Forever Safe (Beacons of Hope)

by Jody Hedlund

  She’d never been more content than at that moment. Only one thing could have made it better, and that was another kiss.

  “We could give your parents something more to see.” She tried to keep her voice light and teasing, even though deep down the craving for another kiss was growing. “That is, if you think they need a little more convincing that we’re a happily married couple.”

  “We’ve moved out too far to give them a show.”

  “Shall we move back within their sights?” The tide was turning, and the waves were getting higher, splashing the hem of her skirt even though she had it bunched with one hand.

  Except for the tightening of his arm against hers, he didn’t move. He seemed to wage an inner debate before letting go of her. “As long as the show doesn’t involve kissing.” His voice was stern.

  She smiled and gave him a playful shove before moving away from him. “Of course it won’t.”

  “All right.”

  “Then let’s go.” She started running back the way they’d come. “I’ll race you.”

  “You’d never be able to outrun me.”

  She hiked up her skirt and ran faster. The hard-packed wet sand was much easier to traverse than the loose grains. “I doubt you can catch me.” She smiled at him over her shoulder.

  He hadn’t moved, and he watched her almost lazily, his lips curving up into a devastating, lop-sided grin. “I’m giving you a head start.”

  “I don’t need it.” She was nearing the sand dune and their shoes, and the dry sand was beginning to slow her down. She stumbled along, laughing and breathless.

  “I’m starting.” And with that, he jolted forward at a sprint.

  She shrieked at his speed and tried to increase her pace. But now that she was in dry sand, her feet sank and she could hardly move.

  “You better pick up the pace,” he called.

  She only laughed and tried to push herself the last dozen paces. But her feet felt as though she’d strapped stones to them. Before she could beat him to the place where they’d left their shoes, he reached her and grabbed her waist to stop her. Under his momentum, they both tumbled forward. He somehow managed to wrap her in his arms and twist around so that she found herself landing on top of him. As his back hit the sand and she crushed him under her weight, he grunted and closed his eyes.

  She sucked in a rapid breath of concern and quickly rolled next to him. “Are you okay?”

  He didn’t respond.

  She lifted a hand to his cheek. The thin layer of stubble was rough against her fingers like the grains of sand. “Tom?”

  He remained motionless.

  She’d hurt him. Or maybe he’d hit his head in the fall. “Oh no,” she whispered starting to rise.

  But at that moment, his arms snaked around her, preventing her from moving. His eyes popped open, and he grinned. “I caught you.”

  Her body sagged against him with relief. “No. I think I made it.”

  He glanced at their shoes two feet away. “You missed.”

  “I’m close enough.”

  “Not quite.”

  She reached out an arm in an attempt to snag one of the shoes, but he pulled her back so that she couldn’t reach her prize. She was suddenly conscious of his nearness, of the solidness of his body next to hers, and the fact that his face was only inches away. The rapid intakes of his breath made her all too keenly aware of the closeness of his mouth.

  It would be all too easy to bend in and let him kiss her again. Much too easy.

  As if thinking the same, he gave a soft groan and released her. He scrambled back and then sat up, holding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Victoria. I need to be stronger and more careful around you. I can’t—won’t—break my word to your father.”

  “I promised my father to be careful too. But we’re not doing anything wrong.”

  “Victoria.” He lifted his face and met her gaze, revealing his inner turmoil. “Try to understand.”

  She did. This something between them was definitely real, something they could no longer ignore. But he was a man of honor in every way. And she loved that about him. He’d given her father his word to remain professional as her bodyguard. If he allowed himself to become involved with her in a deeper relationship, then he was betraying himself. He would be going against his principles. And she didn’t want to be the cause of that. He’d only loathe himself and perhaps, eventually, loathe her as well.

  She didn’t want to hurt him. She truly wanted what was best for him. But she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to let him go. Not when she was falling in love with him.

  Chapter 13

  Tom tucked the thin blanket around his mom’s waist. “Can I do anything else for you?” He couldn’t look at the end of the bed, at the flat spot under the covers where her feet should have been. The only way he was surviving was by keeping busy all day and spending his evenings with Victoria so that he minimized the amount of time he was with Mom.

  She waved him away from the bed. “No. I’m just fine. You go on and be with Victoria. I can tell you’re ready to wrap her in your arms.”

  “Mom,” he whispered, glancing out his parents’ room to the closed door across the hallway. Victoria would be sitting on the sofa like she usually was, ready and eager to talk to him. The first night he hadn’t been sure what they’d find to discuss. But after spending every night for the past week talking with her, now he wasn’t sure how he could go without their conversations.

  “Don’t be embarrassed, dear.” With a satisfied smile, Mom leaned back against the mound of pillows at the headboard. A book rested on the nightstand next to an oil lamp that was turned low. He knew she’d read for a while before going to sleep. Even now she was a light sleeper—always had been. She likely heard every move they made. “It’s perfectly normal to desire your wife. Especially one as sweet and beautiful as Victoria.”

  Sweet and beautiful. Yes, she was. And desire her? Yes, he did. Too much. Way too much. His blood spurted at the barest remembrance of sharing those forbidden kisses earlier in the evening. Since coming back from their walk on the beach, he’d beaten himself up a dozen times for kissing her.

  He couldn’t let it happen again. However, he was beginning to realize that by coming to Race Point to hide, he’d created a situation that was too tempting. He’d overestimated his ability to keep Victoria at arm’s length. With the combination of his parents’ pressure and his own attraction to her, he seemed to be fighting a losing battle. If he couldn’t keep things under better control, he would need to cut short the month.

  As much as he wanted to deny his attraction to her, he couldn’t fool himself any longer. His feelings for her were different than any other woman he’d worked to protect. And it wasn’t just because she was younger than the others. There was something special about her, a vibrancy, spunk, and spirit that he liked. He was hard on her at times, but she didn’t whimper or cower. She may not have liked all the decisions that he’d made recently, but she didn’t wallow in despair or hold onto grudges. She adapted and made the best of her circumstances. Through it all, she remained poised and lovely.

  He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed spending time with her, not only conversing in the evenings, but also at meals and, tonight, walking along the beach. She was talkative and lively and fun to be with. Like when she’d challenged him to a race. She’d been adorable, smiling at him over her shoulder like she had. At that moment, she could have asked him for the world, and he would have given it to her. It was a good thing she hadn’t known his thoughts.

  “I’m glad that you made up to each other.” Mom picked up her book from the night table. “I could tell you were having a good time together on the beach.”

  “You and Dad are nosy.”

  Mom laughed. “What do you expect? We’re just excited for you.”

  He wanted to tell her that they needed to stop butting into his relationship with Victoria. They were making his job a hundred times harder.

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bsp; Mom reached for his hand and patted it. “You’ll have to excuse our exuberance. The son who told us he’d never get married is madly in love with his bride.”

  Madly in love? He almost choked at the declaration. Mom was reading much more into their relationship than was there. Wasn’t she?

  “At least you worked through your little spat,” she continued. “Your dad always said that a couple can never stay angry for long when they’re kissing.”

  Tom supposed he’d have to be careful not to show any irritation toward Victoria for the duration of their visit, especially around Dad, or he’d make them kiss again. The problem was, Victoria was bound to get mad at him again if he didn’t find a way for her to have more clothes.

  “She’s upset that I won’t agree to hire a seamstress.” Once the admission was out, Tom wasn’t sure if he should have said anything.

  Mom looked up at him thoughtfully. “Ruth left behind several dresses that no longer fit after birthing her children. They would be too big for Victoria, but I’d be happy to help her take them in.”

  He doubted Victoria would accept hand-me-downs from his sister. But it was better than exposing her to one more person who might recognize her or her family name.

  For a moment, the breeze coming in the open window rattled the string of shells mom had hung from the curtain rod. The sound took him back to his childhood, to the memories of walking along the beach with her, collecting shells of all shapes and sizes, seeing the beauty in every detail, even in the tiniest horseshoe crab. That life now seemed like it belonged to a different person altogether.

  “You know, I’ve never stopped praying for you since Ike died,” Mom said as though she could sense his reflective mood.

  Her words made him stiffen. Didn’t she remember he didn’t like talking about anything that had happened in the past? He’d left home plenty of times during previous visits at the slightest mention of Ike.

  “I’ve prayed for you every day,” she said, her smile waning and tears pooling in her eyes.

  “I know, and I appreciate it.” No matter where he’d gone in the world, he’d always known that somewhere Mom was lifting him up to God. It was something he hadn’t been able to do for himself since the day he’d recovered consciousness and saw the stumps at the ends of her legs where her feet had been amputated.

  “God is finally answering my prayers.” Mom’s voice wobbled. “With Victoria.”

  Tom didn’t have the heart to tell her she was wrong. Victoria wasn’t God’s answer, not by any stretch of the imagination. He simply squeezed her arm and said goodnight.

  Thankfully, she didn’t say anything more.

  He followed his mom’s instructions on where to locate Ruth’s old clothes in the attic. After rummaging around, he found them in a crate and made his way back down the ladder. Before entering the bedroom, he drew in a fortifying breath. He needed to be at his strongest, because just the thought of being near Victoria again was enough to send his pulse sluicing like river water through a paddle wheel.

  As he entered and latched the door behind him, he clutched the knob, praying that might anchor him and keep him from crossing to her and sweeping her into his arms.

  At the sight of him, she rose from the sofa and offered him a welcoming smile. She’d lit a lantern, which cast a soft glow over the dark room. A breeze blew in through the open window, tousling the curtains and dispersing the heat that remained from the day. Her cross lay on the couch next to where she’d been sitting. It was a rugged, unpolished cross, not something he’d expect a wealthy woman like Victoria to carry around with her. But she was obviously attached to it and usually left it on the bedside table.

  “I missed you,” she said. In the lantern light, her brown eyes were large and her golden hair was glossy. With the wind swirling the long locks around her shoulders and over her arms, she was breathtaking.

  He gripped the doorknob harder. “You’ve only been in here for forty-three minutes.”

  “Are you sure it’s not more like forty-four?” Her voice was serious, but her eyes teased him. “Whatever the case, it’s been too long.”

  He’d felt the same way. But he couldn’t say so. If he encouraged Victoria’s feelings for him any more than he already had, he’d only end up hurting her at the end of the month when he left for another position in Europe. He didn’t want to cause her any heartache.

  Maybe it was better to argue with her and make her mad at him. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about all of these feelings. And he knew just what would stir up strife. The subject of the seamstress. “Mom said you could remake Ruth’s old dresses.” He reached for the few outfits he’d tucked under his arm and held them out to her.

  He was surprised when she crossed to him and took them without arguing. She unfolded each one and laid them on the end of the unmade bed before standing back and studying them. “Even if the style is rather plain, at least the colors are bright and pretty.”

  “You would look pretty in anything.” Once the words were out, he wanted to bash himself over the head. He was turning into Nathaniel. Flattering and fawning over her. And the thought scared him.

  She smiled and gathered the dresses together before depositing them haphazardly on a wooden chair. Then she sat down on the end of the bed and patted the spot beside her. “Come on. Sit down so we can talk.” She whispered, as they’d gotten in the habit of doing so that his mom wouldn’t be able to hear every conversation they had.

  He didn’t dare let go of the door. “Victoria.” His voice came out a growl.

  “What?” Her elegant brows rose in innocence. “Your parents know you’ve been sleeping on the floor. So I thought we’d better move our talks to the bed.”

  “That’s not a good idea.”

  “But then they’ll stop thinking we’re mad at each other.”

  Apparently he had to spell this out for her. “I’m not a monk. If I sit on the bed, I won’t have talking on my mind.”

  “Oh.” A hue of becoming pink colored her cheeks. She twirled the wedding band on her finger. “Then what do you suggest we do?”

  He glanced to the open window. The steady crash of the waves beckoned him to take a night swim. He needed to cool off and start thinking levelly again. “We have to remember that this isn’t real, Victoria,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “It’s my job.”

  Her fingers lingered on her wedding band, tracing the rose pattern. “What if it doesn’t have to be your job anymore? What if we made it real?”

  The hopeful way she looked at him, as if she might really care for him, as if she truly wanted to be with him sent a tremor through his body.

  He’d never considered getting into a serious relationship. He’d always figured that if he hadn’t been able to keep his brother or Mom safe, then he didn’t deserve to have a wife or family because there was the chance that he wouldn’t be able to keep them safe either. He’d always believed he was better off spending his life alone, making amends by protecting strangers the way he should have protected the ones he loved.

  But what if he’d been wrong? What if he could move on? After all, he was much older and wiser than he’d been during the war.

  Even so, he was ludicrous to consider her proposal. They couldn’t have a relationship. They were worlds apart, she from the upper echelon of society and he from a simple working class family. She was atrociously rich. He had nothing, not even a home. She was accustomed to a life of opulence and pleasure. He was content with simplicity.

  Then there was the tiny factor that her father would never approve. Henry Cole wanted a son-in-law with old money, like Nathaniel Winthrop III. Not a poor light keeper’s son.

  The hope in Victoria’s eyes was too much. He hated to disappoint her, but he couldn’t change who he was. There was no getting around the fact that he wasn’t the right man for her. He expelled a frustrated breath and walked to the window. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared out at the beam of moonlight making a path across the water.
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  After a moment, the squeak of the bed told him she’d risen. She padded across the room, and her soft footsteps stopped behind him.

  “Tom,” she said. “I know you’re probably thinking of all the reasons why we shouldn’t have a relationship.” She touched his back lightly, but it was enough to burn through his shirt and heat his skin.

  “Like the fact that you’re still Nathaniel’s?”

  “I broke off the engagement. You know that.”

  “But he still thinks you’re his. He’s waiting for you.”

  She slid her arms around his waist, leaned into him, and rested her face against his back. At the pressure, he closed his eyes and fought against the desire to hold her. “Being with you is so different,” she whispered. “I never, ever felt this way about Nathaniel.”

  “What way?”

  “Like I’m falling in love.”

  She was falling in love with him? Her words poured over him. Victoria Cole was falling in love with him? How was that possible? What did she see in him?

  She rubbed his arms before finding his hands and lacing her fingers through his. For a long moment, he couldn’t move. He simply wanted to stand there and imprint every detail of the moment into his memory. The warmth of her arms, the smoothness of her fingers, the pressure of her body.

  “What do you feel for me?” she finally asked tentatively.

  “I’m trying to sort it out.” He didn’t know how else to respond. He couldn’t lie to her and tell her he felt nothing. But if he admitted the depth of his feelings, then he might possibly take them down a path he didn’t want to traverse. He’d already compromised his work. This would make things even worse.

  As if reading his mind, she spoke. “I know you gave my father your word that our arrangement would stay professional and you’re a man who lives by his principles. I respect that about you. I don’t want you to do anything that would make you loathe yourself.”

  The tension in his muscles eased, and he relaxed against her. This was one of the things he loved about her, that she was perceptive and unafraid of facing difficult issues.