Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  A ball size knot forms in my throat. I don’t know why his words affect me so much, but they do, and I needed to hear them.

  “You’re lucky you have such a supportive family,” Ajay adds. “When I left home my mother moved away and didn’t tell me until she needed to borrow some money.”

  “Parents,” Liam says. My dad and I laugh because we know all too well what his father is like. His mom though, she’s pretty amazing and I like her. She’s especially crazy at Noah’s games.

  “Well, my family’s big enough to share.” I’m shocked by my words but stick to them. “My mom will likely adopt you, my aunts will cater to your every need, and the sister you haven’t met yet, well she’ll make you look foolish if you try to talk sports with her, so I would avoid that if at all possible. Either way, family is what you make it, right Liam?” I say the words that he said to me not so long ago.

  Liam smiles. I can see it in his eyes that he’s proud. “That’s right.”

  “How long have you known Quinn?” Ajay asks.

  “Well, that would be from the time he was like a day or two old.” Liam looks at my dad, who nods. “So, all his life.”

  “Lucky guy, growing up with these two.”

  “Hey mate, what about me? What am I, chopped liver?”

  Ajay holds up his hands, shaking his head and laughing. “No, not at all. I misspoke. I meant three. It’s like Quinn was the baby from that movie, Three Men and a Baby.”

  JD finds this extremely funny. He’s bent over and slapping his knee, while my dad and Liam look on. I’m not sure if I have a reply, but I guess from an outsider’s point of view, that was totally me. A band raised me, and of course, my grandma and Aunt Yvie helped.

  “Why’s everyone sitting around?” Elle asks as she enters the venue. Her hair is in a bun and her glasses are on. Ben is standing next to her, staring at her, completely oblivious that she’s working. I have no doubt some librarian fantasy of his is playing out in his head and she’s none the wiser.

  “We’re getting to know each other,” Dad says. Elle cocks her eyebrow at him in what seems like a challenge, but Dad holds strong. He’s never put up with her attitude before and I can’t imagine he’s going to start now.

  “Well, chat later, the doors are about to open and the last thing I want is for the gaggle of Liam Page fans to rush the stage and hurt him. I’d rather get paid for tonight and not have to cover my uncle’s medical expenses.”

  “I can take care of myself, Elle,” Liam says, puffing out his chest. She waves him off and pulls the puppy dog Ben behind her. It’s a good thing his tongue is in his mouth or I might make barking sounds at him.

  “She’s right. Let’s pick up so the curtains can close, and we can get this show on the road,” Liam barks orders and everyone moves. The 4225 West road crew works quickly, getting the instruments organized while my band gathers in the corner.

  “I can’t thank each and every one of you for agreeing to be a part of this madness. I know what you’re sacrificing and believe me, I appreciate it,” Dana says, wiping away some tears. “We haven’t even played live yet, and I already know tonight’s going to be amazing.”

  “I love you,” Hendrix says, and she rolls her eyes.

  “I hope we don’t let you down,” I tell her. I look at the rest of the group and smile. “We just need to go out there and be the best.”

  “We’re opening for your dad’s band, doesn’t that freak you out?” Ajay asks.

  I shake my head. “Not in the slightest. I think it’s an honor that they’d do this for us.”

  “Yeah, it is,” Keane adds.

  “Liam Page is a god,” Dana says. I cringe, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard that.

  “Just remember, he’s married and my aunt… well, she’s nice on the outside, but vicious when it comes to my uncle.”

  Dana gives me a two-finger salute and turns to leave the stage with us following behind her. As soon as we’re in our dressing room, I’m tackle hugged by a fierce teenager. Paige has her arms wrapped around my waist in a vise grip.

  “Are you trying to break me, Paige?”

  “No, but I’ve missed you, Quinn.” She finally lets go and looks up at me. I remember the day she was born. It was a crazy afternoon, that’s for sure.

  “Everyone, this is Betty Paige, Liam’s little girl.”

  “I’m not little,” she says.

  “I know, but to me, you are. And I’ll make sure every guy knows that.”

  Paige scoffs. “You’re just like Noah.”

  “Ha,” I tell her. “He’ll be worse. Come here, I want to introduce you to my new friend.” I take Paige by the hand and walk over to the sofa where Chandler is sitting with her iPad. She looks up as I approach. “Hey, Chandler I want you to meet Paige. She’s going to chill with you back here while we do our thing.”

  “Okay,” she says rather meekly.

  Paige lets go of my hand, not that she needed to hold it to begin with, but I’m willing to take the effort for as long as possible. I know Noah isn’t happy about his baby sister being a teenager, and I can easily say, I don’t like it much either. She sits down and cozies right up to Chandler.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Watching a movie.”

  “May I watch with you?” Chandler nods and slides the iPad to the middle. “Oh, let me grab my extender, this way we can both listen.” Paige gets up, grabs her bag and comes back. She plugs in her dual adapter and her headphones and starts laughing immediately.

  “Thank you,” Keane says beside me.

  “For what?”

  “For this.” He points to the two girls. “She hates being here and she misses her mom. I’m trying, but this is how I make ends meet.”

  “I was her once. I grew up on the road, so I get it. Paige does too. Don’t worry, Keane. As soon as my mom and aunts get here, Chandler will be doted on.”

  “Thanks, man. I owe you one.”

  “No, you don’t because we’re family now.”

  I’m finally starting to see what my uncle was talking about when he said the band becomes your family. I see so much of myself in Chandler, tucked in the corner all by myself. I would’ve loved to have Noah or a friend on the bus or sitting next to me in the dressing room, while I waited for my dad. I don’t know if this is me giving back or what, but I’m determined to make sure Chandler doesn’t live a lonely existence while her dad is playing with us.

  24

  Eleanora

  “I think you should call out sick tonight.” Kellie sits on the edge of my bed, while I stand in front of the mirror in my room, trying to put on some makeup. Anything I can do to cover the growing bags under my eyes.

  “I can’t.”

  “You’re quitting anyway.”

  “That’s not the point,” I tell her.

  “I know you want to see Quinn. I’m telling you he’s not worth it.”

  She’s right. Nothing about this trip, aside from spending time with Kellie, has been worth it. I’m still reeling from our visit with Sofia. I don’t even know what to think about that. I thought we were best friends, but the way she and her mother acted when we were there? I don’t get it. I know Kellie and I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced, but I wanted to surprise Sofia and see her one last time before I went back to South Carolina.

  The drive back to Los Angeles was nothing more than a blur. We were about thirty minutes away from the oddest experience of our lives when I had to pull over and expel the contents of my stomach. It was like the last few years didn’t mean anything to Sofia, that our friendship was nothing more than a way to pass the time, and that hurt. It still does. Since, I’ve typed out message after message to send to her but can’t bring myself to actually press the button. I think, deep down, I fear that she’s changed her number, effectively closing the door on our friendship.

  Kellie though, she’s over it. While we were all roommates, she wasn’t that close to Sofia, and after the encounter we h
ad with her mother, Kellie is more than happy to be rid of the craziness that came with our drive to Arizona.

  “It’s not just that. I don’t want to let Zeke down. It’s open mic night. We’re going to be busy.”

  “Nope, it’s canceled. Look.” Kellie holds her phone out, showing me the Bean Song’s Facebook page and sure enough, they posted that open mic night is tomorrow instead of tonight. I frown. Why didn’t Zeke call and tell me? “See, call out.”

  I look at her for a moment before turning back to my mirror. “I’m sure we’ll still be busy.”

  Kellie leans back on my bed and scrolls through her phone. Ever since the incident at Sofia’s, she’s been hanging out at the apartment a bit more. I tell myself it’s because she knows I’m leaving soon and not because of the horrific moment we shared.

  Okay, it wasn’t horrific in the sense we were going to die, although we thought for sure something was going to happen to us. The scene was like something out of a horror movie. I expected the backyard to start closing in and forcing us to the pool, where the Blob was going to rise out and swallow us whole, or Alicia Tucker was going to poison us with our drinks, which thankfully we chose to leave alone.

  What I didn’t expect was Sofia’s indifference toward us. My once cheerful best friend looked absolutely terrifying when she was telling us to leave. It’s hard to believe I lived with her for two years and never saw this side of her.

  “Oh my, God!” Kellie sits up and starts bouncing on my bed. “You’re so calling in sick.”

  “Why now?”

  “4225 West is playing at the Roxy. Some new group is opening up for them Sin Disasters or something like that. We have to go.”

  “Who?” I ask. It wasn’t until I started college that I started listening to other genres of music besides country. Still, it’s my fallback.

  “Remember when you asked me about Liam Page? You said he played with Quinn?”

  “Yeah, what about him?”

  “This is his band. Do you know what that means?”

  I shake my head.

  “Quinn is likely to be at the Roxy because his dad’s the drummer, and maybe this is why open mic night is canceled. If 4225 West is playing locally, everyone will be in West Hollywood. I’m calling Carson.”

  “Why Carson?” I ask as she presses her phone to her ear.

  “Guest list, of course.”

  I nod, remembering the connection this family has to VIP lists. Knowing someone here definitely opens tons of doors, but you have to know the right people. Kellie is on the phone with Carson for a minute. When she hangs up, her smile tells all.

  Letting out a big sigh, I reach for my phone and text Zeke, letting him know that I’m not coming in. Thankfully, he tells me that’s fine and he’ll see me later. Thing is, he probably won’t. My plan is to leave as soon as Rhett gets here. I’m ready for my little adventure to be over, especially after the loss of Sofia. That’s going to hurt for a long time. I don’t have an emotional switch. I’m not someone who can easily shut off their feelings.

  “I’m all set,” I tell Kellie, who dances a little jig in my room. She grabs my shoulders and gives me a little shake.

  “I know you saw Liam perform, but just wait. The man is a sex god up on stage.”

  “Okay, you’re scaring me. I think you need some help for your celebrity crush.”

  “Just you wait. You’ll be a puddle of female goo when you see this band. Sex symbols. Each and every one of them.”

  “And old,” I remind her. “Quinn’s older than I am so his dad has to be…”

  Kellie grabs me once again. “Since when does age even matter?”

  I push her away, so I can finish getting ready. “You better go put on your ‘come and get me’ outfit so the ‘sex god’ Liam Page will fall head over heels for ya.”

  “It wouldn’t work, even if I tried. The men in that group are fiercely dedicated to their wives.”

  “How do you even know this?” I ask.

  “They’re very vocal about it and you never see them in the press having issues or even hinting that something could be wrong.”

  “Loyal men, well there’s a novelty.” Kellie’s face falls. We haven’t spoken much about Roy, so I’m guessing she thinks I’m talking about Quinn. Maybe I’m talking about both, although Quinn doesn’t really owe me anything. We sort of went on a date, we kissed, and while it was the most romantic thing ever, it was just a kiss. Nothing more and the fact that I’m looking to make it such is ridiculous. Besides, I’m in no position to start anything anyway.

  It doesn’t take Kellie long to get ready and being as I’m only going as her sidekick, the only thing I change is my shirt. I leave my hair up and brush on a bit more mascara and dab on a little extra eyeshadow to give me a smoky look.

  Kellie all but drags me out of the apartment and into the waiting car. She tells the driver where we’re going and if I’m not mistaken, he groans. I’m going to guess, by the way Kellie speaks about this band, that the driver’s jealous and wishing he could go.

  The line outside of this club stretches around the building and across the street. Kellie tells the driver to let us off by the door. He laughs and says something about having to walk a mile.

  The vibe outside is something I’ve never seen before. People are dancing, singing, and are antsy to get in. Kellie and I walk right up to the bouncer, something the mass of people behind don’t care for. I’d feel the same way if I had to wait in line while others got to cut.

  Inside, bodies are smashed together, and everyone’s dancing or jumping up and down. I take an elbow or two to the head, shoulder, and my side, already wishing I had gone to work. Kellie holds my hand, weaving us through the crowd. I have no idea where she’s taking us but am so thankful for her right now. I’d be lost in a sea of sweat and gyrating bodies.

  Every so often, I get a glimpse of the stage. Liam Page is up there, singing and playing the guitar. From where we are, I can tell he’s sweaty and his white t-shirt coupled with the bright lights is doing nothing to hide his body art beneath the material. It’s easy to see why Kellie is fawning over him.

  Now that I’ve seen Liam and his group, my eyes are scanning the crowd for Quinn. I don’t want to, but I can’t help it. I want closure. It’s for my sense of being and peace of mind, mostly knowing that as I return home I have to go head to head with Roy, and I’d like to know at least some other guy out there liked me, even for a minute.

  Kellie’s successful in getting us to the front of the stage where she promptly yells, “I love you, Liam Page,” as if he can hear her over the loud music. My eyes land on the drummer, who looks like an older version of Quinn, which only proves that Quinn is going to age like fine wine. Glorious, sweet-tasting fine wine that can make you feel incredibly sexy. Yep, I’ve never had it.

  Instead of watching the band perform, I’m looking at the faces around me, standing on my tippy toes, trying to get a higher vantage point. I’m knocked off balance and fall into the stage. Multiple hands are there to help, only they’re dragging me away from Kellie. I call out for her, but she’s zoned in on her crush.

  I’m taken to a back room. It’s dark, dingy and smells like stale beer. The scent makes me want to gag.

  “Sit down,” a stern voice says as he points to the chair. I do as I’m told. “Why were you trying to jump on stage?” The man in front of me sits backward on the chair.

  “Uh, I wasn’t. I got pushed. I was looking for a friend and someone fell into me.”

  “Do you know how many times we’ve heard the same story?”

  I shrug. “Being as I’m not in your line of work, I couldn’t tell you. May I go now?”

  “What’s your name?”

  “Eleanora Boone,” I tell him. He pulls out his phone. His thumb moves up and down, and I’m hoping he’s looking at the guest list, although I’m not sure I’m actually on it or if I’m Kellie’s plus one. If that’s the case, I’m likely booted out of here and she’ll never know
. It wouldn’t be the first time I left without her.

  “Says here Carson Macauley put you on the VIP list.”

  “Yes, his sister’s my roommate. We came together.” I could add that she’s the one you have to watch out for, but I don’t. I’m not about to ruin her night.

  He nods. “Stick to the back of the club. I don’t want to see you up front, harassing Mr. Page.”

  Is this guy for real? “Right.”

  Another guy opens the door and gives me directions on how to get back to the club. I brush by a couple making out, although, it’s more like a heavy petting session and they’re in desperate need of a room, and a group huddled together. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what they’re doing.

  Back in the club, nothing’s changed. I head to the bar in need of some liquid encouragement, and that’s when I see him. He’s with the two women from before and they’re talking or trying to have a conversation with another guy. I make my way over there, bound and determined to get an answer as to why he ghosted me.

  I stand there on the edge of their group with my hands on my hips, yelling “hey” but he doesn’t hear me. At this point, I have nothing to lose. I step into the middle of their entourage, place both of my hands on his chest, and push him as hard as I can.

  Let’s face it, I’m weak. Quinn barely budges. He’s glaring at me, but his expression quickly changes into a smile. He pulls me forward into a hug. I inhale, wanting to commit his scent to my memory, but almost gag. He definitely has a nice buzz going on.

  Again, I push him away and shake my fist at him. There’s no point in arguing with him about anything because he can’t hear me. So, I walk away. He left me without a word and I’m going to do the same.

  Except, he’s hot on my tail. His hands are on my hips and he’s helping me get through the crowd. Outside, girls scream his name, but he ignores them. With his hand in mine, he walks us briskly up a small hill and behind the building.

  “Nola,” he says. “I owe you an apology.”