Rush Revere and the Star-Spangled Banner

by Rush Limbaugh

  Freedom said, “They must have been really smart.”

  “Very true,” I said. “There was one man in particular who was brilliant. His name is James Madison, and he is known as the ‘Father of the Constitution.’ He studied really hard and worked with others to come up with the framework for government, seen here in the Constitution.”

  “So what does the Constitution do?” Cam asked.

  “What do you mean, Cam?” I replied, confused.

  “Well, it is a document from hundreds of years ago but I am not sure what it does exactly.”

  “I see. The Constitution is a set of laws that govern the country. It ensures that the people have rights using a system including a president, Congress, and Supreme Court. We will learn more about all of these, but the thing to remember is that the Constitution sets the laws for the country to protect the people of the United States,” I said.

  Tommy said, “Got it. I share a bedroom with my older brother. Our bedroom was always a big mess. Then Mom set some ground rules like no stinky socks on the floor. No food in the room. And no burping in your brother’s ear when he’s sleeping. Mom’s Constitution.”

  Everyone smiled.

  “Exactly,” I said. “Like your room, the Constitution gives us the ground rules for the country.”

  All of a sudden Freedom exclaimed, “I got him!”

  She pointed up to a second huge painting on the right side of the room. “There’s the guy with the peg leg, and look—he has a sword in front of him.”

  Freedom quickly took out her sketchbook and flipped through the pages. I noticed a drawing of a horse. She wrote:

  The painting is called The Constitution. It is by Barry Faulkner. The man with the peg leg is called Gouverneur Morris of Pennsylvania. And we are in the Retunda of the National Archives building.

  “How is this, Mr. Revere? Am I right?” Freedom asked full of excitement.

  “Great job, Freedom,” I said. Just one change—there should be an o in Rotunda.”

  “Rot, Undar, you mean, right, Mr. Revere?” Cam said smiling.

  The kids all started moving, heading for the exit.

  Freedom’s grandfather was standing about ten feet away and waved us over to another glass case.

  “Hold on, guys,” I said, and gathered the time-traveling Crew together. “You forgot the third amazing document we are here to see. It is called the Bill of Rights, and it is the first ten amendments, or additions, to the U.S. Constitution.”

  Cam had somehow snuck the yo-yo out of his pocket again, and then put it back. When I was sure Freedom’s grandfather could not hear me I said, “All I want you to do is remember this name—George Mason.”

  Freedom wrote the name down in her sketchbook.

  I said, “I think we should go back to 1787 and find out from some exceptional Americans what they were thinking when they created these amazing documents. What do you guys think?”

  “A field trip from a field trip?” Tommy asked.

  “Exactly right, an adventure within an adventure, with lots to learn and see,” I said.

  “Oh, okay, I’m in. We just need to get some colonial clothes. I didn’t pack any,” Tommy said.

  “Don’t worry, Liberty has some in his saddlebag,” I assured him.

  “I’m in, too,” Cam agreed.

  Freedom added, “It sounds like so much fun, I love to time-travel. But I don’t want to leave my grandfather.”

  “We will figure something out, guys,” I said.

  As we moved through the pristine halls, Cam pulled out his yo-yo and was now doing some tricks. I hoped Liberty had not found any trouble outside.

  “Hey, Cam,” Tommy whispered. “Can I try your yo-yo?”

  “Maybe later,” said Cam. “It takes a little practice.”

  “Hey, I can throw a football like a champ. I bet I can pick this up pretty quick too,” Tommy replied.

  Before I had a chance to stop him, Tommy tried a difficult trick, and lost control of the yo-yo.

  All of a sudden a loud alarm blared through the halls. I stopped in my tracks. Freedom’s grandfather grabbed Freedom’s hand and ran past me, urging us to follow. Everyone in the building started moving quickly and calm turned to panic.

  I looked around and could not see Tommy or Cam. They were just with me. My heart began to race. I started shouting, “Tommy! Cam!”

  As people rushed past me and the alarm continued to echo loudly, I looked around nervously wanting Cam and Tommy to appear next to me. I had to do something. I ran over to the metal detectors. A security guard spoke into a radio, giving directions. He looked up at me, suspiciously.

  “I am missing two of my students,” I said. “They were just with me, but the alarm went off and they vanished. I have no idea where they are.”

  The guard looked directly at me. “Does one have blond hair and the other brown curly hair? About this tall?” he asked, with a hand out.

  “Yes, yes. Have you seen them? Are they okay?” I asked.

  “Come with me,” he said firmly.

  As we rounded a corner, I saw Cam and Tommy sitting on two chairs in a hallway.

  “There you are,” I said. I was both relieved and worried.

  Before they could answer, the security guard said, “It looks like they were having a little too much fun with a yo-yo.”

  I looked at the boys and shook my head. Just what we need—a national incident.

  Tommy said with head lowered, “I was trying a cool trick and I kinda threw the yo-yo into the Rotunda.”

  “You kinda did what?” I said.

  “It had a great spin,” Cam said. “I have to give him that.”

  Turning his attention to me, the guard said, “The yo-yo hit one of the glass cases so hard it caused all of the safety alarms to trigger.”

  I stood frozen for a second or two not knowing what to say. Did this mean jail for the boys?

  “My dad and grandpa are going to be upset with me. They always tell me I shouldn’t show off, but sometimes I can’t help it,” Tommy said, looking down.

  “It was pretty cool, though,” Cam said reassuringly, patting Tommy on the shoulder.

  “Okay, guys, enough,” I said, rather annoyed.

  Before too long, the alarms turned off and the boys were allowed to get up from their chairs. After a firm lecture and warning from the security team, along with the confiscation of the yo-yo, we were allowed to leave. Luckily no jail time was required.

  “Now that we’ve caused a major incident at the National Archives, how about we go find Liberty?” I said.

  Cam and Tommy shrugged, and followed me out of the building.

  “Any chance I could buy a new yo-yo?” Cam asked.

  Chapter 4

  We left the National Archives building in a hurry. Surprisingly, we found Liberty waiting patiently by the flagpole.

  “I was wondering if you were coming back sometime this century,” Liberty said, looking perturbed. “I figured you must be in the cafeteria cooking up a buffet of snacks for me, so I decided to wait right here.”

  “And you stayed right here the whole time, right?” I asked with one eyebrow raised.

  “Well, maybe I took a little stroll but you were gone a really long time, but no way, no how, did I leave my post for long, Captain.”

  Cam and Tommy were more quiet than usual, with heads down and hands in their pockets.

  Liberty seemed to sense the change in mood. “Wasn’t the Constitution amazing? Why all the gloom and doom?”

  “It’s a long story,” Cam replied in a low voice.

  “Apparently, I have all day, seeing as you all were in there forever,” Liberty said. “Wait, where’s Freedom and her grandpa?”

  “I was just about to ask you the same thing. All was going fine until we had a little yo-yo incident,” I said, looking at Tommy and Cam. “Anyway, when the alarms went off Freedom and her grandfather ran past me and we lost them.”

  “Alarm? In the National Archives?
I wonder ‘who done it.’ I bet it was that woman in the polka-dot dress. No wait, I know—was it Professor Plum with the candlestick?” Liberty said.

  “No, it was actually me. I accidentally threw the yo-yo,” Tommy said.

  “Ouch, that’s not good. Anyway,” Liberty said, “I’m going to ask Freedom where she is using my mind, one sec.” He closed his eyes in an attempt to mentally communicate with Freedom.

  After a few seconds of deep thought expressions, Liberty said, “She is okay; she got a little freaked out by the alarms and was just about to mentally text me. They are going for a little walk and will meet us back here in a few minutes . . . Oh, and she said, Tommy, you shouldn’t do tricks inside.”

  Tommy shrugged and said, “Thanks, Freedom.”

  Something triggered Liberty’s memory and he returned to his deep commander voice. “Which secret agent answered my clue correctly?” Liberty asked. “I don’t see any written answers. There is a point just waiting to be collected!”

  Tommy and Cam frowned. “Um, yeah, well, about that. I’m pretty sure Freedom was first to find the peg leg. She just kinda had to leave in a hurry. Can I have her point for honesty?”

  “Nice try, agent . . . but that would be a no,” Liberty replied sternly, narrowing his eyes dramatically. “Freedom will receive the point when I see her.”

  Cam shrugged and asked, “Are we still going to find out more about the Constitution or are we pretty much grounded?”

  “Ooh, grounded. Good one, Cam, I get it, I get it,” Liberty said in a normal tone, nodding his head. “Like the plane is grounded in a storm and can’t fly. I’m with you, totally on the same page.”

  “No one is grounded—yet, but like King George, I am feeling the urge to take away your rights,” I said sternly.

  “Since Freedom and her grandfather are walking, maybe we should time-jump now so it’s not too weird we left without them,” Tommy said.

  “Good idea, Tommy,” I replied.

  Cam muttered under his breath, just loud enough to hear, “Good one, Tommy, but you’re gonna need a lot more good ideas to get us out of the doghouse.”

  “You’re in the doghouse?” Liberty interjected. “Wowza, that is so bad. I mean I’m a horse and I totally wouldn’t want to live in the doghouse. Just sayin’. I really like my cable TV.”

  We quickly followed Liberty to a secluded location. I pulled out the extra colonial clothing from the saddlebag for Tommy and Cam to slip over their modern-day clothes. Soon they were sitting on top of Liberty’s saddle. Tommy had his football in his hand so I motioned for him to hide it in Freedom’s saddlebag.

  “Wait, wait, hold on. I almost forgot the snack you were going to bring me. Could I have it now, please?” Liberty said with his head cocked to one side.

  Luckily, I kept a bag of oats in his saddlebag for occasions like this. Liberty took a big bite and began chomping happily. He soon had enough fuel to start the adventure. Now all he had to do was say the magic words and we were off to American history.

  Liberty took a big breath and said, “Rush, rush, rushing to history!”

  Suddenly, a sparkling disk of purple and gold appeared in front of us. It started small but then expanded to the size of a giant hula hoop. As Liberty galloped toward the growing time portal I yelled, “September, 1787. Philadelphia, the Constitutional Convention!” Then I jumped through the portal immediately behind Liberty and the boys.

  * * *

  Instantly, we arrived in the eighteenth century, and I immediately felt the sweltering summer heat. Looking around, I noticed we had landed under the same oak tree where Liberty jumped when we visited Philadelphia in 1776. That was eleven years earlier, when Cam and I witnessed the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

  “Whoa,” said Cam. “It feels like we just landed on the sun.”

  “I’m probably going to sound like a nerd,” Tommy said, “but I happen to know that the surface of the sun is about ten thousand degrees Fahrenheit. Hey, I like science and sometimes I keep weird bits of trivia in my head.”

  “We won’t hold it against you,” said Cam, smirking.

  “The Philadelphia Convention took place from May to September 1787,” I said. “So I figured if we visited in August we could see everything already in action.”

  Cam wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with the back of his sleeve and then clapped a mosquito buzzing in front of his face. “I can handle the heat,” said Cam. “But these mosquitos and the smell might kill me.”

  “No kidding,” said Tommy as he slapped a mosquito from his arm. “It smells like rotten eggs mixed with stinky, sweaty socks. Sort of like the Manchester Lions’ locker room.”

  “I don’t think it smells that bad,” said Liberty.

  “Are you kidding?” said Cam.

  “Were you raised in a barn?”

  “Actually, yes, I was,” said Liberty, proudly.

  “Is a barn better than a doghouse?” Cam asked. Liberty nodded.

  “Let’s not forget why we are here,” I said. “To meet the Founders of our country and learn more about how they wrote the Constitution of the United States of America and the Bill of Rights.”

  “Wait, the one we just saw at the National Archives?” Cam asked.

  “Yes, the very one,” I said.

  “This is really cool, Mr. Revere. I love to time-travel, plus there’s no way I can bump into Elizabeth in the past,” Tommy said energetically.

  “Is your girlfriend still trying to hang with you?” teased Cam.

  “She is not my girlfriend,” said Tommy. “Elizabeth is barely a friend. But she does cheer for our football team, so I need to be sort of nice to her.”

  “Yeah, and she is really mean to Freedom, and called her Free-dumb, remember?” Cam said.

  “I don’t like the way she treats Freedom, either, but we need cheerleaders, okay? And she can be kinda nice at times,” Tommy said.

  “Sharks can be nice, too, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to swim with one,” Cam teased.

  “Good point,” Tommy agreed.

  As we made our way to Main Street I could see that Philadelphia had definitely grown in size since our last visit. On every side there were bustling shops.

  “Out of the way, before you get run over!” a carriage driver shouted at us, then splashed us with muddy water. He turned down a narrow curving street, cursing us all the way. A chicken ran past, and after it a craggy dog that looked up at us quizzically.

  “I’m no genius, but I’m pretty sure those pigs aren’t helping with the smells around here,” Cam said as he scrunched up his nose. One particularly large pig eyed us as if we were in the middle of his farm.

  Where are we going exactly? I wondered. Feeling that we were completely lost I pulled out a map. We needed to find Independence Hall, located between Fifth and Sixth Streets. Following the map, we turned right on Chestnut Street.

  “Pee-ew,” said Liberty.

  “I thought you said the smell doesn’t bother you,” Cam said.

  “It doesn’t,” Liberty replied.

  “Then why did you say pee-yew?” asked Tommy. “Y’know, Liberty, that’s what people say when something smells bad, right?”

  “Oh,” nodded Liberty. “Well, that’s not what I meant. When you pointed out all the pigs roaming the streets it made me think of PU, the letter P and the letter U for Pigs Union. Seriously, back on the farm the pigs thought they owned the place. And if they didn’t get enough slop or if they didn’t have enough mud they’d all go on strike and just walk around passing gas and stinking everything up.”

  Liberty never ceased to make me smile. “Well, that certainly explains the smell,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But I think we should also consider the fact that there are about forty thousand people living here right now. In fact, currently Philadelphia is America’s largest city. And most of its population is concentrated within these eight blocks, which includes an open sewer system.”

  As we walked alo
ng the road to Fifth Street, we became covered in dusty sweat. Tommy and Cam kept swatting flies and mosquitos that buzzed around their faces and necks. “Did anyone bring any mosquito repellent? I feel like I’m being eaten alive,” said Tommy.

  I almost fell over a pot on an open fire in the middle of the sidewalk.

  “Watch out for me chicken cookin’!” a hunched woman with red hair shouted at us, waving her arms. We picked up our pace.

  Liberty swatted a dozen flies out of the air with a single swish of his tail. “Too bad you don’t have an awesome tail like mine. I never leave home without it.”

  “Here,” I said as I reached into Liberty’s saddlebag. “Spray some of this on you. But do it quickly so we don’t call attention to ourselves.” Luckily we were wearing colonial clothes or we would have stood out more than we already did.

  Even though Philadelphia was the largest city in the country at the time, there were no tall skyscrapers like in a modern-day city. It was mostly rows of houses with little space between them, stacked together two or three stories tall. It felt like a busy small town, but there were no honking horns. Just dusty roads filled with carriages. As we walked down the street we passed shops, including a butcher and a soapmaker.

  “Look up ahead, that is Independence Hall,” I said, pointing. “The very building where the Founders debated the Constitution.” I could see the familiar spire of the famous building in the distance. Its red brick could be seen above the other buildings.

  “You mean the one with the tall tower thing on top?” Tommy asked.

  “Yes, the tall structure on top of the building that points toward the sky is actually called a spire. They are usually found on churches,” I replied.

  A large clock faced outward on the spire above two sets of windows. In front of Independence Hall sat a large dirt and grass park.

  “So what or who exactly are we looking for?” asked Cam.

  “I’m hoping to find James Madison. Mr. Madison was a vital part of the writing of the Constitution and Bill of Rights. I would really love for you to be able to meet him. Liberty, do you think you could help us out by using your time-travel senses?”