Ten Things We Did (and Probably Shouldn't Have)

by Sarah Mlynowski

  Vi visibly flinched. Then she turned around and stomped over to her room, slamming the door and leaving me alone.

  My chest tightened. Had I really said all that?

  Never mind. She had been acting like a bitch. Just when I needed her to coddle me, she attacked me. Telling me I was stupid. Accusing Noah.

  But then. What I’d said was pretty awful.

  Now what? I needed to get out of here. I needed to be with someone who would sympathize with me, not scold me. I needed to vent and to hear an “everything’s going to be okay” from someone who wasn’t Noah. I needed my mom. I wanted to put my head in her lap and let her play with my hair, like she used to. I wanted her to tell me everything would be fine. But she wasn’t here. As usual.

  I grabbed my purse off the floor, walked out the front door and got back into my car. I’d go to Marissa’s.

  I called her from a red light. She didn’t answer.

  “Hi,” I said. “It’s me. I need to talk to you. Call me when you get this?”

  I kept driving. Going nowhere. I needed to figure this out. Did he cheat on me? Would he? Yes. He must have. He must have slept with Corinne. I needed proof. Who would know? Corinne. Corinne would know. Yes. I would go to Corinne’s. I made a U-turn and then a left and a right and then I parked in front of her house.

  As I got out of the car, I felt sick. And excited. Not happy excited, just incredibly wound up. Colors were brighter. Sounds were louder. I had known about Corinne and Noah all along, hadn’t I? Yes, I had. Of course Corinne and Noah were sleeping together. She wanted him. She always did. And someone had given her the nasty disease and she had given it to Noah and now I had it. It was all her fault.

  Heart pounding, I stomped up her stairs and rang her doorbell. Maybe Noah was here now. Maybe they were having sex and laughing at this very moment.

  There was rustling behind the door. I could feel someone looking at me. And then— “April? What’s up?” Corinne, in jeans and a white tee, her red hair in a bun. Then she bit her lip. She did not look surprised to see me.

  “We need to talk,” I said gravely.

  She nodded. Nodded! Obviously she was guilty! She came outside and closed the door behind her, even though she was barefoot. She sat down on a step, bracing herself.

  I walked to the bottom of the steps. No way I was sitting down for this. I put my hands on my hips and glared at her. “I know,” I said.

  Her shoulders sank. Her head dropped. She looked like a scared turtle. “I’m so sorry.”

  Oh my God. She admitted it! She actually admitted it! “Sorry’s not good enough,” I spat out. “What you did was so wrong.”

  She burst into tears. “I know,” she sobbed.

  She knew hooking up with my boyfriend was wrong. But did she know about the chlam? Did she do it on purpose? Did she try to get me sick?

  That seemed a little far-fetched, I realized. So maybe she didn’t know. Maybe she had it and had no idea. Maybe I shouldn’t tell her. Let her find out on her own. One day. In ten years.

  Oh God. No. I was not that girl either.

  “You should know that you gave him something,” I told her. “You might want to go to the doctor.”

  She looked up at me through her tears. “Gave him what? Mouth to mouth? I couldn’t have. I didn’t get out of the car.”

  Huh? “What does that mean? You guys only did it in the car? What, did you drive around the city finding abandoned parking lots?”

  Her eyebrows were knotted in confusion. “It wasn’t a parking lot. It happened right in front of your house.”

  How awful could she be? “You hooked up with Noah in front of my house? Were you just trying to spite me?”

  She blinked. Then blinked again. “What are you talking about? I didn’t hook up with Noah. I mean, I kissed him, a million years ago, you knew about that.”

  If she didn’t hook up with Noah . . . “Then what are you so sorry for?”

  She burst into tears again. “For running over your cat!”

  I took a step back. “You ran over Donut?”

  She nodded.

  “Why did you run over Donut?”

  “I didn’t mean to! Honestly! I was driving down your street and I didn’t even see her in front of me.”

  This made no sense. I thought back to the night of the accident. Vi and I had been in the hot tub. I’d left the door open. Corinne hadn’t been over. “But why were you in front of my house?”

  “I was just driving by,” she said, playing with her fingers.

  “Corinne, I live on a cul-de-sac. There is no reason to drive by. And your lights were off.”

  She closed her eyes and I watched tears stream out of the corners. “I was at Joanna’s.”

  “You were at Joanna’s? I didn’t even know you were that good of friends with Joanna.”

  “I’m not,” she said quickly. “I mean . . . I am.” She turned bright red.

  I realized what was going on.

  “You mean you’re dating Joanna.”

  “Oh God, please don’t tell anyone.”

  “Wait, hold on. I’m not going to tell anyone.” I sat down beside her. “But I had no idea. When did you start seeing Joanna?”

  “I’m not seeing her. I’m just figuring things out. I don’t know. After the Noah thing happened I realized that maybe guys just aren’t for me. Oh God. I can’t believe I just said that.”

  “But you are always flirting with Noah.”

  “Not really. Well, maybe a little. But just for show. Because I’m not ready for anyone to know about me and Joanna. And girls. Whatever.”

  “I thought you were trying to—”

  “What, steal him?”

  When she put it like that it sounded stupid.

  We sat in silence for a moment.

  “Can we get back to the running-over-my-cat part?” I finally asked.

  She nodded. “I turned my lights off when I drove by so you guys wouldn’t see me. And after I heard the crunch—”

  We both winced.

  “I should have gotten out of the car. I wanted to. But I couldn’t. Then I would have had to tell you why I was driving by your house and . . .”

  “Why didn’t you call someone? The animal hospital?” If I hadn’t noticed Donut was missing she would have stayed outside all night.

  “I didn’t know it was your cat. I didn’t know you had a cat. I kind of hoped that maybe it was a branch.”

  “Right.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know until later that week when I heard about it from Noah in class. And I felt sick. So sick. I’ll pay you back. I can’t believe how expensive it was. I bought half the punch at your party to try and pay you back!”

  “Thank you,” I said. And realized I meant it.

  And I thought she had been there to hit on Noah.

  Noah.

  What did all this mean about Noah? Did this mean . . . could he have been telling the truth? That he never cheated on me? But then how did I get the chlam? My cell rang and the call display said MARISSA.

  “Corinne, I have to go. But I promise not to say anything about what you told me,” I said gently. “Even about the cat part. It’s between us.”

  “You’re the best. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I will pay you back. I promise.”

  “Donut’s fine now. Don’t worry about it. The party raised enough money.” I waved good-bye as I answered the phone. “Hey,” I said.

  “Hi! Happy birthday! Omigod, this morning was crazy. But it was so good to see Aaron! I’m so bummed we won’t be spending the summer together. But I had a great idea. I was thinking that maybe the two of us should spend the summer in—”

  “I have to talk to you,” I interrupted. “I’ll be outside your house in two minutes.”

  “Hey! What happened? Did your dad find out? What’s going on with you and Hudson?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “Just come outside.”

  “Are you okay? You sound weird.”

 
; “Yeah, well, I feel weird. I need to talk. I need advice.”

  “I’ll be right out.”

  She was standing in the driveway by the time I got there.

  “What’s up?” she asked, sliding into the passenger side. She looked at my face. “What’s wrong?”

  I put the car into PARK and turned off the engine. “I have chlamydia.”

  Her jaw dropped. “Shut. Up.”

  “I know, huh?”

  “How do you know?”

  “I went to the doctor to get tested for a UTI. And they found it.”

  “Did you talk to Noah?”

  I turned to her. “He said . . . he said he’s never cheated on me. I don’t know. Vi said he’s lying. I had to have gotten it from him, right? He’s the only guy I’ve ever done anything with!”

  “Yeah,” she said slowly. “It had to be him.”

  “Vi says he cheated on me. But . . . I don’t know. I can’t believe he would do that. I just can’t. We’ve been so good. Like a real couple. We talk every night. We spend all day together. He couldn’t have done it. Where would he have found the time? If he did give it to me . . . I’m thinking it must have been before. When we weren’t together. Maybe when we were freshman? I know he said he had never done it but . . . you’d think if he had sex when he was a freshman he would have told someone. Everyone. I mean, what guy wouldn’t?” I knew I was rambling but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. If I kept talking, then I wouldn’t have to think. “Maybe he got it then,” I continued. “I thought he could have slept with Corinne but I really don’t think that happened anymore so I don’t know—”

  “April,” she said. She looked down at her lap.

  “I’m rambling right?”

  “I heard a rumor.”

  “Huh?”

  “I heard a rumor about Noah.”

  My heart stopped. “What?”

  “That he hooked up with someone else. That he cheated on you.”

  I closed my eyes. “Really?”

  “I didn’t believe it,” she said, her words coming out in a gush. “You guys were the perfect couple. But now . . . I don’t know.”

  Everything froze. “With who?”

  “Not Corinne. Some chick he met on vacation. I thought it was a stupid rumor.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “Over Christmas break. In Palm Beach. On New Year’s.”

  “This Christmas?”

  “Yeah.”

  I remembered this Christmas. I had told him about the move. And then he had cheated on me. Guess he was not a fan of me staying around after all. Or maybe he’d been pissed that I’d postponed our big night of sex because I was stressed about my dad moving. “He cheated on me before we slept together.”

  “Yes.”

  “So he slept with someone else and then he slept with me.”

  “I guess. But it’s just a rumor. It may not even be true. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t believe it. You guys were like the perfect couple and he made you so happy.”

  “Where did you hear this rumor?”

  “She’s camp friends with Brett’s girlfriend, and Jane asked Aaron if I knew her, and . . .”

  They all knew. The whole Aaron crew. Jilted Jane. Who I’d pitied. Jilted me. “What’s her name? The girl.”

  “Lily,” she said. “Lily Weinberg.”

  Lily. Stupid Lily. Disease-ridden Lily. Whorish Lily. “I can’t—wait, when did you find all this out?”

  She shrugged, not looking at me. “A while ago.”

  “How long ago?” My voice tensed.

  “A couple months. I don’t remember.”

  “Are you joking? You knew that he cheated on me a few months ago? And you didn’t say anything? How could you not say anything?”

  “I didn’t want to upset you. And it was a rumor.”

  “I don’t care if it was a rumor! You should have told me!”

  She burst into tears. “I’m sorry! I thought about it but—”

  “Did you hear about it before I slept with him?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “You did! How could you not have told me? Why didn’t you stop me?”

  “I tried to stop you! At the movie theater! But you wanted to do it. You were obsessed with doing it.”

  “I was not obsessed. I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, who I was in love with. And who I thought was in love with me too. I thought you were just being prudish. I thought you just didn’t want me to do it if you weren’t.”

  “April, come on.”

  “I might kill you,” I snapped.

  “You’re not really pissed at me,” she said. “You’re mad at Noah and you’re taking it out on me because I’m sitting here.”

  “No, I’m mad at you because you’re a bad friend.”

  She flinched. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I was just . . .”

  “A bad friend?”

  “No. Yes.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “And afraid. I was afraid if I told you you’d break up with him—”

  “Yeah.”

  “—and then you’d move to Ohio.”

  Great. Just terrific. Did everyone think I stayed just because of him? “So you tricked me into staying.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. Her shoulders sagged.

  “Me too,” I said. “Can you get out now?”

  “April—”

  “I’m serious. Get out. I need to call Noah.”

  “I’m here if you want to talk. And I’m sorry. I love you, you know that. And I swear—I didn’t think it was true. I didn’t think it was possible. Noah’s an ass.”

  She got out of the car and gently closed the door behind her.

  Instead of waiting for her to get back to her house, like I usually did, I sped off.

  THE TRUTH

  Five minutes later I was outside Noah’s house. I parked the car and walked over to the park across the street.

  I called him and asked him to come outside and meet me. I hung up. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t told me the truth today. How could he lie to me like that? He’d lied during the I Never game too. Never had sex? Please.

  Am I the only one who told the truth during I Never?

  Noah could have told me. Maybe not then, in front of everyone. But later.

  Or before we’d had sex.

  I knew he was acting weird. Hadn’t I asked him what was wrong? He could have told me then. I’d given him an opening. A wide, big-assed, we-haven’t-had-sex-yet opening. Jerk. Liar.

  I wasn’t facing him, but I heard his shoes on the pebbles behind me.

  “Hey,” he said.

  I was sitting on the green bench. I didn’t turn around. He walked in front of me.

  “I have to tell you something,” he said.

  “You think?” I crossed my arms across my chest and then wondered if I should punch him instead.

  “I slept with someone else.”

  Everything ached. I nodded. “Go on.”

  “Over Christmas.”

  I wanted to dig myself under the grass, but I tried to stay upright. “And a few hours ago, you lied because . . .”

  “Because I was freaked out. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have. I just did.”

  “And you slept with someone else because . . .”

  He didn’t say anything.

  I kicked my foot into the ground. “Say something! I don’t understand! Explain it to me!”

  “It just happened,” he said softly.

  “That’s such bullshit!” I yelled. My voice carried across the park. “Sex doesn’t just happen. You make it happen.” I thought of the night before with Hudson. It could have happened then. Easily. But we hadn’t let it.

  He was quiet for a second and then he said, “I’m an idiot. It was only once. I was drunk.”

  “That is not an excuse.”

  “I’m not saying it is!” He rushed to say. “I’m just telling you the truth.”

 
“A little late.”

  His cheeks were flushed red. “I know. I should have told you.”

  “You should have told me. You should have worn a condom. With her. With me.”

  “I know! But I hadn’t planned on it . . . on anything.” He slammed his fist into his palm.

  “So did you know this girl well?”

  “Yeah, her grandfather lives next door to mine in Florida.”

  “So where were you guys? On the beach?”

  He looked down at the ground. “You don’t really want to know.”

  Now I really wanted to punch him. “Now you’re going to tell me what I do or don’t want to know? You do not have the right to do that. You have no more rights. I want to know the details. Every detail. Go.”

  He took another breath. “We were on the beach. And we just . . .” His voice trailed off.

  “Hooked up,” I spit the words out.

  “Yeah.”

  The whole scene was playing in my head and I couldn’t make it stop. I could see his eyes, the way he looked at me just before he kissed me. The way he touched me—he had touched her. This random girl. Why had I asked for details? I didn’t want them. Hadn’t I learned my lesson last time?

  I felt sick. Dizzy. Empty. Off-kilter. Drunk. Punched. Raw.

  “If you didn’t want to get caught you should have worn a condom. And at least told your slutty friend not to blab to all her friends. Yeah. It’s a small world. And I know all about Lily.”

  He winced as I said her name. “I’m sorry, April. Really. I do love you.”

  “Save it. I don’t understand,” I said again. “You couldn’t wait? You only had to wait a little longer.”

  “It wasn’t about waiting,” he said.

  “I thought things were good with us,” I said quietly. “Weren’t they good? Why would you sleep with someone else?”

  “They were good. They are good.”

  My head hurt. “You wouldn’t have slept with her if they were good. That’s not the way it works.”

  “I guess . . . I was just freaked out. Your parents were moving. And you decided to stay. Again.”

  “So?”

  “It was a big deal. And it just . . . I don’t know. Your mom moved to France. You stayed. Your dad moved. You stayed. It was a lot of pressure. On me.”

  “Wait, wait, wait. I didn’t do all that for you!” My head was spinning.