Maybe, With Conditions

by Mariella Starr

  "Jesus, you were an idiot, but it's still not my problem!"

  "Stop being a smart ass," Dalton ordered. "I want an answer. Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

  "Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you dumped me! You didn't want me, remember?"

  "A man has a right to know he has fathered a child. I would have married you if I had known."

  "Oh, really? That's just what every woman wants to know. That the man who couldn't dump her fast enough… would have done her the favor of marrying her… if he had known she was pregnant. That is so big of you!

  "When I last checked…YOU WERE ALREADY MARRIED!" Nicole's voice rose to a shout and then lowered ominously. "You ditched me, Dalton, or don't you remember that part either? It was all fun and games while you got a lot of sex on the side. Only, you didn't tell me I was someone to play around with until you finished your degree. We were together six months and you never said a Goddamn word! Then, all of a sudden, you didn't want to be in a serious relationship. It was all fun and games to you. You were a bastard and I was the idiot who fell for it. I was played."

  With a loss of any words that could possibly deny those words, he fell on his only possible defense. "I didn't play you. You have a part of me. He's right there in the bedroom. He looks exactly like me at the same age. My God, Nicole, you kept my child from me! Don't you realize how wrong that was?"

  "It wasn't wrong. I was protecting him from you. I was responsible," Nicole answered in a deliberately calm voice. "You didn't want to be trapped. You were not ready to settle down. You had a life plan and getting married was not part of it. Those were your words. Well, guess what? You got what you wanted, so you can't bitch about it, now."

  Her words rang true. He had said those things. Now, she was using them to slap him down.

  "Will you stop swearing!"

  "No, I won't. I'm not an inexperienced kid anymore! You can't tell me what to do. I can say anything and do anything I damn well, please! What I do or don't do has nothing to do with you. It's none of your business. You made your choice, Dalton. You have to live with it."

  "It was not my choice. I didn't know about him," Dalton said dangerously. "He is my child, my son, I have rights to him. I don't deny I made mistakes. Most people do. I've probably made more than my fair share and I admit it. Breaking up with you was a mistake—you weren't. The thing about mistakes, it's never too late to make amends and try to right a wrong. We had something special."

  "Maybe we did, but it's in the past," Nicole retorted. "You need to go away. We are doing great on our own. We don't need you."

  Dalton shook his head. "I can't wrap my mind around this. Your whole attitude is crazy. You are willing to deny my child his heritage. How did your parents let you make these decisions? Why didn't they stop you?"

  "My father never knew. He died before I knew I was pregnant," Nicole said.

  "What about your stepmother?"

  She laughed, but it was a harsh sound. "Oh, my beloved stepmother, Claire, lasted another month. When Matty began to make his appearance known, she suddenly went holier than thou. What would the neighbors say? What would her country club set think? She tried to convince me to have an abortion. When that idea failed, she wanted me to give him up for adoption. When I vetoed all of her so-called helpful ideas, she took what capital Dad left, sold the business, the house, and split.

  "As far as I know she's in Miami with a third husband, living a privileged, selfish life. Claire didn't mind being a young stepmother as long as the job meant being the wife of a man who indulged her every whim. She wasn't sticking around for a stepdaughter she didn't want in the first place. She wasn't going to be called Grandma. It was too much for her."

  "Call me crazy, but I did try to contact you. Do you know what I found out? You were already married to Barbara. I realized the truth, then. You had been two-timing me. Do you have any idea what that means to a woman? I naively thought we were in love while all along you were a horn dog sticking it in every bitch that offered it to you."

  "I wasn't…"

  "Bullshit. Mrs. O'Cleary is the hero of this story, not you. She was there for us. Mrs. O'Cleary was our housekeeper from the time my mother died until I left for Virginia Tech. Dee Dee has always been there for me and she came to my rescue. She stepped back into my life, became a mother to me and a grandmother to Matty. It had been her hope and dream to be a grandmother for years. We are a family and you have no part in it.

  "If there has ever been anyone on my side, it has always been Dee Dee. She has always loved me. Her son, Phillip, is a real estate investor, who had completed the renovations on this building. He leased us adjoining apartments and connected them. The arrangement works for us. She is the mother and grandmother I never had rolled up into one very remarkable person. I make a good living, Dalton. We don't need you or any help from you."

  "Where does my son fit into your career?" Dalton demanded.

  Nicole's eyes flashed with fury as she ground her teeth together. "My son comes first."

  "Where do I fit in? I loved you, Nicole. I may not have realized it at the time, but I did. There was a lot of stuff going on for a long time while I tried to keep the ranch afloat after my parents died. I didn't take what you and I had seriously. It was my mistake, and one I have regretted for a long time. That boy is my son. I have missed five years of his life already. I will not walk away and pretend he doesn't exist. We can get married."

  "Hell, no!" She recoiled at his words and moved halfway across the room with her arms tightly crossed over her chest.

  "Why not?"

  Nicole threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "You are a total asshole! Do you seriously think you can waltz in here and expect me to feel the same way I did six years ago? You cannot come into my life now and start making demands!

  "I needed you. I trusted you with all my heart, but you screwed me over royally. I'm not opening myself up to that again. Not with you, not with anyone. I have built a life. I don't need your help and I don't want it."

  "This isn't you, Nicole," Dalton said troubled by the hurt and hardness in her voice. "If I did this to you, I'm sorry. I will fix it."

  "What the hell are you talking about?" Nicole demanded.

  "There is a hardness to you that wasn't there before. You've changed. Where is the girl who was so full of life? Where is the girl who laughed, and dared to do anything? Where is the girl who danced naked in the moonlight on the beach? Have you forgotten you are still young and vital?"

  "I grew up, Dalton. I didn't have a choice," Nicole hissed. "Maybe you had time to go running naked on beaches, but I grew up. Don't tell me who or what I am. You don't know me. I don't want you in my life or my son's life. I want you to go away. Go back from wherever you came and leave us alone."

  "No," Dalton said bluntly. "I will not forget about my son. I intend to be part of my child's life, so get used to the idea. I'm not ready to get out of your life, either." He yanked her to him and kissed her forcefully even as she struggled.

  Nicole fought the kiss and as soon as Dalton let her go, she slapped him across the face. He pulled her to him and kissed her, again, before spinning her around and landing a hard whack on her backside and pushing her away.

  "Get used to it, brat. I'm back!"

  Chapter Two

  Dalton Calloway knocked on the apartment door. He was beginning to wonder if anyone would answer when he heard the latch released.

  "Well, boyo," Mrs. O'Cleary greeted. "Nicole isn't home."

  "I know. I waited until she left on purpose. I need to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," Dalton explained.

  "Right, c'mere. I hope you won't be mindin sittin in the kitchen. I'm bakin cookies, Matty's favorite—chocolate chip."

  "Mine too," Dalton admitted, following the woman into a cozy kitchen. "Mrs. O'Cleary, I know your loyalty is to Nicole and you love her, but I am flapping around in the wind here. She will not take my calls, and when I show up here, she slam
s the door in my face.

  "You have probably guessed by now that I am Matty's father. She will not let me see him or her. I don't know what to do about the situation, and I am reluctant to drag lawyers into the situation."

  "What do you want to do about it?" the woman asked.

  "At the moment, I am so frustrated I would like to spank the daylights out of her," Dalton exclaimed with frustration in his voice. "While it might make me feel better, I doubt it would get me any closer to her or my son."

  Mrs. O'Cleary laughed. "I've threatened her backside a few times meself when she was a muzzy. If I do remember right, I was after spanking her once for sneakin into the house at midnight. I took me hairbrush to her bottom good. Jaysus, she was only eleven years old and would not tell me where she had been, she would not. She didn't try it again or if she did, I never found out about it.

  "What's a muzzy?" Dalton interrupted.

  "A wayward child, a brat," Mrs. O'Cleary exclaimed. "My Nicole was a bit of a wild lass. Her Da was too preoccupied with work and then a young wife to pay much attention to a daughter. I had worked for the household before Mr. Bennett married Claire, so I did. He had grand hopes she would be a good mother, but he should have known better. She paid Nicole no more mind than a piece of lint on the rug. She was a pretty one, but useless. She hung on his arm as an ornament.

  "Nicole is fierce headstrong, I've always known it so. She marches to an artistic bent the rest of us cannot understand. It's what makes her special, and there's no stoppin her. She is a stubborn one, she is. God knows I tried over the years to keep her on the straight and narrow. I know I'm old-fashioned. I've been accused of it often enough, so I know it for the truth. I love my lassie and the wee lad as me own. I want my lass to find herself a good man. Whether you are that man or not, I don't know. I will tell you one thing, Mr. Calloway. You have her riled, that you do."

  Dalton smiled as the woman put several warm cookies on a plate and poured him a glass of milk. He indulged in a childhood favorite.

  "First off, I have to tell you, I did love Nicole. I was too stupid and involved with other problems at the time to get it. I'm not making excuses. I was wrong and I made some stupid choices. The worst was thinking I could walk away from Nic. I acted like an idiot. There was a lot going on in my life during that time. I lost my parents when I was eighteen and had to postpone college for a few years to keep the family ranch going. Luckily, I have great grandparents who laid down a solid foundation for me. They allowed me enough rope to grow up, but when I began to screw up, they pulled back on the reins before I could do too much damage.

  "The moment I laid eyes on Nicole, again, I knew she was it for me. I threw away what I had with her before. I know what I did was inexcusable. I can only tell you family responsibilities and ambitions were pulling me in different directions.

  "I would like to fix things between us and, at least, try to be friends. She won't budge, not an inch. If I could spend some time with her, I might be able to get her to forgive me. She can't still be this angry and not feel something. I have asked her to give me a second chance, but I'm not getting anywhere. She only becomes more furious."

  Mrs. O'Cleary nodded her head. "It sounds like my Nicole, so it does. You have to consider how fierce she hurt. I watched it happen. She was deliriously happy after meeting you. She would call bubbling over with joy. At the time, she didn't tell me she was living with you. I'd never have approved of a child her age gettin so involved with a man. Jaysus, it was a delight to see her so happy."

  Mrs. O'Cleary's eyes hardened. "You have a lot to answer for, Mr. Calloway, you do. You are an eejit, for treating her so. When my Nicky came home, she was broken. Only a shadow of herself, and she grieved something fierce. I have never seen her in so much pain. Then, God dumped another dose of misery on her with the loss of her father. I truly thought for a while, I would lose my lass. I feared she would do something desperate, that I did. When she found out she was pregnant, she was terrified. She put the heart crossway in me, for sure.

  "Claire was no help, quite the opposite. The woman is the definition of irresponsibility. She was quite the knacker and sold Nicole's home right out from under her. My girl turned to me, and I encouraged her to do so. My son and I took her in. She needed someone to love her, someone to care for her and the tiny leanbh in her womb.

  "It wasn't an easy time of it, Mr. Calloway, I'm after tellin you. We watched over her day and night, fearin for her and the little soul growin within her. It was a dark time for us all. In hindsight, I realize she was depressed. At the time, we thought she was dealing with a broken heart, something most of us do so at one point or another in our lives. We must all learn to live with it and get past it.

  "It was a slow process making her realize there was life beyond what she had lost. Then, one day she felt the quickening of the leanbh. The tiny flutter of life from the child within her was all she needed. It was as if she were reborn. Nicole found a purpose to live again. Matty is her life. He gave her the strength to go on, and now she has become an independent woman who thinks for herself, that she has. "

  "I had no idea I'd hurt her so much," Dalton said solemnly. "I don't blame her for hating me. Maybe the best thing would be for me to go away and get out of her life, again."

  The older woman crossed her arms and glared at him. "If you are a coward and a poor excuse for a man, Mr. Calloway, tis exactly what you'll be doin."

  "I'm not a coward, ma'am, but I don't want to cause Nicole more pain. Do you think there is any hope she might feel something for me, again?" Dalton asked.

  Mrs. O'Cleary shrugged. "Nicole is my child, so I know she loves with all her heart when she loves. She also hates as fiercely. She went from loving you to hating you in an instant. Love and hate are the extreme opposites of each other. In the throes of either, at least, a person feels. She has closed off most of her feelings except for a select few. She thinks indifference is the safest path to follow and she won't get hurt if she doesn't open up her heart to love again. She's built a protective shell around her heart, Mr. Calloway. It won't be easy breakin through it."

  "It might be worth trying," Dalton said reaching for another cookie. "What we had together was incredible, almost magical."

  "Mayhap it was, but you broke the enchantment, boyo. You damaged her with your carelessness." Mrs. O'Cleary said her eyes snapping with anger. "I cannot speak for Nicole, but I do know you held a special place in her heart. I believe a piece of it might still be there. Several men have tried to win her. She's a beauty, she is, but she's no man's trophy. As soon as they get close, she shuts them out."

  "You know her. Is there a chance for me?"

  The woman shrugged. "I've known Nicole since she was ten years old, and she has not had an easy time of it. I came into a household with her mother dyin of the breast cancer. The lass was too young to know what was happenin. Less than a year later, Claire latched onto Nicole's father and they married almost immediately. I truly believe Mr. Bennett remarried with the idea of givin Nicole a mother. The trouble was he was so besotted with the woman he failed to see their instant dislike for each other. Nicole saw Claire as a threat, a woman takin away her Da. Claire saw the lass as a spoiled brat interfering with her conquest of a man who could and would provide well for her. There was a wee bit of truth in both views, but I believe my Nicky was the loser in the battle, so she was.

  "Her father's honeymoon was short-lived. He and Claire fought like mad devils. Claire Bennett is a woman who only cares about herself.

  "Nicole didn't have many friends in school because they advanced her several grades. She was younger than most of her classmates. I know why schools do it. Some children are so bloomin intelligent, teachers don't want to hold them back. Still, I think tis a bad idea. Children need friends and where else are they after meetin those friends but in school. She was a lonely lassie who learned deviousness and slyness in self-defense against her stepmother.

  "She was also a delightful lassie, a scam
p, full of fun and spirit. That special part of her has been buried under fierce determination and responsibility. I see a wee glimpse of it now and then when she's playin with Matty. He is her heart and her life, so don't be thinkin you'll be stealin him away. It would be cruel and we would fight you to the death, that we would. Me son's a wealthy man, and he'd spend every penny of his worth to protect our own."

  When Dalton looked the woman straight in the eye, she did not falter. "I'm not saying you don't have rights, be ye the father, but you need to step lightly on the matter. There must be Irish in Nicole because she has the fearg of the Irish.

  He looked at her again his eyes questioning.

  "Fearg is anger," Mrs. O'Cleary translated. "An Irish woman's temper is fierce. It can also turn into a grudge that will rage for a lifetime. Nicole needs to be stirred up to release all those feelings instead of tampin them down inside herself. Even with her short temper, it does not have many opportunities to escape around here. I fear our lives are far too peaceful."

  He nodded. "I remember her temper. Mrs. O'Cleary, how would you like to be my accomplice? I want to shake things up and see what falls out. I would like to stir her up, and see if there is any passion left in her heart for an old love."

  Mrs. O'Cleary considered his proposition, and she finally nodded her head in agreement. She also raised a finger in his direction and pointed it at him. "Whist, I'm warnin you fair. A quarrel is like buttermilk. Once it's out of the churn, the more you shake it, the more sour it grows. Don't be an eejit. Do not hurt my girl, again. If you do, Mr. Calloway, I will be a formidable enemy, that I will."

  Dalton nodded at her warning. "Understood, ma'am."

  * * *

  Nicole tilted her head sideways and glanced around absentmindedly for the remote. She located it in the most unlikely place—right where it was supposed to be next to the iPod station. Muting the sound, she heard someone pounding on the front door.

  Dee Dee usually took care of answering the door while Nicole was working. Maybe she had gone out and Nicole hadn't noticed. Matty was taking a nap, a two-hour span of time both she and Dee Dee appreciated. Her son was as regular as clockwork when he ran out of energy and crashed. At five, her little boy fought the very idea of a nap, insisting he was not a baby. As his mother, she knew he needed the rest. He attended a half-day pre-school class and he was ready for a nap when he got home. If he didn't sleep during the day, he became unbearably cranky. He also usually woke from his naps with the revived energy of three children.