Big Girl: A Novel

by Danielle Steel

  “No, he’s a great guy,” Victoria said caustically, “This is disgusting, and you’re the one who’s going to pay the price.”

  “No, I’m not,” Gracie said. “It’s going to be fine.” Victoria knew it wouldn’t, and Gracie didn’t want to hear it.

  “Are you coming to New York?” Victoria asked in a dead voice.

  “No. Harry doesn’t want me to. He says I have too much to do here, and he’d miss me too much.” And he didn’t want his naïve future wife influenced by her wiser older sister, who wasn’t snowed by him. Victoria could figure that out easily.

  “I’ll bet. He just doesn’t want you talking to me. Do whatever you want, Gracie. Just know that I’m here for you.” And she knew that sooner or later, her little sister would need her. It broke her heart. And she couldn’t help wondering, as they hung up, if this had happened to her mother too. Maybe her father had cheated on her too at some point, and that was why he was willing to give Harry a pass. He shouldn’t have otherwise, for his daughter’s sake, money or not. Money wasn’t going to give her happiness if Harry was a cheater or a bad guy. But he liked the prestige the alliance gave him by reflection.

  Victoria thought about calling her father, but it seemed pointless. He wouldn’t listen to her either. He was too invested in Gracie’s marriage, for the wrong reasons. The three of them were in collusion to get her married to Harry Wilkes, come hell or high water. And it sounded like hell to Victoria. She called Collin and told him what had happened, and he was upset for her. He knew how much she cared about her sister, and this sounded like a bad situation to him.

  “It’s a shame your parents aren’t being smarter than this.”

  “They’re fools, and they like his name. And she’s a very foolish child. She thinks that if she loses him, there will never be anyone else like him. She’s going to be miserable with him one day.” Collin didn’t disagree. And she was depressed about it that night. She sent Gracie a text telling her that she loved her, but she didn’t call her. There was nothing she could say, except the truth.

  And Dr. Watson wasn’t much help the next day. She said the same thing she had all along, even now, after Harry had cheated on Grace, or it looked that way.

  “These are her decisions,” she reminded Victoria, “and her life. I agree fully with what you’re saying. He’s blackmailing her, he’s controlling, and he’s probably dishonest. But she’s the only one who can stand up to that and either change it or walk away. You have no part in this.” She was definite about it, and it made Victoria angry at her too. She felt helpless.

  “So I have to sit by and watch?” Victoria had tears of rage and frustration in her eyes.

  “No, you have to lead your own life. Concentrate on your life with Collin, and I’m glad it’s going well. There is nothing you can or should do about your sister’s life, or her marriage. This is entirely her choice, whether good or bad, and no matter what you think.”

  “Even at twenty-two, when she doesn’t know any better and needs guidance?” Victoria cringed at what Dr. Watson was saying, especially because it was true.

  “That’s right. She’s not asking you for guidance. She’s telling you to back off.” Victoria knew the therapist was right, which only made her fight harder.

  “So she can buy into his lies?” She looked outraged.

  “Yes, if that’s what she wants to do, and apparently it is. I don’t like it either, and hearing stories like this disturbs me too. But your hands are tied.”

  “I hate this.” She was fiercely upset by Gracie’s marrying him. But she didn’t want to lose her relationship with her sister over this, and she knew she could. Harry had her sister blackmailed into silence, aided and abetted by her youth and neediness and their father’s narcissism and greed. He wanted his daughter married to a Wilkes, at any price, so he could show off. And Gracie was afraid to lose Harry. Victoria was afraid her sister was about to lose herself, which was worse.

  The next jolt after that was a call from Grace a week later. As maid of honor, she wanted Victoria to plan a “destination bachelorette weekend” in Las Vegas for her, with all ten of her bridesmaids, including Victoria, which sounded hideous to her. When Victoria inquired, Gracie said everything was great with Harry and changed the subject. She had been threatened into the silence he wanted, even with her sister. If Gracie was worried, she wouldn’t admit it. All she wanted was for Victoria to organize what sounded like a ghastly weekend to her. She really didn’t want to organize it or go, and she didn’t want to enable her marriage to a jerk, but she didn’t have the guts to refuse either.

  “Don’t people just go out to dinner anymore for a bachelorette party? Who has time for a destination weekend?” Only people with a lot of money who didn’t work, which was not the case for her.

  “No, people do destinations now. Harry had his in St. Bart’s last week. They went for five days,” Gracie said, and Victoria didn’t want to imagine what had gone on there.

  She sighed loudly, unhappy with the plan. “Send me a list of what you want, and I’ll see what I can do. Isn’t there someone else who can do this? I work, Gracie, and I’m dealing with the time difference. You’re all on the West Coast, and none of you work.” All of her bridesmaids were spoiled rich girls being supported by their parents, or still in school.

  “You’re the maid of honor, you’re supposed to do it,” she said stubbornly, and Victoria felt guilty. The relationship as sisters was strained to the max these days over this wedding.

  “When do you want to go?” Victoria asked, sounding discouraged.

  “In May,” Gracie said happily, oblivious to her sister’s discomfort.

  “Okay. I’ll take care of it. I love you,” Victoria said sadly, and hung up. Gracie had promised to send her all the names and details. And she said their father was paying for that too. He was shelling out big time for this alliance, and would have done none of it for Victoria, she knew. He had even said so to her and told her to elope if she ever found a husband.

  Fortunately, in spite of all the stresses over the wedding, things were going well with Collin, but Victoria didn’t consider it good news when she got a call from her mother, saying that her father had to see a client in New York and they were coming in for two days. That was all Victoria needed, and they knew about Collin, so she knew they’d want to meet him. And she had met his parents. She hated the things she knew her father would say about her. She told Collin that night.

  “Will you have dinner with them with me?” she asked him with a woebegone look, and he smiled and kissed her.

  “Of course.”

  “And while we’re on the subject, there’s something I want to ask you.”

  “The answer is yes,” he teased her. “What’s the question?” He knew how upset and anxious she was these days, and he felt sorry for her. She was worried for her sister, justifiably, from all he’d heard.

  “Will you go to my sister’s wedding with me?” she asked, and he smiled at her.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “Everyone else looks gorgeous in the bridesmaid dress, and I look like shit in it. Be prepared. You won’t be proud of me,” she said with tears in her eyes.

  “I will be proud of you, and to be with you. And you couldn’t look like shit if you tried. When are your parents coming, by the way?”

  “In two days.” She made it sound like the end of the world, and it was to her. Her father would make a fool of her in front of the man she loved and prove how unlovable she was. And what if Collin believed him? It didn’t occur to her that it would make her father look bad and not her. Collin knew just how lovable she was.

  She made the calls for Vegas the next day, although Dr. Watson reminded her that she could refuse to if she wanted to. But she didn’t want to disappoint Gracie. She never did.

  And her parents arrived in New York the day after. They were staying at the Carlyle, and invited her and Collin to the Bemelmans Bar for drinks. As it turned out, her paren
ts had to dine with her father’s client and didn’t have time for dinner with them, which was a blessing. Drinks would be enough. She knew her father could destroy her in five minutes—he didn’t need a whole evening to do it.

  She could see immediately how impressed her father was with Collin, and how surprised he looked, as though he couldn’t believe that Collin would be with someone like her. Victoria couldn’t believe it either, but he wanted to be with her and had proven it abundantly for the last four months.

  Everyone was on their best behavior, and they’d been chatting for half an hour when her father commented that he hoped she was watching what she ate so she’d fit into the maid of honor dress her sister had ordered for her. Victoria stiffened when he said it.

  “I’ve lost weight, Dad,” she said quietly, “and we go to the gym every day.”

  “I’m sure you’re a good influence on her,” he said, smiling broadly at Collin, who looked guarded as he waited to see what would come next. “Watch out for the ice cream, though,” he said with the laughter she hated. Neither he nor her mother had noticed the weight she’d lost, nor her new nose, which Collin didn’t know about either. She’d never told him. She didn’t think he needed to know. He turned to Collin then and told him what a great guy Harry was, and how pleased they were about the marriage.

  Victoria spoke up in a clear voice then. “No, he’s not a great guy, Dad. He cheated on her, and you know it.” Her father looked startled for a minute, to be called on it. He looked at Victoria intently.

  “Just some harmless high jinks,” he said blithely. “All boys do things like that before they get married. It takes the pressure off.” He winked at Collin, as though he would agree with him. Collin did not return the wink.

  “How can you let her marry someone who is already cheating on her before the wedding?” Victoria said, looking upset, as her mother pretended not to hear her and sipped her drink, staring into space. She had checked out.

  “Just a little lovers’ quarrel, and a misunderstanding, I’m sure,” her father insisted, still smiling. Victoria wanted to blow a gasket, but she didn’t. She knew there was no point arguing with him. He wasn’t going to agree with her, and he fully approved of the marriage, no matter what Harry did. And Collin looked undismayed by the scene. He looked pleasant and strong, and his whole demeanor conveyed the fact that he was Victoria’s ally and no one else’s. Her father got the message that she had an ally now, and anyone who attacked or belittled her would be dealing with Collin too. It came across loud and clear, even without words. Her parents left shortly after, and told Collin it had been great to meet him.

  “They weren’t as bad as usual,” Victoria said as they left the Carlyle and walked toward her neighborhood. It was a balmy evening, and they were holding hands. She was stressed just from seeing her parents, and everything else that was happening these days, over which she had no control.

  “They didn’t fool me,” Collin said quietly. “I heard him about the dress, the weight, the ice cream, and he doesn’t give a damn if Harry cheats on your sister. He wants her married to a rich boy. He thinks it makes him look good. Just like my parents thought all of my brother’s accomplishments made them look good, so they could brag about him, and mine were never good enough. I know exactly what these people are like,” he said as he looked at Victoria sympathetically. He could see what she had dealt with all her life, and the toll it took on her. She looked unhappy and uncomfortable in her own skin as they walked along. And she seemed tense and withdrawn when he kissed her on the way home. It was as though she was pulling away from him too. He could see it in her eyes. He stopped walking, and he looked at her.

  “I’m not the enemy, they are. I hear them. You’re not good enough so no one could ever love you. Come here,” he said, pulling her into his arms and looking into her huge blue eyes that were the same color as his own. “I love you. You are lovable. They’re idiots. And I love everything about you, just the way you are. Now that’s my message to you. It’s not theirs. It’s mine. You are the most lovable woman I’ve ever known.” As he said it, he kissed her, and tears of relief slid down her cheeks, and she sobbed in his arms. He had just told her everything she had waited to hear all her life, and had never heard before.

  Chapter 25

  When Victoria got to school the next day, there was a huge bunch of blue balloons in the lobby that one of the students had brought in. There was a big sign up on the bulletin board. Amy Green had had her baby, a little boy. He weighed six pounds eight ounces, was nineteen inches long, and his name was Stephen William. Victoria was happy for her, and hoped it had gone well. She was sure she would hear all about it from some of the girls. The school was buzzing with the news all day.

  Victoria heard later in one of her classes that Justin had been in the delivery room with Amy, with her mother. They hadn’t known the baby’s sex before, so that had been a surprise for them, and mother and baby were supposedly doing well, and going home in another day. She was hoping to be back at school in two weeks, three at the most. The school had really made it work for her. Victoria was planning to go and visit her when Amy felt up to it. The girls who talked to her said she felt great, and the delivery hadn’t been too bad. Victoria was relieved. They were young, but at least they were seniors, not freshmen. It was a long shot, but they had a chance at making it work, especially with Amy’s mother’s help and support.

  During one of her breaks, Victoria had more calls to make on the Vegas trip, and she called her sister about it that weekend. Gracie sounded calmer than she had during the discovery of Harry’s cheating. And it had been neatly swept under the rug, per Harry’s wishes. Everyone was cooperating with him on that, especially the bride and her parents, which Victoria didn’t think was the way it should be at all. But she was trying to detach from it. Collin and she went to the gym every morning, not because he was concerned about her weight, but because he said it would help her with stress, and it seemed to. She was feeling less anxious again, and she gave Gracie all the details she had arranged for the Vegas bachelorette weekend, which she still thought was a bad idea, or not one she’d enjoy anyway. She would have much preferred a quiet weekend in Santa Barbara with Gracie and her friends, at the Biltmore or the San Ysidro Ranch. But they were young, and they wanted to play.

  She had booked rooms for all of them at the Bellaggio, two girls to a room, and the girls all had to give Gracie their credit card numbers. Victoria had made dinner reservations, and gotten tickets to Cirque du Soleil. She would be flying in from New York, and the others from L.A., arriving on Friday night and leaving on Sunday morning, when they checked out of the hotel. She had done her job as maid of honor, and her sister was happy with the plan, and apologized for putting pressure on her about it.

  “It’s okay. This is your big moment,” Victoria said, trying to be a good sport about it, which she always was. And in this case, doubly so, since she disliked Harry so much and was so worried about her sister. She felt as though she were leading her to her own execution, but it was what Gracie wanted. And Dr. Watson was right. It was Gracie’s life.

  “I’ll do it for you one day,” Gracie said, sounding more like herself. Victoria knew she was under a lot of pressure, not just with the wedding, but from Harry, who was calling all the shots, and more so every day. A number of things had been changed to suit him. He was taking her to the South of France on their honeymoon. First to the Hôtel du Cap in Cap d’Antibes, and then to St. Tropez, where he wanted to meet up with his friends, on his honeymoon with Grace.

  “I hope you won’t be doing it for me in Vegas,” Victoria laughed, relaxing a little.

  “How’s Collin?” Gracie was anxious to meet him, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen her sister since Thanksgiving. It was the longest they had ever gone without seeing each other, and a lot was changing for both of them.

  “Terrific.”

  “Dad liked him,” Gracie commented, which surprised Victoria, since Collin had sat the
re like a vigilante protecting her, and had sent out a strong subliminal message to her father. Maybe he hadn’t gotten it or pretended not to. “He was surprised he was with you. He said he seems like a successful guy, and thought he was more likely to be with another lawyer, and not a schoolteacher. But he liked him.” The putdown was clear. She wasn’t good enough for Collin. Now the messages were coming with Gracie. She was not only Harry’s puppet, she was their father’s.

  “Maybe he likes me,” Victoria said quietly. She felt totally secure in his love now, and it was a great feeling.

  “Mom says he’s very good-looking.”

  “Yes, he is. I’m sure that surprised Dad too. I’m sure he expects me to be dating someone he considers a loser like me.”

  “He’s not that bad. Don’t be so hard on him.” Gracie defended their father, and Victoria wouldn’t enter that conversation with her. She knew it was pointless. He was giving Gracie a big wedding and everything she wanted, and she was buying the party line, from him and her future husband. And he was the father who had always been nice to her and adored her. And if she was willing to be Harry’s enabling handmaiden, she was willing to be her father’s too. She and her mother had that in common now, and Victoria was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She was the freedom fighter taking a stand for the truths no one wanted to hear. And Collin was her ally now, not Gracie. Those days were over, and would never come again if she married Harry, and it looked like she would. Victoria missed the relationship she had once had with her sister and no longer did, and she was more grateful than ever to have Collin.

  She finished up the details with Gracie for the Vegas trip, and then she spent a peaceful weekend with Collin. She was going to Las Vegas the following weekend. She wasn’t looking forward to it. It wasn’t her idea of a fun trip.

  She went to visit Amy Green and her baby before she left. He was adorable and tiny, and Amy looked happy. She was nursing him, and was going to pump when she went back to school. It was only for a few weeks before summer vacation. Justin was there too, and looked like a proud papa as he held the baby while Amy chatted with Victoria. She had brought them a little blue sweater and booties, and Amy put them on him like a little doll. It was odd watching these two young kids as parents now. Babies having babies, but they both seemed mature and responsible with their son, and her mother was always hovering nearby to help them. It was an ideal situation for Amy and Justin, and had given her mother new life after the divorce. It looked like a blessing for all.