Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  “I don’t just want to have sex with her. I want to hold her and love her and treat her like the statue of perfection that she is. It isn’t about the sex, Steve.”

  “It is always about the sex.”

  “No, it’s about a lot more than that. If only she could know that. Maybe she only thinks I want her for her body.”

  “Maybe, have you tried talking to her?”

  “I need to. Maybe on the flight back tomorrow. If not… I guess… I guess I let her go. I’m not going to chase her around like a lost puppy and I’m not going to force myself into her life if she doesn’t want me there. After tomorrow if she doesn’t want to talk, I let her go.” I shrugged at my decision. I didn’t want to let her go because she was everything, but at the same time. I wasn’t going to force myself onto her.

  “She’s a fool if she doesn’t want you,” came a voice in a delicate British accent. Steven and I both turned to see a young woman about my age standing behind us. She peered right into my eyes with her soft gray eyes. She took the bar stool right next to me. My eyes watched her short crimson dress slightly ride up. Brielle had me on edge and seeing this sexy thing walk in wasn’t going to help me at all. “I’m Hazel.”

  “Um… Patrick,” I murmured as I tried to keep myself from examining her body.

  “Steve,” Steven burst in. Steven was always on the hunt when it came to women. Even after two failed marriages, because of his wandering eye, he didn’t seem to stop. He was a good guy, but he definitely had his flaws.

  “I better head up to bed. I have a flight to catch in the morning. Steve, it was great to see you buddy. Let me know when you’re back in the States. Also, it was nice to meet you Hazel. Bartender, put their drinks on room 724.” I gave my friend and Hazel a nod before I left the bar. As beautiful as Hazel was, I knew I only had eyes for one girl at the moment and right now only time would tell what would happen with us.

  MORNING CAME FASTER than I’d expected it to, but alas, it had arrived. I had a slight headache from the whiskey and popped a painkiller before I walked out of my room with the luggage. I sat waiting for Brielle and it didn’t take long before she walked out of her room. My heart was pounding at the sight of her. There was never a moment where she didn’t look amazing. I wanted to jump right up from my place on the couch and pull her into my arms and plant kisses all over her skin.

  “Good morning,” I piped up trying to sound cheerful despite my headache. Brielle glanced up at me. Her cocoa brown eyes seemed pained and conflicted. I wanted to kiss those feelings away, she should only be happy.

  “Morning,” she mumbled before placing ear buds in. I sighed, she was going to ignore me this morning. My only hope was that she would allow me to talk to her on the plane.

  I wanted to express to her how much I could love her, if only she would allow me to. If not, I knew my exit would be to let her go. We still had to work together, but at this point we could do a lot of work over email. For me it would be easier because I wouldn’t have to see her or hear her angelic voice. As much as I wanted to be her friend, that wasn’t going to be possible for me. I wanted to be her lover and protector. With the feelings I had, friendship wasn’t in the cards.

  I was afraid of having to let Brielle go. She would flutter away in this distance. I would love her no matter what. I hoped that she could know that.

  Chapter Eight

  Brielle

  I SAID ABSOLUTELY nothing to Patrick on our flight back to San Francisco. From the moment I emerged from my room, I had my headphones on determined to not talk to him unless I had to. It was 11 hours of sitting on the opposite side of the plane as him and listening to music to keep me distracted. My goal was to make it home, and make it to Keaton. We arrived in San Francisco, without a single word spoken between us, I grabbed my bags.

  “Brielle… we need to talk,” Patrick asserted as he took me by the arm. I looked him up and down with disgust. I shook my arm away and said nothing to him as I held on tightly to my bags and started my way towards the parking lot, to find my car.

  I was exhausted, but I had to keep going. I looked ahead at the road as I drove. I needed to focus on getting to April’s house and not the maddening situation I’d found myself in. The way Patrick made my mind, body, and heart feel was haunting me and taunting me, but I needed to keep going. I needed to continue on the path I was already on and not veer off the road onto his.

  “Brielle, are you alright?” Came my mom’s voice. After the airport I’d gone home to shower and change before heading to pick up my mom. I glanced over at her as she sat with a Tupperware full of papadums for April, on her lap.

  “I’m fine, mom. I’m just tired and jet lagged from my business trip,” I asserted, as I did my best to keep my eyes on the road.

  “Things went well?” She questioned.

  “They went amazing. The board was impressed with us and we got the go ahead,” I explained to her.

  “Who is we?”

  “We are, Patrick Bailey, the COO and I. I’ve been working with him on this project,” I kept my voice void of any emotion as I mentioned Patrick.

  “Is he single?” I slightly turned to her as she asked this question. I snickered a tiny bit.

  “Why, are you looking for a side piece?” I questioned giving her a playful wink.

  “Of course not. I ask for you. A boyfriend would be good for you,” I was instantly shocked by her answer. My mom had always tried to support me in my wait for Keaton and this was the first time she’d ever suggested me moving on in any way. “You are so uptight lately. You need to relax and a boyfriend can help… unless you’d like the number to Erica down at the sex shop,”

  “MOM!” I nearly slammed on my breaks at her suggestion. I was grateful that we were already on April’s street. I pulled my car over and parked it right away before looking at my mom. “Mom, I don’t need a boyfriend or anything from the sex shop. I have Keaton,”

  “Sweetie, the last I checked Keaton was in a coma and unable to do what a man should be doing for you. I will give you Erica’s number. Her shop has a nice selection of toys that will help you… relax,” She was completely serious. I couldn’t believe that she was, but the look on her face was serious. My mom and I had always been pretty open about sex, but this was taking things to an entirely new level. I had no words for any of this. “I know for the past two years I’ve been supportive, but I can’t sit by and watch my youngest daughter suffer. You are so beautiful and have a wonderful personality. I want to see you grow and grow with someone. There is a much larger chance of Keaton not ever waking up than there is that he will. I don’t want your life to pass you by. I’m your mother and I love you. I want to see you thrive. I know you had an entire life planned with Keaton, but that life may never happen. Please take my advice,”

  “Mom,” I breathed out wiping away the tears that had started to fall from my eyes. I never saw this coming from her. April had always been the one telling me to move on all the time, but now my mom was telling me the same thing. Should I? I wouldn’t even know how to move on without Keaton. Keaton had been the only man I’d known. I took a deep breath and wiped the last of my tears away. “Let’s go into the party. We are already late and... I already have a few things from Erica’s shop.”

  My mom and I didn’t say anything to one another as we walked into April’s backyard. It was like a circus back there, but that was April who would always go above and beyond for her kids. Besides there being a petting zoo, there was a bounce house, and a face-painting station. I spotted April right away at the face painting station. She gave me a wave and came to us right away, her blonde hair blowing in the soft breeze.

  “Bri, Mom!” She said happily as she came to us. She quickly pulled my mom into a huge hug.

  My mom, in a very real and legal way, was April’s mom. April wasn’t just my assistant or best friend, but my adopted sister. April and I had been close since the 6th grade and we spent all our free time together. We were 17 years old an
d April was supposed to attend a basketball game at UC Berkeley with her parents, but we had a double date planned with Keaton and April’s boyfriend at the time. April ditched the game and we went on the date. That night her parents were involved in a car crash that killed both of them instantly. Without blinking an eye my mom took it into her hands to become April’s guardian, as she didn’t have any other family in the area, and the family she did have, who she didn’t know at all, were in Florida.

  When Keaton was involved in his accident, April was there for me right away. She was the one person who completely understood the pain I was feeling in those first days. She was surely my best friend and my sister.

  “Where is my Tori?” My mom questioned.

  “Off in the bounce house,” April said as her eyes widened. She’d spotted the Tupperware of papadums my mom had brought with her.

  “Yes, these are for you… and the baby,” My mom gave her a huge smile. My mom was essentially now going to get three new grandchildren as my older sister was pregnant with twins.

  “Babe! We need more punch,” called out the voice of April’s husband Nate. April rolled her eyes. I wanted to laugh at her reaction.

  “Want to come in with me to get the punch?” She questioned. I nodded and followed my best friend into her house.

  April lived in a quaint neighborhood outside of my hometown of Vallejo, California. Hiddenbrooke was a community in itself nestled into the hills outside of the city, it had a golf course and country club. Some of the houses out there could have price tags at over a million dollars. April’s house didn’t cost that much, but it was a nice house nestled away from the bustle of the city.

  We were together in her large kitchen as she reached in the fridge and pulled out some pre-made pitchers of red punch and sat them on the counter. I glanced around the kitchen and thought about my trip and what my mom had said to me in the car.

  “What’s wrong?” Came April’s voice. I looked at my best friend who was leaning against the counter studying me with concern etched across her face. I looked at the small bump that was protruding through the fabric of her tight T-shirt.

  “Nothing,” I lied, though, deep down I knew she wouldn’t believe me. April always knew when something was up and she could be relentless as she tried to figure out what it was. “Nothing more than the usual,”

  “You are lying. Tell me. What’s bothering you? And I know it is more than the usual,”

  I thought about how I would say all of it. I glanced around the kitchen to confirm that we were completely alone before I took a breath. “In the car my mom started telling me the same things you have been telling me for awhile. She thinks it is a good idea that I move on from Keaton. That talk came at the worst time. While we were in London, Patrick and I kissed. Well… we more than kissed. We nearly had sex.” It was the first time I was saying all of this out loud. April’s mouth seemed to drop to the floor.

  “Oh shit!” Her blue eyes were huge as she just stared at me. “You and Sex on a Stick Patrick, nearly went there?” It was like she couldn’t believe her ears. “Oh crap girl!”

  “The worst part to me was that I wanted it. I craved it. Every moment of it felt so good, but then there was the guilt. I have Keaton. I’ve been faithful to Keaton and now… I don’t know. I feel like some whore.” Guilt was the worst part of all of this. I’d felt so much guilt since that night.

  “First, as your best friend I proclaim that you are not a whore. You are a beautiful being who deserves all the happiness in the world. If that happiness is with Patrick then, go for it. You’ve been faithful to a man who may never wake up, for two years. Most women would never last that long. Bri, you need to be happy and you need to go after what makes you happy. Does Patrick make you happy?” With this question I couldn’t help, but smile. In a way Patrick made me happy. The idea of being with him made my entire body fill with pure delight. “It might be fate that he came into your life again and you know what I say, you don’t fuck with fate.” It was funny, this was the second time fate had been mentioned when it came to me and Patrick.

  “I need some time. There are loose ends with Keaton and all. I can’t just let go like that. I need to find closure and I need time for that,” I confessed. April smiled. I knew this was something she was waiting for me to say, for a very long time. I only hoped that Patrick could be patient with me while I tried to find closure with Keaton. I wasn’t going to jump right into his arms without doing so.

  “You know I’m here. If you want to talk or cry. I’m right here no matter what, day or night,” April insisted. I knew she was and I smiled. I was blessed to have such an amazing friend in my life because I didn’t know how I would have survived these past two years without her.

  “Babe, the punch!” Came Nate’s voice.

  “Ugh, help me with this punch before I punch him in the face,” April growled out. One thing was for sure, this pregnancy seemed to be just like her last two. April and Nate were so in love, but when April was pregnant, it seemed that Nate got on her last nerve with every single action. I laughed at my best friend as I took a pitcher of punch from the counter and followed her out back into the party.

  IT WASN’T MY normal day, but as I’d missed my Thursday with Keaton, I felt the need to see him this week especially after all that happened over the last few days. It was earlier than usual, therefore instead of lunch I’d brought my breakfast with me. I took my seat in the chair next to his bed. He looked the same, but that was nothing new. I sipped my cup of Starbucks Coffee before I pulled a cinnamon raisin bagel from a paper bag.

  “I know it’s not Thursday like normal. I had a business trip to make. I went to London. It was amazing and so beautiful. You would love it there. I thought about you a lot while I was gone,” I paused as the situation with Patrick entered my mind. I took a breath before taking a bite of my bagel. “I’ve got breakfast today. A cinnamon raisin bagel, your favorite,” I then went silent. I stayed silent listening to the sounds of the hospital room as I finished off my bagel and took a few sips of coffee. Wiping my hands on a napkin first, I took his hand in mine. I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand that was so much thinner than it had been two years prior. I missed Keaton’s strong hands.

  “Keaton, I told you about the guy, the guy I’ve been having feelings for. Things have gotten more intense. I’ve waited two years for you and at this point people are telling me I’m crazy to wait any longer. I’m starting to believe them. I love you and I’m certain I will always love you, but maybe they are right. Maybe, I should move on. I just hate seeing you here and I hate the unknown. I miss the connection that we shared when things were good, and the connection I share with this guy… God, it is electric and I can’t say I’ve ever felt this way before,” I looked at his nearly lifeless body. It remained the same with no expression. I only wish that if he could hear me, he could give me some sort of response. “I want to try moving on. Right now I can’t see myself losing anything if I try. There is no real harm in trying,” I shrugged.

  “There isn’t,” I jumped at the sound of a voice and turned sharply to see a middle aged black woman with big brown curls. It was Keaton’s mother, Diane. She gave me a soft smile as she walked to my chair and placed her hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t expect you here on a Sunday morning,”

  “I had a business trip for work on Thursday. I decided to come today,” I explained to the woman who was so close to being my mother-in-law. “I’m sorry you had to overhear that, me confessing my feelings for a man that is not your son,”

  “Brielle, I’ve been amazed at your dedication to my son over the years. The two of you have been through rough patches, but you hung on and fought through them. These last two years have amazed me the most. You didn’t have to wait, but you did. Joe and I have had so many opportunities to pull the plug on our son, but we’ve always decided against it, for you. No matter what you’ve been the most dedicated to him and we love you for that. You deserve a
life and right now I know you won’t get that with Keaton. Even if he does wake up. He may not walk or talk,”

  “I know and I don’t care. I’d be here,” I asserted.

  “We know. Joe and I know, but if he remains how he is now. I’d feel better knowing that you got the life you’ve always dreamed of with a husband and children. I know that future may not be with my son, but you will always be my daughter,” I felt tears in my eyes with her words. As fast as my body would allow, I jumped from my seat and pulled her into a strong hug. This woman had been a second mother to me for so long.

  “Just know I will love him forever,” I whispered through my tears.

  “I know that. I’ve known that since he first brought you to meet us. The two of you were only 16, but I just knew what you two had was an everlasting kind of love,” I pulled back and looked at her. I couldn’t believe she’d felt that since I was 16. I gave her a soft smile and wiped my tears away.

  “I should let you have your visit,” I murmured as I bent to pick up my coffee cup.

  “I still call you. To check on you and all,” She commented. I nodded with a smile. I was grateful to have Keaton’s family. There were so many times that I knew I could depend on them.

  ARRIVING AT MY house I noticed something right away. I quickly parked in my driveway and got out my car. Walking up to the front door, I found a bouquet of yellow roses. I picked the flowers up and opened my front door. I sat them on my living room table and retrieved the card that had come with them. I knew the handwriting right away as Patrick’s spiraling scrawl.

  My Dearest Brielle,

  I brought these flowers as an apology for crossing the line with you. I should have respected your decision and not pursued you. I let my feelings for you cloud my judgment and that was wrong on my part. I hope you can accept my apology and know that I will take a step back. We can work on our project at this point through mainly email and only meet when necessary. I hope you get your miracle with Keaton, because the only thing I really want right now is your happiness. I promise not to bother you again with my attempts to gain your love and I only wish you the best.