squinted, seeing her figure moving down from the area where the horses were; he must have just missed her when he’d left the clearing.

  “Savannah! Wait up!” he called out, jogging towards her. He’d been trying to talk to her the past couple of weeks. He felt horrible for treating her so badly. She’d wanted to be friends and he’d pushed her away. He hated watching her suffer in silence, though. She hadn’t been the same bubbly Savannah since Nash had died. Malachi felt his own share of the guilt, but Savannah was taking it the hardest of any of them.

  “Hey,” he said when he finally caught up to her.

  “Hi,” she returned, not offering anything more as she continued down into the woods. He fell into step beside her.

  “What are you doing out here?” he asked.

  She shrugged a dainty shoulder. “Taking a walk.”

  “It isn’t safe for you to go out walking alone,” he said, noting that she didn’t have a thing on her that she could defend herself with.

  “There’s no one out here,” she replied.

  “We always think there’s no one here until there is.”

  “It’s fine. I’m fine,” she said, not bothering to look at him.

  “How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine,” she repeated.

  It was the same answer she always gave him.

  “What do you think about the options they’re talking about up there,” he asked.

  Her hair got caught in a pine’s limb and she angrily pulled away from it. Usually, she used her fingers to comb it and tie it back. He’d noticed she hadn’t done much with her hair in days. It was like she was wilting away right in front of their eyes.

  “I don’t know. I don’t care.”

  “You have to care. I know you have an opinion,” he teased.

  “Not really,” she said flatly. “It doesn’t matter if I do. My dad is going to decide for me regardless of what I want to do, and he should. I’m terrible at making decisions. My decisions get people killed.”

  Malachi bit back a groan. He’d hoped she’d gotten beyond blaming herself so much. “That isn’t true. Savannah, you saved all of us. Your decisions kept us alive before we got to your uncle’s. I know we wouldn’t be here today if not for you,” he insisted.

  She let out a long sigh, staring out into the overgrown trees. “I hate this. I hate all of it so much.”

  Fighting the urge to give her a hug, Malachi came to a stop beside her as she leaned on a tree and simply reached out to hold her hand. She let him, which seemed like progress, and he finally answered, “I know. I do, too.”

  “Is it worth it?” she asked.

  “Is what worth it?”

  “All of this pain and suffering. We’re probably all going to die anyway. I don’t want to die like Nash did. I want it to be over and done with fast. He suffered a long time. Did you see his face?” she whispered.

  Malachi winced. “You can’t keep thinking about that. It isn’t healthy.”

  “How can I not think about it!” she wailed, tearing her hand away from him and crouching down against the tree as if to shrink into the ground. “I did that to him. I was horrible to him. He left because he was mad at you and me. We made him feel like he didn’t belong.”

  Malachi crouched in front of her, pulling her hand away from her face and holding onto it, gripping it as if that could send some of his reason into her. “I’m sorry for what I did. I pray to God every night to please forgive me for my part in him leaving. But we didn’t actually hurt him, Savannah. You can’t think like that.”

  “I do think like that! I can’t stop thinking like that! I hate myself for what happened to him. Every time I close my eyes, I see his big, bright smile…. He was a nice person, so nice. He saved my life, and look at how I repaid him. It hurts, Malachi. I mean, it really hurts,” she said, putting a fist against her chest as tears began flowing down her cheeks.

  His heart ached for her suffering. “Savannah, will you pray with me?”

  “For what? Forgiveness? No. I don’t want forgiveness. I don’t deserve it!” she hissed, scrubbing at her tears.

  “Yes, you do. You made a mistake. It was Nash’s decision to leave the group. No matter what happened at the house, it was his decision to go to that mine by himself. He knew it was dangerous.”

  She covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. “I can’t deal with this. I can’t do this anymore.”

  He acted on instinct then, reaching out and pulling her into his arms, hugging her tight. She tried to get away, but he refused to let go. Instead, he held her until she quit fighting and relaxed into his arms, both of them there on the ground leaning against a giant pine. Her soft sobs tore at his heart. He hated to see her suffering, but the only thing he knew to do for her was be there and pray she found peace.

  11

  After spending some time with Malachi, Savannah had felt moderately better, but then she’d come back to the clearing. The adults were bickering over what made sense, and it brought all of the stress she’d felt lately pounding back into her head. The tension in the group made it all the more difficult to cope with her own heartache. It felt like there was nowhere safe to turn. Everything was life or death, and there was no safe place to just let her guard down, and simply feel.

  Malachi was a good friend, and she was glad to have him around, but he was about the only thing keeping her sane. He’d assured her things weren’t as bleak as she’d thought. Yes, they had made mistakes, but they were in the past. Crying had actually helped her calm down, weirdly enough.

  Unfortunately, things were never easy. She was convinced she wasn’t meant to be happy. It was one horrible mistake after another for her.

  Now, Savannah felt like crap as she watched Amanda calm Charlie, whispering nothings to him as if Savannah weren’t even there. Amanda stroked his nose, softly whispering as she ran her hand over his neck.

  Finally, Amanda turned to face her, gathering his lead in her hand. “You should have been paying more attention—horses aren’t dogs that you can just give half your attention to!”

  Savannah shrank back from the woman’s anger. “I just wanted space from the clearing, and I thought that part of the stream would be a nice change of pace for him. And me. I wanted his company and didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “I wouldn’t have, if you’d acted responsibly!”

  Amanda turned away from her without another word, leading Charlie back up toward the clearing. The set to her shoulders made her frustration clear, and she had every right to be angry—they were lucky Charlie hadn’t gotten hurt. Savannah had looked away for only a moment, but she’d been holding his bridle too loosely, and something had spooked him. Amanda guessed it had been a snake, but one way or another, he’d bolted. Savannah had screamed for help and run to catch him, but these woods were so thick… they were lucky his bridle hadn’t gotten caught on something and broken his neck.

  Ahead of her, Amanda suddenly pulled Charlie to a halt and swung around to face her. “I know you’ve been wrestling with a lot on your mind since Nash died, but it’s time to get your head out of the sand. We could have lost Charlie today just because you weren’t paying enough attention and wanted to be alone. Life and death decisions are being made, and if you persist in walking around ignoring everything, you could get hurt, or worse, cause someone else to get hurt.”

  Again. While Amanda didn’t say it, Savannah heard it loud and clear. She was responsible for Nash’s death, and just as Amand
a said, they could have lost Charlie today because of her—this sweet horse who didn’t hurt anyone. Just like Nash, the sweet guy who’d only wanted to help everyone survive. “I’m sorry. I would never purposely hurt him.”

  “I know that, Savannah. I do,” Amanda said, stroking the horse’s side. “But it being an accident doesn’t change anything.”

  Savannah felt tears on her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

  “Look, we’re all under a lot of stress, and sometimes we want to get away and forget about our responsibilities, but that doesn’t make them disappear. Even if he hadn’t broken his neck like I said, what if Charlie had stumbled and broken his leg? I’d have had to put him down. Or what if he’d knocked you against a rock or down a slope and broken your leg?”

  “Well then, you’d just have to put me down,” Savannah bit out. “At least I’d be put out of my misery.” Savannah swiped at the angry tears on her cheeks.

  Amanda stepped towards her, concern all over her face. “Savannah, that’s not what I meant.”

  Savannah knew that, in her heart, but it didn’t matter. Amanda was right—this could all have gone so horribly wrong, and it would have been her fault all over again. Without giving Amanda a chance to say anything more, she turned and ran, going nowhere in particular. She couldn’t go back to camp. The horses were more useful than she was. Amanda didn’t have to say the words for it to be true. She herself may not have done it, but it was her fault Nash was dead and she’d almost gotten Charlie killed. She ran blindly, down toward the stream and along its bank, finally stopping when she couldn’t see through the tears anymore.

  She collapsed to the damp ground there, burying her face in her hands. The pain and anguish that had plagued her since Nash had died was erupting in loud sobs that she couldn’t hold back anymore. She struggled to draw a breath, pain radiating through her body. Life was not okay. The world was not okay.

  “Savannah!” she heard Malachi’s voice coming through the trees.

  She wanted to crawl under the prickly bushes she’d found herself next to. The last thing she wanted was to have Malachi find her. She looked a mess.

  “Go away,” she croaked out when he came crashing in next to her.

  He was beside her anyway, breathing hard. “Are you okay?” he gasped out.

  “I’m fine. Just leave me alone. I’m toxic!” she wailed.

  He dropped to his knees beside her, putting his hand on her back and gently rubbing. “You’re not toxic.”

  “I am. I got Nash killed and I almost killed Charlie.”

  Malachi looked at her. “Savannah, I told you, you can’t blame yourself for what happened to Nash. He chose to go off on his own, and you certainly didn’t do anything to Charlie. We found him and he’s fine; all he did was go for a run and give the rest of us some exercise. Probably figured we’d been sitting still in the clearing long enough.” He smirked a bit at that, but Savannah couldn’t muster a smile. Nothing was okay. Not for her.

  “Malachi, I didn’t fit in anywhere before the EMP and I don’t fit in now. I have nothing to offer the group. Face it—I’m dead weight,” she said, her heart twisting and cramping as she struggled to breathe.

  “I’ll stay here with you while you calm down,” he replied simply, settling down beside her on a rock.

  “No. Go back.”

  “I’m not going to leave you out here by yourself,” he said.

  She wiped her face with her hands. Knowing how stubborn he could be, she took a few deep breaths to try and slow her breathing. And then, as if it were carried on the stream, a sudden sense of calm washed over her. It was like, in that moment, the proverbial clouds parted, and she could see clearly. She knew what to do. It brought her peace and a little fear, but the fear would ease.

  Big decisions were always scary; that’s what her dad always said. She’d work through the fear and everything would be okay.

  “Okay,” she said.

  “You’ll come back with me, or you want me to stay with you?” Malachi asked with confusion.

  “I’ll go back with you,” she said, getting to her feet and wiping the dirt from her pants.

  “Oh, okay, great,” he said, getting up and quickly falling into step beside her.

  She didn’t speak as they moved up through the trees. Her mind was already planning. She knew what she had to do.

  Her dad was standing off to the edge of their camp when they returned, his arm around Amanda’s shoulders. They both had their backs to everyone. The sight was difficult to see. Her dad was more worried about Amanda than he was her. Savannah looked away, glancing around the faces of the others sitting around the campfire. The way they looked at her, with annoyance and irritation… it hurt to see how useless they thought she was.

  “Hey, you,” Ennis said, coming up to her and giving her a big hug. “Are you okay? You just ran off,” he said.

  “I’m fine,” she snapped, a little too abruptly.

  “Why don’t you have a seat by the fire?” he suggested softly. “Have something to eat. You’ve hardly eaten anything these last few days.”

  “I’m not hungry. Besides, it’s better that someone who doesn’t make so many mistakes should get the food instead of me.” Savannah felt Malachi trade looks with her uncle and come to some silent agreement—he walked over to his mother, and she cringed. Even Malachi thought she was a useless child.

  “Savannah, we all make mistakes.” Her uncle reached out to her, but Savannah didn’t think she could handle another pity hug.

  “I’m tired and I think I want to go to sleep,” she said flatly, stepping away from him.

  “It’s early,” Ennis protested.

  She shrugged. “I was up early.”

  After a moment, Ennis nodded and let her go. She walked behind the lean-to—something she’d been prone to doing lately. The space out of sight of the others allowed her to be with the group, but still separate. It was the only place she felt alone.

  The others stayed up late into the night, sitting by the fire and talking. She needed to get her rest, and did her best to calm her brain. Despite her best attempt to sleep, though, she couldn’t get her mind to stop running. It was nonstop. Thoughts of the past, before the world as she’d known it had been stolen away. Then Nash had died. So many people had died. She had to get away; that was the only way to shed the pain that seemed to be following her.

  Darkness fell. Slowly, one by one, everyone crawled into their own little spots and settled in. She didn’t know who was on watch, but didn’t care. And while Sarah was most certainly awake, she’d still be absorbed in the laptop. They wouldn’t see her leave. That was another benefit to crashing behind the lean-to. When she heard no more voices, she sat up, waiting to see if anyone noticed. No one said anything. She grabbed the backpack she had carefully positioned under a bush behind the shelter. No one had noticed, or if they had, they hadn’t mentioned it.

  She crawled on her hands and knees in a straight line, keeping the lean-to behind her as a shield from sight. The dark night was perfect for her grand escape. Little rocks and sticks poked her palms and her knees, causing her to wince, but she never stopped moving. When she felt confident she was far enough away to be seen, she got to her feet and moved cautiously around to the other side of the clearing, coming to where the horses were tethered and being sure to keep the horses between her and the camp.

  Not hearing any noises from the camp, she quickly tacked up Raven. Charlie was Amanda’s baby, and while the woman would miss Raven, Savannah thought she’d understand and just be glad that Savannah herself was gone. She wouldn’t make another mistake around horses, and Amanda would know that once she thought about it. Plus, Amanda would still have Charlie.

  But by the time they found that Raven and her tack were gone, Savannah would be long gone with her.

  She took a deep breath, feeling a huge weight lift from her shoulders. She knew being alone was dangerous, but it felt right. She needed some time alone to wor
k things out in her head. She couldn’t take any more looks of sympathy, pity, or outright anger.

  She needed to be free.

  12

  Austin’s eyes popped open when the sun was barely breaking over the trees. He felt like something was wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was there. He rolled his head to the left and saw Amanda’s sleeping face. Then he scanned the area. He could see the others all still sleeping, some of them under the trees, others partially under the shelter. Sarah was passed out, as well, just inside the lean-to with the laptop hugged against her chest.

  He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and saw Ennis sitting up, leaning against the trunk of a tall pine. His brother looked over at him and gave him a small wave.

  “Anyone else up?” Austin asked as he approached.

  “Nope. Probably not even five yet.”

  He got to his feet, doing a quick roll call in his mind as he looked around. He moved to check behind the lean-to where Savannah had gone to bed last night. He could see the pile of pine needles where she’d slept, but she wasn’t there. He assumed she must have already gotten up and moved into the trees for some private time.

  He went back around and sat next to Ennis. “So, an island?” he started.

  Ennis chuckled. “It’s an option. Look, I don’t want to fight over this. I know you don’t like Wendell, but he did bring up a valid point.”

  “Ennis, we could do something to end this whole thing. Don’t you want to have a normal life again? Don’t you want to have a house with running water and electricity? Drive a car, surf the internet, go to a restaurant?” he asked.

  Ennis let out a long sigh. “I do, but, Austin, you have to be realistic. Do you honestly believe we have a chance of ever getting into the computer center or into a missile silo?”

  “I do,” Gretchen said, sitting up.

  Austin’s mouth dropped open. The previous night had been nothing but arguing about what to do; their group had broken up in the afternoon, saying they’d all think about it, but squabbles had broken up from then on until late into the night. Gretchen especially had been staunchly against the idea. She’d been one of the loudest voices pushing for a peaceful existence far away from society.