Sassy Curves

by Jordan Silver

  "I bet you would slut."

  "Trace, sleep! Seriously one day he came back from the gym and I guess he had some sort of emergency because he didn't change downstairs, I just about had the big O right then and there."

  "Only just about?"

  "Well I finished when he turned to go into his office and I got a good look at that ass, yeah doggie."

  "Woot woot woot."

  "Ssh Sam, chief's gonna have our asses." I threw a cocktail straw at her blonde head.

  "Now with my Eric it's that chest and those arms."

  "Chest and arms, the fuck you gonna do with those? Now my Simon is a long drink of water, you know what that means." Ellen stretched her hands out to measure. "Hung like a moose."

  "Hung like a moose, hung like a moose, hung like a moose." We all took up the chant and again I heard those choking noises from the booth next door, only this time it was joined by a snicker or two. I hoped they weren't the sorts to start complaining because that'll just make us even rowdier.

  Leah came out with another round and a warning. "Chief says he can hear you lot and he says he's about to call deputy Rider and the boys to come haul your asses outta here."

  "Yeah yeah yeah, tell him come say that shit to our faces, now get us more shots Chica."

  "Geez Cami." She walked away shaking her head.

  "Well where were we, oh yeah, moose dick; well let me tell you, if he's hung like a moose then my Braxton must be part elephant."

  "No, as thin as he is?" Sam shook her head in disbelief.

  "He might seem thin under those suits but that fucker is built, and girlfriend those gym shorts hid nothing, we're talking break out the yard stick."

  "Shit, how come I miss all the good shit? I know what we should do, we should put hidden cameras in the boys' bathroom in the gym."

  "Melissa, take your drunk ass back under the table."

  "What Cami I'm just saying."

  "It's illegal."

  "So, men do it all the time, we could have a live feed in the break room."

  "You're not perving on my Braxton's dick."

  "Your Braxton huh, first you have to get rid of the human barracuda."

  "Damn Sam thanks for raining on my parade."

  "Oh well, there's always my dreams and he's always so good in my dreams and all mine."

  "Do tell Cami, share, share, share." Ellen started the chant and of course the others joined in.

  I was blushing fire red but the alcohol was coursing through my system and I felt no pain.

  I opened my mouth to answer but drunk ass Trace had to open her big mouth.

  "Wait a minute, how can you dream about sex when you never had any? I mean how would you know what to do?" Fuck I think she just killed whoever was in the next booth because that choke was really loud this time, followed by a coughing fit and the laughter this time was loud. I guess they decided that since we knew they were listening in they might as well let it all hang out.

  Chapter 3

  "Thanks a lot Trace for telling the free world that my cooch is still intact, damn blabber mouth. Hey you pipe down over there it wasn't that damn funny, nosy ass." There was a lot of throat clearing in the other booth, but no one said anything. I could hear soft whispers but couldn't make out what they were saying.

  "Cami being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact I think it's coming back in style. I say be proud that you've kept yours."

  "Kept it my ass, the only reason the shit survived is because Tommy had a gun and any potential coochie plucker was scared out of their damn minds to even go there. Then in college I was just too busy, but boy would I like to be deflowered by elephant man." There they go again, now I have two tables laughing at my pathetic ass.

  "Maybe we need to plot something to get you some dick."

  "Sam, I've seen that movie, it never works out, plotting and scheming is never the answer. I'll just have to accept the fact that he will be forever out of my reach."

  "Aw Cami that sounds so sad, we have to do something girls, Cami deserves to get her some elephant dick."

  "Oh my word Ellen will you stop? I'm sorry I said anything, change the subject please. Let's talk about Sam and her obsession with Eric Maddox."

  "Nope, we've talked about that ad nauseam, we need to figure out how to get the Adams bitch out and get you in there. I'm telling you if you stop wearing those gunnysacks and start wearing the shit we bought you our last shopping trip you'll catch his eye for sure. I'm telling you, no red blooded male could resist those DDs of yours especially not with that tiny ass waist and voluptuous hips, sheeeeiiiit, you'll have him eating out of your hand in no time."

  Now the occupants in the next booth were getting interactive because one of them seemed to have fallen back against the divider, making our side shake.

  "Hey take it easy over there." I pounded my fist against it, what was with these people anyway?

  "I don't know Sam, I just don't think I have the nerve to pull it off."

  "I know wash you shud do, you shud slip im shometin."

  "Melissa, why are all your suggestions illegal? and please stay out of the conversation until you get a better grasp on the English language, you're hurting my inner ear with that drunken shit."

  "I's jush tryina help."

  "I'm with Sam on this one, James is a tit man, he can spend hours just on the tit, sometimes I wonder if he has a nursing fetish." Vic was busy tearing her napkin to shreds.

  We'd each had about six margaritas, not to mention the intermittent shots of tequila. Some of us were holding up better than others, but Vic and Sam were the champs; they usually outlasted the rest of us.

  The peanut gallery was at it again, sounded like choking piglets. I was almost tempted to go over there and give them a piece of my mind for listening in but what the hell.

  "Enough a this shit, it's dancing time."

  CHIEF

  Shit, there goes that damn song, every Friday night like clockwork. This means my kid is about to act the fool, her and her girlfriends. The lot of them have been running circles around me since childhood when they'd all met in kindergarten. For some strange reason me being the only single parent had gotten stuck with them, seems they were too much of a handful for the others.

  I can't tell you how many phone calls I've received from the other mothers about their children's behavior. Like I was somehow the designated bad parent. I have one biological brat and five adoptees, I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world, but I sure wish they would take it easy on me come Friday night.

  I've had to call my deputies to cart them home on more than one occasion when they got too rowdy, and tonight seems to be shaping up to be one of those nights. Usually I ran them all home because they knew better than to drink and drive, that's why Fridays they bussed it in to work.

  My girls were thick as thieves; Sam had ridden rough shod over the lot of them in their teens to keep their grades up so they could graduate together. There were times when it looked like they weren't going to make it, but they'd made some kind of pact that they won't ever be separated and they'd pulled each other along. I'm proud of them, of what they've achieved and of their great friendship that's lasted longer than some marriages. But hell they were a handful.

  When the cat calling and the whistling started I knew it was time to go see about keeping them in line, and that was only from Sam. Before long the other patrons will be joining in and my place would be a mad house.

  BRAXTON

  Whoa, that's Camille Gosling? No fucking way; can't be; her hair is loose and flying every which way as she moves her hips and shimmies her body to the music. I didn't even know she had that much hair, and when she raised her hands above her head, hair caught in her fists, a little strip of flesh showed around her middle, she really was...built. You'd never tell from the loose tops she wore all the time.

  The rest of her posse were egging her on and singing back up as she belted out Good Life over the jukebox, a little drunkenly but not bad
. I wonder what her legs look like under that matronly skirt of hers?

  If the conversation we'd overheard was anything to go by she had a kick ass body to go with that amazing face of hers. I've always thought she was drop dead gorgeous if only a tad bit too shy for my taste, but this was no shrinking violet I was spying on.

  "Damn Maddox, you better get that before somebody else does."

  I looked around at my guys who were all peeping around the booth trying to stay hidden but still catch the action.

  "What the fuck are you guys looking at?" Of course they thought that shit was funny and started laughing like the assholes they were.

  "I'm just saying dude, you better jump on that before one of these maggots in here take what's yours, or are you too chicken shit?"

  "Fuck you tit man." That brought on another round of laughter. I was really beginning to appreciate having been dragged into this local watering hole for after work drinks by my brothers. It's not my usual hangout, not by a long shot and I'd been resistant to the idea, but after the day we'd had it hadn't been too hard to convince me. Now I'm glad I came because I learned something very valuable. I learned that the woman I'd been having wet dreams about for the last three months was mine for the taking.

  At first I had no idea why I was having fuck hot sex with my admin in my dreams; she wasn't my usual type. She was short for one thing, and she wasn't a blonde. But her scent drove me fucking insane. Her face though was one for the history books; fucking Helen of Troy couldn't have done it better I'm sure. My only problem now was, should I approach her tonight, let her know I'd heard every word, or would that be too embarrassing for her? Maybe I'll wait until Monday and make my move. Then again the douche that was about to approach her just might make up my mind for me.

  "Oh shit, lion on the hunt." I heard my brother make that statement as I stood up.

  Chapter 4

  BRAXTON

  "Mine I think." I glared at the clown who'd been about to put hands on her.

  "Oh fucking shit, where'd you come from?"

  Oh yeah she was well and truly wasted if she was talking to her boss like that, and so were my other employees. Namely Samantha Sampson and little Ellen, who started whistling and making lewd suggestions when I shoved my way between her and the asshole who'd thought to dance with her. I didn't even spare him a second look, just took her hand and pulled her into me.

  I had no intention of dancing with her here but I'd be damned if I'd let some other dude rub up all over her after everything I'd just heard all evening.

  "Ladies, I think there're some guys over there that might want to have a word with you." They all turned and looked towards the booth where they'd been sitting, including my little temptress.

  "Oh I am so fired." She turned beet-red and tried covering her face with her hair.

  "Oh no you don't, don't go all shy girl on me now, I like that fire you had going on." I couldn't help grinning at the mortification on her face.

  "Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, da fuck? Okay I'm shutting up now, I just want to go on record as saying that tequila and I have always had a love hate relationship, I love it, it hates me."

  "You're cute."

  "Are you shitting me, you guys were sitting back there this whole time?" Sampson was staring daggers at Eric who was grinning like the jackass that he is. Ellen was mooning over Simon who was flashing her his killer dimples and Croche had his woman in a lip lock. Greg and Alec were basically just enjoying the show, though Greg did have an eye for the Melissa girl.

  "So am I fired or what?"

  "Why would I want to do that when I only just found you?"

  "What? but I've been working for you for years."

  "Not this you. I get the shy, soft spoken girl next door not the sexy vixen.” I still had ahold of her hand, which felt kinda nice.

  "Oh hell no, please tell me you didn't hear everything that came out of my mouth tonight."

  "Every word; almost choked me a time or two."

  "That was you? oh shoot me now."

  "You want to unhand my kid son?"

  I turned to look at the older gentleman who'd visited her booth earlier.

  "Not necessarily sir."

  "Dad this is my boss." She stage whispered as she stumbled a little.

  "Oh yeah? the hottest thing on legs?" He looked me up and down as if to refute that claim.

  "Oh geez embarrassing, chief go back to the office."

  "Boy you plan to keep her off my damn tables? I run an upstanding establishment here but between my daughter and her friends you'd never guess it."

  "Let's go chief, you've caused enough trouble for one evening." Tracy took his arm and led him away.

  "My father has no qualms about embarrassing any of us at any given moment, he says it's payback for all the times we asked him embarrassing questions at the top of our lungs in public when we were younger. I have to admit for a while there between the ages of ten and thirteen it was a fun game."

  "You talk to your dad about me?"

  "Please, if there's any mercy in the world you'll forget everything you heard here this evening."

  "I don't think so I learned some very interesting things here that I might not have learned otherwise." I led her back to the booth, which was now a free for all.

  CAMILLE

  I think I'm gonna throw up; and wouldn't that be the icing on this particular cake? I'm sure tomorrow I'll think of a million ways to end my misery or at the very least leave the state, there's no way I can ever live this down.

  "Oh my word I talked about your...oh I know I'm gonna be sick."

  "That was actually my favorite part of the conversation along with the part about your, what did you call it again, oh yes, your cooch being intact."

  Seriously, did he have to be so hump worthy?

  "Damn Cami, keep some of it to yourself."

  "What do you mean Ellen?"

  "Oh shit, maybe this isn't such a good idea, maybe we should catch you guys on Monday." Sam was getting up to go.

  "What, what happened?"

  "Um Cam, you said that out loud." Tracy was laughing her ass off; all I could do was look to the sky for guidance. It's official; I'm like the biggest ass in creation.

  I buried my head in my hands as the guys tried to play it off like I hadn't been making a complete ass of myself this whole night.

  "I don't see why you're so embarrassed Ms. Gosling, I had to sit here with my boys and listen to my girl tell you all that I have a nursing fetish.

  I snort laughed at that one. "Yeah that was kind of funny."

  "I personally liked the hung like a moose chant." Ellen face planted into Simon's chest after he made that statement.

  "What are you guys doing here anyway? I've never seen you here before." I looked at Braxton's beautiful face, I don't think I'd ever been this close to him before; I like it, I liked the way he kept his arm around me.

  "It was James' idea, I'm beginning to think he knew what we'd find; maybe he and Victoria set us up."

  "Not me, although I did know my woman hung out here with her girls on Friday nights I honestly didn't think of it when I suggested coming here. I just thought it was closer and you guys needed to get to a drink as soon as possible after the day from hell."

  "So Ms. Melissa you want to drug me and put hidden cameras in the men's room to spy on us? Any other illegal tendencies you have hiding over there?"

  "I liked it better when yous was shtalking about moosh dicks."

  "Please forgive her, she has like zero tolerance for alcohol."

  "Uh huh, I get the feeling you ladies have been perpetrating a fraud. I mean Sampson, I see you in the office always so prim and proper not a hair out of place. Ellen you're always the helpful little sprite and don't get me started on my P.A, there's a whole hidden bag of tricks there."

  "Nope not really no, it's the tequila I'm telling you, just forget we were ever here tonight."

  "I will if you have dinner with me tomorrow night."

/>   You should see the dropped jaws and bug eyed looks from my girls. I guess they'd heard.

  Ellen kicked me under the table because it seems I'd lost my voice.

  "You want to go out with me?"

  "Yes."

  "But what about..."

  "The human barracuda?"

  My face went up in flames. "Sorry about that." I so deserve to be fired.

  "Let's just say I'm beginning to like the idea of floating with a gosling a lot better."

  "Fuck me." Shit I did it again; I'd said that out loud.

  "Eventually."

  No he didn't just say that, I think my cooch just perked up and genuflected.

  Chapter 5

  BRAXTON

  She's too adorably cute when she's pickled. Though the difference between her office persona and this one was like night and day, I find I like them both. I like the mouthy, quirky Camille who couldn't seem to stop herself from saying shit out loud, like just now when she told me her 'cooch' had genuflected, funny as shit. I just have to make sure no one else overheard this conversation; I think the boys had heard more than enough about my future girl thank you very much.

  "What time do you ladies usually leave this place?"

  "Oh not for another couple hours why, you need to go?" She pouted at me like she did not like that idea at all.

  "No baby I'm just asking." The waitress came over with another round of drinks and I hid my grin as Camille looked at hers like it was about to bite her.

  "I'm very afraid of this little glass all of a sudden." She looked around at her girls but they were all preoccupied doing their own thing. James and Victoria were snogging each others faces off, Eric and Samantha were doing the whole getting to know you better thing which involved a lot of touching if you ask me. She couldn't seem to stop touching his chest and that goof was just lapping it up. It's good that I knew he held a torch for her; the big lug had just been too scared to approach her for fear of being charged with sexual harassment.