Flight Of Fantasy

by Parv, Valerie

  ‘It’s your own reactions you hate,’ he contradicted calmly. ‘Why is it so important to you to go on disliking me?’

  Because she was sure that their marriage would be over once he knew why she couldn’t have children. Didn’t she have Joshua’s example to remind her of how men reacted to imperfections? As long as she didn’t allow herself to care for Slade, she had a defence against him. ‘It isn’t dislike,’ she said, lifting her head, ‘it’s indifference.’

  ‘Then why did you marry me?’

  Her lashes veiled her confused expression. ‘You know why.’

  He gave a deep sigh. ‘For Katie, and the good life I could give you. So why did you insist on coming back to work?’

  Too late, she saw the trap in his logic. ‘Perhaps it was because you didn’t want me to.’

  Her stomach churned sickeningly as she waited for him to see through the lie, but he took it at face value. ‘So now you have what you want you think you can go your own way, is that it?’

  It was what he intended to do, she had no doubt. ‘Sauce for the goose.’ She used her mother’s favourite expression.

  ‘By heaven, you try my patience,’ he growled, his fingers digging into her shoulders. ‘I’ve a mind to show you that you’re playing with fire.’

  ‘Slade, don’t.’ But his mouth was already on hers, possessive and determined, his tongue probing her soft palate until tendrils of sensation curled through her.

  Almost against her will, she found herself responding. Warmth burned along her veins and her hands slid around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. It was astonishing how quickly he could drive her to this point.

  She was angled backwards against the desk, his body hard and demanding against her, when the office door opened. It was just as quickly pulled shut. ‘Oops, sorry.’

  ‘Oh, God, that was Denise.’

  Taking his time, he straightened and helped her up, watching in amusement as she tidied her disarrayed clothes. ‘It won’t help. Your eyes are too bright and your skin is far too flushed to fool anyone.’

  Her thudding heart and burning skin confirmed his lazy diagnosis. ‘You did it on purpose,’ she fumed. ‘I’ll never be able to work here after this.’

  ‘You could make them understand.’ He repeated her words with sarcastic emphasis.

  Her withering look moved him not at all. ‘You know it won’t help. By the end of the day this juicy piece of gossip will be all over the company. And you wonder why I find it so easy to dislike you.’

  ‘You have an odd way of demonstrating dislike,’ he said evenly, but a muscle at his jaw worked, suggesting that his control was more a veneer than he wanted. ‘I take it I have your official resignation?’

  ‘From our marriage?’ she asked defiantly.

  His arms tensed at his sides. ‘It would suit you, wouldn’t it? You’d have a hefty property settlement without fulfilling any of your obligations. Perhaps you planned this all along.’

  Adrenalin coursed through her system as her body warred with the need to fight him or flee from him. His suggestion revolted her. ‘How could you think I’d plan such a thing?’

  He gave a careless shrug but his eyes glittered dangerously. ‘Women do. I’ve had plenty of examples in my life.’

  ‘Well, you’re wrong this time. I intend to stand by my bargain with you.’ For as long as he wanted the marriage to continue, she added silently. Whatever he thought of her, she wouldn’t end this until he did.

  ‘I should make you prove it to me, here and now. But I am reasonably civilised,’ he added when he saw her quick flaring of panic. He slashed a hand through the air. ‘Go home, Eden. I can’t run a corporation when I’m so distracted.’

  Unwilling to believe that she affected him so strongly, she nevertheless wasted no time in packing her personal effects and leaving the office.

  Her face was scarlet as she ran the gauntlet of her former workmates. Nothing was said as she left but the buzz of talk started up as she waited for the lift.

  Making the change from employee to stay-at-home wife and mother was more difficult than she anticipated. Katie was at private school all day and Ellen looked after the house. There was little for Eden to do besides shop and advise on menus.

  The one bonus was the freedom to visit her mother more often and she was delighted to see how happy Peggy was at Shepherd House. As her nurse, Fiona, had promised, the quality of care was excellent. Nothing could restore Peggy Lyle to health, but she obviously benefitted from the loving attention which surrounded her.

  Eden made the visits while Slade was at work, letting him think she was shopping or at the hairdresser when he called and she was out. He didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, and seemed surprised when she confronted him with the news that she needed more to do. ‘I thought we’d settled the question of employment,’ he said mildly.

  ‘I don’t mean a job,’ she protested. She was tempted to remind him that he had been the main stumbling-block to remaining in his employ But she had something else in mind. ‘I’ve been thinking about the house.’

  Actually, mansion would be a better word. With its wrought-iron gates, ornate sandstone archways and colonnades, it was an imposing residence, dating back to the late 1870s. The problem was, it had been purchased fully furnished and Slade had changed almost nothing.

  ‘It’s comfortable enough,’ he said warily.

  ‘Comfortable, perhaps, but not really a home.’ The thought had been growing on her for some time.

  His mouth tightened into a thin line. ‘You were happy enough when we arrived here.’

  A lump rose in her throat. It was true that she had hardly noticed her surroundings at first because she was too distracted by his astonishing physical demands. They still made love, but it was different somehow. Almost as if he had tired of her already. She should be pleased that he was more inclined to leave her alone, but, contrarily, she was annoyed.

  Her long lashes hid her confusion. ‘I’m not complaining about the house, it’s magnificent,’ she went on. ‘But I would like your permission to make some changes, starting with Katie’s room.’

  Instantly she had his attention. He would pay more heed to a problem with Katie than one with her, she thought on a quick flaring of anguish. ‘Is Katie unhappy with her room?’

  ‘She hasn’t said anything but it doesn’t suit her age group,’ she informed him. ‘The frills and teddy-bear wallpaper are meant for a nursery.’

  He chewed thoughtfully on his full lower lip. She couldn’t help recalling the pressure of that mouth on hers, urgently probing and demanding, and she looked away. ‘Do as you wish with the room, and the rest of the house,’ he said at last. ‘Use my charge accounts to purchase whatever you need.’

  The subject seemed closed and she suppressed a wave of disappointment. She had hoped that he would participate in the project. It would have been fun to plan and shop as a family. Her eyes closed on the painful awareness that it wasn’t what Slade wanted. From the beginning, he had made it clear that playing happy families wasn’t his style. So why should she feel so bereft? She didn’t want him to act like a real husband, did she? It would mean...no, she refused to think she could do anything so foolish as to fall in love with him.

  Work provided the best distraction and she threw herself into decorating Katie’s room with all the pent-up devotion in her. The little girl was delighted to be consulted on the choice of furnishings and fabrics. Together they spent happy hours after school scouring the shops for the perfect accessories to match Katie’s chosen colour scheme.

  It was Ellen’s day off and a school holiday for Katie so they were making curtains and a duvet cover in matching Laura Ashley fabrics. They were hanging the curtains when the telephone rang. From her perch up a stepladder, Eden said, ‘Could you answer it for me, Katie?’

  Moments later the child returned looking grave. ‘It was someone from Shepherd House. I’m to tell you that your mother is asking for you.’

  CHA
PTER EIGHT

  ‘I THOUGHT you didn’t have any family,’ Katie said as they drove to Shepherd House. With Ellen away and Slade at work, Eden had little choice but to take the child with her.

  ‘My mother has been very ill for a long time and I didn’t want to worry you,’ Eden improvised.

  ‘Oh.’ The explanation satisfied Katie for the moment but Eden knew there would be more questions later. For now she welcomed the respite, finding it hard enough to concentrate on driving while she agonised over what could be wrong with her mother. On her last visit, Peggy had been listless but calm enough, although she hadn’t talked much.

  Please God, let her be all right, Eden prayed silently. If only she had taken the phone call herself instead of sending Katie, she might have learned more. Anxious to get to Shepherd House, she hadn’t thought to call back before rushing away.

  The nursing home was set high on a hill overlooking the waterfront. As she drove up the circular driveway to Reception, Eden was shaking. She gripped Katie’s hand as they went inside.

  ‘I’m so sorry you were worried. It’s really good news,’ the matron said, alarmed by Eden’s white face. ‘Peggy is so much brighter today that she insisted we fetch you.’

  Eden’s legs threatened to give away and tears of relief blurred her vision. ‘Oh, God, I thought...’

  ‘Perhaps you’d better use my office to collect yourself before you go in to see her,’ the matron advised.

  She led Eden and Katie into a sparsely furnished office-cum-sitting-room and pressed a glass of water into Eden’s hand. ‘I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes.’

  When the woman left, Eden put the glass down and enveloped Katie in a hug as tears spilled down her cheeks. ‘I d-don’t know why I’m crying when everything’s all right,’ she hiccuped.

  ‘Is your mummy going to die?’ Katie asked solemnly.

  Eden pulled herself together. ‘I’m afraid so, darling. When I got the call today, I thought I’d already lost her.’

  Katie’s finger traced the tears on Eden’s cheek. ‘You must love her a lot to cry so much.’

  ‘I do. Just as you loved your mummy.’

  Katie’s eyes brimmed. ‘I miss her so much. It’s like the worst pain you can ever have inside you.’

  Eden held her tightly. ‘Oh, darling, I know, and there’s nothing anyone can do to take it away for a long, long time. But it does go away at last and leave only the happy memories.’

  A kaleidoscope of emotions gripped Eden as she held the frail child in her arms. Maternal love surged through her so powerfully that her heart felt as if it was being squeezed in a vice.

  Katie’s long lashes feathered her rosebud cheeks and she thrust a finger into her mouth before asking, ‘Will you be my mummy, Eden? Then we’d have each other, wouldn’t we?’

  Wonder flooded through Eden. Out of a shared tragedy might come something precious after all. Katie was finally willing to risk loving again, the first sign that healing was taking place. ‘Nothing would make me happier than for you to be my little girl.’ Her voice cracked with emotion. ‘You don’t have to call me Mummy unless you want to.’

  Katie gave a decisive nod. ‘I want to. Some of the girls in my class have more than two parents, so I can have a second mother.’ The decision settled, she went to the window and looked over the waterfront. ‘It’s raining.’

  But not in her heart, Eden thought as emotion threatened to overwhelm her. In Katie she had received a rare gift and no amount of indifference from Slade was going to rob her of it. She blinked away her tears and smiled at the child who had become so important to her. Today she finally felt like a real mother.

  They spent the afternoon with Peggy, who was amazingly well. Her speech was halting and slurred, but her memory was sharper than it had been for some time. She took obvious pleasure in Katie’s company.

  ‘Your mummy’s nice,’ Katie confided as they drove home.

  Eden blinked hard. ‘She loves you too or she wouldn’t have asked you to call her Grandma.’

  A serious look came over Katie’s face. ‘I’d better not tell Slade about my new grandma, though.’

  Eden had been wondering how to handle this problem. ‘Why shouldn’t you tell him?’

  ‘If he finds out she’s ill, he might think I’m too young to go and visit her any more.’

  A sigh of relief escaped Eden’s lips. It was a simple, logical, harmless reason and, quite possibly, a valid one. She didn’t want Katie to deceive Slade, but it would break her heart to be forbidden to visit her new grandmother. ‘It’ll be our secret for now,’ she promised.

  Katie’s shy smile illuminated the car. ‘Thanks, Mummy.’

  The simple word made Eden catch her breath and she shared a radiant smile with her new daughter.

  Slade was at home when they arrived. He took it for granted that their absence concerned the redecorating. ‘I have a surprise for you,’ he told Katie. ‘I’ve arranged for you to come to the television studio with me tomorrow.’

  ‘Wow!’ Her eyes shone. It was the first time Slade had suggested an outing of his own accord. ‘I’d love it. Wait till I tell my schoolfriends after the holidays.’

  ‘You’ll come too,’ he said, taking Eden’s agreement for granted. ‘I know you’ve sat in on tapings before, so you can explain things to Katie.’

  ‘I’d like that.’ It hurt that he didn’t welcome her attendance for her own sake, only as Katie’s chaperon, but she concealed her feelings. ‘Perhaps we could go to lunch somewhere together afterwards,’ she proposed.

  He frowned. ‘I’ll be tied up with production meetings all day so I probably won’t be free, but you could take Katie out.’

  Katie missed the undercurrent of tension between them. ‘What sort of programmes are you making?’

  ‘These are educational videos to be used by people in the outback who can’t get to a school,’ he explained.

  It was the series he had discussed with Bob Hamilton at the Queensland conference, Eden recalled. The series which was to star Dana Drury. Was she the reason for Slade’s sudden lack of interest in his home life?

  ‘Do you have any animals in them?’ Katie persisted.

  He ruffled the child’s hair. ‘Not many, pet. But maybe I can arrange something just for you.’

  ‘That’d be great. Wouldn’t it, Mummy?’

  At her casual use of the endearment, Slade’s eyebrows arched upwards, a curious glint lighting his smoky eyes. He was probably annoyed that they had forged a closer relationship. But what did he expect? Eden refused to keep the child at arm’s length, even if it was how Slade preferred his relationships.

  ‘I’m sure it will be fascinating,’ she said on a heavy sigh.

  Next morning, Katie bounced into Eden’s room, unable to contain her excitement about the visit to the television studio. Slade had aheady left for work but was sending a car for them.

  ‘Slade is going to let me see myself on TV,’ Katie enthused. She twisted her hair on top of her head, holding it in place while she studied herself in a mirror. ‘Do you think I should have my hair up?’

  Eden pretended to think. ‘I like it better down but it’s up to you.’

  Letting the hair drop, Katie looked surprised. ‘It is? Then I’ll wear it down.’

  It was amazing what a little psychology could do, Eden thought. The small victory buoyed her spirits. Maybe the visit to the studio wouldn’t be such a trial after all.

  She was still trying to convince herself when they were shown into the studio where Slade was working. As part of her job as a researcher with his company, Eden had attended taping sessions before, but this was the first time she was purely an observer. It felt strange to be on the sidelines, trying to keep herself and Katie out of the way.

  One person who definitely wasn’t on the sidelines was Dana Drury. With her hair and make-up impeccably styled, she looked stunning as she recorded the introductory segment for a tape.

  The smile she shared with the cam
era was sweet and warm. When she finished, Slade walked on to the set and dropped an arm around her shoulder. ‘Wonderful, Dana. No wonder you’re the darling of the small screen.’

  Dana smiled at him. ‘It isn’t hard to be enthusiastic, darling. This is such a wonderful project.’

  Making a face, Katie whispered into Eden’s ear, ‘Why did she call Slade darling?’

  The same question nagged at Eden. ‘It’s what people in television do. It doesn’t mean anything,’ she explained to Katie in an undertone.

  Inwardly, she wasn’t so sure. She and Slade had seen hardly anything of each other since they returned to Tasmania. He had been too busy, working late most nights while she retired to bed, lonely and restless.

  The respite should have pleased her but, contrarily, she felt neglected. She had become accustomed to Slade’s demands upon her and she missed him. Liar, a traitorous inner voice whispered, you enjoyed his lovemaking. The withdrawal of his attention had left her achingly empty.

  But what did she expect? She had known all along that he didn’t welcome cloying domesticity. She was supposed to be grateful for the material benefits he had given her in return for becoming a mother to Katie. The last was easy. She had never enjoyed a role so much as she did the unaccustomed one of motherhood.

  As for the rest, she was thankful for the freedom from worry which enabled her to look after her mother properly. Slade had kept his part of the bargain and she intended to keep hers by being a model wife. So why did the sight of him with Dana fill her with despair?

  ‘Hello again,’ came a sudden interruption.

  Startled, she became aware that Len Helliger had joined them. ‘Hello yourself. Mr Helliger is a sound recordist,’ she explained to Katie.

  ‘And it’s Len to both of you,’ he chided. ‘Are you enjoying your visit, Katie?’

  ‘Yes, thank you, Len. I’ve never been in a TV studio before.’