Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  When I closed my eyes, though, some nights I could also hear the echoes of when we fought. We’d had a pretty intense fight the night of his accident. I could remember the two of us screaming through the house.

  “You act like you don’t want to be with me!” I yelled out from the kitchen counter as Keaton stood in the doorway. He was dressed in his blue scrubs. His caramel skin seemed to glow against the color of his scrubs and the cream of the wall.

  “To be truthful Bri… sometimes I don’t,” He admitted. I remember feeling my heart pound at his words. We were certainly in a rough patch in our relationship, but we’d had them before and came out of the other end just fine, but this one situation had changed us and we were having a hard time crawling out and seeing the light.

  “Keaton,” I breathed out feeling my heart beginning to break. “Why do you stay then?”

  “I stay for those two kids who were 16 years old and saw something in one another. I try to see what they saw again, but it can be hard to see that light again. You don’t make it easy for me. You always have questions about what I’m doing and always want to see my phone,” he explained to me.

  “I wouldn’t have those questions or concerns if you hadn’t…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to say it out loud. As broken as I’d felt in that moment. I’d felt much more broken when I discovered it.

  “If I hadn’t cheated on you,” he finished my sentence. I tried to keep up with wiping the tears that were rapidly falling from my eyes.

  “You broke me and I’m scared. Keaton, I love you and we’ve been trying to get past that. I took you back. I’m determined to work through this, but only if you are,” I wanted us to work out. He was the only man I’d ever known. The prospect of dating and going into the world scared me shitless.

  “Bri… I don’t know some days,” He shook his head. I didn’t want him to say more. I rushed across the kitchen to the man I’d loved since I was 16 years old. I grabbed his face between my hands and pressed my lips to his, hard. “Baby,” he whispered against my lips.

  “I’m trying to trust you again and believe me, I want to trust you again. It’s hard, but I am willing to fight for us,” I looked into his eyes. I’d known these brown eyes for so long and I felt like I knew everything about them.

  “If you can lay off a bit and give me some breathing room. Know I’m trying to,” I smiled at his answer. He kissed me quickly. “I’ve got to get to the hospital. See you in the morning,”

  “See you. I love you,”

  “I love you too, Bri-Bear,”

  I SAW HIM again, but in a hospital bed. He was almost unrecognizable when we were finally allowed to see him. The man I’d had a passionate argument with was unconscious in a hospital. His face was bruised, bloodied, and swollen. I remembered hating myself for fighting with him that night. Those last moments should have been filled with pure love, reverence, and understanding. That night had changed everything.

  Patrick

  MY MIND WONDERED if that could have been a mistake. I allowed my body and my heart to lead me and not my very capable brain. We were completely alone and there she was, I needed to take that chance. I knew it was out of line and I knew I was jeopardizing everything by not thinking straight, but thinking straight around Brielle was nearly impossible.

  I truthfully hadn’t expected her to be in the office at all. It was after 1AM and nobody in their right mind would be at work, but there she was hard at work on a Sunday in the middle of the night. I don’t know what it was about it that I found to be so sexy, but it was. Her dedication to her work was intoxicating and spellbinding.

  I’d opened up to her, I told her things I hadn’t told anyone else and she listened. It was amazing to see her watching me and obviously listening intensely to what I had to say. Brielle was surely something and I knew that was my chance. I felt her rushed breath on my face and her scent of vanilla swirling through my nasal cavities. She was all I could ever want or need. That moment was for us.

  Of course the entire moment came crashing down when my ex called. I hadn’t spoken to this girl in weeks, but she decided of all the times, that is when she wanted to call me. I rushed away to talk to her and when I’d returned, Brielle was gone. I stood in the doorway to her office and cursed, I’d lost my chance. I always lost my chances with her.

  That time I asked her out in school. I’d thought about doing it for weeks at that point. I knew she had a boyfriend, but I also knew I needed to take the chance. Back then I wasn’t the biggest at taking chances for anything, so asking out the one girl I wanted to be with was beyond huge.

  She wore a jean skirt with a cherry red halter top. Her long hair was draped over her shoulder. I couldn’t concentrate at all during study group. I was psyching myself up as I watched her study her notes with our other classmates. Normally, I was the guy on top of things, but that day I was a fumbling mess.

  “So, I think we should all get together again next week right before the exam,” Brielle suggested as she put her books into her bag. I nodded enthusiastically. I knew the material inside and out, and the only reason I attended the study group was to be around her. She had this allure that dragged me in, plus she needed some help at statistics and that was my expert subject.

  Statistics were funny. I could know the likelihood of any event with the right numbers, but no matter how much I knew I would most likely be turned down, I couldn’t help, but want to take the risk with her. She was worth all the risks.

  “Would you like assistance to your car Brielle?” I asked her. I felt stupid. I sounded like a complete nerd the way I asked her. Fuck, I’d ruined my chance already with that. “I mean, it is dark out and I would only want to make sure you got to your car safe.”

  “Yeah, thanks Paddy,” she said, giving me a soft smile. I hated that nickname, for some reason it stuck from day one here at Stanford. The only person I didn’t mind calling me that was Brielle, the way it sounded when it dripped off her lips, perfection. She was only doing this to be nice to me, I knew it. I quickly stood and helped her to slide out her chair. My mom had always taught me the key to life was being a perfect gentleman. I tried my best.

  The two of us walked outside into the cool air. Final exams were nearing and we all seemed to study much later than usual. It was already after 10PM and we were just leaving the library. I was so nervous to say anything as we walked into the parking lot. After a few minutes we’d reached a small Honda Accord.

  “This is me,” she announced as she unlocked the passenger door. Right away, I opened the door for her and allowed her to get inside. “Thanks so much for walking me.”

  “No problem, I um… I wanted to make sure you were safe and all. You never know, you know?” I was fumbling and acting like an idiot, but that was me then. My confidence in anything other than academics was low.

  “Yeah, I appreciate it,” she answered. “So, I’ll see you in class.” she went to close her door, but I stopped her. That might have been a creepy move, that shouldn’t have happened.

  “Brielle, I um… I wanted to know if you would go on a date with me?” I asked her quickly. I tried to not jumble my words together. My face was getting hot. This was embarrassing, but at the same time I was proud of myself for actually doing it.

  She gave me a kind smile. That smile was everything. I watched the way the light of the street lamp lit her beautiful chocolate face. I’d learned from her over the school year that she was a quarter Pakistani mixed with black. I was intrigued by her background and she wore it beautifully.

  Doubt crept into my mind, each second passing felt like an eternity. I knew an exotic beauty like herself wouldn’t want to be with some fat and creepy white guy like me.

  “I would, but you know, I have a boyfriend. I’m sorry Paddy. I really am,” she did at least look conflicted at the moment, but I was dumb for asking her. It was upsetting, but I knew I would have to accept that she was taken and even if she wasn’t taken, she might have still turned me down and I woul
d have to be okay with that.

  “Yeah, I know. I was stupid for asking. Have a good night,” I rushed my words and closed her door quickly. I hurried away not looking back, but knowing I’d have to face her in class and at study group and I did.

  I thought about these moments while sitting at my desk. All these years later and I was still enthralled by her, but now I had something new going for me. I had confidence in myself, that made all the difference in everything.

  Today I was seeing her. That made me smile. We had our usual meeting and I was beyond thrilled. My meetings with her made Wednesdays my favorite day of the week. For an hour or two, I was alone with the only woman who could make me this way, make me irrational and forward. This woman had something about her that drug me in.

  Chapter Six

  Brielle

  LETTING OUT A SIGH, I was irritated with the fact that it was Wednesday. Wednesdays meant having a meeting with Patrick. I hadn’t seen him since Sunday morning in my office when we nearly kissed. I hadn’t slept much since then. When I did sleep, I found myself dreaming of him. Dreaming of his hands on my body, of his kisses on my skin. I couldn’t figure out why I craved him, of all people, so badly. I’d met plenty of men since Keaton’s accident and I’d never wanted any of them. There was something and I was becoming powerless against this invisible pull.

  As much as I was dreading this meeting, I was looking forward to it. That fact was obvious with my choice of wardrobe for the day. I couldn’t explain my desire to just feel sexy. I hadn’t felt that in a long time. Instead of wearing my typical cotton underwear I dug through my drawer and found an expensive set of a black lace bra and panties. Just putting them on I felt a way that I hadn’t felt since well before Keaton’s accident, years before his accident.

  I paired my racy underwear with a rose colored button up blouse with the top few buttons undone. Along with my blouse I wore a tight black pencil skirt that started just above my knee.

  Stepping out of the elevator with my black satin, Manolo Blahnik heels clicking on the tile floor, I felt like a vixen of some sort. I didn’t know who this girl was, but I sort of liked her. She was the opposite of the closed off, depressed shell I had become over the past two years. Maybe this was why Patrick was in my life. Maybe, just maybe, his presence and the want I felt for him was to bring me out of my funk.

  I was surprised when I wasn’t greeted by Layla, the bubbly brunette, but a hardened looking blonde sitting at the receptionist desk. The blonde looked up from the computer, she seemed like the type of person I for sure wouldn’t greet on the street.

  “May I help you?” She spat out her eyes looking me over from head to toe.

  “Yes, I have a standing appointment with Mr. Bailey,” I expressed moving my long black hair behind my shoulder. “I’m Brielle Elliot the Company Assurance Manager,”

  “Hmm… let me see. Yes, I’ve found you. You may go in,” she seemed to dismiss me with a wave of her hand. I didn’t know who pissed in her coffee this morning and where was Layla? Determined to not be derailed by her bad attitude, I gave her a smile before going straight for Patrick’s office. As always I knocked.

  “Come in,” Patrick’s smooth voice called out. I felt the butterflies flutter fiercely inside of my stomach. I felt like a high school girl who was about to see her crush. This was ridiculous, but felt amazing.

  Turning the knob, I opened the door and entered Patrick’s office. It was the same as always and since it was a nice day I could see the waters of the Bay sparkle in the sunlight. Patrick was sitting at his desk. He simply gave me a soft smile as I entered.

  “There she is. We have a lot to go over today,” He pointed out as he stood from his desk and began to make his way to our usual spot on the couch. I bit my lip out of pure nerves. I quickly forced myself to stop and started to the couch. Sitting down, I looked up to see Patrick’s eyes studying me. I peered down to realize that the lace of my bra was clearly visible. As much as I wanted to fix it, I knew deep down a part of this was on purpose. Quickly, I snapped out of my school girl’s fantasy and buttoned up my blouse. I was in a business setting and I needed to conduct myself properly as I knew how.

  “So, Mr. Bailey. We should get started if there is a lot then,” I commented, trying to recover from being completely inappropriate with him. I still had a livelihood to manage and this job helped me do so. I wasn’t going to ruin it because I wanted to feel saucy.

  “You make things very hard for me Brielle, in more ways than one,” He murmured as she shifted his pants. I looked away, clearing understanding what he was referring to. I felt him sit next to me in his normal spot. I could smell his scent of cinnamon. I tried my best to not look at him. “So…” he started before clearing this throat. “Our original plan was to present to the board in three months knowing we would only get a partial board. I was informed yesterday that the full board will be meeting tomorrow. This is a prime opportunity for us. Yes, it will speed this project up dramatically, but being able to present it to the full board and getting a quicker approval will work in our favor,”

  “Are we going to video into their meeting?” I questioned as I knew the board would be meeting tomorrow, but in London.

  “We are going to the meeting. We are flying to London tonight,” Patrick declared. I blinked at him a few times. I couldn’t possibly fly to London tonight. This wasn’t going to happen.

  “I can’t go to London. You are aware I only work half-days on Thursdays. I visit Keaton,” My heart was pounding. I’d never missed a Thursday visit since his accident. The thought of missing a Thursday felt wrong. I couldn’t exactly explain why it felt so wrong to me, but it did in more ways than one.

  “Brielle, getting this project presented in front of the board is key and this meeting is something we can’t miss. We could video in, but actually being there and showing our dedication to this project will help us in more ways than one. I know you have your standing date with Keaton, but I need you there. You are the brains behind this thing. Please,” Patrick was begging me. He needed me. I took a deep breath. Keaton had always been so supportive of my career and what I wanted to do. Missing this one Thursday would be okay. I nodded in response to Patrick and his face seemed to instantly light up. “Great. Our flight will leave from SFO at about 7:30PM. We will arrive in London tomorrow around 2PM. Bring a change of clothes to change into on the flight as we will go straight from the airport to Core Solutions’ London office. The board meeting is to start around 4PM or so,”

  I then realized something. I was supposed to help April with Tori’s birthday party. We had a date to put toddler swag bags together on Friday night. Then there was the actual party on Saturday.

  “When will we return?” I asked him at once trying to not panic.

  “So the meeting is Thursday. We will be doing a few things with leaders in the London office on Friday and the plan is to fly back here on Saturday morning. I think our flight leaves London at around 7AM and we return on Saturday at about 11AM,” Patrick explained to me. I would be jet lagged, but luckily I would be able to make it to the party that didn’t start until 2PM. I knew April would forgive me for not being able to help with the bags, though that didn’t keep me from feeling bad. I let out a breath.

  “Do you have some hot date or something?” Patrick asked with a smirk.

  “If by hot date you mean a 4-year olds birthday party… then yes,” I responded with a sly smile. Patrick gave me a grin. Once again two little butterflies were fluttering and making me feel good inside, but did this all come with some sort of price? I’d made the decision to be faithful to Keaton and here I was backing out of that and clearly flirting with Patrick. I needed to get my priorities straight. After London, I was going to have to put some space between Patrick and myself.

  I WISHED KEATON could see me. I never imagined this, ever. I was taking my first steps onto a private jet. After working for a few hours with Patrick, he sent me home to pack and I was instructed to meet him at San F
rancisco International Airport an hour before our flight. I figured that we would be flying Business Class or something on a commercial flight, but it seemed he had other plans. We were taking a private Core Solutions jet to London.

  I wanted to laugh to myself as the first thing I could think of was that I was staring in some rap video as I was greeted with the pure luxury of the plane. All of the seats were a tan leather and an attendant greeted me immediately with a tray that had two glasses of champagne.

  “Welcome aboard Ms. Elliot, champagne?” the attendant greeted me with a kind smile.

  “Um… yes… Thank you,” I managed to say as I took one of the two glasses from her tray. I didn’t know where to go. I was frozen.

  “You can sit anywhere,” Came Patrick’s voice. I turned slightly to see him right behind me and giving me a nod. I quickly took a seat in the closet leather seat. “First time on a private jet?” He questioned as he sat across from me. I nodded as I took everything in.

  “Champagne, Mr. Bailey?” Questioned the attendant.

  “Yes, thank you so much Mandy,” Patrick said to the attendant who seemed to swoon at his words. I knew exactly how she felt. I watched him take his glass from her tray before she scurried away. “I remember my first time on a private jet. Gerald took my mom and I on vacation with him. I was wide eyed and amazed like you are right now. Will this be your first time out of the country?”

  “No,” I shook my head. “Keaton and I went to Paris one summer,”

  I gave him a smile thinking of that trip with Keaton, but my smile then faded as I felt the plane start to move. I wasn’t the best flier. I could do it, but my anxiety was always on high. I quickly drowned my glass of champagne, knowing that it wouldn’t, but hoping the alcohol could take effect to calm my nerves. I closed my eyes and felt my hand grip the arm of the seat. At once I felt a hand taking mine. I opened my eyes to see that Patrick was no longer sitting across from me, but next to me and holding my hand.