Transmission Lost

by Stefan Mazzara

  -Oh...- She offered no words of thanks. She felt absolutely drained, still chilled, and above all she felt absolute shame at what she had done. Aria scarcely remembered forming the intent to take her own life, but she knew that she had. She could barely look at her sister and her father. She definitely couldn't bring herself to look at Jack again, and did not want to allow herself to think about the pain she must have caused him.

  Sami's lower lip began to tremble, and her eyes started to tear up. -Aria, we were all so scared. We thought you were going to die. We couldn't...I mean...Mother, years ago, and then Li'ara, and now you...- Her voice caught in her throat. She looked down at her lap, covering her face with her hands, shaking her head slowly. -I just got my big sister back...- Her father reached over, putting an arm around Sami's shoulders. He didn't look as though he was able to speak.

  -Sami...,- Aria whispered. She closed her eyes, taking as deep a breath as she could manage and letting it out slowly. She would not allow herself to cry, she could not. A long minute passed before she trusted her voice enough to speak again. -I did not do...what I did in order to hurt you.-

  -But you did hurt me!- Sami wailed, looking up at Aria. Betrayal was clear in her expression. -How could you...- She choked on her words, and then she stood up from her chair, her tail trailing limply behind her as she rushed from the room. Arn glanced at his eldest daughter sadly, and then got up to follow his second-eldest. They closed the door when they left, leaving Aria and Jack alone apart from Li'ren, who remained quietly and unobtrusively in her chair.

  The room was mostly silent for a while, with only the quiet pings and beeps from the various pieces of equipment keeping their electronic watch over Aria. Aria stared at the ceiling lights long enough to make them hurt, but her eyes stayed mercilessly dry. She felt absolutely miserable. All she wanted was to go to sleep, and she wouldn't have been upset if she didn't ever wake up again. Still the Ailian refused to look at the human sitting at her side.

  “Aria...,” Jack finally started to say.

  “Jack, please go,” Aria said quietly. She just wanted to be alone, couldn't he tell?

  Jack felt a flash of anger at her cold dismissal. “No.”

  “Need to be alone,” Aria insisted, just as quietly. Her eyes were blank, still staring straight up at the ceiling. “Go.”

  “You must really think I'm dumb,” Jack growled. He sat up in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “I'm not leaving this time, Aria. Not until we talk.”

  “No talk. Jack-”

  “Goddammit, Aria, I've had enough of this!” The anger in his voice surprised him, and even caused Li'ren to jump in her chair. The door to the room cracked open briefly, as the noblewoman's guards checked inside. Aria looked over at him finally, surprise in her eyes. Jack's hands were balled into fists now. His jaw was clenched, and his nostrils flared as he fought to keep himself contained. “You keep pushing me away, just retreating further and further into yourself, and I'm not letting you do it anymore! I'm going to talk to you, and you're going to listen to me, alright?”

  Li'ren slowly stood up from her chair. “I'll...ah...just be outside...” She made a hasty exit from the room, opening and closing the door as she slipped out into the hallway, leaving the pair alone.

  “Jack...”

  “Just listen to me for once, Aria,” Jack said earnestly. He wasn't going to let her dismiss him this time, especially not when she was bedridden like this. “I know you don't think a whole lot of my ability to cope with unusual situations, but I would have hoped you at least trusted me. You trust me, don't you?”

  This was not the conversation that Aria had been expecting, and she didn't know exactly how she was supposed to respond. “Jack...Of course, I trust you.”

  “Well, you've got a funny fuckin' way of showing it!” Passing a hand over his face, Jack took a few deep breaths. He was angry right now, and he didn't really want to be, but he also needed to get this out. “Aria, I could have left you at any time back when we were stranded on that planet together. I could have slipped off during the night, or tried to kill you in your sleep, or left you to get killed by those creatures. But I didn't do it. You know why?” He didn't wait for a response before pressing on. “Because I knew I needed your help, and I wasn't too proud to admit it. You aren't too proud to admit it, either, or at least you didn't used to be. But ever since we got to Lirna, you've been taking more and more of the responsibility for yourself, and you've been cutting me out of your life. How do you think that makes me feel?”

  Aria looked away from him. “You don't understand, Jack...”

  “Oh, the hell I don't!” Jack shot back at her. “You think you're the only one who's going through a rough time right now? I'm on a planet right now where my life is worth approximately nothing! I'm just a slave, and the only redeeming feature to that arrangement is that I'm currently under the care of a 'mistress' who doesn't beat me or sell me off. I'm surrounded by a species who has been at war with mine for a decade, and I'm a matter of weeks away from a trial that could mean the difference between life and death for me just as well as for you. And you don't see me cutting my wrists, do you?”

  “Shut up!” Aria hissed, turning her eyes back to look at him. She had a spark of her old fire back. “You not have idea how I feel! I have no honor left! They call me traitor, put me on trial, all because I survive!” She closed her eyes, hot tears dripping down her face now. She couldn't stop them. “And then my empress tell me I must help her stop a war...Is too much, Jack, just too much...”

  Jack blinked, leaning back from her in surprise. “Do what now?”

  Everything came out in a rush. Aria told him all that the Empress had told her, about the unexpected invasion of Earth, the building tensions with the Ascendancy's Outer Colonies, and why the Empress had taken such an interest in Aria. She didn't leave anything out. Jack listened to her, going through stages of horror, shock, and amazement as the whole story was relayed to him. When Aria finally finished, he stared at her, his jaw slack. He had no idea what to make of it all.

  “Aria...Why didn't you just tell me?”

  “What I supposed to tell you? That your world doomed? That Empress thinks civil war is coming?” Aria shook her head weakly. “Not want to burden you...You go through enough already...”

  “So your solution was to kill yourself?” Jack asked her.

  “Not know...” Aria stared ahead at the wall, feeling numb. Her ears had flattened right to the top of her head. Everything was out now, and Jack knew it all. “Too much pressure, Jack. Not know what else to do...Wanted to make it go away...”

  Jack shook his head. “You shouldn't have pushed me away so much, Aria,” he said. “I wanted to help you. I could have helped you.”

  “How?”

  “I don't know, exactly. Maybe there wasn't anything I could do, you know, but I'd have been there for you. If you go it alone, there's nobody to share the burden with. Pile on too much stuff, and you'll collapse. Just like you did.”

  Aria sighed, her eyes drooping shut. “Wonderful...Called weak by human...”

  “No, that's not what I...” Jack made a sound of exasperation. “Dammit, Aria, you're the strongest person I know. But nobody can take the kind of burden you have by themselves. You need to learn to rely on others enough to lighten the load.”

  The Ailian just lay there for a long time, thinking about what Jack had said. She'd always been taught by her mother that the only person you could really, truly count on was yourself. She had kept that lesson close to her heart for most of her adult life, especially during her time in military service. Aria had tried to never get herself into a situation that she wouldn't be able to get herself out of. The only time she'd had to break that rule was when she met Jack, when she was absolutely at the end of her rope. And that hadn't been so bad, despite where it had led her.

  “I wanted to protect you...,” Aria whispered. “Not want you to go through what I go through...That why I keep you away...”<
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  “Well, it would be hard to protect me when you're dead,” Jack pointed out. He slid his chair closer to the hospital bed, resting his elbow on it. “And this might surprise you, but I can take care of myself. You don't have to protect me nearly as much as you think.”

  “I know.” Aria took a shuddering breath, letting it out slowly. “You stronger than me.” Jack put a hand on her shoulder, brushing it through her orange fur up to the side of her neck. She tilted her head to his hand, rubbing her cheek against it. “Should hit you for yelling at me...”

  Jack smirked at her, then his face turned serious. “Don't ever do anything like this again. I thought I was going to lose you.” He leaned over her, giving her a kiss on each of her ears. “Promise me, okay, Aria?”

  “Promise, Jack.”

  He stroked the top of her head, eliciting a weak purr from her. “I should go now, before people start asking weird questions about what a human slave and a traitor are doing alone together, huh?” Jack stood up from his chair, about to head for the door, but then he heard a growl of pain from Aria. Looking back at her, he saw her straining to lift her bandaged arm. She managed to raise it enough to grab the sleeve of his shirt. She was looking at him with the same expression from before, back when she'd been overcome by the creatures on their lost planet.

  “You coming back, yes?” Aria asked him. Her tail gave a twitch underneath the hospital blanket.

  Jack smiled at her. “Soon as I can. Promise.”

  “Good...” Aria let her hand fall back to the bed, sighing. “But not too soon. Need sleep...”

  ******

  -So, are we ready for the next step?-

  -I believe so, m'lady. All of the pieces are in place. The fleets are standing by, and our allies are ready and willing to assist us. There is some risk involved, of course, but we have waited a long time for this. We have been careful. We will not fail.-

  -And what about that other matter?-

  -Ah...Admiral, I'm not sure that's wise.-

  -Why?-

  -You want us to take her alive. I'm not certain that's going to be possible, at least not so soon. We need to wait for the right time.-

  -No. The right time is now. You will do as I say, and you will not harm her. If she dies, I will hold you personally responsible. Is that understood?-

  -...Very well. We'll take her alive. But the security will be very tight. Collateral damage may not be preventable, and we may have to use force on her.-

  -Then you may do so. But you worry too much. You know we have had someone close to her for quite a long time. I do not foresee much trouble in this matter.-

  -Then I believe we shall succeed. Glory to the New Ascendancy.-

  -To the New Ascendancy.-

  - 10 -

  Though Aria felt ready to leave the hospital the morning after her surgery, the doctors forced her to stay there for over a week and a half to give her time to recover her strength. She didn't like being kept a virtual prisoner, but she had little choice in the matter. Her body was weakened from the trauma she'd put herself through, after all, so she just had to deal with it for now. Her arms were far too damaged for her to be able to do much for herself in any case.

  In a way, the hospital let her be far more free than she had been in weeks. While she was recovering from her suicide attempt, Li'ren made sure that her military superiors left her alone. For once, she didn't have to deal with going to the base every day for briefings on her case. Having someone with real legal experience working on her treason trial turned out to have its benefits. Now that she was out from under the constraints placed upon her by the regulations governing military council, the opportunities for her enemies to harass her were a lot less frequent than before. And the benefit of her lawyer being the mate of the Empress wasn't totally lost on her, either.

  On the other hand, now that Aria was having regular meetings with Li'ren, she found that her case was even more complicated and worrisome than she'd previously thought. Li'ren, with all of her experience in dealing with law matters of various kinds, could make better sense of things than Major Tal'in had. This let Aria see just how well the law was arrayed against her. Even so, she felt better having someone as experienced as Lady Amani helping her out. The major was a great commanding officer but only a mediocre legal advocate. Li'ren had actual courtroom experience, litigating matters for the royal family and for the Lirnan government. She was able to pick out loopholes and exceptions in the laws that Aria hadn't thought of, though none of them was particularly revolutionary in aiding her cause.

  While visits to Aria were restricted by her status, her family still was allowed to come to see her. On these occasions, either Sami or her father was able to find some plausible excuse to bring Jack along. Since he was still technically her slave, he did ostensibly have the duty to serve her. For the first few days, Aria's arms were too weak for her to even feed herself, so Jack took this duty upon himself as often as he could to save her the embarrassment of having the hospital staff do it. He also found himself acting as a sort of legal aid for Li'ren, bringing Aria communication from her whenever her official duties kept her away. Still deep in the throes of depression, Aria nevertheless felt better each time she got to see him, though she couldn't show it in such a public place as the hospital.

  Her family was finally starting to forgive her for what she had done as well. Sami was the longest to come around. She still felt incredibly betrayed by her sister for what Aria had done, and a lot of the care that she was showing Aria during family visits still seemed forced. But, little by little, the damage was being undone just as surely as her body was healing itself.

  ******

  The day that Aria returned home was a day of celebration for the family, even though her trial was less than ten days off. Sami helped the family's servants prepare a sumptuous feast with all of her eldest sister's favorite dishes, including many that had also become favorites of Jack since he'd come to live with them. The meal did a lot to lift Aria's spirits, owing to the fact that she'd had nothing but hospital food to eat for the last week and a half. Jack remarked to her that that was one thing humans and Ailians had in common, which earned him the first real laugh from her that he could remember hearing in quite a long time. The sound was worth more to him than anything else he'd ever considered valuable in his entire life.

  With most of her family much more comfortable with their relationship now, Aria was less reticent about spending time with him during the day. A transformation had seemed to come over the feline during her ordeal. Though she was far from healed, mentally, she seemed to be at her best when she and Jack were together. Whenever she felt herself slipping into depression, the human was there to pull her back up. Any time that Aria had free when she wasn't meeting with Li'ren was usually spent in the estate's library, sitting in the sunlight streaming through the window with Jack seated in her lap. They talked, or Aria would read from Ailian books to him, or they would just remain in silence and enjoy each others' company. Both of them were aware that their remaining time together might be very short, but they did not bring it up in conversation. Aria had resolved to try to put the trial out of her mind as much as possible. While not very successful in this, just the effort was enough to distract her whenever the subject occupied her thoughts.

  Once more they began spending their nights together, in Aria's bedroom this time instead of in Jack's guest quarters. The nights seemed long and lonely to Aria now, with the quiet and stillness offering the most opportunities for her traumatized mind to dwell on the gloomy thoughts of her possible execution. The lack of distractions when she relaxed in her bed allowed all of her fears to blossom to the front of her consciousness with full force. More than once Aria would come awake during the night in a state of panic, gasping for breath and shaking. At these times Jack would awaken as well and take her furred hands in his own, holding them tightly until she calmed down and was able to sleep again.

  The best measure of progress in Aria's healing
process was that she was allowing Jack to accompany her whenever she met with Li'ren in regards to her case. Aria seemed to have taken to heart Jack's advice to her that she couldn't go it alone when it came to this sort of thing. Even if he couldn't do much of anything to make the case any stronger, having him there made Jack feel as though he was involved, and made Aria feel as though she had a partner to share her struggle. Though Aria still did not wish to burden Jack with her troubles, she recognized that the burden was there regardless of what she desired. Letting him sit in on her meetings with Li'ren demonstrated to him that she was ready to trust him again, just as she had trusted him with helping her survive on their lost planet.

  Li'ren seemed to be developing some optimism about the case, despite all the worries she'd had when she'd first taken over from Major Tal'in. Because Aria had been acting in her capacity as an officer of the Ascendancy when she had crash-landed on the planet, she explained to both Aria and Jack, then she was bound by the codes and legal structure that governed military operations. However, those same codes and legal structure assumed that the regular channels of service were open and reasonably functioning. Encased in military law was the caveat that officers had, in the absence of formal military structure, the rights and capabilities to make decisions on their own, and looser interpretations of military law were acceptable in these situations. Aria had been completely cut off from all communication channels during her time on the uncharted world, with no certain knowledge that she would ever regain those channels again. The argument could be made, Li'ren reasoned, that Aria had no reasonable way of knowing whether or not the war was even still going on. Any treasonous intent on Aria's part would have been unlikely when she couldn't know whether or not Jack was definitively still a member of an enemy species. Without intent, there was no crime, and it would be up to the court martial to prove the intent existed. The reasoning was rather flimsy, the noblewoman agreed, but it was a good sight better than anything they'd had before.