Knocked Up by the Killer

by B. B. Hamel

  No response.

  I popped the cork and ate. After a half hour, Elise appeared in black yoga pants and an old 5k race t-shirt. She grabbed her food and disappeared back inside.

  “Her loss,” I muttered and drank champagne from the bottle.

  A half hour later, I stood by the window and looked out over the city as I picked up my cell and made a call. It rang a few times, but I was patient. I knew Lee didn’t have an answering machine. He was old school that way.

  “What?” a gruff voice practically growled at me.

  “Well, hello there, Lee,” I said. “Lovely speaking to you. I thought you’d be out.”

  “So you were gonna let my phone ring all fucking night?”

  “Pretty much. You’d hear it eventually.”

  He cursed at me. “What do you want, Tanner?”

  “I’m holed up in a hotel right now,” I said. “I don’t have eyes or ears outside. I was hoping you could do me a favor.”

  Lee laughed. “I heard you were in a bad way, but I had no clue.”

  I clenched my jaw. “What did you hear?”

  “Just rumors,” he said. “The Leone family’s out for you, apparently.”

  “Something like that.”

  “Well, fuck me,” Lee said. “And you’re calling me for help?”

  I wanted to tell the old fuck to go shit on himself, but I held back. He was an old friend of mine, a contact from back when I got started in the business. Lee was a drug dealer, an arms dealer, a black market lion dealer, and all around shady fucking scumbag. If it was illegal, but could be bought, he’d find it. He prided himself on being able to procure just about any object.

  But he didn’t do people. He drew the line there. And that’s why I respected him. A man had to have some morals, even the scumbags among us.

  “Not help,” I said. “Just information.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Bennigan,” I said. “Where’s he staying?”

  “I don’t know shit about Bennigan these days,” Lee said. “You know that boy. Keeps to himself. Just about as crazy as you are.”

  “Doubt that,” I said.

  “I don’t know what he’s been up to. But I guess he’s the one the Leones sent after you, huh?”

  “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “Man, must piss you off, huh?”

  I kicked at the wall and stared down at the city below. Lights dotted the street. I thought I saw a man walk across a window in the building on the other side of the block.

  “I have a complicated relationship with Bennigan,” I said finally.

  “That’s putting it mildly. I hear you tried to kill each other, once upon a time.”

  “Professional misunderstanding.”

  “Yeah, right, sure, whatever, man.” Lee laughed his grunting, barking howl. “Look, I don’t know what I can do for you.”

  “I need to know where Bennigan’s been going,” I said. “Anything about his habits.”

  “He got the drop on you, huh?”

  “Lee, if you’re not going to help, I’ll call someone else.”

  “No, no, I didn’t say I wouldn’t help. Lord knows I owe you.”

  “More than a little bit,” I said.

  “I’ll ask around,” he said. “See if I can’t shake something loose. Bennigan’s a snake but even snakes got a nest, right?”

  “Real folksy. But yeah, pretty much.”

  “I’ll see what I can do. You hang tight, all right? Give me a day or so.”

  “Fast as you can. And don’t tell the Leones I have you sniffing around. They won’t like that one bit.”

  “What’d you do, anyway?”

  “Sent me to kill a girl.” I hesitated and looked up at the moon. Half-full tonight. “Decided not to kill her.”

  “Idiot,” Lee said. “Bet she’s hot.”

  “She’s hot.”

  “And you fucked her.”

  “A man doesn’t kiss and tell.”

  “Sick bastard. You fucked the girl you were supposed to kill. You do that before or after you decided to kill her?”

  “Just find Bennigan,” I said, trying not to let my impatience show. “And call me back soon.”

  “Fine,” he said. “Talk to you later, you stupid bastard.”

  He hung up. I grunted and dropped my phone onto the table.

  “Who was that?”

  I spun around. Elise stood in the bedroom door.

  “Were you listening to me?”

  “I was,” she said.

  “And that’s an okay thing?” I tilted my head.

  “I heard you talking. These walls are thin.”

  I laughed. “I was talking to a contact of mine.”

  “He’s going to help?”

  “That’s the idea.” I walked over to the coffee table and scooped up the half-empty champagne bottle. “Want a glass?”

  “No,” she said. “I heard you say you have a complicated relationship with Bennigan.”

  I shrugged, took a long drink, didn’t answer.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “I feel like it is,” she said. “Since my life’s at stake.”

  “All right,” I said. “You come sit down and drink a glass of champagne and I’ll tell you.”

  She crossed her arms. “You’re not going to fuck me again,” she said. “Just so you can brag about it to your sicko associates.”

  I grimaced. “Okay, yeah, I shouldn’t have said that. Lee’s an old pervert and I just wanted him to do the job.”

  She stared at me and I couldn’t read her expression. But then she strode into the room and sat on the couch.

  I smiled, grabbed a glass from the food cart, and filled her up. She took it, sipped it, and stared.

  “Start talking,” she said.

  I paced in front of the coffee table. The TV played one of the Avengers movies. I couldn’t tell which one. Didn’t really matter. They were all the same to me. Bunch of superheroes whine at each other then beat up the bad guy in the end. Boring.

  “Me and Bennigan, we’ve been work associates for a while,” I said. “You could say we came up around the same time.”

  “Rivals?” she asked.

  “Not really,” I said. “Not in any meaningful way.”

  “So what, then?”

  “I got assigned this job,” I said, then stopped and drank from the bottle. “Job was to kill this Russian guy. I forget what he did, stole or maybe fucked someone’s wife, maybe daughter, I don’t know. It was years ago.”

  “Messed up how you can forget that kind of detail,” she said.

  I shrugged and kept going. “It felt like a routine hit. Guy had set patterns, you know? Did the same shit every week. I ghosted him for a little while, shadowed him around town, got to know his habits. Eventually, I went and made my move. But then things went sour.”

  “Sour, how?”

  “Bennigan showed up at the same time. Except I didn’t realize it was him, and he didn’t realize it was me. We tried to kill each other, tried very hard. I shot him in the leg, he shot me twice, once in the shoulder, once in the gut. I got lucky it didn’t kill me.”

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “Eventually we realized we were both trying to kill the same guy. Apparently the asshole that hired me also hired him and didn’t tell us about it. Ever since then, we haven’t exactly gotten along. You can’t shoot a guy and end up best friends, it just doesn’t work that way.”

  “So let me get this straight. You guys accidentally almost killed each other, and now you’re in some sort of… feud?”

  “Sort of,” I said. “Something like that, yeah.”

  “This is personal for you then.”

  “I wouldn’t put it that way.”

  She shook her head and drank half her glass in one long sip. “You realize how insane this is, right? You have some kind of rivalry with the guy that’s trying to kill me, and
I’m pretty sure you’re making decisions based on that rivalry.”

  “How?” I asked, gesturing at her with the bottle.

  “You want to bait him into coming here,” she said. “That’s the only reason I can think of why we’d stay in this room if he found us already.”

  “It’s safe,” I said.

  “You keep saying that, but I kind of don’t believe you. Then you’re on the phone talking to some random guy about how you slept with me, but also trying to find out where Bennigan is right now.”

  “If I can get the drop on him—”

  “I think you want to show him that you’re better than he is,” she said. “You don’t care about keeping me safe. You want to win this little… rivalry. Maybe it started out about me, but now it’s about you.”

  I shook my head, at a total loss for words. “What the hell were you doing in that room?” I asked. “Because you must’ve lost your mind in those sheets.”

  She stared at me and finished her champagne. “This isn’t a game to me, Tanner. This is my life and I’m starting to think you’re not in it for the right reasons.”

  I put the bottle down the food cart and walked to her. I saw a flicker of fear in her eyes as I loomed over her then dropped to my knees.

  She leaned back on the couch. I swear I could see her heartbeat in her neck going wild.

  “I’ve already given things up for you,” I said, my voice soft and even. “After this, the Leone family is going to hesitate a long time before hiring me again. My professional reputation won’t be the same.”

  “Boo hoo,” she said. “Poor hitman.”

  I let out a snarl and grabbed her knees. I clenched them hard and her eyes went wide.

  “It’s not a joke,” I said. “It’s my fucking life. I’m going to keep you alive, because without me, I’m pretty sure you’d be dead already. But if you’re going to accuse me of being selfish, or of doing this for the wrong reasons, then maybe I will just walk away.”

  “Go ahead,” she said. “Walk.”

  I stared at her, clutching her knees. She didn’t move. Her chest rose and fell.

  I leaned forward, reached out, grabbed her hair, and kissed her.

  She moaned into that kiss. I bit her lip hard and pushed her back onto the couch. I pinned her down and she struggled a little, but I pressed her down hard with my body.

  “You think you got me figured out,” I said, whispering in her ear. I forced her legs open and pressed my thick, hard shaft between her legs. She bit down on a moan as I rolled my hips. “You don’t know fucking shit.”

  “I know what you show me,” she said. “And you act like… like this. Like an asshole.”

  “Oh, shut the fuck up with that,” I said, pulling her hair. “You love it when I touch you. Love it when I fuck you. Lick your clit, bite your lip. Fuck, girl, you love this more than I do. I bet if I peeled those yoga pants off, your panties would be soaked through.”

  “Fuck you,” she said, but she wiggled her hips and pressed tighter against me. “You think you’re so big and bad.”

  “I think you want to suck my cock then ride me until you lose yourself in bliss. I think you like that I’m a big, bad killer. You act like you left the mob but you still want to fuck a bad boy.”

  “You fucking prick.” She struggled, tried to slap me. I held her down and kissed her. She moaned into that kiss as I moved my hips faster, grinding against her spread legs.

  “That’s right,” I said. “Fight it. Go ahead.”

  “Fuck you.”

  I released one wrist, pinned the other above her head. I reached down between her legs and shoved my hand down her pants. She gasped, pulled my hair, but I found her slick pussy.

  “Dripping wet,” I said. “Pretend all you like. This doesn’t lie.”

  “Asshole,” she said. “I can’t help it. You touch me. My body reacts.”

  “You were dripping the second you walked in this room.” I rolled my fingers along her slit, spread her wide, found her clit. “You want me in that bed with you. You want me in that shower. You want to feel what a killer’s like. You had your one taste and now you can’t get enough.”

  “Fuck,” she whispered, eyes rolling back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  “Fuck me,” I said. “That’s right. Ride my cock. Get nice and sweaty. Slide up and down my shaft. Shake that ass until I come between your lips.”

  “Fuck,” she moaned and writhed her hips faster.

  I rolled my fingers along her clit. She lunged forward, kissed me, bit my lip, and gasped. She fell back on the couch, her back arched, her hips rolling faster.

  She came under my touch. She gasped, eyes completely rolled back, body trembling. I felt her get slick as I kept rolling my fingers along her clit. She looked like a fucking angel pinned beneath me, coming her brains out just from my touch.

  I pulled my fingers out when she finished. I released her and stood up. She stayed there, panting, staring up at me with flushed cheeks.

  I licked my fingers clean and tilted my head. “I’m taking a shower,” I said. “Scream if someone comes to the door.”

  She just glared at me.

  I walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind me. I went into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and stood under the water. I spit into my palm and got myself off.

  Couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t end up in bed with her tonight. I had to keep sharp, and fucking hell, all I wanted was to lose myself between her legs.

  And I would, if I didn’t control myself.

  When I was done, I turned the water cold and washed up.

  And when I got out, I still wanted her.

  Fucking hell.

  This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

  12

  Elise

  I thought being hunted by a crazy hitman intent on murdering the shit out of me would be really, really exciting.

  Instead, I spent the most boring two weeks imaginable stuck in a gorgeous hotel room.

  It was kind of fun at first. I ordered room service whenever I wanted it. Tanner watched a lot of old movies and worked out incessantly.

  I sat on the couch and watched him do two hundred pushups.

  Every single day.

  One afternoon, the sun streaming in through the blinds, he finished his set and leaned back on his knees.

  “Do another two hundred,” I said.

  He gave me a look. “Don’t be funny.”

  “Do it. But take your shirt off first.”

  He smiled a little. “Is this some kind of challenge? Or a sexual thing?”

  “Which will make you do it?” I asked.

  “Either or.”

  “Then consider it both.”

  “Beautiful.” He stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside. “Ready for something truly magnificent?”

  “Wow me, big man.”

  He laughed and got to work. It took him an hour but he did it.

  And the next day he complained about how sore his chest and arms felt.

  Days blended. Mornings came and went. I begged him to let me go for a jog.

  “Bad idea, mamacita,” he said.

  “Come on. Bennigan hasn’t made a move. Maybe he doesn’t really know we’re here and that was some kind of bluff.”

  “Still a bad idea,” Tanner said. “Just sit and wait.”

  So I sat and waited, and kept waiting, and kept waiting.

  Exactly two weeks after we first moved in, my boss called. She sounded surprised when I picked up my phone.

  “Elise,” Maggie said. “Hi, uh, how are you?”

  “I’m okay,” I said. “Is everything okay with you? You got my email, right?”

  She laughed a little. “Well, yeah. That was two weeks ago. And I haven’t heard anything since.”

  Oh, crap. In all the excitement, I forgot to update her.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I lost track of time.”

  “You lost track of days?”

  �
��I’m sorry,” I said again. “I can’t come back in yet.”

  “When do you think you will? I don’t know how much vacation time you have saved up and we kind of need you in the office.”

  “I know,” I said. “Soon, really soon. Another week, maybe.”

  She cleared her throat. “Elise…”

  “Maggie, I know,” I said. “This is really weird. I just disappeared.”

  “Are you okay?” she asked and sounded genuinely worried. “I don’t want to freak out and call the cops, but I’m on the verge.”

  “No, no, no, that’s okay,” I said. “Honestly, I’m fine. I’m really, really fine. Bored, actually.”

  “So what are you doing?”

  “Uh, like I said in the email, I’m on vacation.”

  “Right,” she said. “But where?”

  “Venice.” First place that popped into my mind. What an insane thing to say.

  “You’re in Venice right now?” she said.

  “Yeah. I got one of those, uh, international plans? So I can still keep in touch.”

  “Right,” she said. “Elise…”

  “Maggie, honest. I’m having the time of my life.”

  “You just said you were bored.”

  “But in a good way. So overwhelmed by all this beauty and history, I’m, like, really bored. You know what I mean?”

  “No,” Maggie said. “I really don’t. And you’re really worrying me.”

  “I’ll be back in the office soon,” I said. “I promise. Just don’t fire me yet, okay?”

  “I don’t want to fire you,” she said. “But you’ve been gone for two weeks.”

  “Another week. I’ll be back.”

  “Fine,” she said. “Clear it with HR and make sure you’re using vacation days. And I want some really good pictures. Maybe some kind of fancy souvenir. I don’t know, make it expensive, since you’re getting all this time off.”

  “You’re the best, Mags.”

  “I know it,” she said. “And seriously, if you need help, if you need anything… just use that international plan and give me a call.”

  “Will do. Bye, Mags.”

  I hung up the phone and stared at it like it just grew legs and threatened to crawl up my skirt.

  “Who was that?” Tanner asked from the living room. He sounded tired.

  “Nobody,” I said.