No Return (The Internal Defense Series)

by Zoe Cannon

  Meri nodded. “Becca is right. We won’t harm our own people unless we’re sure we have no choice.”

  “The cause means more than any individual life,” said Sean in his usual monotone. “Even if she is innocent, as one of us she should understand this.”

  “So you’d kill her, just like that?” Peter demanded. “A fellow dissident? A kid?”

  “A spy,” Alia corrected, voice hard.

  “We do whatever we have to do to preserve the cause,” said Sean. “If the spies destroy us, there will be no one left to spread our message.”

  Peter shook his head so hard his wispy hair flew into his face. “We don’t hurt our own people. Never. If she’s what you think she is, it means she was tortured and brainwashed and forced to turn against us. It’s not her fault. We can’t…” He turned to Becca, eyes wide and pleading. “We never used to talk like this. Not before…” His voice trailed off.

  Before the liberation, we didn’t have to talk like this. “This isn’t the time for that conversation. Right now we need to—”

  “So when is the time?” Alia interrupted. “After we’re all dead? After the spies have killed us all because you weren’t willing to do anything besides sit in a chair and talk?”

  Jared turned his granite glare on Alia and Sean in turn. “If Becca says we wait, then we wait. End of discussion.”

  “Becca’s lapdog agrees with her. Big surprise.” Alia surged up from her seat. “You’re too afraid to do anything that might actually help the resistance? Fine. Tell us where to find her, and we’ll take care of the rest.”

  Hadn’t Becca said something similar to Meri only a couple of days ago? But that was before she had known the whole story. Before I knew she was so much like— She pushed the thought aside. “No one is ‘taking care of’ anything yet.”

  “And we’re going to fix that.” Alia strode across the room to stand in front of Meri. “Well?” she demanded. “You’re always talking about keeping your network safe. Are you going to help us protect them, or would you rather sit around and argue until the Enforcers come for us?”

  “Becca and I have already discussed this.” Meri’s eyes were kind, but her voice was steel. “Yes, there’s a sizable chance that Ryann is working against us. But until we know for certain, we won’t harm one of our own on a suspicion.”

  “So you and Becca get to decide when to risk all our lives, is that it?” Alia leaned down until her face was inches from Meri’s. “Where is she?”

  Meri’s lips thinned. She said nothing.

  Behind Becca, Kara shifted, as if she wanted to speak. Becca gave her another warning look. Don’t make this any worse.

  Becca turned back to Alia, pitching her voice low. “Sit. Down.”

  Alia straightened. “You don’t care about protecting your people anymore?” she said to Meri. “Fine. I have her name. I’ll find her myself.”

  Sean rose from his seat. “No. You’ll have help.”

  Becca was losing them. She opened her mouth, but realized she had no idea what to say.

  “You heard Becca.” In one smooth motion, Jared crossed the room and caught their arms in his oversized hands. “Sit down.”

  “Get your hands off me, Enforcer,” Alia spat. She tried to yank her arm free. Jared didn’t let go.

  “Stop!” The word burst from Peter’s mouth.

  Alia whirled on Becca, eyes blazing. “I stood by and did nothing while you let those prisoners die. But I won’t let you destroy the whole resistance.” She tugged against Jared’s grip again. “Call off your dog.”

  “Jared—” Becca stopped. If she didn’t tell him to back down, it would mean using force against her people when they didn’t agree with her. If she crossed that line, there would be no turning back. But if she told him to let them go, they would track down Ryann, and they would kill her. Judging by the mood they were in, they wouldn’t be careful about it, either. The trail would lead Internal right back to them—and from them to the resistance.

  Becca didn’t know how to stop them.

  If she couldn’t control her people…

  If she couldn’t be the leader they needed…

  She closed her eyes. Took a long breath. I will be who they need me to be.

  But when she opened her eyes again, nothing had changed.

  Sean’s body tensed. “Last chance, Jared,” he warned. “Let us go.” The monotone sound of his voice didn’t change, but Becca could hear the danger in it all the same.

  Jared eyed Sean the way he might have regarded a buzzing insect. He said nothing.

  Sean curled his free hand into a fist.

  “If you kill the girl, and she’s working for Internal, they’ll know you’re on to them.” A new voice, quiet but authoritative, echoed through the small space.

  Kara.

  Becca couldn’t let Kara get involved in this. Not when the others were already on the verge of slipping away. Becca turned to shoot her another silent warning. Don’t say anything. Don’t do anything. Don’t get any more of my people killed.

  Then she stopped.

  The room had gone silent.

  She turned back to the others. Jared hadn’t loosened his grip on Alia and Sean, but Alia was no longer struggling against him, and Sean’s free hand had relaxed. They weren’t looking at Jared anymore. They were looking at Kara.

  Kara stepped past Becca, into the center of the circle. She looked at Meri. “What kind of information do you have on her so far?”

  “Not much beyond the basics,” Meri answered, still keeping a wary eye on Alia and Sean. “My informants are working on it, but they can’t risk anyone catching them conducting unauthorized surveillance, especially on a potential spy.”

  “You’ve got time.” Kara turned in a slow circle, looking at each of the others in turn. “That goes for all of you. If the spies haven’t done anything yet, it means they have the long term in mind. They won’t try anything unless they find something big.”

  Alia opened her mouth to protest. But Kara kept talking.

  “If you make her think she’s on the verge of learning vital information, you could buy even more time for yourself.” Kara paced to the far side of the room and began circling the perimeter as she continued. “If you try too hard to keep her away from anything important, she might decide to cut her losses and use what she’s already got. Worse, she might realize you suspect her, especially if you’re too obvious about it.”

  Alia closed her mouth.

  Kara’s words picked up speed along with her feet. “You’ll also need to be careful about her resistance contact. Her current contact doesn’t know, right? So there’s the risk that he’ll give her information that she could use against us. But if you let him in on it, he might get too nervous around her, or too careful, and let her know something is up. Same thing if you give her a new contact.”

  Sean, Meri, Peter, even Alia—every one of them had their eyes fixed on Kara, turning their heads to follow her as she paced. The only one not focused on Kara was Jared, who kept looking from Alia to Sean as if expecting them to try to break away at any moment.

  Becca started to open her mouth to warn them, to break the spell Kara’s words had put them under. Don’t trust her. Don’t listen. She doesn’t care about you. She put the entire resistance in danger—she got one of us killed—because she couldn’t see past her feelings for Micah.

  But… this was the conversation Becca had been trying to have with them. This was it. Kara had done it—she had gotten them to pay attention, to focus, to brainstorm ideas on what to do about the Ryann situation.

  No. They didn’t even need to brainstorm. Kara was coming up with enough ideas for everyone all on her own.

  They needed those ideas. And more than that, Becca needed them to listen. To stay here. To wait.

  And they were listening. The tension in the air had dissipated; the danger had passed.

  Becca gave Jared a discreet nod.

  He returned it with a questioning
look. Are you sure?

  She nodded again.

  Jared released Sean and Alia’s arms and stepped back, carefully positioning himself between them and the door. Sean took a step to the right, safely out of Jared’s reach; Alia rubbed the red marks Jared’s fingers had left. But neither of them looked away from Kara.

  “…and if their contact doesn’t know she’s a possible spy, then he won’t know what signs to watch for,” Kara was saying. She abruptly reversed direction, shoes squeaking on the tile floor. “You’ll have to rely entirely on surveillance and secondhand information, which will make things hard. You’ll have to balance the risks.” She turned again. “Has she tried to rise in the ranks of the resistance at all? To work her way into positions of greater responsibility? That’s the first thing you need to look for, and you’re probably already doing it—but you have to be careful not to decide she’s a spy based on that, because it could also be a sign of dedication to the resistance.”

  Meri nodded her agreement. “This could all be very useful. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of replacing her contact. I wonder…” She trailed off, lost in thought.

  Kara kept circling the room. “There are other signs, too—things they would have picked up in reeducation. I know reeducated kids. I can teach you how to spot one.”

  Peter glanced at his watch. “The meeting’s almost over.”

  “Next time, then,” said Meri. “For now I’ll decide what to do about her contact, and collect as much information as I can for us to go over next week.”

  Sean nodded. “I’d also be interested in your thoughts on fighting back against the propaganda Public Relations has been putting out about us, and how to make ourselves heard more effectively.”

  “Maybe you can help us out with future missions, too,” Alia added. “So we can figure out how to start doing some good in the world again.” She shot Becca a pointed look.

  Becca spoke before Kara could. “Kara is here to help us with the spy problem. She isn’t joining the resistance on a permanent basis.”

  Meri’s face fell. “How long do you have with us?” she asked Kara.

  “I’ll be here for as long as Becca wants my input,” Kara answered.

  With a frown of confusion, Meri turned to Becca. “Then sending her away is your choice?”

  “You’re not sending her away.” Alia crossed her arms. “You’re not going to cripple the resistance with your decisions again.”

  “We need the help,” Peter put in quietly. “Maybe with her we’d have a chance of surviving.” He didn’t say it with the positivity she would have expected from him. It was more like he thought Kara was their last hope.

  Was she?

  Would they have come up with any of those ideas without Kara? Or would they have spent the entire meeting arguing about whether to let Ryann live?

  Would Becca have even been able to stop Alia and Sean from leaving?

  She blackmailed me. She used us. Someone is dead because of her.

  She will not take the resistance from me.

  The others were watching her. Waiting for her response.

  She will not take them from me.

  But if she couldn’t tell them about the blackmail before, it would be even harder now. What would it look like if, after already vouching for her, she now told the others Kara couldn’t be trusted? And with Alia and Sean’s faith in her already weakened, this—whether she confessed to letting herself be blackmailed or dismissed Kara with no explanation—could be the thing that pushed them over the edge.

  The others waited.

  She spoke with a leaden tongue. “Any help you can offer us would be appreciated.” She paused, trying not to choke on the words. “Welcome to the resistance.”

  * * *

  The walls of the tiny apartment gave off a faint odor of mold. The floor creaked ominously under Becca’s feet every time she took a step. And the couch she had just shoved into place was too big for the living room—the last foot or so jutted out into the hallway, wafting unidentifiable smells out into the rest of the cramped space.

  But the apartment was cheap. It was livable. And it was the kind of place that would inspire someone to leave town quickly.

  Which made it perfect for Kara and Micah.

  “It’s a lot nicer than our last place, at least.” Micah sent a smile in Kara’s direction. Kara returned it, and for a moment they silently shared whatever memory Micah’s words had brought to mind.

  Becca looked away. “Do you need anything else? Cash? Groceries?”

  “We’ll be all right,” said Micah. The first words he had spoken to her directly since the night of his escape. Their eyes met for an instant before they both dropped their gaze.

  “We still have some money left over,” he continued. “It should last a few more weeks. After that, we’ll find a way.”

  Kara made a noise that was half-laugh, half-sigh. “Faith again? Still? I thought your arrest would have cured you of that.” She spoke lightly, but worry creased her eyes as she mentioned the arrest. She placed a hand on Micah’s arm.

  Micah smiled and shook his head, as if this were an argument they’d had many times before. “I survived, didn’t I? You got me out.” His gaze darted to Becca, and his smile disappeared.

  An unexpected pang of jealousy shot through Becca. She pushed the feeling aside. She didn’t need it clouding her thoughts for the conversation to come.

  She turned to Kara. “Before I go,” she said, “could I talk to you for a minute? Alone?”

  “Sure.” Kara looked around the tiny room. “We could go—” She gestured in the direction of the bedroom—which, from what Becca remembered, was half the size of the living room, with all the floor space taken up by a mattress of dubious origins.

  “It’s okay,” said Micah. “I should go pick up some food for us anyway.” Before Becca could respond, he had disappeared out the door.

  Kara faced Becca. “So what did you want to talk about?”

  Becca took a deep breath. She crossed her arms. “You need to stay away from the resistance.”

  For a second, Kara’s face froze. But when she spoke, there was nothing in her voice but the same confidence she had shown in the resistance meeting a couple of days ago. “The others were right—I can help. The rest of you don’t have the experience with reeducation that I have.”

  “I appreciate you bringing me the information about the spies. And giving us ideas for how to deal with Ryann.” She gave Kara a thin smile. “Come next week. Help Meri analyze her data. But then you need to go.”

  “In the meeting you said—”

  “What I said was for their benefit,” Becca interrupted. “If I had told them about the blackmail, it would have undermined their confidence. But regardless of what I said in the meeting, I won’t have someone in the resistance who has so little regard for my people’s lives.”

  Kara flinched. “I didn’t want him to die. I know it doesn’t help, but I’m sorry it ended up like that.” She paused. “But I don’t regret coming to you. I don’t regret giving you the plan.”

  “And what about the fact that one of my people died so you could have your boyfriend back? Do you regret that?” Becca’s voice came out harsher than she intended. She breathed in. Out. Anger would only distract her.

  Kara crossed her own arms, her posture mirroring Becca’s. “Is this about me and Micah?”

  Becca’s temper flared again. Was that what Kara saw this as—petty jealousy? Did she think Becca was like her, making life-and-death decisions based on her love life?

  She kept her voice low and even. “It’s been three years. I didn’t expect anything to happen between the two of us.”

  She had imagined it, in the first months after he had left—Micah showing up at her door unexpectedly one night and telling her that the danger was gone, that he could come back now, that he had come home to her. But that had been before the resistance had grown beyond her and Meri and the handful of informants they had ma
naged to recruit. That had been before her hands were too full of other people’s lives to ever be able to hold someone’s heart as well.

  “It’s not because of your relationship with Micah,” she continued. “It’s because your feelings for him put the resistance at risk and got one of my people killed. I can’t let you influence the others’ decisions when I’ve already seen how easily you can throw their lives away. I can’t trust that you have their best interests at heart. What happens if Micah is in danger again, and you convince them to follow you into harm’s way to save him?”

  “I can’t bring Terrence back, okay?” The words burst from Kara’s lips. “I would if I could. But I can’t. How many times do I need to apologize to you?”

  Becca met Kara’s eyes with her mother’s coldest stare. “None. Apologies don’t change anything.”

  Kara was the first to look away. She took a breath as she steadied herself against the couch. “I didn’t think you would be so…” Her voice trailed off.

  “You thought I would stand by and let you take control of the resistance?” Quiet. Steady. Dangerous.

  A flash of hurt crossed Kara’s face, almost too quickly for Becca to see. “All I did was keep them from killing that girl. Just like you wanted.”

  “You used us once. It won’t happen again.” She started to turn away. “You can stay in town if you want. You can use the identity Jared gave you. But after the next meeting, you’re leaving the resistance.”

  It took Kara a long time to respond. When she did, her voice was level. “The resistance has never acted against Raleigh Dalcourt.”

  Becca blinked. “What does my mother have to do with anything?”

  “How many of your people has she interrogated?” Kara asked. “How many of them has she executed?”

  Too many. She shook away the thought. “You haven’t answered my question.”

  “You love her,” said Kara. “So you made a choice. You make a choice every day that you don’t use your access to her apartment and your knowledge of her habits to have her killed.” Her eyes found Becca’s again, and this time she didn’t look away. “I made a choice too.”