Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  “Just hang in there. You can always run away to my place,” April insisted. I smiled at the thoughtfulness of my best friend who was already going through her own issues. It had only been two weeks since her miscarriage.

  “I might take you up on that. A real girl’s night is needed for sure. Luckily, in the next couple of weeks she is moving to her own apartment,” I pointed out. “I’m at the hospital now. I will talk to you later.”

  “Okay Bestie. I love you and keep your head up,” April reassured. I couldn’t help, but smile because I knew my best friend always had my back no matter what.

  I parked my car around where I normally did and made my way into the hospital building. It was funny how you could get so familiar with a place and once you stop going as often it seems so new, but not at the same time. I went up to Keaton’s floor and once I was out of the elevator one of the usual nurses gave me a huge smile and a wave. I kindly waved back before going down the hall into Keaton’s room.

  He was the same as always, there was no other way to put it. The only difference was his hair had grown and his dad would have to come give him a haircut as he tried to do often. I moved the chair next to his bed and took a seat. It was always the same routine and I don’t think it would ever change.

  “Hey Keaton,” I said as I reached into my bag and pulled out the wrap I’d picked up at a grocery store on the way out here. “It’s a caesar salad wrap today. I was short on time.” I ate a little bit of my wrap and studied Keaton’s face. I looked at the scar above his right eye. I remember the day he got it. He’d been out surfing and I got a call from Angela that he had a pretty bad wipeout and was taken to a hospital in San Francisco. He’d gone under and hit his head pretty hard on a rock. He could have died that day, but he was being looked over from above.

  “Things are weird with my boyfriend right now. His ex-girlfriend is living with him now because she is pregnant and says the baby is his,” I started to laugh as I finished telling the story. “It is so weird telling you this, but we were always friends and I want to be open with you. Through everything, I’m still happy. I love him so much and he makes me happy. I guess I can fight through this. I fought through a lot with us, so I know I can do this.”

  A thought then hit me. I wondered, what if Keaton woke up one day and one day soon. I had Patrick now and I was in love with him. I loved Keaton and would always love Keaton. Could I just leave Keaton in the unknown like that? I’d promised to love him forever and to be his wife. I let out a sigh. Inside I felt like I would choose Patrick in the end. My heart felt a way with him that it had never felt before, a way it never felt with Keaton.

  “So, dad’s stand-up has been going great. Comedy Central wants to film his routine to have it televised. It is on Labor Day weekend. We are all so excited. We just hope that Anam doesn’t go into labor then. She is having twins, I’m sure I told you. A boy and a girl.” I smiled, thinking of my family. They were all happy and good and I was happy, they were happy that I was happy. My mom kept telling me that she’d never seen me this happy whenever she got the chance. My life was with Patrick, Veronika or no Veronika.

  Patrick

  VERONIKA AND I rode in the car in silence. We were on the way to her first OBGYN appointment in the States. I wasn’t the happiest with her. I’d made every effort to make her feel comfortable in my home while she was staying with me. I was more eager than ever to move her into an apartment. She also wasn’t pleased with the fact that I was forcing her to speak English. I figured that if she was in my environment, then she should speak English and of course when Brielle was around I didn’t want her to feel more uncomfortable than she already was.

  I let out a sigh, this entire situation was absolute insanity. I still didn’t know why Veronika waited so long to tell me. She was now already three months, nearly four months, pregnant with this baby. She should have told me the moment she found out. There were so many questions and no one seemed to have the answers I wanted.

  “Patrick, is it a good doctor?” Veronika asked in her thick German accent. I glanced over to the blonde next to me. I rolled my eyes not just at the question, but what she decided to wear today. For a pregnant woman she dressed a lot more like she was going to the nightclub. Today, she wore a highlighter yellow dress that was very tight and very short.

  It was funny because this was how she dressed when I met her and for some reason I thought this was what I wanted. Now with Brielle, I knew I wanted something different. Brielle could dress incredibly sexy, but there was something sophisticated about her sexy that turned me on instantly. Veronika was just begging for attention, attention I was not about to give.

  “Of course it is a good doctor, I picked one of the best,” I growled in her direction.

  “I know you are angry, I do not like.” She had the nerve to tell me she didn’t like my anger. I laughed out loud. “What is funny?”

  “I’m angry because you waited to tell me about the baby when you clearly knew for awhile. Ronnie, it isn’t fair to my life that you didn’t try to tell me earlier,” I explained.

  “I did try. I called to tell you.” She was attempting to rationalize with me. I shook my head.

  “You called to have conversation. When you finally told me, it was much different, you got to the point right away. Instead you waited months before telling me. I think you enjoy making life complicated for me,” I shot directly at her as I pulled the car into the parking garage of the medical center. Veronika was all about games, in Germany there always seemed to be one game after another. That is what eventually drove me away from her.

  “I do not enjoy it. You know I love you Patrick. We can do this as a family.” she took my hand into hers. It was strange having her touch me. I knew her touch, it was familiar. I allowed myself to relax, but then I felt guilty for being this way. Brielle was putting her trust in me when it came to Veronika. I pulled my hand away.

  “We aren’t a family Veronika,” I grumbled.

  After parking the car, we both went inside, and I worked to find the right department. Ever since Veronika arrived, she’d been using the word family like I was going to instantly give up on what I had with Brielle to be with her. This family of hers only existed in some fantasy in her mind.

  We found the Obstetrics and Gynecology department and checked in for her appointment. We said, barely anything during our wait. Veronika flipped through an outdated magazine until her name was called.

  I glanced over to Veronika on the exam table, she had been instructed to dress in an examination gown. She fiddled with her fingers and manicured nails. She seemed nervous and truthfully, I was too. I instantly felt bad for being angry with her, getting unexpectedly pregnant couldn’t have been easy for her. Veronika lived a fast paced lifestyle filled with parties and exuberance, slowing down to become a mother had to be a drastic change for her. Yes, my life would be different, but she was carrying this baby and I strangely admired her strength to do so.

  “You feeling okay?” I asked. She looked up at me, her blue eyes filled with anxiety. I scooted my chair closer to the exam table and took one of her hands into mine. “As nervous as I am, I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I know this is hard and a little crazy, but I really am here for you and the baby. I want to be a good father and I know you know that. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t want to be a part of this baby’s life.”

  “Danke schön!,” she said, thanking me. “I was scared, so scared. I always saw myself married and happy when pregnant. Instead, I was alone and I was afraid to tell you. We didn’t end well and I was afraid you would reject me and the baby. This still isn’t how I wanted this to happen. I want a real family for my baby.” I watched tears fall from her eyes. I hated that she felt our baby would not have a family.

  “Ronnie, our baby has us… we will be a family. I promise you. Our family might look different, but we will be a family,” I admitted. I thought of Brielle and the life I’d always imagined with her, it didn’t inv
olve me having another child with someone else, but that was how our family would look.

  I watched Veronika wipe her tears away as I squeezed her hand. She gave me a weak smile when the door opened. An older Asian woman walked into the room, giving the two of us a kind smile.

  “So, we have Veronika Müller,” the doctor stated looking up from her clipboard to Veronika sitting on the exam table. She then glanced over to me as I continued to hold Veronika’s hand. “And you must be the husband, Mr. Müller.” I cleared my throat.

  “No, Mr. Bailey actually, just… umm… the baby’s father,” I mentioned.

  “Oh, sorry… I’m Dr. Wong, nice to meet both of you. I’ve received your translated medical files from Germany. It seems your pregnancy has been progressing well. I’m going to do a general check-up and we will do an ultrasound at the end.” I watched Veronika nod in response, her hand was jittering in mine.

  The appointment was alright except Veronika’s blood pressure was pretty elevated and the doctor was worried about her developing preeclampsia. She gave us some literature on it and from the few lines I glanced over, I was worried. I was not very comfortable with Veronika moving out. The fact that it could be fatal to not just to the baby, but Veronika. If I didn’t already have too much to worry about, now there was this. I wanted to care for my family as best as I could.

  To finish the appointment, the doctor took us into another room where Veronika laid on a table. I sat on a stool next to the table while the doctor squeezed gel on her protruded belly. I held onto her hand as the doctor took the ultrasound wand and ran it over her belly. On the screen there was a black and white image. I had no clue what I was looking at,

  “Here we have your baby,” Dr. Wong pointed to a figure that looked like a moving blob. I scrunched my nose, I was expecting something that looked human, not what I was seeing. “It is an active little one. You can see the hands waving at mommy and daddy.” When she pointed out the hands, I couldn’t help, but smile as it seemed they were actually waving. A lump presented itself in my throat, this was my child. For the first time I was seeing what would become a man or woman that carried half my DNA.

  “Are those the feet kicking?” I asked, pointing out what I assumed could be feet.

  “Yes, they are,” Dr. Wong confirmed.

  “Can you feel that?” I turned to Veronika to ask. She shook her head. I was disappointed that she couldn’t feel it.

  “She won’t feel much of anything for another few weeks and even then you won’t be able to feel from the outside for a few more after that,” Dr. Wong explained to me. I was excited for the day that I could feel my son or daughter kicking my hand as I touched Veronika’s belly.

  I’d imagined this moment plenty times before, but I always imagined this with Brielle being the woman on the table. I took a breath, things weren’t going exactly how I’d imagined, but either way I was going to be a father. I looked to see Veronika, giving me a smile.

  “That’s our baby,” she whispered through happy tears, it was and either way I was pleased that the baby seemed happy and healthy.

  I thought of telling Brielle about my decision to have Veronika stay with me through the pregnancy. I knew she wasn’t going to be happy, but we would figure everything out. Right now we had to go with the flow and I needed to take care of mine, that was what mattered, I knew Brielle would understand that aspect of it.

  Brielle

  LEAVING MY OFFICE, I was dreading what was to come next, but at the same time I was excited. I was off to see Patrick. After my visit with Keaton, I’d gone home and fallen asleep on the couch. Of course I woke up to a ton of missed calls and text messages from Patrick, making sure I was okay.

  The thought of going to Patrick’s was exciting yet daunting. Today Veronika had her first appointment with an OBGYN here in the States, as she would be giving birth here. Going to Patrick’s place meant hearing about the appointment, and to be honest, no girl wanted to hear about the appointment of her boyfriend’s ex who was apparently having his baby.

  I pulled my car into Patrick’s driveway. I parked behind the Porsche, but realized the Mercedes wasn’t there. I got out of the car and pulled out my key. Unlocking the door, I walked inside. It was quiet. I went right in the kitchen, knowing that if Patrick had left me any note, it would be in there and of course it was sitting right in the usual spot on the counter.

  Bri,

  Went to the gym. Ran you a bath. Relax. I love you.

  -Patrick

  I smiled down at the handwritten note. I loved when he would run baths for me. He always wanted me at my most relaxed and after such a busy day at the office, I needed it. I jogged upstairs immediately as I couldn’t wait to get my body into the warm water of the tub. I could already feel my body relaxing at the thought of looking up at the skylight and letting the warm water penetrate my skin.

  Once in the bedroom I began to strip off my clothes. In only my underwear I walked into the bathroom that I could tell was lit with candles. I couldn’t help, but foolishly grin as I walked around the frosted glass that separated the tub from the rest of the room and there was Veronika sipping water from a wine glass, her blonde hair in a messy bun, and soaking in my bath.

  “What the hell?” I questioned out loud.

  “Patrick went to gym,” Veronika said innocently. My entire body began to get hot and I started to shake with rage. I turned sharply with no words and left the bathroom. I walked back into the bedroom and was greeted with Patrick.

  “Hey Baby,” he cooed as he came towards me.

  “Don’t, Hey Baby, me Patrick,” I growled as I threw my shirt over my head and looked to where I had discarded my skirt earlier.

  “Brielle, Babe…” Patrick began. He seemed unable to find his words.

  “Why the fuck is she upstairs?” I hissed as I slid my skirt up my legs. I was shaking and I refused to look at him.

  “Ronnie?” Patrick questioned, clearly bewildered.

  “Yes, your precious Ronnie!” I spat, trying to quickly wipe the tears that were trying to fall.

  “Veronika!” Patrick called out and like it was on cue, wrapped in a towel, Veronika came from the bathroom looking as innocent as she could be.

  “Ja,” she answered, ever so sweetly.

  “Why are you up here? You know the rule is you aren’t to be upstairs and I ran that bath for Bri,” Patrick was clearly irritated with her, but I was pissed and enraged.

  “My feet and ankles swell. I needed to soak them. There is no bath in my bathroom, only a shower,” Veronika said with the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve seen on a grown woman.

  “Use a bucket or a damn pot!” I growled.

  “Patrick, she makes me have the stress. You know the doctor said it is no good for me to have the stress,” sniffed Veronika. I rolled my eyes and Patrick let out a sigh.

  “Yeah, Bri could you lay off. The doctor did say stress isn’t good. Her blood pressure is elevated and she needs to be relaxed to keep it down,” Patrick explained and at that point I no longer wanted to be there. I picked my purse up off the bed, threw the strap over my shoulder, and walked from the bedroom without a single word.

  As I walked down the stairs I could hear Patrick calling after me. I kept towards the door. She was clearly going to win this fight and Patrick would stick up for her no matter what. The moment I reached for the doorknob, a hand grabbed my wrist. I looked to see Patrick.

  “Babe, please don’t leave,” he begged.

  “And stay so you could defend her more?” I questioned with disgust lacing my voice.

  “I wasn’t…” he paused. “Brielle, I’m trying to make this work for all of us. I know it is a screwed up situation. She shouldn’t have been up there and she knows this, but I do want her comfortable. There is still a chance that the baby she is carrying is mine and if it is, I want it born healthy and happy.” I let out a sigh. He was right, in the end there was an innocent life that had nothing to do with this madness, but was trapped in
it.

  “At least she will be moving out soon and we can kind of get back to normal,” I commented with a sigh.

  “About that…” Patrick began. I looked up into his eyes. I was dreading what would come from his mouth. “After her appointment, I realized it would be better if she stayed here rather than move into an apartment alone. I don’t like that her blood pressure is elevated, there are so many risks with that and I would rather have her close just in case anything happens.”

  I should have seen this coming a mile away, of course she wouldn’t be moving out into an apartment. She would get to stay nice and cozy with Patrick. I wasn’t happy with any of this, but did I really have any ground to stand on? She was possibly carrying his baby after all.

  “You and I were supposed to be easy, simple, and not filled with complications. I went through so many complications and with you it was a breath of fresh air, now... I don’t know it’s so screwed up. I don’t know how much I can handle. I understand your position in all of it, but I’m scared of losing you through it,” I said trying to hold back my tears. I’d gone through so much and for once I thought I was at the end of the tunnel, but now the tunnel just got longer.

  “I’m trying to keep this as uncomplicated as I can for you because I know that your life has been crazy. I love you too much to lose you.”

  I looked up to him. He brought his hands to my face and used his thumbs to wipe my tears away. He pulled me to him and I pressed my face to his chest. I inhaled the strong cinnamon scent that I’d come to love.

  “I go to bed now. Gute Nacht,” Veronika cheered. I didn’t even move an inch at Patrick continued to hold me close.

  “Gute Nacht Ronnie,” Patrick said in response. “Come on Babe,” Patrick whispered as he took me by my hand. I walked with him slowly upstairs.

  We arrived at his bedroom and Patrick instantly pulled me close and started planting kisses on my neck. He knew how to win me over without a doubt. My worries were starting to fade away as he kissed along my neck, making me moan out. He worked his hands under my top and pulled it over my head before hooking his fingers in the band of my skirt and slipping it down my legs.