by Jo Meadows
Coming out of the toilet he noticed light coming from under the living room door, and listening, he could hear the television on a low volume. He decided to pop his head in and try to make peace with her after what had happened earlier. He opened the door slightly and saw Georgina asleep on the sofa; beside her sat an empty wine bottle and a half-full glass. He thought about waking her so she could go to bed properly but immediately decided what a bad idea that would be. Going back to bed he wondered how long she’d been drinking and why she hadn’t said anything to him. I wonder if that’s what’s affected her moods, after all she hasn’t drunk in years.
The next morning Georgina behaved as though nothing had happened the day before. She made breakfast as usual and gave David his pills. Looking at them he saw that she’d given him too many of one and not enough of another. ‘Georgina, I don’t think these are right.’
‘What do you mean not right? Of course they’re right. What do you know? You can barely see them. Give them here!’ she snapped, snatching them back out of his hand. Looking at them she said, ‘I’ve only got one wrong, I’m so sorry but one wrong pill won’t kill you,’ she said sarcastically. ‘If you think you can do better perhaps you should sort your own pills out. Oh, but you can’t can you? You have to rely on me.’
‘I was just saying. Sorry, I do appreciate you looking after them for me, and I do rely on you, I couldn’t do without you, you know that.’
‘Well it’s time you could. I’m so tired, I’m responsible for everything now and you’re no use at all. I’ve had enough David,’ she said tearfully.
‘I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance Darling. What about looking into getting that extra help? It shouldn’t cost too much.’
‘I don’t need help. I need you to get better. I’m sorry I hit you yesterday, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have done that.’
‘That’s okay. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately; all of this must have been very hard for you.’
‘Look, I’m sorry but do you mind if I go out? I need to get some fresh air and clear my head. Will you be alright on your own for a while?’
Of course I will. What time do you think you’ll be back?
‘Oh, I’ll be back in time to do lunch if you’re sure you don’t mind.’
‘No, you go out, Sweetheart. Have a nice walk and relax, I’ll be fine.’
I bet I know why she’s so tired, he thought after she’d left. She’s hung-over, that’s why. Tired; she’s tired because she probably didn’t go to bed last night. It’s not as if she does anything around here, I haven’t seen her do any housework since I’ve been home. She’s tired of playing the victim, that’s her problem. It must be hard work being so badly done to all the time. If the tables were turned, I would love having to take care of her. Perhaps I’m not worth the effort; I’m only her husband after all.
He went into the bathroom to use the toilet. Stepping through the door his sticks slipped and he fell heavily to the floor. He lay there dazed and then spent several minutes trying to get up. Once safely sitting on the toilet, he saw that the floor was soaking wet. He was relieved; he’d been very lucky. If he’d hit his head on the side of the shower cubicle or the toilet as he went down, he may have had a real problem, especially with Georgina being out. God knows how long he may have had to lie there waiting for help. Why is the floor so wet? I was in here earlier, it was dry then.
Perhaps it’s Karma for me thinking bad thoughts about Georgina, he wondered to himself. Or perhaps it’s her being careless. Either way, I won’t say anything; imagine the trouble that would cause.
As she walked towards the town, Georgina smiled inwardly. It had been so long since she’d felt it might be safe to say anything, let alone do anything to David. She hadn’t been sure whether she’d cause him to relapse or something. I suppose while he vegetates in that chair, he’s like a sitting duck. Perhaps I shouldn’t have scalded him but there doesn’t seem to be any real lasting damage. It’s amazing how quickly he seems to forgive me. I only have to get a bit tearful and he instantly wants to comfort me. More fool him; I’ll soon have him back in his place and I’ll give him an incentive to get off his backside.
Wandering around aimlessly, she wondered if he’d had the need to use the toilet yet. It’s a shame I couldn’t be there to watch him; that would be so funny. As long as he didn’t hurt himself too badly that is. Imagine him lying there all alone crying for help, poor thing. I must remember to dry the floor when I get back, I wouldn’t want to fall over myself.
She thought back to last night. That was a bit silly of me; I really must make sure I don’t fall asleep like that again. What if he were to come in? I don’t really care but why give him something to moan about? Anyway it was only the one bottle and I’m entitled to my bit of pleasure aren’t I? If it wasn’t for her new-found discovery she would go mad with him the way he was right now. I know I always said drinking was bad, but who knows and what business is it of anyone’s anyway?
***
The next couple of days went by uneventfully. David had been on edge the whole time, worried about Georgina’s state of mind, while she went about her days as though everything was fine and dandy. He hadn’t said anything about the bathroom floor but noticed that it was perfectly dry when he went in later that afternoon. He’d wondered briefly why she hadn’t mentioned it. It was unlike her not blame him and have a go at him for something like that, unless she already knew about it. Perhaps she left it like that. If she had, she wouldn’t have done it intentionally, or would she? No, that would be far too dangerous for him with his sticks. Stop it, he said to himself. Thinking like that is terrible. Why would she want to hurt him intentionally, that’s ridiculous, I’m in a bad enough way as it is. I’d better watch it, I’m getting paranoid again.
As time went by, David’s sight continued to improve along with his hearing. He didn’t say anything to Georgina because she never actually asked how he was. She knew he exercised daily and could see that he was getting better at moving around although he clearly still had very limited ability. What she didn’t know was that he could hear almost perfectly now and he could see well enough to watch the television. She assumed he just sat there feeling sorry for himself all day and capitalised on this by continuing to complain that he wasn’t really trying to get any better and that he was using her as his personal gofer. She would have the occasional outburst about nothing in particular, but she didn’t become violent if he didn’t respond to her goading.
It was after one of these outbursts that David heard her muttering to herself in the kitchen. Listening carefully, he could hear that she was moaning about him and his lack of get up and go, and about how hard it all was for her. Nothing new there then, he thought. But, why oh why does she keep going on about how hard it all is? She doesn’t do anything for god’s sake. It’s probably because he can’t do anything and therefore, she hasn’t got anything else to complain about.
As he continued to listen he thought he heard something truly frightening. He was sure she’d just said something about spilling the coffee in his lap. He couldn’t be sure, but he could almost swear she said that she’d meant to spill it so that it would have splashed into his face and she was cursing herself for messing it up and only spilling it onto his legs. David was scared, angry and intrigued all at the same time as he strained to hear more. Unfortunately, she left the kitchen and went into the bedroom still talking to herself.
Later that evening as they sat watching television, David was still quite worried by what he’d heard. Georgina was moaning at the presenter on the television, as she usually did, and he sat listening carefully to what she was saying while giving no indication that he could hear her. This continued for some time until she asked him if he’d like a drink. He pretended not to hear her to gauge her reaction. Without altering her expression, Georgina said, ‘David, you useless lump of lard, do you want a drink?’ Once again he pretended he hadn’t heard. Finally she asked him if he’d like a drink in a lo
uder voice, and thanking her, he said he would. As she went off to the kitchen he smiled. She definitely thought he was practically deaf. He decided he would let her carry on thinking that until it suited him to enlighten her. He didn’t like to be devious, but with what he’d heard and what had gone on lately he might be better prepared for her and whatever she got up to.
He went to bed that night feeling quite pleased with himself. Georgina had always been a little secretive and always insisted on her privacy. David on the other hand, was not allowed any such thing. She’d always wanted to know what he was doing every minute of every day and felt the need to comment or state her opinion about whatever it was. It felt good knowing that he sort of had one over on her at the moment, but he was also scared about what he might discover.
He woke up with a start. Listening, he heard her moving around in the living room. Waiting until it was quiet he quietly went out to go to the toilet. I wonder, he thought, and walking carefully to the living room door he opened it slightly. Georgina was on the sofa; beside her, a bottle and a glass of wine. Interesting, he thought as he gently closed the door and made his way to the toilet.
What he didn’t know was that she had heard him get up. She hadn’t had time to move the wine and had hoped he wouldn’t come into the room. When he did she was initially embarrassed but the embarrassment quickly turned to seething anger. She pretended not to notice him and sure enough, he went away. Damn! She said to herself. I can’t even have a quiet drink without him poking his nose in. I wonder why he didn’t say anything, I’m obviously awake. I wonder if he’s seen me before. I did fall asleep the other night. God! What would he have thought? I’ll teach him not to go sneaking around at night. It’s the only peace I get. Damn him!
She waited until he’d gone back to bed. She allowed him ten minutes to fall asleep and then quietly went into his room. She picked up a pillow from the floor and one of his sticks from by the bed. She pressed the pillow across his face with one hand and, as he struggled to breathe and started to fight, she smashed the stick down repeatedly onto his stomach with the other. David cried out in pain but was unable to push her off. Finally she stopped hitting him and then on leaving the room, taking both his sticks with her said, ‘Let’s see how you get on without these. Sneak around now if you can.’
When she’d gone David cried quietly to himself. She hadn’t hit him hard enough to cause injury but he was terrified. Waking up with the pillow over his face was the stuff of nightmares; he’d been totally helpless. He wondered what he’d done to deserve being attacked like that and then realised she must have been aware of him looking into the room and seeing her with the wine. He’d heard what she’d said as she left the room and knew she’d taken his sticks and also knew that unless she brought them back, he would have a real problem in the morning.
He couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night and when it was time to get up he got out of bed and found his sticks lying outside the bedroom door. Thank god for that, he said to himself. Let’s see what kind of mood she’s in today. He’d decided; he was determined to have it out with her. He would tell her he’d known about the wine and didn’t care about it. He’d only looked in on her to see if she was alright. He was also going to make sure she understood that he wouldn’t accept any more abuse.
He felt that in her heart she loved him and that it was all the recent stress that had caused her to snap. If they were able to sit and talk about it, he was sure they could sort it all out. He was ready to fight his corner and stand up to her once and for all.
Going into the kitchen, she was nowhere to be seen. Calling out for her he realised she’d already gone out. What’s she playing at it’s only seven thirty, he said to himself. Where could she have gone at this time?
Georgina stayed out until the early evening and David, after taking care of himself all day, was getting ready for bed. He tried to start a conversation with her but she complained about being tired and not feeling well. He told her that they needed to talk but it could wait until morning. He asked her to stay home until after they’d spoken and she’d said that it would have to be early because she had an appointment at the doctors. When he asked her what the appointment was for she refused to say. Giving up he went to bed. He was still determined to have the discussion about her behaviour but she’d thrown him a curve ball with the doctor’s appointment.
He’d become worried. She always managed to do that. She always managed to manipulate situations to suit her, and always managed to throw him off track. I wonder if there even is an appointment, he thought, but immediately told himself he was being cruel. Okay, she was out of sorts but she didn’t lie to him - did she? She never used to hit me either but she certainly does now. I’m going to ask her to discuss her behaviour with the doctor; she must see she has a problem. She must.
He went to bed but didn’t sleep for hours. His mind was spinning with worry about Georgina and what could be wrong with her, but he was also scared about what may happen in the night.
Chapter 17
‘What do you want to talk about? I’ve only got twenty minutes, and then I need to go.’
‘Alright, but you’ll need to speak up, you know I can’t hear very well. First of all, what’s your appointment for? Is there anything I need to know about? You’ve got me worried.’
‘David, I feel like I’m shouting all the time these days. Look, you don’t need to worry. It’s just women’s problems; it’s nothing for you to trouble yourself about. What else do you want to talk about? I’ve told you I don’t have all day.’
‘You’ve got plenty of time; this won’t take long. I’ve been worried about you over the last few weeks and I wanted to discuss how you are. You seem really on edge at times and you get angry very quickly. I’m worried you’re under stress, what with taking care of me and everything.’
‘I’m not under stress. What do you mean anyway? I don’t get stressed. Stress only affects people that are too weak to knuckle down and get on with it. That’s what I do. I recognize a problem and I get on with it. It’s what we women and other strong-minded people do.’
‘That’s not true and you know it. Stress can get to anyone. It’s known as the silent killer. I’m just worried Georgina, you’ve had to put up with so much lately.’
‘Nonsense, I’m fine.’
‘You’re not fine though, are you? You never used to drink at all and now you have a glass of wine occasionally. Yes, I know about that, it’s not a problem. I’m glad you’ve found a way to relax a bit.’
‘I know you know; I’m not stupid. I never said I didn’t drink anyway. Who the hell are you to question what I decide to do?’
‘This is exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not questioning you, and it’s not the wine anyway. I wanted to talk about why you’ve become violent towards me. You’ve never become so angry in the past, even when I’ve done something really stupid. These days I hardly have to say anything and you get really upset for no reason.’
‘Violent? I’m not violent. What are you talking about?’
‘Well, the other night. Can you explain why you attacked me when I was asleep?’
‘Attacked you? You must have dreamt that one. I never attacked you, I wouldn’t.’
‘How come my stomach is all bruised, and how did my sticks end up outside the bedroom door? Can you explain that? I can’t believe you’re denying you hit me. We both know you did. I didn’t dream it.’
‘I didn’t attack you; you probably fell over again and don’t remember. You must have put the sticks outside the door yourself; I can’t explain that. I don’t believe it, you’re not real. I’ve always said you’ve been losing it.’
‘Oh alright then. What about when you punched me just after the coffee got spilt?’
‘’Punched you? Oh! That was your own fault. You made me spill the coffee and then denied it. You got me so annoyed when all I was trying to do was look after you. Why do you do that? You drive me mad. All I’ve tried to do since you’
ve come out of hospital is take care of you. You don’t appreciate me at all. It’s a good job I was there when you collapsed though wasn’t it? You needed me then didn’t you?’
‘Alright, whatever happened, happened, let’s not argue about that. I do need you. What I don’t understand is why you hit me. I don’t deserve that. I’ve done nothing to deserve that; I don’t care what you say.’
‘And I don’t care what you say. Half the time you mumble gibberish and we’re all supposed to understand you. You’re not all there half the time.’
‘Georgina! That’s just not fair. I’ve been ill.’
‘Yes, and don’t we all know it; poor David. I’m fed up of hearing it. I’ve told you before, it’s time you got off your backside and worked harder to get well. I can’t carry on like this.’
‘I give up. Alright, you need to go. But, let me just say though, I’m not going to let you hit me anymore. That’s totally out of order and it isn’t you. You’re not yourself lately. I do hope that when you’re with the doctor, you discuss why you’re getting so angry, and at least mention you could have a problem coping with the stress of all this. I love you and I don’t want you to get ill because of me.’
‘Whatever David. What I discuss with the doctor is none of your business. I’m going, I’ll see you later.’
‘Anger, stress, what’s he doing – analysing me? How dare he? He’s a joke. Wait till I get home. He’ll have some analysing to do after I’ve finished with him tonight. Not going to let you hit me anymore? We’ll see about that,’ Georgina laughed as she left the house, totally unaware that David heard every word.
After she’d gone David was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do. He’d gone past being frightened, he was terrified. Calm down, he thought. She’s gone for now. Perhaps if I can get to talk to her later she may have calmed down and I can reason with her. She only said all that because she was angry that I’d confronted her. That’s the problem though, she’s always angry. How do I get around this, how do we get back to normal? What’s made her this way? It can only be the stress, surely.
