The Next Door Boys

by Jolene B Perry

  “You okay?” He whispered after a few minutes.

  I tried to find the words. “I sat here last year, and I didn't know if I'd be here this year.” He didn't say anything, but I heard him sniff once or twice. He pulled one hand from mine and wiped his face. “I prayed so hard that morning,” I said. “I remember the feel of the carpet on my legs, and it made me sad to think that I might not feel it anymore. And here I am and it's still scratching me.” I tried to laugh.

  “That was the day I knew I needed to come home.” He brought his other hand back to mine and squeezed them together.

  “I always thought it was more for Mom and Dad than me. You coming home, I mean.”

  “That's because you're always putting other people first, Leigh.”

  We sat there together for probably close to an hour, our hands together. I heard footsteps in the hallway. I had no idea who walked past, and it didn't matter. They all left us alone.

  I slid on my favorite full-length T-shirt dress. It felt soft and comfortable and made me happy. I liked to feel the fabric swishing around my ankles as I walked. Any little effort that helped lift the weight from my chest seemed worth it.

  I hadn't expected the holiday to bring back so many memories for me. I couldn't help but think about what the house would feel like if I weren't there. I stood at the fridge and got myself a glass of water, trying again to hold in my tears. I didn't want Mom to see me cry. She always worried about me, and I didn't want to make it worse.

  I was taking a deep drink of water when I heard the doorbell ring. I walked into the entry and opened the door. Brian and Nathan stood there.

  “Nathan!” I reached down and grabbed him in a big hug, lifting him off the ground. He was a little heavy for me, but I managed. “We weren't sure if you two would make it.” I smiled briefly at Brian before I turned around, carrying Nathan into the house with me.

  “So, this is the little man we've heard so much about.” Mom waved at Nathan as we walked back into the kitchen.

  “My little man.” I planted a big kiss on his cheek before setting him down.

  “Brian!” Jaron came stomping down the stairs. “Glad you made it!” He grabbed Brian in a big hug.

  “Yep, just barely.” He nodded.

  “It's nice to see you again, Brian.” Mom gave him a hug as well.

  “Where's your dad?” Brian looked over at Jaron.

  Mom and Jaron exchanged glances. What was going on? I set Nathan down.

  “Backyard.” Jaron gestured with his chin.

  I stepped back once, turned, and walked into the backyard.

  Dad sat quietly in his chair. His scriptures were laid out on the table, but he leaned back in his chair and stared at the pool.

  “You okay, Dad?”

  He started a little and looked toward me.

  “I figured you'd be watching football.” I tried a smile.

  “Well, sometimes a dad has too much on his mind for football.” He turned the chair next to him so I could sit down.

  I sat, and we looked at one another for a moment. Dad used to do that every time we talked. We'd sit in silence for a few moments, maybe to let me know he wasn't in a hurry or maybe to gauge my nervousness.

  “I know you're getting sick of your mom asking you this same question, but how are you, Leigh? Really?”

  “I…” I choked up and didn't know how to answer. There was no easy answer, not right then.

  “You and your brother sat for a while this morning.” He reached out and briefly touched the top of my hand that rested on the table.

  “I just… last year.” I swallowed.

  “For all of us.” He nodded once. “I know.”

  I looked into Dad's face and saw nothing but love. I knew how lucky I was to have a family like mine. They were remarkable, all of them.

  “You are the sweetest spirit, Leigh.” His head cocked to the side a little as if studying me.

  “Love you, Dad.”

  “Love you too.”

  “Leigh! Look what Uncle Jaron found for me!” Nathan ran into the backyard with one of Jaron's old airplanes.

  “Uncle Jaron?” I raised my eyebrows as Jaron and Brian walked out.

  “Come on, Nathan.” Brian stopped in the doorway. “Let's play inside for a while.” Brian glanced between Dad and me.

  “But I wanna—”

  “It's fine.” I stood up. “I was just going in to help Mom with dinner.” I turned back to Dad.

  He stood up and put his arms around me.

  I pressed myself into him and took a deep breath to keep from crying. I let go and walked toward the back door to help Mom. I needed distraction.

  “It's nice to see you,” Brian said as I walked by him.

  “You too.” I realized I'd almost completely ignored Brian in favor of Nathan. I stopped in the doorway and faced him. “I'm glad you two made it.” I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for those two to spend the holiday alone.

  “Me too.” He exchanged a brief glance with my brother and then chased after Nathan.

  “So.” I watched Mom in the kitchen. “What can I do?”

  She seemed almost frantic and didn't meet my gaze.

  “Mom?”

  She paused and finally looked up at me. Her eyes were red.

  “Oh.” So much for distraction. Guess it was all of us. “I'm okay, Mom. I'm going to be okay.” I held her eyes in mine.

  She pressed her lips together and nodded. She started washing potatoes in the sink.

  “I can do that.” I took over the job from her, and she stood there next to me.

  She put an arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment before moving on to something else. If Mom didn't have words, she was in a rough place.

  The table filled with a quiet peace as Dad bowed his head to say the prayer. We all sat silent for a long moment waiting for him to begin. When he started to speak, his voice sounded thick and slow. I peeked over to see a tear slide down his face. I'd never seen my dad cry.

  “Our kind and gracious Heavenly Father…” He paused again and took a deep breath. “We have much to be thankful for this year…” Another long pause. He squeezed my hand. “We're so grateful our Leigh is with us…” That was it. I could hear my dad's body shake softly once or twice. He had no more words. I squeezed his hand and waited.

  When it was obvious he couldn't continue, I did. “We're grateful to be here all together with friends and family…” Now I didn't know how to continue.

  Brian picked up where I left off. “That our needs are provided for and that we have much to be grateful for…”

  “We ask Thee this day to bless this food to help keep our bodies healthy and strong…” Jaron continued.

  “In the name of Jesus Christ…” Mom managed a whisper.

  “Amen.” My dad again, his voice barely audible.

  I had goose bumps. My dad looked over at me with tears in his eyes. “I don't know what we'd do without you, Leigh.” He barely got it out.

  I was way too big, but I slid myself into my dad's lap anyway, like I hadn't done since I was a little girl. He put his arms around me and held me there for a minute. He took a few deep breaths, still squeezing his arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and hugged him back. He kissed my temple. We sat quiet, the Spirit warm within all of us.

  I stood up and took my seat. I smiled across at Jaron, Mom leaned against Dad, and Brian and Nathan sat close to one another. Brian smiled at me as I looked around the table. In that moment I wouldn't have changed a thing.

  fifteen

  When I walked into my apartment after Thanksgiving, Megan sat crying on the couch.

  “Megan? What's wrong?” I quickly sat with her.

  “Trevor got back last weekend.” She sniffed again.

  “That's good, right?” I don't know why I asked. If it had all gone well, she probably wouldn't be crying.

  “It's just—we went out, and nothing felt the same.” She sighed, h
olding back tears. “We both agree. It's just that for two years I thought my life was all planned out, and now? I have no idea. I mean, I didn't date anyone because of him. I thought he was it.”

  “Sorry, Megan.” I put my arm around her.

  “I'll be okay. I know that calling it all off with him was the right decision, even though it really sucks right now.” She took a few deep breaths, wiping tears from her cheeks.

  I sat across from her on the couch for the rest of the evening and watched PBS. I couldn't understand how it could take her to this point to realize that he wasn't the one for her. Wouldn't she have prayed about it sooner? How could you be so sad when you know you're doing the right thing?

  Monday night we walked into the boys’ house for FHE. Brian and Jaron sat comfortably on the floor. Brian had a guitar in his lap.

  “Hey, I didn't know you play guitar!” I smiled at him.

  “My ex-wife very kindly pulled it out of the closet for me when I brought Nathan home on time.” He ran his hands down the strings. “I'm a little rusty.”

  “That's awesome.” Kim nodded, impressed.

  “So, I thought we'd play a game,” Jaron said. “I had to talk Brian into it.”

  “Great.” Megan grinned. In defense of her breakdown the other day, she'd perked up fast. She'd even changed and pulled up her hair, just to go to the boys’ house. I wore my sweats. Really, it was Jaron and Brian. Who cared?

  “So, Brian is going to play a hymn on the guitar—not the melody, just the chords—and we get to guess what it is,” Jaron explained. “It's a little tricky, and I've heard him practicing, so I might win,” he warned.

  “Well, in that case, Jaron's on my team!” Megan scooted next to him. He glanced over at her and then back at Kim and me.

  “Guess we're in it together,” Kim said to me. “Though you know music better than I do, so… good luck, Leigh!” She patted me on the back.

  “Great. Thanks.” I looked over at Jaron. “What do we get if we win?”

  He raised his eyebrows a few times. He had a prize. What a dork. “You get first choice of donuts.”

  Okay, so he wasn't that big of a dork. I loved donuts.

  Brian looked a little embarrassed to be in the middle of things like he was. He didn't make eye contact with any of us, and he kept shifting his weight, looking for a comfortable way to sit.

  “Go ahead, Bri.” My brother gestured to him.

  Brian's fingers moved so easily and swiftly across the strings that I forgot to listen for the hymn. I just sat and stared at his hands and felt the warm sound come from the guitar.

  “I am a Child of God!” Megan yelled out.

  Brian nodded. Jaron gave her a high-five, and we all waited for the next song.

  Brian shook his head and sat thinking for a minute. He started “Nearer My God to Thee.” I knew it right away and just started singing the words of the song instead of yelling out the name. I'd forgotten how fun it was to sing with a guitar. I sang the whole first verse. I didn't want to stop.

  “Wow, Leigh. I don't think we'll ever get used to your voice,” Megan said.

  “She wasn't even really singing there.” Jaron looked at me.

  I shrugged. “I like the guitar. It's more relaxed.” My eyes caught Brian's. “This is really cool.”

  He laughed. “Okay, two points for Kim and Leigh because Leigh actually sang the song.”

  “Favoritism!” My brother accused, pointing at Brian.

  Brian ignored Jaron and started in on another song. We had such a good time that we ran out of songs and forgot to keep track of points. I simply started singing the ones I knew. I could have sat next to that guitar all night. Something about it didn't make me nervous to sing at all, though that probably had as much to do with the company of good friends as the music.

  “Well, I think Brian deserves first pick.” Jaron said, getting up and returning with the small box of donuts.

  “I'm actually not hungry. But I did enjoy Leigh's singing.” He pulled an orange frosted donut out of the box and handed it to me.

  “Thanks!” I shoved the first bite in. “It's delicious.”

  “We're going to take ours on the run,” Kim said as she and Megan walked to the door. “Gotta get homework done.”

  “Thanks, guys.” Megan waved as she walked out.

  Brian put away his guitar and pulled out his laptop.

  “Hey, Brian?”

  He looked up.

  “Thanks. That was a lot of fun.”

  “No problem.” He smiled briefly and then went back to work.

  “Leigh?” Jaron asked.

  “Yep?”

  “Can I walk you home? There's something I wanted to ask you.”

  “Uh, okay.” I was hoping he wasn't going to try to do one of his older brother duty things on me. He followed me across the lawn into my backyard.

  “Do you know how Megan's doing with the whole Trevor thing?”

  “She seems okay. Why?”

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “It might take her a while, but it sounds like it was her idea to split. It's just that she's been working toward being with him for a long time, you know?”

  “Oh.” He took a deep breath. “Would it be weird if I asked her out?”

  “Yes, it would be weird. She's my roommate. I don't want you guys swapping Leigh stories all night.” I laughed.

  “What if I promised not to talk about you?” He looked really worried. He really liked her. I totally hadn't seen that one coming.

  I stared at him for a moment. “Okay then,” I said slowly. “If you promise not to talk about me.”

  “Thanks, Leigh.” He grabbed me in a big bear hug that nearly squeezed the breath out of me.

  “Okay, okay, good night. Just remember, if you two get married, you'll have me to thank.”

  “I'll remember that.” He turned and walked back to his place.

  I hitched my backpack higher on my shoulder as I stepped inside the theater building.

  “Leigh! It's great to see you!” Janice smiled at me. “How do you feel about capes and cloaks?” She got straight to the point. I liked that about her.

  “Sounds fun.” It felt good to be back in the costume department again. I did well there.

  “Oh good.” She looked relieved. “No one wants to tackle those. So much material and lots of long straight lines.”

  We pulled out the fabrics she had in mind, and I looked at some sketches the director had sent down. I pondered over them for a few minutes and started in.

  I sat down at the machine I'd used last time. I laughed at myself because I hadn't even tried any of the others, but already, I had a spot. My favorite. Three hours passed in a blink.

  “Oh my gosh, that looks great!” Janice said as she walked out of her office.

  “Thanks.” I shrugged. “I gotta take off.”

  “Leigh Tressman, freshman genius.” She smiled over at me. That felt great. I smiled widely and walked up the stairs to find Jaron for my ride home.

  sixteen

  I felt dizzy as I climbed up the steps of the library, but I needed help with math. Finals were approaching. I hadn't been sleeping well. Study room B on the third floor? I suddenly wasn't sure. I saw a girl named Amy, one of the people I was meeting up with.

  “Amy!” I did my best loud library whisper to get her attention. She waved, smiled, and stopped just outside of a study room door. I saw spots and blackness. I needed to sit down.

  “You okay?” She looked worried as I caught up to her.

  “Yeah, I just need to sit for a minute.” I blinked over and over, trying to get rid of the disorientation. A wave of heat ran up my body. I leaned my back against the wall. I didn't know if I was just inside or just outside of our study room when everything went black.

  Light burned my eyes as I tried to wake up. I was aware of a few things at once. I lay in a hospital room, there was an IV in my arm, and I wasn't alone.

  “Leigh.” I heard
Jaron's voice next to me breathe a sigh of relief.

  I looked over at him. Why was Jaron here? My arms moved to my chest, and I felt my T-shirt. At least I still had on my clothes from earlier in the day. I hated hospital gowns.

  “You passed out in the library. Someone called 911 and a girl named Amy dug out your phone and called me. I'm apparently under brother, Jaron, and emergency contact.”

  “Well, I'd rather have someone call you than Mom and Dad. They're not in my phone as Mom and Dad.” I shifted my head to face him. “What's going on?”

  “You're in the hospital. They hooked you up.” He motioned to my IV bag. “Your electrolytes are all messed up.”

  I sighed. I felt weak. Not just my body, but myself. Weak and vulnerable. I wanted to be one of the strong girls who never gets sick, who can ride a Ferris wheel without throwing up, and who can travel and not sleep for days on end and still function. I was not that girl.

  “Why didn't you tell me you weren't sleeping?” Jaron sat forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together tightly.

  “Because you worry too much and because you'd probably tell Mom and Dad, and they worry way too much.” My voice felt hoarse.

  “Can't you understand why?” His face wrinkled with concern.

  I didn't like to think about how much they'd all worried about me. How much they still worried about me. I didn't like to think of myself as fragile. Part of me felt like, “if I act tough, then I'll be tough.” It wasn't working as well as I wanted it to.

  “Hello there, Miss Tressman!” Dr. Watts strode into my room, chart in hand, wearing a smile way too big for hospitals.

  “What are you doing here?” My eyes narrowed as he stopped next to my bed.

  “Well, one of the joys of the computer age is that I know when one of my patients checks into the hospital, and here you are.” He gestured to the obvious fact that I was on the bed in front of him. He seemed very pleased. “Don't worry, I won't take much of your time. Your brother was listed as one of the people I'm allowed to talk to, so we've gone over pretty much everything.”