The Lie

by Linda Sole

  ‘I tried to like her for Dad’s sake,’ Emily confided, ‘but I never did. I’m glad she’s gone.’

  ‘I can’t say I’m sorry.’ Daniel frowned at her. ‘So you’re off to Liverpool tomorrow. Shall I come with you on the train and see you settled in?’

  ‘Do you want to?’ Emily felt pleased. She was a bit nervous about the whole thing. ‘Yes, I should like that, Dan. Unless you have something more important to do?’

  ‘No, nothing more important than seeing you’re all right,’ he told her with a smile. ‘I shall feel better about you if I know where you are. You’re my little sister, you know, and it’s a big bad world out there.’

  Emily giggled because he was teasing her. She found herself telling him about the injured fireman she’d visited in the hospital.

  ‘He did the right thing apologizing to you.’

  ‘He didn’t have to. I was annoyed at the time, but I didn’t blame him, not really. It was awful for him. His friend had died and he didn’t know if he would ever be able to work again.’

  ‘He sounds a decent bloke.’

  ‘Yes, I think so. He asked me out, but I told him I was being transferred.’

  ‘Would you have gone out with him otherwise?’

  ‘I might . . . Yes, I expect so. I like him.’

  ‘You haven’t made up your mind to marry Simon Vane then?’

  ‘No, not yet,’ Emily said. ‘To be honest, we were so busy at the station that I haven’t really thought about it much. Simon is going to ring me when he gets leave – or he will when I give him my number. I’ll see what I feel like then.’

  ‘That’s a sensible girl,’ Daniel said, with a nod of approval. ‘Give yourself time.’

  It was worth every penny of the money he’d paid Margaret to keep quiet, Daniel thought as he said goodnight to his sister. Emily and Frances would have been so ashamed if Clay had been arrested. He’d done it for them. The money had gone now. He would just have to find a way of earning some more . . .

  ‘Have you noticed how many Irish people there are here?’ Emily asked as they explored Liverpool together. They had already deposited her suitcases at her new lodgings, and Daniel had declared himself satisfied both with the area and the landlady. Emily was going to be living in a private house, but with three other girls from the Fire Service who were already living there, one of whom was called Maura and was Irish. ‘I love the way they talk, don’t you?’

  ‘It’s easier on the ear than the Liverpudlian slang,’ he said, and grinned at her. ‘I couldn’t understand one word in ten that old feller said when we asked him the way to the Albert Docks.’

  ‘I think he was pulling your leg,’ Emily said. ‘When I explained that I was with the Fire Service and needed to get to know my way about the city he soon changed his tune.’

  ‘Well, I dare say he knows they need girls like you, Emily. I’m proud of what you’re doing, you know. You didn’t have to come here. It isn’t going to be as easy as it was in Cambridge.’

  ‘I know that, Dan. I want to do my bit. I think it was when Terry Burgess and the others got hurt – and you being wounded at Dunkirk – that made me realize we’ve had it easy at home. It’s time I learned what life is all about, and proved I’m not just a spoiled daddy’s girl.’

  ‘Well, if you get scared or miserable you can always go home. Frances says there will always be a room for you – until you get married, of course.’

  ‘Yes, I know.’ She pulled a face. ‘It would have been better if you’d been able to keep it as our home until after the war, Dan.’

  ‘I did my best, Emily. I’m sorry I let you down.’

  ‘It wasn’t you, I know it wasn’t,’ she said, sensing his disappointment. ‘Henry says he thinks Clay had something to do with it, but he doesn’t know what.’

  Daniel set his mouth hard. ‘Just leave it, love. All right?’

  Emily saw his grimace and knew that he wouldn’t tell her about whatever had happened to change his plans. She hugged his arm, smiling up at him.

  ‘Carole said Liverpool was all grime and slums, but I like what I’ve seen. There are some lovely old buildings down there by the Albert Docks, and Sir George’s Hall is nice – the Anglican Cathedral too.’

  ‘Of course it is,’ Daniel said, glad the subject had been changed to something more comfortable. ‘It has been a thriving port for a long time – since the river silted up at Chester I believe. It played a big part in the slave trade and has been a magnet for immigration over the years – that’s why you hear so many Irish voices.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ Emily said. ‘I liked Maura, which is just as well since we’re going to be sharing a room – though not beds, thank goodness.’

  ‘So you think you’ll be all right here then?’

  ‘Yes, of course I shall,’ she said. ‘There are theatres and shops and cinemas, and that reminds me – I’m starving. We passed a rather nice tea shop just back there. Shall we go and have something to eat?’

  ‘Just the ticket,’ Daniel said, and smiled at her. ‘My treat – and then I shall have to think about catching a train. I might only get as far as London tonight, but I can stay there and go home when I’m ready. I might look up a couple of friends . . .’

  Afterwards, Daniel thought it must be his fault that the Germans chose to make their first real attack on London that night; they must have known he was coming, and having missed him at Dunkirk, wanted their pound of flesh.

  It was late when his train pulled into the station, and the bombs had already started. He was grabbed by a woman with a small child, her panic conveying itself to him as she told him she was going down to the Underground to sit it out. He went with her, partly to help carry the child, because he could see that she was terrified, and partly because he had no idea of what else to do. He could hardly go looking for lodgings during an air raid.

  The Underground station was filled with people, all of whom looked bewildered and scared. They had been expecting this to happen for months, but now it had they hardly knew what to do with themselves. It was one thing when the bombs fell on the ports or shipping areas, but this was hitting houses, shops and offices, destroying great chunks of their city, and they looked at one another in disbelief, hardly crediting that this was happening to them.

  Some people were sitting on the ground, because they had rushed out so hurriedly that they hadn’t had time to bring anything with them. It was the first time any of them had experienced this kind of thing and they looked at each other nervously. One or two had food and they offered it to the person sitting next to them. Gradually, the atmosphere of terror seemed to ease and a man started telling jokes. A few of the others glared at him, but most laughed. Then someone took out a mouth organ and started to play a tune. An old man dressed in ragged clothes got up and did a little jig to the music and a few people clapped. Most people were silent, mothers hugging their children, lovers sitting with their arms about each other.

  Daniel felt lonely. In the army he’d had comrades to laugh and joke with, and there was always something to do. Here he felt isolated, useless. If he died in this place would his family ever know? He saw a little boy sitting alone crying and felt in his pocket to find half a bar of chocolate. He offered it but the child shook his head and wiped his sleeve over his dirty face. Daniel sat with his back to the wall and tried to shut out his surroundings, concentrating on what he would do when he got out of here.

  When the all-clear came at last, they filtered out into the early morning air, still feeling stunned and shattered by what had happened. A strange red glow hung over the city, but when morning came it was discovered that it was mostly the docks, airfields and power stations that had taken the worst of the attack. A few bombs had fallen on the city, but people began to breathe again as they realized it wasn’t as bad as they had feared. Not yet anyway. But now the Germans had started, there was no telling what they would do next.

  Daniel had been uncertain whether to go home or visit fr
iends in town. Now he decided he would stay on and see friends, visit various places he’d always wanted to see, and just amuse himself. If he went back home it would feel as if he were running away. He found himself wishing that he was back with his unit. The bloody Germans! He wanted to get back to the front and do his bit – just like Emily.

  Emily was glad Daniel had telephoned her that morning. The news about the bombing had been on the radio and she’d been worried in case he’d been caught up in it. He was worried about her, in case she’d been bombed where she was, but she was able to tell him that she hadn’t seen or heard much, but she was due to start work that afternoon, and then she would probably be in the thick of it.

  The Battle of Britain was now well and truly under way and twenty-one cities and towns were bombed that night. Emily’s introduction to a war zone was bloody and shocking, and she was terrified by the reports coming in from all over the city. The fire engines and their crews were working flat out, and still the fires raged. Gas mains had erupted, explosions from them adding to the general carnage and chaos.

  The airfields were getting their share of it according to the news over the next few days. Maura’s fiancé was an airman and he telephoned her once at their lodgings but had to ring off abruptly as the siren went again.

  ‘They have to get their planes in the air quickly, because the Germans will blow them to bits if they’re stuck on the ground, but once they’re up there our lads are a match for most of them,’ Maura told her. ‘Sure, if they don’t go home with their tails between their legs sooner or late I’m a Dutchman.’

  Emily wondered how Marcus and Simon were getting on. She had written to the address that Simon had given her but as yet he hadn’t left a message for her. She knew that he must be busy; all the pilots were stretched, because they were the thin blue line and all that was preventing Hitler from invading.

  The days went by in a blur of rushed shifts at work, when the phone never stopped ringing, and the horror of seeing bombed houses and holes in the road as she went to and from the fire station. Emily was soon so tired that all she wanted to do was eat and fall into bed. Her eyes were gritty with tiredness, and she felt numbed, because that was the only way she could deal with her feelings.

  When she came home in the early hours one morning to find Maura sitting on the stairs with a telegram in her hand, her shoulders shaking as the sobs wracked her body, Emily knew what must have happened.

  ‘Has John been shot down?’

  ‘Yes – he’s in hospital, but . . .’ Maura looked at her with tear-filled eyes. ‘They say he’s badly burned . . . half his face and all down one side of him. His plane crashed in the Channel in flames.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Emily said, torn with pity for her. ‘Have they said you can visit him?’

  ‘No, nothing like that. I’m going to get a letter from his commanding officer.’ Maura looked at her. ‘I’m not sure I want to see him like that. John was so handsome . . . it was why I was mad about him.’

  ‘But he’s still the man you love.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Maura said, jumped to her feet and ran upstairs. ‘I don’t know if I can face it . . .’

  Emily watched her go, feeling sympathy for her plight. It was an awful situation. How could she be sure she wouldn’t react like that if it was someone she loved . . . Simon? Did she love Simon? She thought perhaps she did but sometimes it seemed like an impossible dream. Surely her visit to his home had been in another lifetime? This dreadful, dreadful time they were all going through now was so draining that she hadn’t got enough energy to think about anything but work.

  It was hard to get through the days and nights, and she knew that in London the people were suffering even more, if that was possible. The Luftwaffe had been concentrating on the capital for a while now, as if the Germans thought the way to break the British spirit was through the Londoners.

  ‘If they think that they’re plain daft,’ Daniel told her when he telephoned her one morning. ‘You should see them in the Underground, Emily, laughing and cracking on as if it was a party. That first night they were shocked, but they’ve got the hang of it now; they bring their sandwiches and a bottle of tea; some of them sing and play with the kids. If Hitler thinks he’s going to break us this way, he’s mad. Mind you, I think he must be. Only a madman would have started all this.’

  ‘You’ve stopped on in town then, Dan?’

  ‘I couldn’t go home; it would have been like running away. I’ve been helping with the Civil Defence. They give me jobs to do for them, though I can’t do the rough work just yet, but I can drive people and I can hand round cups of tea. I’m making myself useful.’

  ‘Good for you, Dan.’

  ‘Have you heard from Simon recently?’

  ‘No. I’m a bit worried. I expected him to ring ages ago. You don’t think he’s . . .?’

  ‘I’m sure his family would have found a way to let you know,’ Daniel said. ‘Those fly-boys are doing a magnificent job, Emily love. Be patient and I’m sure he’ll ring you when he can.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have time to see him at the moment anyway,’ she said. ‘When I get home all I want to do is sleep. I’m not sure I can take much more of it.’

  ‘You’ll take it,’ Daniel told her. ‘The same as we all will. It must be costing the Luftwaffe a lot of men and planes to keep this up, love. It will have to end soon.’

  ‘I just hope you’re right,’ she said, as he rang off. ‘I just hope you’re right.’

  Saying a prayer now and then was all they could do for the moment, Emily thought, and added one for Simon. She was thinking about him more these days, perhaps because Maura had been so unhappy. Her fiancé had wanted her to marry him before he went back to his base the last time, and she’d wanted to wait for her big wedding and all the trimmings at Christmas.

  ‘And now we’ll probably never marry,’ she said, tears trickling down her cheeks. ‘They think he may not make it, Emily. I hate the bloody Germans! I wish they were all dead!’

  It was a wish echoed by a good many women in similar situations all over the country.

  Maura had ended weeping in Emily’s arms, and she had wept too for her friend and the man who had been so cruelly hurt. She understood how Maura felt. She had lost something precious and now all she could think about was what might have been. It made Emily think about Simon, wondering where he was and when she would see him again.

  ‘Simon!’ Emily stared at him in disbelief when she came off work that afternoon. He was standing outside the station waiting for her, and he looked so weary that her heart turned over and she knew that her feelings for him were much more than friendship. ‘Oh, Simon. I’ve been so afraid . . . when you didn’t phone—’

  ‘I couldn’t, Emily,’ he told her, his eyes moving over her hungrily. ‘I didn’t get your letter for ages – some mix-up they said, but it happens too often, and then, well, we’ve been at it night and day. I’ve been ordered to take a rest along with the rest of my squadron. I’ve got seventy-six hours, Emily, and I wanted to spend it all with you. Can you get some time off?’

  ‘I can ask a friend to cover for me,’ she said. ‘I’m off until tomorrow night anyway, and Maura will take my next shift if I ask her. Can you wait here while I just go and see what she thinks?’

  ‘Don’t be long then. I’ve been waiting for this too long already.’

  She smiled and went back inside the station house, catching her friend before she went back on duty.

  ‘Of course I’ll cover for you – why wouldn’t I?’ Maura told her. ‘And take my advice, Emily – do whatever he wants. You might regret it if you don’t.’

  Simon was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed when Emily returned and kissed his cheek. He opened them immediately, hugging her to him fiercely and kissing her in a way that made her melt into him. He had never kissed her like this before, and she hadn’t felt this way before, either.

  ‘I love you, Emily,’ he told her. ‘Will you
marry me, darling? Please say you will, because thinking about you, hoping you had made up your mind to say yes, is all that has kept me sane until now.’

  She reached up to touch his face, the feelings swirling inside her. He seemed so intense, at breaking point, and it made her want to hold him. She’d only known him a few months but she loved him, of course she did, and she would be a fool to deny this feeling inside her. It was still a bit too soon for marriage, but these were not ordinary times. Maura had insisted on waiting and she was suffering for it now. Emily would be a fool to throw away her chance. Simon needed her love and she wanted to give it. She wanted to comfort him for all he had suffered.

  ‘Yes, of course I will, darling,’ she said. ‘I love you very much and I do want to marry you.’

  ‘I’ve got a special licence in my pocket,’ Simon said. ‘I bought it weeks ago just in case – will you marry me now, Emily? This afternoon if we can find someone to do it – or tomorrow?’

  ‘Marry you right now?’ Emily was shocked. She hadn’t expected it to be quite so soon. ‘I’m not sure. I would need permission, Simon – I’m not twenty-one yet. I’ll have to ask Henry – and everyone will want us to wait, at least until your next leave.’

  ‘If we wait it might be too late,’ Simon said. ‘There are men in my squadron dying every day, Emily. I know it’s selfish of me, but I want you to be my wife now.’

  He looked so wretched, so desperate, that she couldn’t resist his plea. Besides, whirlwind marriages were happening all the time because of the war. ‘I suppose I could ring Henry, ask him if he will give us permission. We could take the train overnight to London and then . . .’

  ‘I’ve got petrol. I can drive us down there,’ Simon said. ‘If we start now we can be in London by this evening. We could stay at a hotel overnight, and then finish our journey early in the morning. All we have to do is telephone your brother and ask him to make the arrangements at his end. We don’t need a fancy reception, do we – just the wedding and a blessing, that’s all.’