by Dalia Wright
David echoed her unspoken sentiment by saying, “I want us to let loose and have fun. Forget about all our teachings, forget our community, and do whatever you feel like, okay? That’s what this city is for. The next few days will be all about YOLO,” he added with a grin.
“YOLO?”
“You only live once. YOLO.”
Isabelle repeated the words, liking the sound of YOLO. She gave him a sunny smile and said, “Sounds like a plan.”
The trip was everything Isabelle could ever have hoped for. It was filled with romance and excitement. Her first time at the roulette table, to her shock and amazement, she won $3500 which she promptly spent on gifts for everyone at home. At the next few rounds at the various casinos she lost more money than she won, but keeping YOLO in mind, she didn’t care. Between the casino trips, they spent hours lounging in the pool. Isabelle decided to be bold and wore a tiny polka-dot bikini held together by thin strings. She loved the expression on David’s face when he saw her in it. His eyes literally popped out of his head as he took in her smooth, voluptuous curves, the long legs, the cascading hair, and the beautiful face. He couldn’t help but whistle as she lay back on the lounge chair next to him. His reaction put her in a flirtatious mood; she leaned close to him and asked, “Like what you see?”
Getting into the spirit of her playful mood, David ran a hand down the length of her leg. “I do indeed.”
The feel of his cool hand on her bare skin made Isabelle shiver and feel even more reckless. Soon they were both sipping on drinks and flirting outrageously. By the time the sun was setting, Isabelle was more than a little tipsy.
“Alright, I think we need to get some food in you,” David said, putting her arm down when she waved at the waiter for another drink.
“No,” she pouted, “another drink.”
“You’ve definitely had enough to drink,” he said and helped her to her feet.
They made their way back up to their suite, their hands clasped together, bodies touching, heads close together. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, both David and Isabelle had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen once they went into their suite. The door barely closed behind them before David pulled her into a passionate kiss. As she started to tug at his clothes, he paused mid-kiss to murmur, “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to, you know.”
Her breath hot and heavy, she pulled him towards the bed murmuring in reply, “I’m sure. I’m sure.”
That was all David needed to hear. He swept her into his arms and carried her on to the enormous king-size bed where they spent the rest of the evening and the night making love over and over again.
CHAPTER FIVE
The rest of their trip was spent in a haze of continuous love-making, lounging by the pool, the occasional shopping trip, and some gambling. But as their trip wound to a close, Isabelle decided that as fun as it had been to escape into the crazy, surreal world of Vegas with its sounds and sheer opulence, she was ready to head back to New York.
Casinos, gambling, strippers, and free-flowing alcohol were not for her. She had enjoyed herself tremendously and would forever remember and love this city because it had brought her and David close and she would definitely love coming back again, but couldn’t imagine living this life every day.
“I guess I’m more Amish than I thought I was,” she told David with a grin.
“Then I’m a prude too,” he said with a grin. “So what are your thoughts about the English world now that you’ve seen such an extreme example of vice and temptation?”
“Honestly, I love it. Not Vegas per se, but I love New York and I love so many things about the English world forbidden in our life.”
“Like what?”
“Like technology, fashion. Who knew there were so many types of fabrics, styles, and outfits? And, oohh, the shoes!” she moaned. “The beautiful rows of shoes and purses in stores… I don’t know how I can ever go back to wearing black and white for the rest of my life. And the food!” she continued to gush, “I’ve never tasted such delicious food, I think Chinese is my new favorite.”
David listened to her chatter with a smile on his face; he loved the sound of her voice and the expressions on her face. God, she was beautiful, he thought to himself.
“So, going back is going to be a bit of an adjustment, huh?” he asked.
“I guess… that’s if I go back right away.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure that I want to go back home… at least not permanently to live forever.”
David felt prickles of alarm at what he thought she was saying. “Are you saying you’re never going back?”
“I don’t know yet,” Isabelle replied truthfully. Busy packing her bags, she missed the troubled expression in David’s eyes and the look of concern which crossed over his face. “Okay, I’m all packed,” she announced cheerfully. “Now was there anything else you wanted to do before we head to the airport?”
When David didn’t respond right away, she walked over to him and caressed his lips. “David?”
“Hmmm? Sorry, my mind was wandering. What did you say?”
She repeated the question and he suggested ice cream.
“We can leave our bags at the front desk and then walk around for a bit.”
Isabelle kissed him softly on the lips and smiled, “That would be perfect.”
On the flight back to New York, David was unusually quiet and Isabelle couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong, but when she questioned him, he assured her everything was perfect.
CHAPTER SIX
The next night, to celebrate her return to New York, Cordelia insisted that they go out together for a girls’ night.
“I hear it’s all the rage,” she said to Isabelle.
“What exactly is a girls’ night?”
“We dress up, go out to clubs and bars, and get hit on by men.”
Isabelle, whose mind was filled only with thoughts of David, wasn’t so sure she wanted to take part in a girls’ night and said so.
“Oh come on! Don’t be such a bore. It’s all harmless fun and besides it’s not like you’re married to David.”
Seeing how much Cordelia wanted to go out, Isabelle finally relented. Once they were at the lounge Cordelia had picked, Isabelle had to admit she was having a nice time; that is, until Cordelia nudged her and pointed a finger in the direction of the bar.
“I think he’s checking you out,” she said excitedly.
“Who?”
“That guy there in the white shirt, with a drink in his hand.”
“Oh.” As Isabelle looked at him, he locked his gaze on hers and gave her an encouraging smile and tipped his drink her way.
Unsure of how to respond, Isabelle looked away.
“Go to him!” Cordelia hissed.
“What? Are you insane? Why would I do that?”
“Ummm, because he’s freaking hot and he’s obviously into you.”
He was hot, and very good looking. There was no doubt about that.
“That would just be encouraging him and I’m not interested.”
Cordelia sighed in exasperation. “Nobody’s telling you to marry the guy; I’m sure all he’s looking for is a hook-up.”
Isabelle’s raised eyebrows told Cordelia what she thought of a hook-up.
“What’s wrong with having a little fun? Isn’t that the whole point of Rumspringa? To let loose, discover new experiences…?”
“And have one-night stands with random men?” Isabelle finished with a laugh. “I’m pretty sure that’s not what the elders have in mind when they say new experiences.”
“Stop being so uptight, Isabelle. You have the rest of your life to be loyal and faithful to David.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You and David. Knowing you, you’re going to go back and settle into a perfectly stable, acceptable, and boring married life. And that’s fine for you. But you’re not committed to him ri
ght now; don’t you want to know if he’s the right one for you? How will you know he’s a great kisser if you don’t have anything else to compare it to you?”
Isabelle was tempted to reveal how she and David had made love and how she had no doubts in her heart or mind that he was the one, but Cordelia’s next words took her by surprise.
“Besides I’m sure he’s keeping his options open.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” Isabelle protested. “David is not that type of guy.”
Cordelia snorted, “Every guy is that type of guy… ok fine, maybe not every guy. But most of them are. Anyways, all I’m saying is how can you know for sure if you’ve never tried anything else? That’s how people end up resenting each other after half a dozen years of marriage.” Even though Isabelle didn’t quite agree with Cordelia, she couldn’t help wondering if her friend had a point. Taking advantage of the silence, Cordelia nudged her again, encouraging her once more to speak to the guy with the drink.
“I can’t,” Isabelle protested but it was too late; Cordelia gestured towards the guy and waved him over. He was at their table within seconds. A waitress arrived moments later carrying a tray of drinks, which she placed on their table. He thanked her and quickly introduced himself to the girls. The three of them exchanged some polite chit-chat before he sat down next to Isabelle.
Deliberately ignoring Isabelle’s silent protests, Cordelia got to her feet and said, “Well, I have to go find the, umm… the girls.” And with that vague explanation, she slithered away and disappeared into the body of people dancing nearby, leaving Isabelle alone with the dark-eyed stranger with the suggestive smile.
Cordelia ended the night by going home with a guy she met at the lounge while Isabelle took a cab home. But sleep eluded her; she kept glancing at her watch, waiting for Cordelia to return and all the while she kept wondering if Cordelia had a point. Would David need to test out other waters before he decided she was the right one? And if he didn’t, would they resent each other ten years later? And what about what she wanted? More and more she was certain she didn’t want to return to Cantana Springs forever; there was so much to see of the world and she wanted to explore it. But would he feel the same? She decided to broach the subject with him the following night when they had a dinner date. She could not have known how disastrous the conversation would be.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“So what exactly are you trying to say?” David asked.
Dinner was done and they were walking back towards the hotel, enjoying the summer night when she brought up the things weighing on her mind. But the conversation had taken a very bad turn and she knew David was feeling frustrated.
“You’re saying that you have no desire to move back home?”
“That’s not what I’m saying! Well, I am… but it’s not like that.”
“Then explain it to me, please.”
“I’m not saying it’s going to be forever or that I’m permanently settling in the English world. I just know I need to spend some more time here for now. I’m not ready to go back.”
The slight hesitation before David answered confirmed Isabelle’s view.
“That’s not a fair question but for now, yes it’s more than enough for me. Marriage to you, raising a family with you, being with our family and friends is enough.”
“Exactly!” Isabelle pounced on the key words, “For now. You don’t know how you’ll feel later; the difference between us is I already know how I feel right now. How can you know you only want to be with me when you’ve never dated anyone else?”
The muscles near David’s jaw tightened. “Are you saying you want to date other people?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Isabelle protested.
“Then you’re saying you don’t you know how you feel about me,” he said flatly.
“No!” She cried out in frustration. Why couldn’t he understand what she was trying to say? “What I mean…”
But she didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence because David held up his hands and shook his head. “You know what, Isabelle? You can try to explain it in whatever way you want, but all I’m hearing is someone who’s unsure of how they feel about me, someone who needs to explore other options. So you go do that, okay? I don’t give a fuck.”
The swear word shocked Isabelle more than the anger. She couldn’t remember ever hearing David swear. Not only was foul language strictly prohibited within the community, David was far too much of a gentleman to ever use crass words around women. For reasons she couldn’t understand, the swear word hurt more than if he had screamed at her.
“So this is it, then? You’re just going to turn your back on your family, your community, your life… me?”
Isabelle shook her head sadly. “I’m not turning my back on anything.”
“Yes, you are, you’re abandoning everything… and for what? In pursuit of something you think you want? The English life is not all it’s cracked out to be.”
“I’m sorry you see it as abandonment, but that’s not what it is. I simply can’t live a lie. Even if I were to go back to the Amish life, I would only be pretending.”
David’s eyes narrowed in pain and for a split second Isabelle thought he was going to walk away without another word. But he turned back towards her, his lips tight with anger, his voice vibrating with finality.
“If you leave now, then know this: we’re done.”
“So, what you’re saying is it’s either you or the English world?”
“That’s actually what I’m saying. If you turn your back on us, I will never forgive you and I will never speak to you again.”
“I see.” Isabelle’s eyes blazed with stubbornness. Who was he to give her an ultimatum? “Then I guess we’re never speaking to each other again.”
Looking momentarily stunned by her answer, David’s anger quickly took over and he shrugged his shoulders. “I guess not then.”
“I expected more from you, Dave,” Isabelle whispered softly as she turned to walk away.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Her conversation with David kept replaying in her head and she knew she had to fix it. She hadn’t done a good job of explaining what she meant and Cordelia’s words hadn’t helped, either. David couldn’t be blamed for thinking she wanted to explore other options when the truth was she wanted nobody else but him. She had given him her virginity, willingly, something she would never have done if she hadn’t been certain. But she needed him to be sure, as well, and feel the same way about her. In trying to express that, she had expressed something completely different and she needed to fix it. Stripping off her nightgown, she slipped into sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt, and went off to find David’s room on the floor above theirs. There was no answer after she knocked a few times, so she went downstairs to the lounge room near the front lobby. The lounge was empty except for Vanessa curled up on a couch, reading a book. She looked up when Isabelle entered the room.
“Have you seen David?”
Vanessa nodded. “He was just here, but left to go to his room. Said he was calling it a night.”
Clearly, she had just missed him in his room. Isabelle smiled and thanked Vanessa before making her way back up to David’s floor. As she was about to step out of the elevator, she saw David down the hall about to go into his room. But he wasn’t alone. Daphne’s arm was looped through his and she was leaning close to him, whispering something in his ear, a smile on her face. Isabelle had no doubts about what was going on and it left her crushed. Choking back a sob, she ducked back into the elevator. Her heart pounding, tears stinging her eyes, she furiously pressed the close button on the elevator, feeling betrayed and heartbroken. Had she meant so little to David that he was jumping into bed with someone else less than twenty-four hours after their argument?
And with Daphne of all people? It was like a slap in the face. As hurtful as it was to witness his liaison, she supposed it also served to provide some closure; if he was capable of doing this, he obviously wo
uld not have been the right person for her. But try as she would to take comfort from this, it hurt her unbearably nonetheless. As she flitted in and out of a troubled sleep, images of Daphne and David’s naked bodies entwined together haunted her.
The next morning, feeling guilty for the lie, she pleaded a headache to Cordelia to avoid going down for breakfast with everyone. The idea of sitting across from David and Daphne having a meal was a nauseating thought. By mid-morning her faked headache had become one in reality and the rest of the day was spent in bed, huddled under the covers, filled with bitter thoughts. More than anything, she was angry at her own stupidity, for allowing herself to be tempted. By some miracle, she managed to avoid them the next day, too, but on the third day she had no choice but to join everyone for breakfast. She was careful not to betray any emotions and made an effort to be cheerful, carrying on excited conversations with everyone else while making sure to never make eye contact with David or Daphne. David in his turn also studiously avoided her. Isabelle was so angry with him, the sight of him sickened her. She shuddered to think of how the remainder of their trip would go if they spent it ignoring each other like this. But, thankfully, it wouldn’t be long.
CHAPTER NINE
Two days later, David announced abruptly over breakfast that he and Vanessa would be heading to Cantana Springs the next day. Surprised at this sudden decision, Isabelle almost choked on her mouthful of pancakes. Dozens of questions popped into her head but she didn’t dare ask any of them. Thankfully, Cordelia sailed to the rescue. Dear Cordelia, who could always be relied upon.
