by M. S. Parker
The first time I finally found anybody who meant something to me, and I gave her up…and for what?
“Easy?” I shook my head and turned away. Gathering up some clothes, I started for the bathroom. I needed to cool down before I lost it. “I don’t think you have any idea what it cost me, Camry. What you cost me. You probably never will. And I’m about ready to stop trying to make you understand.”
“What does that mean?”
I paused to look at her. “Just that. You can get help. You don’t need Stefano. You can get help, get off the drugs, stop sleeping with men for money or for a quick fix…whatever. But if you’re going to keep this up, I won’t be the one to help you back up the next time you’re in trouble. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.”
“I’ve always had to do that.” She poked her lip out. “You had Mom and Dad. But I only had…me.”
“You had me.” I wasn’t going to do this. “And you know it. But if you want to tell yourself otherwise, then do it. Maybe it makes it easier for you.”
I stayed in the bathroom more than long enough for her to give up waiting and leave, but when I came out, she was still there, standing in front of the window with her hands in her pockets.
“You never needed me,” she said, her voice soft.
Was that what all of this was about? I didn’t let myself ask her the question though. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure it mattered. Camry didn’t want to get clean. I could see that clearly now. Until she was ready, there was nothing I could do to help her.
“You know, if I’m such a pain in the ass, you could just…” She laughed, the sound shrill and harsh. Turning to face me, she jutted her chin up, an indignant look on her face. “I’ve tried, Kaleb. Things aren’t as easy for me, okay? I wanted my mom and my dad to be there. I wanted…things. You did too, I get that, but you coped better than I did.”
“No. I just coped. You had it rough. I get that.” Shaking my head, I looked away. “But instead of trying to cope, you partied, you did drugs and acted out. I’m done feeling sorry for you.”
“I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me!” she shouted. “Fine! Just go! Go do whatever it is you do.”
“Your entire life is a plea for attention, Camry.” Already tired, I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her. “I came here to help you. Again. Apparently, that is what I do – look out for you. I don’t know how else to define myself. And every time, it gets thrown back at me. I’m…tired of it. I’m just tired.”
“Then stop.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Kaleb. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.”
There was something final in her voice, and I looked up to find her staring at me.
She gave me a tight smile and then turned. I didn’t even have time to process what was happening until she was already out the door. I lurched up, going after her, but she just kept walking.
There was a car waiting for her in the parking lot.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Whatever I want.” She glanced at me as she neared the car. “You don’t want to talk to me; you want to bitch at me. So fine. I’ll leave.”
“You didn’t come here to talk. You came here strung out and feeling sorry for yourself. Sorry if I’m not really in the mood for a pity party when I’m dealing with my own shit, Camry.”
“Well, now you can do whatever you want. And so can I. You made that clear.” She lifted her chin. For a moment, just a brief one, I thought I saw something in her eyes.
Sorrow.
Guilt.
Hurt.
I couldn’t tell.
It was gone so fast, then she was too. She climbed into the car, and the driver pulled off with a spray of dust and gravel.
I stared after the car until it was lost from sight, and then, feeling oddly numb, I went inside.
I was done with this.
Everyone had told me I couldn’t help her if she wasn’t ready, and maybe I was a slow learner, but I finally got it. I wasn’t going to sit around wasting my time trying. I wasn’t going to hang around for her to jerk me around again.
I grabbed my wallet and started to shove it into my pocket, only to pause.
Dread filled me when I squeezed it.
Earlier, it'd been fat with the cash I’d put in there, half the cash I'd left over. Now, it was almost pathetically thin.
“Camry…” I closed my eyes, hoping against hope.
I had to make myself look inside, even though I already knew what I’d find. Or what I wouldn’t find.
I’d stashed half the money in my wallet, and every last dollar was gone.
Flinging the wallet across the room, I swore. It hit the wall and bounced before falling to the floor. Without waiting a moment, I went to the mattress and hauled it up, searching for the small slit I’d made, and the rest of the money.
It was there.
Thank God.
I wasn’t completely broke.
But what was I going to do…?
It hit me then.
There was only one thing I could do.
Only one thing I wanted to do.
Five
Piety
The resume in front of me wasn’t coming together.
One of my clients at the shelter was trying to get a job. She had a place to stay as well as childcare, and if she could just get a job, we could make a case for her getting custody of her kid. I needed to get a resume together so we could practice her interview techniques. We were so close. Things would get better for her once the last block fell into place.
Normally, this was the part of my job that I loved. Carol had done the hard part, leaving her husband and asking for help. But I couldn’t focus on this task to save my life.
I was distracted. By the dream slash memory, by Kaleb, by everything that had been going on in my life.
And I was miserable.
My heart hurt.
Throwing down my pen, I leaned back in my chair and shoved my hair from my face. “Focus,” I told myself. “I’ve got to focus.”
Getting up, I went to the coffee maker.
It had long since gone burnt. Disgusted, I dumped the dregs out and started a fresh pot. At the rate I was going, I wouldn’t be done before midnight anyway, and I definitely didn’t want to sleep.
If I slept, I’d dream about Kaleb again.
Once the coffee was done, I leaned against the counter, sipping the hot brew and coaxing my muddied brain into thinking. All the key info was there. I just had to get it down.
Outside, rain pounded against the window, and thunder crashed. It was a miserable night. Or a great one, depending on who you were with and what you were doing. Astra was out with a guy, probably snuggled up and doing something debauched.
And here I was alone and miserable. The storm was adding to my overall melancholy state, but I tried to block it out. Returning to my desk, I settled down and stared at the laptop.
Carol could do this. She had a solid work background.
She was trying to get hired at a daycare, and she had experience with kids.
She’d left the workplace when she had her daughter, but she’d done some volunteering since. This should write itself.
After a brief mental pep talk, I buckled down. And a half hour later, I was done. The resume wasn’t perfect but it would do.
Now I had nothing left to occupy my time, and it didn’t take long for my thoughts to drift back to Kaleb.
What was he doing?
Had things worked out with Camry?
The phone rang, and I grabbed it, hoping it was something else that might distract me. Right now, I'd even talk to my parents.
But it was just Carlos, the nighttime doorman for the building.
“Hello, Miss Piety. Lovely weather we’re having, yes?”
I eyed the storm and smiled. “Absolutely, if you like floods. Do you like floods?”
&nb
sp; “I like the rain. Are you having a good night?”
“Good enough,” I lied. “And you?”
“Of course. Ma’am…there’s a young man here to see you. I believe he stayed with you and Miss Astra a few nights last week. His name is Kaleb…”
I didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence.
In my rush down to the lobby, I neglected to think about the fact that I was wearing the oversized t-shirt I slept in. The cool air blowing in through the vents had me shivering, but I wasn’t about to go back upstairs.
When the elevator doors slid open, and I caught sight of him, my heart lurched.
For one moment, everything stopped.
It just stopped.
I stumbled to a halt, my fingers curling into fists so I didn’t reach for him. But I wanted to so fucking bad. He was soaking wet, broad shoulders slumped, head hanging low. And all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him.
“Kaleb.”
At the sound of my voice, he looked up, and I found myself lost in those pale blue eyes.
“Piety,” he said, his voice raw.
“Hi.” I sounded breathless, like I’d run every flight from the loft down here to the lobby. I felt like it too.
“Can we…?” He looked around. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.” I didn’t know what else to say, and I lifted a hand. “Come upstairs.”
He stared at my hand for a moment, and I didn’t realize what he was looking at so intently until the light bounced off the ring. My wedding ring. The one I still hadn’t been able to take off. Slowly, he accepted my hand, and I turned, knees shaking and heart racing.
Giving Carlos a weak smile, I tugged Kaleb into the elevator behind me and pushed the button for the loft. Barely daring to breathe, I closed my eyes.
He still held my hand.
His skin was hot.
Hot and damp from the rain, and I could smell him. Fuck, he smelled good.
I wanted to peel the clothes away and touch him, kiss him…do all the things I thought I’d never get to do again.
On the top floor, the elevator stopped, and the doors slid open.
We still hadn’t spoken.
We still held hands.
Moving into the loft, I slowly tugged my hand free and tried to breathe a little deeper. Talk. Right. That's what we were going to do. Rain crashed into the windows, and the electricity from the lightning seemed to be gathering inside my loft as well. Tension hummed between us, so charged and erratic, I thought I’d come out of my skin.
I grabbed a towel and handed it to him without meeting his eyes. “Here, why don’t you dry off? You’re soaked to the bone.”
“Yeah.” He gave a cursory rub of his hair and shoulders, then stood there, twisting the towel around his big hands. “I’m sorry, Piety.”
Okay, that wasn't a bad start. “For which part?”
He looked up then, met my eyes. “I’ve made a mess of things, and I needed to tell you that.”
There was hell in his eyes. Still, as he stood there, watching me, all I could think was…a mess? You call this a mess?
He’d blackmailed my parents, left me without a word…and he wanted to just call it a mess?
I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded.
He rubbed the towel over his face, then folded it neatly and held it back out to me. I took it, feeling out of place in my own home. Everything felt out of place.
It wasn’t okay.
His sorry wasn’t enough.
But what was I supposed to do?
He gave me a tight smile. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go.”
Without thinking anything beyond the fact that I couldn't watch him walk out that door, I threw the towel down and moved between him and the door. He stopped, his expression wary. Reaching up, I touched his cheek and he froze.
“Don’t,” he said roughly. He closed his hand around my wrist, the heat from him searing me through. “Just…don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I asked. “Don’t want you? Don’t think about you? Don’t ask you to stay?”
A muscle pulsed in his cheek.
“I don’t want you to go.” Pushing up on my toes, I pressed my mouth to the corner of his lips. “Don’t go, Kaleb.”
I would have leaned against him, but he caught my upper arms in his hands and held me back.
“I’m soaking wet. We…this isn’t smart.”
“I don’t care. I’m tired of being smart and thinking…I’m tired of wanting you and you not being there.” I put my hands on the back of his neck and took a step toward him. “No matter what happened, I missed you, Kaleb.”
I pressed my lips against his, and he groaned, his mouth opening as his tongue slide out to tease me. I felt his resistance melt, and then his hands were on my waist, pulling me tight against him.
I moaned at the taste of him, shuddered when he slid his hands down to my ass. His teeth scraped against my bottom lip, and I buried my fingers in his hair. I knew there were things we needed to discuss, issues to work through, and I didn't know what this would mean for the future, but all I was going to think about was this moment.
“Touch me.” I could hear the pleading in my voice, but didn't care. “Please touch me, Kaleb.”
His mouth took mine again, his kiss as possessive as his hands as they moved under my shirt, leaving a blazing trail of heat on my skin.
And froze for a moment before groaning. “Fuck, Piety, are you telling me you’ve been naked under this the whole time?”
His hands slid up my back, then around to brush his thumbs across my already-hard nipples. My eyelids fluttered at the zing of pleasure that went through me. Nothing compared to his touch, to the sounds he made. To the hard press of his cock against my hip.
I opened my eyes to see his pale irises blazing.
“You came downstairs naked. We’ve been standing here talking, and you’re naked. I just can’t…”
He dropped to his knees, and I bit my lip, bracing myself with my hands on his shoulders. He gripped my calf, pulling my leg over his shoulder. My entire body was pulsing with anticipation and when he slid his tongue between my folds, I dug my nails into his shoulders and swore, pleasure ripping through me.
His hand splayed across the small of my back, holding me in place as he moved his tongue over my clit. Perfect pressure combined with hot, wet friction had me rocketing toward orgasm, and the sight of his head between my legs pushed me even faster.
“Come for me, Piety.” His voice was demanding, leaving no room for argument.
Not that I wanted to argue. Hell no. I wanted to come.
I gasped as he pushed two fingers into my pussy. His thumb moved over my clit as his fingers twisted inside me, knuckles rubbing against my g-spot. I was so close that every nerve felt stretched to the point of snapping. All the stress that had built since he'd walked out of my life coiled tight, ready to explode.
“Come for me, sweetheart.”
My vision went white and my muscles tensed. I couldn't move, could barely breathe, as pleasure threatened to overwhelm me. I was still processing when his arm slid around my waist to hold me up as he stood. I whimpered when his fingers slid out of me, but then I realized he was tugging at his jeans.
I reached out and wrapped my hand around his thick shaft even as he freed it. He groaned as my fingers curled around him, hips moving into my touch. When I ran my hand down to the base, then back up to the tip, he reached up and braced one hand on the door by my head, his biceps bulging. He closed his other hand around mine, tightening my grip and pumping into my hand, hard and fast.
“Watching you come is one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen,” he said, his voice rough. “But this...I could fucking come all over you.”
The image sent a shiver through me. “Do it.”
His eyes were wild as they met mine. He kissed me quick and hard, then let go of my hand.
“I’d rather come in you.”
He li
fted me without warning, and I wrapped my legs around his waist automatically, my hands clinging to his broad shoulders. I gasped as he filled me, deep and fast, pleasure riding the edge of pain. One arm held my hips, and he caught my wrist with his free hand. When he stretched my arm over my head, I raised my other so he could hold both wrists, leaving my weight balanced on his cock and hips.
“I’ve never wanted anybody the way I want you. You’re like a drug.” Kaleb shuddered as he skimmed his lips across my cheekbone. “My drug.”
“You’re mine.” I tugged against his hold, but all he did was stroke his thumb across my wrist as he thrust into me. I felt completely surrounded, completely filled by him. He stretched me and filled me over and over, until finally, that horrible emptiness began to fade away. “Don’t leave me again, okay?”
He bit down on the side of my throat. “I won’t.”
Each stroke had him dragging back and forth against my clitoris, pressing against the oversensitive bundle of nerves until each pass was almost as intense as an orgasm on its own. The soft cotton of my shirt dragged back and forth over my nipples, taunting me. Everything became about pleasure and pain and where the two of us came together.
Kaleb caught my lower lip between his teeth, drawing it out before letting it go to kiss me again. My mouth throbbed, lips swollen, but I never wanted him to stop kissing me, to stop fucking me. I just wanted him. In me, with me.
Always.
I pulled against his hold, and he finally released my hands so I could cling to him. He boosted me higher, changing the angle of my hips and then it was too much. I came hard and fast, but just when I thought it was over, he started to come, and the feel of him pulsing, emptying inside me, set me off all over again.
It was unending.
It was amazing.
It was stupid.
Six
Kaleb
We lay on the couch. Piety was warm against me, and I rubbed my chin against her hair. It was soft as the silk underthings she wore. I knew more about silk after a few days with her than I’d learned in my entire life., but I still preferred the feel of her skin against mine.
