by M. S. Parker
“Nothing is stopping you from finding what would make you happy – except you.” I held his eyes for a moment.
“True. But my priorities are more important than just being happy.”
Three
Piety
The better part of a bottle of wine sat open in front of me. I had just about emptied my glass, and I was ready to top it off. Again.
Drinking in the dark wasn’t exactly the best way to end the night, but I wasn’t ready to go to bed, and I had no interest in reading or watching TV.
The one thing I did want to do wouldn’t happen.
I wanted to talk to Kaleb.
But I sure as hell wasn’t going to call him. Or text him.
Again.
I put my phone away just to make sure I didn’t give into the urge or get too drunk and forget the promise I made to myself.
Then Astra called to check on me, asking if I was okay.
I lied and ended the call before she could press the matter.
Part of me wished I hadn’t, that I’d confessed to how miserable I truly was. If I had, she would have come back home, and we could have eaten ice cream and watched cheesy movies, and maybe I wouldn’t feel so pathetic.
Maybe I should just give in to the inevitable.
My parents were just going to keep pushing men like Windsor at me. At least Windsor wasn’t a total ass. I could be Piety Kiperman within a year if I played things right.
Piety Kiperman.
“Fuck my life,” I whispered, the very idea making my head hurt.
Life with him would be awful.
I’d be bored within three days, if not less.
But my parents loved him, and if it wasn’t him, it would be somebody else. Somebody obnoxious and truly repugnant. Mom had already sent me a text, asking how the date had gone and when we were going out again. Maybe I could grow to like hearing about work. And more work. And golf with people from work.
Tears burned my eyes, and I groaned, putting the glass down so I could cover my face.
“Crying alone in the dark plus drinking alone in the dark equals beyond pathetic.”
I couldn’t help it though. Everything seemed to be imploding around me and all I wanted was to go back to my nice, normal existence when I’d been content.
Except content wasn’t enough now.
I’d felt what it was like to be truly happy. I’d only had a taste of it, but it had been enough. I wanted that back. I wanted something my parents had never had – passion. A partner who loved me, not just somebody who shared common interests.
I wanted things my parents wouldn’t even understand, which was why they thought Windsor was perfect for me. Because they didn't get it.
I wanted a man who loved me so much he was stupid with it. My dad was never stupid about anything. The thought of him doing something stupid and crazy for my mother was just insane. The thought of my mother doing something stupid and crazy for my father was equally insane.
The sound of my own laughter caught me off-guard, but I’d started to think of that strange, free-fall sort of feeling I’d had when I'd climbed on the skyscraper roller coaster with Kaleb. I’d done it because of the way he’d smiled at me. I hadn’t been able to stop myself despite how terrified I'd been. It wasn’t even all that crazy, but my mother wouldn’t have done it.
My father…on a roller coaster?
Never.
Doing something that scared them just to be close to each other.
Nope.
“Stop it!” I grabbed the bottle of wine, and without even bothering to pour it into the glass, I took a drink. Rising, I wandered into my bedroom and over to the window. I’d never felt so lonely and empty before in my life.
If I could just convince myself that I was worried about Camry, I’d feel better.
If I could just convince myself that it had little to do with him as a person and more to do with the situation itself, maybe I’d be alright.
But I couldn’t do it.
Yes, I had concerns about Camry, but she wasn’t what had me lying awake at night.
I’d thought there was something between us. I really had. But I must have been wrong. Maybe it had only been on my side. If we’d had anything there, wouldn’t he have talked to me before he left? Wouldn’t he have at least called or sent me a note? Something to let me know that he was okay?
I took another drink of wine, then put the bottle on the nightstand. Falling back onto the bed, I stared up at the ceiling.
I wanted to tell myself that things would get better, that things would turn around.
But I’d been doing that ever since he left, and so far, nothing had changed.
“You see…I told you a change would do you good…”
Astra’s wild, bawdy laugh had me giggling. “Look at that one…the blond.” My heart skipped a beat when he flicked ice-blue eyes my way.
He was so…so pretty. And biteable. And pretty. I wanted to just…bite him. Yeah. Bite him. Yum.
Astra giggled. “You’re licking your lips, PS. Don’t blame you though. Have you ever seen such a pretty man in all of your life?”
“Nope. Not ever.” Chin resting on my fist, I stared at him and sighed. I was entirely too drunk to be sitting here, gaping at some stripper – or maybe I was just drunk enough to be gaping at a stripper. I didn’t know.
I just knew I was drunk and I loved it. Maybe I was going to be drunk all the time now. That would be nice.
The beautiful blond edged closer, and the woman a seat down from us reached out and stroked her hand down the back of his calf. I wanted to smack her. She shouldn't be touching him. He ignored her, catching the chair that had been placed in the middle of the walkway and swinging a leg over it.
“I bet you anything he’s just pretty though. No brain inside that head.” I gestured to him, convinced that somehow made sense. “If you’re that pretty, you’ve got to have something wrong. Right?”
“Hey, you’re pretty and smart. I’m fucking beautiful and pretty damn sharp.” Astra laughed until she snorted and waved at the blond. He continued to twist his spine, a movement that made it clear that at least there was one thing he was definitely not lacking.
My mouth went dry.
“Besides, with that face, what does it matter if he has a brain? As long as he’s not a dick – I mean, I want him to have one…” She shot me a grin. “And he definitely does.”
We were both so drunk, that was why it was so funny. It had to be.
He slid off the chair and went to his knees, crawling along the stage. I had a bill already clutched in my hand, and my fingers were shaking as he moved closer.
His skin was hot against my fingers, almost shockingly so. Our eyes caught, then held. I wished there was something I could say or do. Something like… Hey, you want to get a drink?
I bet that would make me stand out. Biggest loser he’d probably had to deal with in a long time, and I was fawning over him. My fingers lingered on his skin for so long that he caught my wrist and tugged my hand away.
But he didn’t let go.
At least not right away.
We stared at each other, and I bit my lip, tugging a little harder as a bunch of women around us started to whoop. He let go, loosening his grip slowly until I felt each slow brush of his fingers as they left my skin.
His eyes, so bright, surrounded by spiky lashes, held mine for another moment. I didn’t want him looking away, but in the next moment he did.
And I slumped in my seat.
That had been the most intense minute of my life – at least that I could recall, considering how freaking drunk I was. And I probably wouldn't remember it tomorrow.
“Wow…look at his ass.” Astra smacked her lips. “I just want to…bite him. Like all over. Don’t you?”
“Yes.”
I caught the server’s eye and waved my hand. I needed another drink. Desperately. Maybe if I got just a little more sloppy drunk, I could get him out of my head.
“It’s him!”
Astra grabbed my arm and squealed. “See! It’s him.”
I was already staring at the guy at the bar, face shielded by shaggy blond hair, so I didn’t need Astra shaking me. It wasn’t helping my spinning head, either.
“Stop,” I said, tugging my arm away. My heart raced harder at the sight of him, but when Astra tried to tug me closer to the bar, I dug in my heels and resisted. “No. You’re supposed to be distracting me and helping me have fun. I’m drunk enough.”
“I’m not taking you over there to get drunk. He’s the distraction.” She was nowhere near as quiet as she tried to be. Several people swung their heads to look at us as she continued to pull me along. “Come on, PS.”
He flicked a glance our way, and the sight of those eyes had my heart hitching a beat or two. He immediately returned his interest to his glass though.
He had a booted foot hooked on the rung of the bar stool, broad shoulders slumped.
There was something…lonely about him.
Maybe it was because I was lonely too, but when Astra urged me along, I stopped resisting. He continued to stare into his drink, swirling the whiskey around and around, and I continued to stare at him.
What are you looking for? I found myself wondering. You won’t find the answers there.
Astra nudged to me. “Talk to him. I dare you.”
“I stopped responding to dares a long time ago.” But I found myself taking one wobbly step and then another, and before I knew what I was doing, I had settled down next to him.
He didn’t even look up.
“Hi.”
Nothing.
I tried again. “I saw you dancing.”
He shrugged and lifted his glass. “So did a lot of other women. I don’t do private performances. Sorry.”
“Oh, I don’t want…”
He looked up at me.
Our eyes met.
Oh…wow…
Oh…wow…
He kissed me, and he tasted like heaven.
I giggled a little bit, because the bourbon he’d been drinking had been called something…heaven something. And I knew it was closer to hell, especially on the stomach.
But it tasted pretty damn good on him, and now he was with me, his skin hot and naked on mine.
“Stop,” he muttered when I slid my hand down his chest. “You’ve got to stop.”
“Why?” I giggled again as I slid my hands farther down, his skin hot against my palms. Hot and amazing. Everything about him was amazing.
“Stop, because…fuck. I need…”
“Yes, you need to fuck.” I laughed, delighted with everything. Curling my arms around his neck, I tugged him back to me. “You need to fuck me. Right?”
“Right…” He laughed this time, and then he kissed me again.
And again.
And again…
I jerked upright in the bed, staring at the wall.
That dream…
“Wow.”
The echo of something from the dream came back to haunt me.
Oh…wow.
Had I said that?
Or just dreamed it?
I couldn’t remember, couldn’t think.
Shaking, I rubbed my hands up and down my face.
I had a headache, and the outline of the bottle of wine mocked me. I’d drank almost half of it. Not that much in the scheme of things, and not enough to give me a hangover, but maybe enough to fuel a wild dream.
Yet…it didn’t feel like a dream.
Not really.
It had felt like…well, a memory.
“Wow.”
Four
Kaleb
The pathetic little hotel where I was staying might not have been exactly a fleabag, but it wasn’t much better.
The watery light made it impossible to read, but I didn’t have anything else to do so I stayed bent over the book Piety had given me, ignoring the slowly building headache and focusing on the words on the page.
I had nothing else to focus on, unless I wanted to think about the phone that hadn’t rang or the sister that was still strangely absent.
But it was getting harder and harder to keep my thoughts on anything that didn’t either piss me off or make me wish I’d done everything – and I mean everything – differently.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Stefano since I’d given him the money yesterday. Camry hadn’t so much as called. I lost track of how many times I sent her a text or tried to call. I left the address of where I was staying.
She knew where I was. She knew how to get in touch with me. She could, assuming Stefano had actually let her go. I didn't see why he wouldn’t. If he was trying to string me along for more money, he would have made that clear already. Right?
Shit, I hope that wasn’t what he was up to.
Still, if he planned to jerk me around more, I would have expected to hear from him, and I hadn’t heard from anybody. My phone had been wonderfully, miserably silent. Camry hadn’t called, begging for money.
Piety hadn’t called. Not even once.
Unable to tolerate the stingy light any longer, I closed the book and placed it face down on my chest. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I tried to forget about where I was and pretend I was back in Philadelphia. With her. Of course, it didn’t help me feel any less miserable. Maybe I should imagine I was back in Sydney, surfing.
At least that was a little more likely to happen in the near future.
One thing I did know – I wanted to get the hell out of Las Vegas.
I hated it here.
The wind, the dirt, the sun…and there was never any darkness, never any silence.
I must have half-drifted off to sleep because the knock on the door was so unexpected, it jerked me into awareness – and confusion. I sat up, not entirely sure where I was. I was hungry, sore, and irritated, and when the knock came again, louder, I shouted, “What is it?”
“Open up, grouchy pants!” a thin, familiar voice said through the door.
Camry.
I almost fell on my face rushing to get there.
Something light, almost happy settled inside my chest, ready to explode. Finally!
And then it died, all in the span of a second.
Camry stood staring up at me, a wobbly smile on her mouth, and her pupils so huge I could barely see her eyes. She threw herself at me and practically missed. If I hadn’t caught her, she would've toppled to the floor. “Oops!” she said cheerfully. “Hi, big brother!”
“Camry.”
She gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek, and then brushed me off, moving deeper into the room, bouncing with every step. Shit.
“You took forever to answer the door, Kaleb.” She giggled and said my name again. “Kaleb. Ka-leb. That’s a cool sound…Kaleb.”
“You’re high.”
“Maybe.” She held up her index finger and thumb about an inch apart. “Just a little.”
More than a little. I wanted to hit something. As I fought with that urge, Camry turned in a circle, looking around the room. “Wow. This place is a dump. Why are you staying here?”
“I’ve been too busy saving every penny to pay off your drug debt, Camry,” I snapped. “I’m afraid I don’t have money for a room at the Bellagio.”
“Ooohhh…” She smiled and spun around in a circle. “That’s a nice place. Stefano’s taken me there.”
I clenched my jaw. “I bet he has. Did he give you the drugs?”
“Not like I’d take them from anybody else.” She sniffed. “I’m careful.”
“And that’s how you ended up owing him ten grand.”
“Shit, Kaleb. You’re grouchy. You’re so grouchy. You want to know why I get high? It’s because I don’t want to be grouchy and boring like you. Lighten up, brother. Life’s too short. You’re supposed to have fun.”
The bed springs squeaked under her, and she laughed again at the sound, bouncing up and down. Turning away from her, I moved to the window and threw open t
he curtains. Immediately, the heat made me wish I hadn’t. The air conditioner had a hard time keeping up already, and I could feel the scalding temperature outside beating against the glass.
I hated it here.
I wanted to go back home.
Back to Philadelphia.
Somewhere…anywhere but here.
“Maybe I should get high,” I said absently. “Rack up a debt of ten thousand dollars, whore myself out too. But who will bail me out when I get in trouble, Camry?”
“Don’t be mean.” Camry sniffed. “You know, I could have taken care of it myself.”
“Then why in the blue fuck did you call me?” Spinning around, I glared at her. “I gave up everything for you – my job, my apartment, my chance to buy the shop. Everything!”
Piety.
Everything.
“I did it because I thought you needed me.”
She flinched, tears filling her blue eyes.
I felt terrible, but steeled myself against it. I knew better than to do this, to let her get to me. I should have known better than to even come here. Piety had been right about my sister. Camry sure as hell hadn’t acted afraid of Stefano, and I was starting to get a bad feeling about this whole miserable mess.
Looking away from her, I focused on the wall. “Don’t try and use tears on me, Camry. Not now. Not after all the shit you've pulled.”
“I’m not trying to use anything!” She stood up, wobbling on a pair of heels that had to be five inches. She gave me a defiant glare and still managed to look pathetic and woebegone.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Where did you get the money for the drugs this time?”
“It was free!” She flung it at me like a weapon. “He likes me, so he does that sometimes.”
“Bastards like him likes nobody but themselves.” I wanted to shake her. “Dammit, you can’t fall down that hole again. I can’t get that kind of money again.”
“Why not?” She shrugged, not looking worried. “You did it easy enough this time.”
“Easy?” I started to see red.
I’d given up Piety for her. Easy?! It had ripped my fucking heart in half.
