by Dalia Wright
“Why?” was the first question she asked.
“Because we’ve both had enough of the city and Rumspringa,” David replied stiffly.
“Where’s the fun in cutting the trip short?” Cordelia asked before turning to Vanessa. “What about you, Vanessa, don’t you want to spend some more time here?”
Vanessa looked at her brother before answering primly, “No, I think I’m ready to… ”
His voice dripping with hostility, David cut her off and said, “Some people actually know what they want. Not everyone needs to experiment.”
Isabelle knew his comment was directed towards her and anger swept through her. Was he conveniently going to forget about his rendezvous with Daphne? She almost blurted out the question but decided it wasn’t worth it and she certainly wouldn’t give Daphne the satisfaction of knowing how much she had been hurt by what she had witnessed. Instead, she turned the conversation around to what everyone was doing for the rest of the day and tried not to focus on the fact that David was leaving.
The next morning when they all met for breakfast in the hotel dining room, Isabelle felt sad to realize that this may be the last time she would ever be sitting across David, sharing a meal. It hit her in that moment how much she had looked forward to their meals together. Her eyes flicked towards David, wondering if he was thinking the same thing. To her surprise, his eyes were on her, staring at her intently, his expression unreadable. Whatever he was thinking, it clearly wasn’t pleasant, she thought. She gave him a half-smile and went back to her breakfast and didn’t look at him again. The gang decided to hang out at the hotel since David and Vanessa would be leaving in a few hours.
Isabelle pleaded yet another headache and chose to stay in her room. The atmosphere between them was too tense and she didn’t want to wreck the day for everyone else. She couldn’t understand why he was so angry with her. It had taken him less than a day to move on! As the clock struck 2:00 pm, Isabelle emerged from her room. Angry or not, it was important to her to say goodbye to him. But when she got to hotel lobby, the sight that greeted her made her sick to her stomach, and unable to face it, she whirled around and ran back to her room, trying in vain to hold back the tears.
Since the fight with Isabelle and her decision to stay back, David couldn’t wait to go back home. He imagined her dating a string of handsome, rich men, he pictured her being made love to, and he felt sick with jealousy. He couldn’t believe she was choosing that life over them. Their time in Vegas had been so magical, he had convinced himself she was in love with him and in that brief time he had spun innumerable dreams for their future. But none of that meant anything anymore. She had gone chasing after other men the first chance she got, he thought bitterly. And now he wanted nothing more than to put this entire experience behind him and go back home. He knew he would never be able to return to New York without bitter feelings. As the time for leaving inched closer, David kept expecting Isabelle to make an appearance; he hoped until the very last minute but she didn’t. Instead, Daphne arrived, bags in hand, with the startling announcement that she, too, would be leaving with them.
She coiled her arm through David’s. “I’m so tired of the city, David. My heart yearns for the peace and beauty of home,” she cooed, gazing up at him from under her lashes. “Aren’t you sooo looking forward to seeing everyone again?”
Feeling angry that Isabelle hadn’t even bothered to come say goodbye, David felt extra gracious and nice towards Daphne. He smiled down at her warmly and responded, “Yes, it will be wonderful to get away from this city. I’m glad you decided to come back with us.”
Daphne’s smile widened even more and she gently squeezed his arm in a proprietary way. “I couldn’t bear to stay with you leaving.”
Just then their taxi pulled up and David was saved from having to reply. As they drove away, he looked back at the hotel one last time and his heart swelled, not with bitterness and anger, but regret for something once held dear and now lost forever.
CHAPTER NINE
“Are you sure?”
Her throat felt dry as she tried to process what the woman was saying but none of it was making any sense. She nodded along to the rest of the instructions and robotically thanked the woman for calling.
Thunderstruck by the news she had just been given, Isabelle clutched the now silent phone to her ear, unable to move or breathe.
Two months had gone by since everyone had left New York City. Cordelia and Isabelle had chosen to stay back, while one of the boys had decided to move to Chicago. The two friends were now living in a tiny apartment the size of a closet and both worked as waitresses at a diner nearby. Life was far from perfect, but it was good. They were both enjoying the independence and loved the English life. Cordelia was busy meeting men and thinking of getting a graduate certificate while Isabelle tried not to think too much about David and Daphne and what they were up to.
Cordelia looked up from the second-hand laptop they had bought to learn about computers and grew concerned when she saw Isabelle’s face.
“Isabelle, what’s wrong? Who was that on the phone?”
“It was the… the blood clinic… I mean the woman from… from the blood donation clinic,” she stammered, struggling to find her voice and speak in coherent words.
Thinking the worst, Cordelia rushed to her friend’s side and bombarded her with all the questions she could think of.
“What’s wrong? What did they say? Are you ill? Did they find something in your blood? Do you want to go to the hospital right now? Are you feeling alright?”
Isabelle took a step back to give herself some breathing room and shook her head. Cordelia’s panic helped to calm her down and she felt more in control as she replied, “No, no, it’s fine. It’s nothing bad… at least I guess it’s nothing bad. For most people it would be wonderful and for me, too, I always thought but maybe not like this. Maybe just not now… so, no, it’s not bad news.”
Giving her a peculiar look, Cordelia asked once again, “Isabelle you’re not making any sense, what happened?”
Deciding there was no point in beating around the bush, Isabelle got straight to the point. “I’m pregnant,” she announced flatly.
“You’re what?” Cordelia felt as if anything would be possible except this. “How? When? I mean you’re still a virgin… how… who… David?”
“Yes.”
“Vegas?”
“Yes.”
“Ah.”
The two friends fell silent as they each contemplated the ramifications of Isabelle’s news. It was Cordelia who finally broke the silence.
“Are you going to get rid of it? I can make some calls and find the right person.”
Shocked at the question, Isabelle vehemently shook her head. “Of course not!”
Equally shocked at the answer, Cordelia asked incredulously, “You’re not seriously thinking of keeping it?? Do you realize how hard that’s going to be? A single mother? In the city with no job, no stability?”
“I’ll figure it out somehow, but I’m not giving it up.”
“Okay… if that’s what you want.” Cordelia pulled Isabelle into a hug and said, “We’ll figure this out together. I’m going to be here for you every step of the way.”
“I know. Thank you.”
CHAPTER TEN
“I need to go back home,” Isabelle announced to Cordelia one morning out of the blue as she was getting ready to go to work.
“You’re joking, right?”
“No, not joking. I’ve been feeling restless the last few weeks. As much as I love this city right now, I’m craving the comfort and simplicity of home. I miss it, can you believe that?”
“You do know you’re seven months pregnant? Are you forgetting that nobody knows?”
“I know I’m going to have a lot of explaining to do and it won’t be easy. I’ll probably be shunned by everyone, but this is just something I need to do. I’m not suggesting living there forever but I want my child to be born where
I was… and don’t try to change my mind because I’ve decided already.”
The stubborn set of her jaw left no room for arguments so Cordelia didn’t bother and instead sighed heavily. “Alright, when are we leaving?”
“You don’t have to come with me,” Isabelle said.
“Of course I’m going to come with you! I’m kind of missing home, too. Might be nice to visit. Are you going to tell David?”
“Absolutely not. I don’t want him to feel obligated in any way. It will be hard but I’m going to try and keep to myself as much as possible. I miss home but I’m not relishing having to see everyone else.”
Cordelia, who could already imagine the disapproving glares Isabelle would receive from the elders in the community and their more conservative friends, didn’t blame her one bit and if she hadn’t loved Isabelle like a sister, she wouldn’t have bothered going back with her. Hard as it was to live independently, Cordelia loved her life in New York and couldn’t believe she had spent the first eighteen years of her life trapped within the confines of Cantana Springs.
When the two friends returned home, the community went into gossip overdrive. At first glance it was impossible to tell that Isabelle was pregnant, which worked well in her favor. She had a neat little bump easily hidden behind baggy clothes. Her parents took the news better than she had expected but were disappointed nonetheless. And for a full two weeks her father refused to meet her eyes while her mother begged and pleaded her to contact the baby’s father. But Isabelle wouldn’t budge in her decision and soon settled back into her Amish life. Every time she stepped out of the house, she was terrified of running into David and having to answer uncomfortable questions. So she hibernated at home as much as possible, venturing out only late in the evenings for walks near her house. She spent her days sewing and making baby things and preparing a nursery in a corner of her bedroom. She knew long-term she wouldn’t live at Cantana Springs, but for now this would be home again.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
It was unfortunate for Isabelle that one of the first people she ran into a few weeks after her return home was Daphne. She was out walking in the park when she bumped into a smiling, happy, bubbling Daphne. The first thing she noticed was the ring on Daphne’s finger. Focused on the slim, golden band, she didn’t notice the proprietary manner in which Daphne’s hand hovered over her stomach. It took her a few moments to realize that Daphne was also pregnant.
“Isabelle!” Daphne greeted her with wide eyes, her eyes glued to Isabelle’s bulging belly bump. “I didn’t know you had gotten married!”
Through gritted teeth and a stiff smile, Isabelle explained she wasn’t married.
“Oh.”
The simple word held a world of contempt and judgment. Isabelle didn’t know how to respond and was trying to find a dignified way of leaving when Daphne waved her beringed hand in the air.
“I got married soon after Rumspringa.”
“Congratulations.”
She didn’t bother asking who the lucky guy was. She remembered that night in New York during their last few days of Rumspringa when she had come upon Daphne and David sharing a kiss. It didn’t take a genius to figure out they had gotten married soon after their return.
“And congratulations on the baby as well,” she added with a glance at Daphne’s tiny bump.
“Ah, thank you,” Daphne cooed, “we’re so very thrilled. It’s a little boy.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“Are you here for a visit, Isabelle?”
“Something like that,” she replied vaguely.
“And can we expect a visit from your baby’s father as well?” Daphne asked archly, knowing the answer full well. “You look like you’re about to pop.”
By this point, Isabelle had had enough and she was damned if she was going to feed Daphne’s curiosity. How would she feel if she knew the child she was carrying had been fathered by her husband? The smug smile would be wiped off pretty quickly, Isabelle thought. She almost wanted to blurt out the truth just to cause Daphne some grief, but that would be unnecessarily cruel.
Choosing to take the high road instead, Isabelle smiled stiffly at Daphne and said, “Congratulations again, Daphne.”
“Would you like to come over for a cup of tea and catch up on this last year?”
If the offer hadn’t been made purely to get information out of her, Isabelle, starved for some friendship, would have been tempted to say yes. But she knew the offer was an insincere one and the idea of bumping into David in his home, having to see them together, was nausea-inducing. Isabelle politely declined, citing some errands.
Clearly disappointed, Daphne smiled coolly. “Next time, then.”
Isabelle hurried home, trying to put as much distance between Daphne and herself. She certainly hadn’t expected David to wait for her, but for some reason, she had believed he cared about her enough to not jump into a marriage less than two months after sleeping with her. Obviously she was wrong. Once she made it home, she locked herself in the bedroom, climbed into bed with some difficulty, and cried her heart out. Cried for all the things that could have been and all the things that would never be. She cried as she imagined giving birth by herself and pictured David and Daphne together, smiling foolishly over a cradle, staring with adoring eyes at their newborn. The pain was simply unbearable.
CHAPTER TWELVE
When David heard of Isabelle’s return, he underwent a mixture of conflicting emotions. And even though it wasn’t his problem anymore, he couldn’t help but feel concerned and wonder why she had come back. She had been so adamant about not wanting to return that he was surprised. Had something happened to her in the city? He almost went to see her but decided at the last minute it wouldn’t be a good idea. She had made it clear when he was leaving that she wanted nothing to do with him, so why bother? Besides, he had other responsibilities now and there was no more room for Isabelle in his life.
Deciding that the last thing he wanted was to meet with her, David went out of his way to avoid any chance run-ins with her. He avoided church and all social gatherings on the off-chance she may be there. He saw Cordelia in the market one day but was saved from making conversation because she left in a hurry. He had the distinct impression she had deliberately avoided him. But why?
A week later the mystery was cleared when, one evening, he saw a familiar figure out for a walk in the park. It took him a few moments to realize he was looking at Isabelle but something about her was different. From a distance, he studied her for a few moments before he caught sight of her profile and gasped in shock. There was no mistaking the rounded belly or the waddle… she was pregnant. He had been right all along, something bad had happened to drive Isabelle home again. The burning question now was… was he the baby’s father?
After a week of pacing back and forth on the subject, David tracked Isabelle down at the park one evening during her regular walk and confronted her. He ignored the look of shock on her face when she registered his face and without any warning, he asked her flatly why she had come back and if he was the father of her child.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I don’t think that concerns you,” she retorted, angered by the tone of his voice and the accusations flashing in his eyes. “But I have never been a whore.”
He eyed her with skepticism. “Or so you claim.” He ignored the look of outrage on her face and continued, “I mean I can hardly be blamed, can I? Who knows what you’ve been up to by yourself in these last few months? You wanted freedom, you wanted to get away from the community, from their beliefs, from us. I can’t and don’t trust anything about you,” he added flatly. It felt good to unleash his anger on her after holding back his feelings for so long. She had hurt him badly and he had wanted nothing more than to strike back at her. Why, then, were her tear-stained face and forlorn eyes causing him so much pain? He had to harden his heart against her emotions and stand firm.
“I have nothing left to give you, Isabelle.”
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br /> “I’m not asking you for anything,” she replied after a brief silence in which she digested his cruel words. She knew she had hurt him and as much as his attitude angered her, she felt on some level he may be justified. But what upset her was his immediate assumption that she wanted something from him and that prompted her own anger.
“I am perfectly able to take care of myself and my child,” she stated coolly. “It’s unfortunate we had to run into each other like this because it’s led to you having these thoughts. But I had no intention of ever coming to you or claiming anything from you because as you said… we don’t know whose child it is, do we?”
With a final cold look his way, she turned around and walked away, trying to hold back the tears rapidly filling her eyes, hating that her waddling body had prevented her from making a more dramatic departure. It was only after she heard the venom and anger in David’s voice did she realize how much she had wanted to believe in a different ending with him. But, contrarily, she hadn’t lied either; she truly didn’t expect anything from him. After so many months and given how things had ended between them, she didn’t think it was fair to suddenly drop into his life and demand he have a part in raising their child. Whether he wanted to be involved or not, and how much, depended solely on him. Not that he would want anything to do with them now given she had basically implied the child wasn’t even his.
Isabelle sighed heavily as she wearily made her way up the handful of steps and into her home. Nothing in her life was going the way it should have. At that precise moment, she felt a firm little kick in her belly as if the baby was reminding her of its presence. The kick made her smile; life may be less than perfect right now, an unwed mother in an Amish community, no husband, no father, relying solely on her parents for the moment. It was hardly the ideal situation but she wouldn’t trade it for anything else. She rubbed her belly lovingly and the baby kicked again.
