by Lesley Jones
“No crying.” Marie pointed her finger at me again. I wiped under each of my eyes, feeling embarrassed. Lori put her arm around my shoulders, the dam burst and I sobbed.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, sweet girl. You’re more than entitled to cry. You’ve had an emotional twenty-four hours.”
“I was such a bitch to him before he left.”
“He abandoned you on your wedding day, you’re entitled to be a bitch.”
“Not helping, Mags.” I heard Marie tell her sister from over Lori’s shoulder. She now had both her arms around me and was swaying us both too and fro in a soothing motion. I stepped out of her arms and leant back against the counter to compose myself.
It wasn’t just the guilt I was feeling over Liam’s departure. I was also feeling a little overwhelmed with the attention I was getting from these three women. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them all already, I just wasn’t used to this kind of relationship. I had Nan, and I had Sasha, and that was it. I’d never had a large group of girlfriends. I was fairly shy as a kid, so Sasha was all that I’d needed and nothing much had changed really as I grew up. When I married Liam, I inherited a family that went beyond my grandparents and Luke, a whole new bunch of people that cared, who were interested in my life, and who might, potentially, one day love me.
I took a deep breath and turned and faced them all.
“Sorry,” I said again.
“Forget it.”
“No worries, darl.”
“Don’t worry, sweetheart.”
They all spoke at once.
Just at that moment, Jarrah, Marie’s son, came flying through the back patio doors.
“Hey, Sarah, d’you have a footy I can play with?”
“A foddy?” I questioned, knowing full well what he was after. “What’s a foddy? I don’t think we have those in England.”
“Sure you do. It’s a ball, ya know, one of those things you kick.”
I pretended to be confused for a moment and then gave him a fake look of understanding.
“Oh, you mean a football?” I emphasise the T sound, which he’d pronounced as a “D”. He frowned up at me before looking around at all the other adults and shrugging his shoulders.
“That’s what I said, a footy.” He shook his head at me as if he thought I was strange. . . or maybe a little bit stupid.
“Hang on, I’ll go see what I can find.”
I headed off to the laundry where we’d hid the toys we’d purchased earlier that week for Liam’s nieces and nephew.
I returned with two huge black sacks filled with gifts. The first thing I made a point of pulling out, though, was a dolly.
“This any good to ya?” I asked him with a serious face.
“Awwww c’mon, Sarah. I don’t play with dollies. You got any boy stuff in there?”
“Hmmm, let’s see.”
I winked at Lachlan, who’d just come through the back doors with Eden and Everly on each hip.
The next thing I pulled out was a Snow White dress.
“This your size?” I asked him, now struggling to keep a straight face.
He covered his eyes with his hand and let out a groan.
“Awwww, man. A football, just a football is all I’m after,” he complained.
The twins had wriggled down from their dad’s arms and were edging closer to me. The pair of them had been pretty quiet around me so far, so I hoped bribing them with dolls and Disney dress-up clothes would win me a cuddle.
I had very little experience around kids but the girls were so adorable, I’d been desperate for them to warm up to me.
“You want this one?” I asked Eden. She nodded her head till I worried it was actually gonna come loose from her neck. I quickly passed her the Snow White dress before pulling out a Princess Aurora dress and offering it to Everly. They both also got a tiara and a pair of fairy wings.
“Thank you,” they chimed in unison without any prompting from the adults surrounding them. Eden then launched herself at me and almost knocked me on my arse as she wrapped her chubby little arms around my neck. Everly soon joined her, and I ended up flat on my backside in the middle of my kitchen with two little girls wrapped around me.
It actually felt good. I looked up to see Liam’s mum and sisters all smiling down at me.
With the girls now happy, I looked up to meet the glare of a pissed off looking Jarrah, who was leaning back against my kitchen cupboards with his arms folded across his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles.
“Let’s see what’s in this other bag shall we?” I said aloud to no one in particular.
“If it’s a dress up outfit, I swear I’m going back to Australia,” Jarrah declared.
His nan and both parents told him off for being rude. Maggie laughed while I fought not to.
I pulled out the Manchester United football kit we’d bought for him. His mouth dropped open, but he didn’t move.
“Well, there’s this, which is kind of a dress-up outfit.” I shrugged my shoulders. “You need me to drop you at the airport?”
“Oh, hang on, it even comes with a pair of boots.” I pulled out the Nike football boots we’d searched all over for, and he stepped closer, eyes fixed on the pile of goodies that were gathering on the floor next to me.
“It’s a shame, coz they all look about your size. The shirt even has your name on it.”
I held up the shirt that we’d had especially printed with Walker—his surname—and the number seven on the back and showed it to him.
“Is that…” He reached out, touched the red shirt, and then looked around it. His wide eyed gaze met mine. I felt a pang of sadness hit me square in the chest that Liam wasn’t here to witness this.
“Are those for me?” he asked.
“They are, mate. They’re presents from me and Liam to thank you for being our ring bearer and to welcome you to England.”
I finally decided to put him out of his misery and pulled out not only a football but also rugby and an Aussie rules balls, too.
“Got these too, if you’d like them.”
“Shit yeah.”
I was once again knocked on my arse to shouts of, “Jarrah, what have I told you about that word.”
“Language, bud, we don’t say that word.”
“Language, Jarrah.”
“Sorry,” he called out while his arms were still wrapped around me.
“Thanks, Sarah. I knew you were just kidding.”
“Shit yeah,” Everly shouted.
“Shit yeah. Shit yeah,” Eden joined her.
***
I was just walking back to my car at Heathrow airport after kissing and cuddling Liam’s family goodbye when I felt my phone vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans. My heart dropped to my belly and then from my belly to my toes when I saw Liam’s name on the screen.
He had been gone for eleven whole days, and although I had spoken to him every day, he hadn’t really had a lot to say.
“Yo,” I answered with my usual greeting, purely because I knew it made him smile. He had told me once I was too much of a white girl to use such a term. I flipped him my middle finger and now used it to answer every one of his calls.
“Yo, pretty girl. How you doing?”
I had to stop walking and breathe in deeply through my nose. The pain of missing him was visceral and caused an ache in my chest and my head to swim at the sound of his voice.
“Bad. Shitty in fact. I’ve just kissed your family goodbye and now I’m heading home to an empty house and that big ol’ empty bed of ours.”
“Sarah . . .” He sounded almost as if he were in pain as he whispered my name.
Loneliness hit me like a punch to the gut, and I once again started walking back towards my car. I was crying and just wanted to climb inside its confines and shut out the rest of the world. I kept my head down and moved as quickly as I could through my tears.
“We have to attend a meeting tomorrow with our lawyers, the
helicopter company, and our insurers. The insurance companies representing the families of our staff will also be there.” He paused for a long moment, giving me just enough time to sit myself behind the wheel of my Peugeot, close the door, and wait for the “but” that I knew was coming.
“This whole thing could go on for days, weeks even.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, stifling my sobs and remained silent. Even if I could talk, I didn’t really know what to say.
“You still there, bub?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
My voice sounded thick, betraying my attempt to hide the fact that I was crying.
“Please don’t cry. I know this is hard, but please don’t cry. It fucking kills me”.”
“I can’t help it. I miss you. I want you to come home.”
“I wanna come home.”
“Then come home.”
“I can’t. I’m the head of Oceanic operations, there’s no one more senior than me. I need to be here.”
“What about Luke?” I felt a twinge of guilt at offering up my brother as a sacrifice, but fuck it. I wanted my husband back.
“Luke’s head of UK and Europe. You know that, Sarah.”
“What I know is that we were married eleven days ago, and I’ve not seen you since.”
“Get on a plane and come over here.”
“I can’t, Liam. I have to go back to work in the morning, my holiday is over.”
“Take unpaid leave, your boss will understand.”
“I’ll lose my job.”
“Who cares? You’ll be pregnant soon and will have to leave then anyway.”
“Not sure if you’re aware of how those things work, but you have to have sex to get pregnant. That’s not gonna happen while you’re twelve thousand miles away.”
“So fly over and I’ll have you pregnant within the month. I miss you. I need you to crawl into bed with every night. I need you to tell me this will all be fine and we’re not gonna get our arses sued for any kind of malpractice.”
I hadn’t realised that was a possibility, and the idea of Liam getting sued made my stomach twist. At no time had he mentioned this before, or he had and I was just such a selfish bitch I hadn’t heard him.
“Is there a chance that could happen?”
“Hopefully not. First indicators are that we did everything by the book and it was just a simple malfunction. Our lawyers are working through all of our practices, but they’re pretty sure that we’ve conformed. It’s always a worry when something like this happens, though.”
I had forgotten to breathe as I listened to his answer and almost choked when I eventually sucked in air as he finished talking.
“So, you want me to look at flights for you?”
“Liam . . .” I groaned. “I can’t just drop everything and fly to Australia.”
“Why?”
“My job for one.”
“Your job’s more important than I am?”
“No, of course not.”
That comment pissed me off.
“Then I don’t see a problem.”
“Well, just like you can’t get on a plane and fly back here because of work, I can’t get on a plane and fly there.”
“You can’t, or you won’t, Sarah? What I have is a career, employees, people depending on me. All you do is sit behind a desk, look pretty, and answer the phone for your boss all day.”
Wow!
“Fuck you!” I snapped and ended the call. His name flashed across the screen again, but I sent the call to my voice mail. It was childish, but how fucking dare he. I started my car and was about to attempt the drive home through my angry tears when it chimed with a text message alert.
I shifted the gear into neutral and grabbed my phone again.
Aussie Husband: Pick up the fucking phone!
I turned it off instead and then cranked the radio up when “It’s Not Over Yet” by the Klaxons started to play.
It was after nine when I turned onto my street. I was still pissed off, but I had calmed down considerably. I’d had time to think as I drove and realised that it probably wouldn’t be too difficult for me to take some unpaid leave. Though, Liam’s attitude and the way he just expected me to drop everything still pissed me off. My rage had cooled from boiling to a simmer, until I saw my brother’s car parked on my drive, and all the anger I had worked through started to bubble inside me again.
“Great. Just fucking great,” I said aloud as I slammed my car door shut and stomped towards my house. All I wanted was a hot shower and my bed—not a lecture from my big brother. I slammed my front door behind me and continued my stomp down my hallway and into the kitchen. My brother looked up from his laptop, and I could see the lecture he was about to give me just sitting on the tip of his tongue.
“Call you to do his dirty work, did he?” Luke stared silently while taking a swig from a bottle of beer. “Oh, and feel free to let yourself into my house and drink my beer.”
I pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it with the red wine sitting on the worktop.
I drank it down in a few gulps and then refilled it.
“You finished?” Luke asked.
“Not even nearly.”
“Carry on then, don’t let me stop ya.”
“Pffftt. You couldn’t if you tried. It’s my house, I’ll behave however the fuck I like.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“And that includes, exactly like a spoiled thirteen-year-old, does it?”
“If I feel like it.”
“Grow the fuck up.”
“Make me.”
We stared at each other for a few second. Unable to ignore just how ridiculous I sounded, we both started to laugh.
I walked towards my brother, and he stood, holding his arms open for me.
“I miss him. I miss him so much. My chest hurts.” I wailed like a child, too tired and too upset to care much how I sounded.
“I know, and he misses you. He knows he said a shitty thing, and he’s sorry. If I didn’t believe he was sorry, I wouldn’t be here. He hates that you’re so unhappy, and he hates that you’re arguing.”
“He dismissed my job and what I do as nothing. I love my job. I know I don’t earn what he does, but my job’s still important to me.”
“Stop crying. He told me what he said, and I told him he’s a dick. He’s under a lot of pressure over there, Sunshine. How he handles this could make or break the company. He really needs you right now. He’s worried about how you’re feeling. Worried about how pissed off you are with him. Having you by his side would take some of the pressure off.”
“But he left me. He just left on our wedding day—night—whenever.”
“Sarah, I’m gonna tell you something that you might not be aware of.”
I looked up at my brother and waited.
“Del’s roll is to run the Australian and Asian area of our business. He was supposed to do that from Australia but he met you and decided to stay here and make a life.”
He pauses, as if I was supposed to understand what that meant. I didn’t, so I gave a small shrug.
“Go on.”
“That means he runs that side of things from here. He works long hours because he’s covering two timezones. He does it because he met and fell arse over tit for you.”
I felt my shoulders slump and a loud exhale escaped me. How did I not know this?
“I didn’t know this. Why don’t I know this?”
“Because he didn’t want you feeling under pressure about moving to Australia.”
“But I don’t wanna live in Australia. I mean, I’ve never actually been there but...”
“Exactly.” Luke cuts me off. “He knows you wouldn’t wanna leave Nan and Grandad and he would never ask you to.”
I’ve stepped away from him and lean on the bench top between us, facing him.
“It means he has to work longer hours but he makes it work. He does that for you.”
&
nbsp; I felt terrible. My heart hurt each time it beat, weighed down by guilt.
“We have Shain over there pretty much running things now, so it’s getting a little easier for him, but when it comes to the big stuff shit like what’s just gone down, Liam’s the head honcho and he has to step up. I love you Sunshine, but you need to be a little more supportive right now.”
“You think I should go then, fly to Australia?”
“Are you able to?”
I shrugged my shoulders and let out a huff. “Yeah, it’s doable. That wasn’t the issue, so much as the way he just expected me to do it. I just felt like I was the only one that’s willing to compromise… but in light of what you’ve just told me, I guess I’m not and a bit of give and take is needed.”
“I think you’ll find that that’s what marriage is all about.”
I looked up at my brother.
“Are you seriously trying to give me relationship advice?”
“No, absolutely not. It’s just a rumour that I’ve heard, the give and take shit, or was that a porno I once watched?”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him.
“So am I booking you a flight and arranging a visa? The company will pay, and you’ll fly business.”
I raked my teeth over the corner of my bottom lip for a few moments before shrugging my shoulders in resignation.
“Looks like I’m going to Australia.”
***
I was on a flight to Perth the following afternoon. Liam had no clue. Luke had told him I was still pissed off and refused to speak to him. With the help of his parents, I got a transfer from Perth to Darwin and a car picked me up at the airport to take me to the hotel where Liam was staying. I let myself in with the key card his dad had arranged for me to collect at reception.
After thirty-three hours of travel, I arrived exhausted, fell onto the bed, and slept for eight solid hours. I woke to my phone ringing, and Liam’s dad whispering down the line that Liam would be home in a little over an hour.
After ordering up a bottle of the hotels best champagne, I thought about wearing the lingerie I’d bought for our honeymoon, but I knew my husband well enough to know that it would probably just get ripped straight off again. It was too pretty and was way too expensive to ruin like that. Naked would be best. By the time I showered, shaved, and moisturised, I had drunk half the bottle, so I ordered a fresh one. I was just hanging up the phone when the whir of the key card activating drew my attention and spurred my heart into overdrive. My stomach churned in anticipation.
