Holly Farb and the Princess of the Galaxy

by Gareth Wronski

  The biggest of the pirates stomped toward them. She poked Mr. Mendez in the chest, and he stumbled back. “Are you the Princess of the Galaxy?”

  Mr. Mendez frowned. “The . . . Princess? From Quartle? Well, no, not exactly. Is that who you’re after? Oh, well then, there’s been a big misunderstanding. Neither one of us is any sort of princess. Believe me, I know what she looks like. Blue, no eyebrows, confined to a palace. Nothing like us.” He paused. “I really thought you were after me. Bit of a kick to the old self-esteem, to be honest . . .”

  The pirate’s beady eyes darted back and forth between Mr. Mendez and Holly. “If you know who the Princess is . . . that means you know her. And if the Princess is a girl, and this human is a girl . . .” The pirate paused like she was trying to figure out a puzzle. “That means this girl could be the Princess!”

  The other pirate nodded. “Good deduction.”

  “Um,” said Mr. Mendez, “I’m afraid your logic is a bit dicey. You see, if I may be so bold—”

  “She said she was important.”

  “And princesses are important,” added another of the bulgy people.

  “Good deduction.”

  The head bulgy person pulled out a shiny red sphere from her coat. It was the size of a grapefruit and glowed as she held it up. Cold air radiated off it. “You’re either the Princess, or you know where she is. Or you don’t, and you’ll catch a good price at the markets. Either way, say goodbye to your planet.”

  The pirate squeezed down on the device, and before Holly knew what was happening, it emitted a high-pitched wail and her world turned sideways.

  3

  CUTTING THROUGH THE DARKNESS

  Hello, human. It is me again. As you are no doubt aware, human beings are renowned cowards prone to literally dying from fear. Due to my concern for your safety, allow me to assure you that the pirates do not kill Holly Farb in the school. Please continue to live. She survives this encounter and goes on to do many pointless human activities such as love, aging, and soccer. [MONTAGE OF HUMANS GROWING BEARDS]

  But also please note: There will be many further incidents of danger, and you must prepare yourself for the worst. I cannot confirm that Holly Farb will survive for long. All I can say is that she does not die in the school.

  [SOUND EFFECT: OMINOUS WOLF HOWLS]

  * * *

  Holly awoke in her room. She jolted up and gasped for air. The first thing she saw when her eyelids heaved open was the aquamarine wallpaper of her bedroom. Moonlight seeped through the curtain, and in the dim light she could just make out her desk, her dresser next to it, and tomorrow’s clothes folded in perfect piles on top. Her debate team certificate hung on the wall. She wiped sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand.

  She sat unsteadily on the bed, panting, trying to catch her breath. After a moment, she sighed with relief. It had all been a dream. Weird lumpy people had not, in fact, attacked her at school. Mr. Mendez hadn’t called them pirates. And they hadn’t mistaken her for a princess.

  Everything was as it should be.

  Something tapped her on the forehead, as if an invisible finger were poking her. She glanced around, trying to see what it was. But the search was fruitless, and just as she was preparing to go back to sleep, the door squeaked open and her mother peeked in the room.

  “Holly, are you awake?”

  “Yes,” murmured Holly, squinting at the shaft of bright light coming through the doorway.

  Her mother stood stiffly in the rectangle of light. “Excellent. I have good news and bad news, sweetheart. The good news is that your aunt Janice has died of natural causes and left you one million dollars. That means we have the money to send you to Falstaff. Congratulations.”

  “Wow,” said Holly, thinking about what she could do with all that money. For starters, she would invest most of it in a savings account.

  Something invisible tapped her on the forehead again and she flinched. “Wait,” she said slowly. “What was the bad news?”

  Her mother stepped back into the hallway so she was only a silhouette standing in the open door. “The bad news is that you didn’t get in to Falstaff. You failed the entrance exam. Your admission letter arrived, and it was just a bunch of rude words.” She grabbed the doorknob and began closing the door. “I thought you should know.”

  The door slammed shut.

  The dark, cold room loomed around Holly. She brought her knees up to her chest and let out a sigh that rattled her whole body. She had failed. Her entire future was built around going to Falstaff, and now she wouldn’t. Now she couldn’t. A sharp pain ran through her head. It wasn’t fair. But . . . at least she now had a million dollars. Maybe she could get in to another school. Or even start her own school. Could you start a school with a million dollars? She thought about this, until she was interrupted by a sharp pain in her cheek, like a bug had bitten it.

  As she considered what kept doing that, her gaze trailed across the room to the mirror on the wall. Her reflection stared back at her.

  Holly’s eyes widened. She was wearing a bright-green sash over her shoulder, and sitting on her head was a glimmering crown.

  She beamed, marveling at the crown. This was the best moment of her life. She might not be able to go to Falstaff, but at least she had won the election. Something tapped her forehead again. She was an important person after all. Now everyone would see it.

  The crown glittered and warmth spread through her body. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. Her entire life had been leading to this moment. Another sharp pain ran through her forehead, and this time it made her think. Frowning, she looked at her reflection. She really looked at it—and realized something was wrong. For starters, she didn’t own a green sash. And presidents didn’t have crowns. Come to think of it, she didn’t have an Aunt Janice, either. And she had lost the election. She didn’t have any of this nonsense.

  Everything fizzled to black and Holly sat up and screamed in a blurry room. That had all been a dream. Her head whirled. She gasped for air and fixed her askew glasses, her eyes focusing on where in the world she was.

  She was lying on a wooden floor in a cool, dank room. It smelled like seafood. One light on the ceiling glowed faintly. She ran a hand over her shirt, brushing off any creepy bugs that might be crawling on her. The Earth ball bulged in her pocket, and she slid it out and squeezed it. She breathed quickly. Something small hit her on the forehead and plinked to the floor. She looked where it had landed and found a dozen pebbles scattered around her.

  “That was a simulation,” said a gloomy voice. “In case you were wondering.”

  She squinted. In the dim light she could just make out a gangly boy sitting cross-legged and leaning against a circular window, his bony shoulders slouched. It was Chester.

  “A simulation?” said Holly, her ears ringing.

  “Yes. I heard them talking earlier. They put prisoners in a simulation so they stay relaxed on the journey. It lets you see things that make you happy. I threw a bunch of small rocks at your face to wake you up.” He stretched his legs out, leaned forward, and touched his toes. “I’m Chester, by the way, in case you forgot.”

  “I didn’t forget.” She crossed her arms and glared at him. “And how did they get you?”

  Chester shook his head. “When you ran away, one of the big people knocked me out with a red ball. I woke up here.” He frowned. “That was unfortunate luck.”

  Holly peered around the room, her stomach tightening. The ceiling was low and the walls wooden. Something clattered far below. Metal thudded against metal. She swallowed. Other than a few barrels spread around the room, she and Chester were the only things there. She shivered, fear creeping over her like spiders. Then she imagined spiders actually creeping over her and she shivered again.

  “Where exactly are we?” she whispered.

  “A pirate ship.”

  Holly’s mouth fell open. “A pirate ship?”

  Chester tapped the window behind him, and for
the first time, Holly noticed what was outside. They were moving through a sea of black dotted with pinpricks of light. In the distance there was a huge glowing orb cutting through the darkness.

  “Yes,” said Chester. “A pirate ship in space.”

  4

  INTRODUCTION TO SPACE

  “We’re in a pirate ship . . . in space?” She could barely get the words out, they were so absurd.

  Chester nodded. “Yes. Space is the void between celestial bodies, in case you didn’t know.”

  “I know what space is,” said Holly, pursing her lips. “It takes up most of the volume of the universe. And there’s a . . . a vacuum . . .” She grimaced. That didn’t sound right.

  They sat on the wooden floor, the ship’s engine rattling below like an orchestra where no one knows how to play their instrument. A cold draft blew through the room and Holly shivered. Chester turned and stared out the window. Holly slid the Earth ball out of her pocket and gave it a hefty squeeze.

  It was impossible. She couldn’t actually be in space. That required all sorts of training and certifications and medical examinations, and you had to wear big space suits in swimming pools to simulate having no gravity. There was no way she was in space. She hadn’t been in a pool in two years.

  The engine roared and the room jolted. The ship seemed to be speeding up, since the stars—or whatever they were—were now streaking past in long lines of white light. Holly’s ears popped.

  “What do the pirates want?” she said, frowning down at the Earth ball in her hand. This was all too much for her.

  Chester glanced sheepishly at her. “They think you’re the Princess of the Galaxy.”

  “But I’m not! I’m not even the Princess of Earth. . . .”

  Chester returned his attention to the window.

  As Holly sat on the hard floor, she wondered what the pirates would do with them once they realized she wasn’t any sort of royalty, galactic or otherwise. Would they kill her? Would they drop her off in the middle of space? Abandon her on some weird planet that had no oxygen and possibly huge bugs? She tried to swallow, but her throat was completely dry.

  A loud clatter echoed through the room, making Holly jump. She looked at the big metal door, her stomach tightening as she waited for someone to burst through it. Maybe a sword-wielding madman. But no one did. Not even a regular madman. She exhaled.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, mostly to herself. “This has to be a bad dream . . . like that previous bad dream. . . .”

  “It’s all my fault,” said Chester, frowning. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

  “What for?”

  He hesitated, tracing his thumbnail along the grain in the floor. “I shouldn’t have told them you were the Princess. That wasn’t right. I should’ve told them I was. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be here. I’m sorry.” He bowed his head like he was ashamed.

  Holly stared at him, unsure of what to say. No one had ever apologized to her before. Not even her mother. “You don’t have to do that. I told them I was important—it’s my fault. Besides, I really don’t think they would believe you’re a princess. No offense.”

  An expression of offense flashed across his face but vanished after he realized what she meant. “Oh,” he said.

  As the white lines streaked past the window, Holly had a thought. She jumped up, but her legs were stiff and she fell over. “What happened to Mr. Mendez? I was with him when the pirates knocked me out. If we’re here, he must be too, right?”

  “I haven’t seen him,” said Chester. “I was at the school, then the pirates attacked me. Then I woke up here. Then we had this conversation. I don’t know what happens next.”

  Holly considered this, grinding her teeth. If Mr. Mendez was on the ship, she had to find him. He would know what to do. Besides, who knew what pirates did to people they captured? They could be torturing him. She shook her head, forcing that thought away.

  Something clattered again. As if the pirates had read her mind, the door creaked open and two of the large, lumpy people shuffled into the room.

  But as they moved into the light, Holly realized with horror they weren’t disguised as humans anymore. They were both massive orange . . . things. Each of them had a yellow fin jutting from its back and a top hat hanging off the side of its head. Their eyes were the color of blood. A spiky tail dragged behind each of them, scraping the floor.

  Holly stared in disbelief.

  “Quick,” hissed Chester, “pretend you’re still in the simulation.” He closed his eyes and opened his mouth. A bit of drool dribbled down his chin onto his shoulder.

  Holly’s eyes darted from Chester to the approaching pirates and back to him. She shut her eyes tight and pretended she was asleep. But she refused to drool. That was gross.

  “So, like I was saying,” said a raspy voice, “clearly the Pirates Union is the better name to please the Pirate Lord. It’s classier and catchier. It’s a name you can tell your mother, you know?”

  “My mother is dead,” said the other pirate.

  “So is mine.”

  “I know that, Blackus, we’re brothers.”

  Something heavy thumped on the floor next to Holly. She opened one eye slightly and peered at what it was. Mr. Mendez was lying on the floor, eyes closed, his face pressed against the wood. He wasn’t moving. Holly’s stomach rumbled like the engine. Please be unconscious, she thought. Please, please, please don’t be dead.

  “Pick up the pace, Trackus, or you’re gonna get Forged.”

  “I’m movin’. I’m movin’.”

  “Grab that one and let’s go,” growled Blackus. Holly held her breath. The other pirate crossed the room and scooped up Chester with one meaty hand, threw him over his shoulder, and paced out of the room. Blackus remained where he was, a huge scaly lump staring out the window at the stars.

  “Stupid stars,” he muttered. He plucked one of the pebbles off the floor, flicked it into his mouth, crunched it, and clomped out of the room.

  Holly swallowed down her nerves, trying not to imagine what the pirates were going to do to Chester. . . .

  When the door slammed shut and the footsteps on the other side had faded away, Holly jumped to her feet and raced to Mr. Mendez. “Are you all right?” she said. “Please be alive. Please be alive.”

  “Um,” he muttered, “I am alive. Mostly.”

  She threw her arms around him, instantly feeling dumb. So she stopped, and awkwardly flailed her arms out, trying to make it look like she’d been stretching. This made her feel even dumber, so she stopped that as well.

  “Do you know where we are?” she said, her eyes wide. “We’re in a pirate ship. In space!”

  “Yes, I figured as much.” Mr. Mendez rubbed his head. “It would appear we’ve been, ah, kidnapped by space pirates. Not a good bit of business. Very high chance of fatalities. I’m sorry this had to be your introduction to space.”

  Holly stared at him like it was the first time she had ever seen him. Or ever really seen him. He seemed to be taking this all very well, what with them being on a spaceship full of space pirates in space. Her mind reeled. As if sensing this, Mr. Mendez frowned and said, “There’s something I should probably tell you, Ms. Farb.”

  “You’re not really a teacher, are you?”

  Mr. Mendez pointed at her and smiled. “A very good guess, Ms. Farb, a very good guess indeed. However, it’s incorrect. I am a science teacher at your school. But due to how miniscule a single teacher’s salary is these days, I am also a science teacher at the Star Academy on Tragadore VI. I use a loophole in the laws of time to be in both places at once.”

  Holly raised an eyebrow. “What?”

  “Which part do you want me to repeat?”

  “You’re . . . a teacher at the Star Academy?”

  “A professor, yes.”

  “From . . . Tragadoll VI?”

  “Tragadore VI, yes. The sixth moon of Delta Trag.”

  “Oh,” s
aid Holly. “Delta Trag. Of course. That isn’t totally ridiculous or anything.”

  “I know this is all tough to take in, Ms. Farb, but believe me, we have more important things to discuss than the many moons of Delta Trag! These pirates haven’t kidnapped us because they’re lonely and seek friendship. They mean to kill us, or worse, sell us to the Shoe Barons. We need to get out of here.”

  The Shoe Barons? Delta Trag? Space pirates? Get out of here? Holly shook her head. It felt like it was full of strange new words and was about to burst like an overblown balloon. But then one word bubbled up from the rest and she remembered something.

  “Wait!” she said. “We can’t leave yet. Chester is here. When they brought us, they took him, too.”

  “Great galaxies,” muttered Mr. Mendez, blinking rapidly. “I had assumed we were the only prisoners. They must be interrogating him—most likely in the same place I was held, just down the hall from the artificial gravity pump.” He narrowed his eyes. “They think we know where the Princess of the Galaxy is.”

  “The Princess . . .” Holly shook her head. “Who is this Princess person and why does everyone want her?”

  “Good question,” said Mr. Mendez. “Many years ago, the Princess of the Quartle Galaxy vanished from her home world. No one has seen her since. What happened to her is quite a mystery to those who enjoy such things. It appears our pirate friends think she is you. I actually tutored her for a brief time, funnily enough. Her palace is lovely—very clean and positively brimming with science. You would have liked the Princess, I think, Ms. Farb. She was exceptionally . . . blue. Imagine the bluest person you can, then multiply by three.”

  “How can I possibly be a princess?”

  “Don’t overthink it, Ms. Farb. Pirates are not valued for their intellect or critical-thinking prowess. I could probably convince them my right shoe is the Duke of Beggal IV.” He narrowed his eyes. “They said something about taking us to the ‘Forge.’ I believe they intend to torture us for the Princess’s location. The real question is, what do they want with her?”