The next day Victoria flew to Las Vegas after school. She had promised to call Collin, and he knew how she was dreading the trip. She was sure Gracie’s friends would drink a lot, play, gamble, go crazy, and pick up boys, since none of them were married. She felt like a chaperone on one of her senior school trips. They were a bunch of twenty-two- and twenty-three-year-olds prepared to go wild. And she felt like the old lady in the group, about to turn thirty.
The one nice thing about the trip was that Victoria got to see her sister, and Gracie threw herself into her arms when she arrived. She checked out Victoria’s new nose and said she liked it.
The girls had started drinking before she got there, and some of them had already played the slot machines and won a little money. They all went out to dinner, and afterward they wandered through the casino, which was a strange, artificially lit world, full of bright lights, no windows, excited people, money changing hands, and girls in sexy costumes passing out free drinks. Some of it was wasted on the girls, but they loved the atmosphere and had already discovered that there was good shopping in all the hotels, particularly theirs, and lots of single men roaming around the casino and hotel.
Victoria felt as though she had to stay with them all evening, and she was exhausted and bored. They were mostly silly and had too much to drink, and flirted with the men they saw, except for Gracie, who behaved. Harry called her all night to check on her. It was two o’clock when Victoria finally got to her room. She was the only one who didn’t have a roommate and didn’t want one. Gracie was rooming with her best friend. And Victoria couldn’t call Collin when she finally got to her room because it was too late in New York, although she had texted him several times and he had responded with encouraging messages to hang in. It was a marathon weekend, but she felt it her duty as maid of honor, and Gracie was visibly loving every minute of it. She was like a kid in Disneyland more than a bride.
The next day was chock-full with shopping, lunch, gambling, massages, manicures, pedicures, a swim in the pool, dinner at Le Cirque, Cirque du Soleil, which was a spectacular show, and finally back to the casino till three A.M. It was easy to lose track of time there, as there were no clocks and time seemed to stand still, which was what the casinos wanted. And some of the girls stayed up all night, and got blind drunk, but Gracie didn’t. And Victoria slipped away at three and went back to her room to sleep.
They all met for a late brunch the next day, and then Victoria left the group to go back to New York. The others were leaving later, and she kissed Gracie before she left. Some of her friends had ferocious hangovers, but all of the girls said they’d had fun.
“You did a great job,” Gracie thanked her. “I guess I won’t see you till the wedding,” she said wistfully. “I really miss you.”
“I’m coming out a few days early to help you,” Victoria reassured her. And then they hugged again, and Victoria left, grateful to be going home to New York. It had been a very long weekend. It hadn’t been terrible, and there had been no mishaps, but she hadn’t had fun either. Going to Las Vegas was not her idea of a good time. And Collin had told her several times how happy he was not to be there. She chatted with him on the phone, as she waited at the airport for her flight. He was going to meet her at his apartment, and he had promised her an early night. She needed it. And she had a big project at school the next day. It was the annual school play. They were doing Annie. It was a huge production, and she had promised to help backstage, with scenery and costumes, just as she had in high school. She had missed all the dress rehearsals that weekend. But she was sure someone would fill her in. From what she had seen so far, it was going to be great. And they had a final dress rehearsal on Monday morning. The big opening for parents and guests was Monday night. And one of her students was the star of the show, with a voice worthy of Broadway. Collin had said he’d try to come.
She had never been as happy to see anyone as she was to see him that night. She folded into his arms with relief. She had been anxious and felt as if she were on duty all weekend, trying to make everything go smoothly for her sister, and some of the girls weren’t easy. They were spoiled young women who were used to getting their way. But in spite of that everything had gone well. And Collin got into bed with her after they showered together. They made love, and five minutes later Victoria was asleep, as he tucked her in with a gentle smile. He had missed her.
They both left early the next morning. She had some things to do in her office before she went to the auditorium to start helping with the stage production. And she was there till noon while they set up, ran through all the musical numbers again, and Victoria was pushing scenery around with the students when she backed up, trying to make room for another big piece of scenery that was coming through. She stepped backward to avoid being knocked over, and before she could stop herself, she had fallen off the stage and lay flat on her back. There was a collective gasp as everyone saw it happen, and she was unconscious for a minute, and then she came to, and reassured everyone that she was fine. But she didn’t look it. She was deathly pale, and when she tried to stand up, she couldn’t. She had an excruciating pain in her leg, which was at an odd angle from her body. She insisted she’d be all right, but Helen went to get Mr. Walker and the school nurse, and they called 911. Victoria was mortally embarrassed when the paramedics walked in and put her on a stretcher. She had tried to get up, and she couldn’t, and she had gotten a nasty bump on her head when she fell. And in the ambulance, they told her that it looked like her leg might be broken, and she told them that was impossible, she hadn’t fallen that hard, but Helen, who had gone in the ambulance with her, said she had, and hit her head hard too. They wanted to do some X-rays and a CT scan of her head.
“This is so stupid,” she said, trying to be brave about it, but she felt nauseous and her blood pressure was low. And she called Collin and told him what had happened. He promised to meet her at the hospital right away. She told him he didn’t have to.
“I know you think you’re not worthy of it, you goof. But I love you, and I’m coming up. I’ll find you when I get there.” She started to cry when he said it. She was scared, and relieved that he was coming, but she would never have asked him to.
He found her in the emergency room when he arrived. They had already seen on the X-ray that her leg was broken, although it was a simple fracture and didn’t need surgery, just a cast, much to her relief. And she had a mild concussion, and all she needed for that was rest.
“Well, you did quite a morning’s work, didn’t you?” Collin said ruefully. He was worried about her, but relieved it wasn’t worse, and she didn’t say it, but she was thrilled she hadn’t hurt her new nose. And after they set her leg and put the cast on it, Collin took her home and set her up on pillows on the couch. He brought her mushroom barley soup and a tuna fish sandwich to eat. She had crutches, and they told her they would take the cast off in four weeks, about ten days before Grace’s wedding.
Collin had to go back downtown for a pretrial meeting at his office that he couldn’t get out of, but he promised to be back as soon as he could. She thanked him, and he kissed her, and flew out the door, and then she called Harlan at work and told him what had happened.
“You klutz,” he teased her, and she laughed, but it hurt. They said it would for a few days. She called Gracie too, and she and Harry sent her flowers, and Harlan brought her a stack of magazines when he came home. And an hour later, Collin walked in with a cooked chicken and grilled vegetables from Citarella for all of them, and kissed his patient.
“Sorry. I came back as soon as I could. We’re trying to settle the case.” She felt like a queen surrounded by her court as they all fussed over her, and Collin stayed with her that night. She was in a lot of pain, and he gave her the pain-killers and rubbed her back in bed.
“You’re a good nurse,” she said, thanking him. “I’m sorry. This is so stupid.”
“Yeah, I figured you did it on purpose.” He smiled at her. She had been sorry to
miss the play, but she was in too much pain to go, and she was sorely disappointed. And she was annoyed that she’d have to be on crutches. At least the cast was due to come off before the wedding, if it healed well. It was a headache she didn’t need. Her mother had called her that night too, and left a message on her voice mail that she was sorry to hear about her leg.
She hobbled into school the next day, and all the students helped her get around. Helen and Carla came to check on her in her classroom, and Eric Walker stopped by to say hello. Everyone was happy to see her back, and they said Annie had gone fabulously. And at the end of the day she was really tired, and took a cab home. She realized on her way back to the apartment that she was not going to be able to exercise for the next month, and she was terrified she would gain weight. She said as much to Harlan when he got home. Her vow to herself had been to lose twenty-five pounds by June, have a life, and a man she cared about. She had a life now, with Collin, and she had never been happier. She had lost eighteen pounds and looked great. But she had wanted to lose the last seven pounds before the wedding and it would be hard now, hobbling around on crutches, unable to exercise, and lying on the couch.
“You just have to be careful not to eat crazy,” Harlan warned her. “No ice cream. No cookies. No pizza. No bagels. No cream cheese. Especially since you can’t move around much.”
“I won’t, I promise,” she said, although she had a small urge for ice cream that night when her leg hurt. But she didn’t ask for any, and she didn’t go near the freezer. But she had two helpings of pasta for dinner, which tasted great. And she vowed not to do it again. No comfort foods in the next month. Or she’d look like a blimp at the wedding, and prove her father right, that she was hopeless.
She shared her concerns with Collin, and he told her that whatever she gained while she was on crutches, she could lose again once she could exercise, and so what if she didn’t.
“You don’t need to worry about it. You’re a beautiful woman, and one dress size is not a big deal, one way or another.”
“It is to me,” she said sadly. “And I don’t want to look like a brown cow in that dress.”
“That dress doesn’t sound like you, no matter what size it is. I can’t see you in brown,” he said cautiously, although women’s fashions were not his area of expertise.
“You will soon,” she said unhappily, worrying about her weight. She wanted to visualize herself into thinness. She had bought a pale blue chiffon dress for the rehearsal dinner, with a silver bolero and high-heeled silver sandals. It was very flattering and slimming, she was happy about that, but her dress for the wedding still upset her. It was a total no-win for her.
“We can have a ceremonial burning of the dress after the wedding,” Collin said with a sympathetic grin. “I would love you in a burlap bag, so don’t worry about it.” She smiled at him, and they kissed. They stayed at her apartment for a few days until she felt better, and then they went back to his, which was easier for him, and it was closer to his office.
He broached an interesting subject with her one Sunday afternoon at his place, two weeks after she’d broken her leg. “What would you think about our getting a place together one of these days? We could look for it this summer.” Up till now they had been going back and forth between apartments. They had been dating for five months, and their relationship was so solid that they both felt ready to make the move, and then see what developed later. “How does that sound to you?” Until then, when he was preparing a trial and working late, he stayed at his place. The rest of the time he stayed with her during the week, and she stayed with him most weekends.
“It sounds good,” she said peacefully, and leaned over and kissed him. He had signed her cast six times, and Harlan twice, and John added his name in red. And every kid in school had signed it at least once. Helen said it was the most decorated cast in New York, and looked like an art exhibit, or an example of graffiti. “I like that idea a lot,” Victoria said about living with him.
“So do I. Will Harlan and John be upset?” he asked with a look of concern.
“No. I think they’re both doing okay now, and can afford to keep the apartment without me. They might like the space.” He nodded. And they were in no hurry to find their own place. Collin wanted to start looking at the end of June, early July.
They told Harlan and John a few days later, when they went back to the apartment. Harlan said he wasn’t surprised. He had been expecting something like that, or an announcement of their engagement, he said with a mischievous look at Collin, who just laughed and smiled at Victoria. They hadn’t talked about it yet, but it had crossed his mind. His sister had said the same thing, and she wanted to meet Victoria that summer. There was time. There was no need for them to do anything in a hurry. They were enjoying what they had. They had both waited a lifetime for it, and were savoring every moment. And his sister had just met someone too. Collin hadn’t met him yet, but he sounded perfect for her. He was a widowed doctor with two young kids, and his sister said they were really cute. Five and seven. Life had a way of working out. The lid-for-every-pot theory seemed to work, if you waited long enough and were patient. Victoria was now a firm believer in it. They agreed to start looking for an apartment together after her sister’s wedding, when she was no longer in a cast and on crutches and could get around. He had a lull between trials, and she’d be out of school then. She could hardly wait.
Victoria got her cast taken off three days after school closed for the summer. The leg felt a little weak and wobbly, but she had to do physical therapy and exercise, and they said that would strengthen it. And in the meantime, she had to be on her feet for the wedding. She could put her full weight on her leg, but it didn’t feel strong. And she couldn’t overdo at the gym yet. She had to do therapy first.
She didn’t say anything to anyone, but the day she got the cast off, she walked into her bathroom and weighed herself, and as soon as she did, she sat down on the edge of the tub and burst into tears. She had been careful, but not totally. There had been some pasta on bad nights when her leg hurt and she needed comfort food, a couple of pizzas, the occasional ice cream, cheese and crackers, and there had been mashed potatoes and some delicious meat loaf Harlan had brought home from the deli. And it all added up. It spelled out that, immobilized as she had been and unable to exercise at the gym, she had gained back seven of the eighteen pounds she’d lost. So instead of losing twenty-five pounds for the wedding, she’d lost eleven. She knew she might be able to knock off another three or four if she tried hard and did a regime of special herbal teas before the wedding. So now she was going to be wearing an unflattering dress that didn’t suit her, and she’d be fat. She sat there and cried, and as she did, Collin walked into the bathroom.
“What happened?” He looked worried. “Is your leg hurting?”
“No, my ass is,” she said, looking angry at herself. “I gained seven pounds with my stupid broken leg.” She was embarrassed to admit it to him, but he could see that she was crying, so she’d told him.
“You’ll lose it, and who cares,” he said, and then he had an idea. “I’m throwing your scale away. I don’t want your whole life dictated by what you weigh. You look great. I love you. And if you gain five pounds or lose ten, who gives a fuck? I don’t.”
“I do,” she said unhappily, and blew her nose in a tissue, still sitting on the edge of the tub.
“That’s different,” Collin said. “Then do it for you, don’t do it for me. I don’t care. I love you the way you are, whatever size you happen to be.” She looked at him with a smile.
“How did I get lucky enough to find you? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me at a gym,” she said.
“We earned each other, by being miserable for a long time. We deserve to be happy,” Collin said, and leaned down to kiss her.
“And loved,” she added, and then he kissed her again, and she stood up and he took her in his arms.
“When are you leaving for L.A., b
y the way?” He knew it was soon, now that she had her cast off. That was what she had been waiting for, and the green light from her doctor. And now she had it.
“In two days. I hate to leave before you do,” Victoria said with a sigh, “but Gracie says she needs me.”
“Just watch out for your parents. They bite,” he warned her, and she laughed. He was right. “It’s a little bit like swimming with the sharks. And I’ll be out on the Thursday before the wedding. I tried to come out earlier, but I can’t. I’ve got to try and settle this case if I can before I come out.”
“I’ll be fine,” she said bravely, and he kissed her again.
In the end, Victoria spent the weekend with him in New York, and she left on Monday for L.A. Collin was due to arrive three days later. She assured him confidently that she could deal with her family on her own for three days—she’d been coexisting with them for nearly thirty years.
Gracie met her at the airport and drove her back to the house. She said that all her bridesmaids were in town. The dresses had been altered and tried on and were perfect. The caterer was organized. The florist was on track. They had picked their music for the church and the reception, and hired the band. She loved her dress, and Vera Wang had done it in the end. She went down her whole checklist, and everything was fine, and then she remembered that her sister hadn’t tried her dress yet.
Big Girl: A Novel Page 28
