Lily of the Valley in May

by Clare Revell

  “OK,” Faith whispered. Nerves sent butterflies wheeling and soaring.

  The blinds clattered shut over the windows.

  Gentle fingers removed the eye pads. “OK. Open your eyes.”

  Faith took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Nothing.

  She shut them and screwed them up tight, then opened them again. Then she blinked hard several times.

  “Faith?” Mr. Lorne said.

  Faith looked towards his voice and rubbed a hand over her eyes. “I can’t see.” She felt the doctor’s hands on her face and heard the click of a penlight, but there was nothing. Just blackness. Panic filled her, spilling into her voice. “I can’t see...”

  Twenty minutes later Mr. Lorne’s voice sounded straight at Faith. “I’m afraid the optic nerve shows some damage. It’s likely the blindness is permanent. I’m sorry.”

  Faith dropped her head towards her lap. “It’s not your fault.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you for everything you did.”

  He put a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you hoped.”

  Faith blinked hard. “Me too.” She reached for Patches harness, wishing she had dark glasses to cover her sightless eyes. “I’d like to go home now.”

  “Are you OK?” There were tears in her mother’s voice again as they left the doctor’s office.

  Faith reached for her hand. “I’m fine. Don’t cry, mum. You’ll start me off.” And I don’t want to cry until I’m on my own.

  Dad’s voice was equally gruff. “You can’t manage alone.”

  “I’ll stay with Grace until she marries Elliott, then Patches and I will take over her place and let her move out.”

  Grace forced a laugh. “You wish. Elliott wants to move in with me as he rebuilt the house. That way he doesn’t have a mortgage to pay, because I own the house outright. Joel is taking over his place.”

  “Then Patches and I will find someplace else.” Faith kept walking. But it would be life without Joel, and a huge hole in her heart. Lord, help me get over him. And help him too. I will always love him.

  ~*~

  Joel glared at the laptop. He didn’t write on a Sunday, but it made no difference.

  He hadn’t written anything since Faith ended things two weeks ago and took the muse with her. Bracing his hands on the desk, he pushed upright and strode to the door. This was a pointless exercise.

  A knife pierced his heart again as he flung the door open and headed into the kitchen. This is why I didn’t want to fall for her, Lord. I knew this would happen, yet I thought... Things were so good and I thought I finally found my soul mate. Someone I could share everything with. My faith, my life, my work...my everything.

  Elliott looked at him. “What’s up?”

  “I blew it. More effectively than if I’d let her die. And better than I did with Caroline.”

  “Caroline never loved you and you know it,” Elliott said sharply. “Not like Faith does.”

  “Did—past tense. She dumped me, remember.” Joel scowled. “Is that coffee?”

  “Yes, it is.” Elliott handed him a cup. “Does love you—present tense. According to Grace, she’s pining for you.”

  Joel scowled as he dumped a load of cream into his coffee and stirred it furiously. “That’s why she told me to leave. And it’s not like there was a relationship to end. We weren’t going out.” The spoon hit the worktop with a chink.

  “Lying doesn’t become you, Joel. Setting aside the fact it’s a sin, you never were any good at it. In fact you hate lying.”

  Joel sighed. “I’m not lying. We weren’t going out in the conventional sense of the word. I only told her how I felt the day before the landslide. I gave her my heart on a platter and she gave it right back.” He leaned his hip against the work top.

  Elliott didn’t drop it. “Faith is nothing like Caroline. Told you at the time, Caroline was a money grabbing wench. She didn’t like you, never mind feel anything other than disdain for you. Faith loves you.”

  “I thought she did.”

  Elliott snorted. “Do you want my opinion?”

  Joel sighed. “Sure.” His brother was going to give him his opinion anyway, so he may as well look willing to listen.

  “Have you written anything since the landslide?”

  “No.” Joel paused and studied his finger nails. “I feel so empty. I thought she was what God wanted for me. That He brought her into my life for a reason. You have no idea how much I resisted my feelings, how hard I prayed and read, looking for answers. But I was wrong. I opened my heart to her, started to live again. And for what? To be pushed aside, just like last time.”

  Elliott shook his head. “Has it ever occurred to you, that maybe she ended things because she lost her sight? She probably doesn’t want to saddle you with a blind wife.”

  Anger flashed through him. “She wouldn’t be saddling me at all. She couldn’t if she tried. I don’t care if she’s destitute, blind, deaf, and dumb. She would still be the kindest, prettiest woman you could ever hope to meet. All that matters is that she loves me for who I am. And I love her. Without her my life is empty.”

  “Then fight for her, bro. Tell her what you told me. That you want to marry her no matter what.” Elliott patted his brother’s arm. “Just talk to her and if she still says go take a hike, then leave. But you’ve both just been through hell and back. That’s no time to be making decisions like this. Besides, you and she are going to be related soon.”

  Joel looked at his brother. “For a builder you talk a lot of sense.”

  Elliott grinned and picked up his Bible. “So let’s take this to the Lord in prayer, shall we? Then we’ll go to church. Don’t want to be late for the morning service.”

  ~*~

  Faith sat in her usual seat in church, Patches at her feet. Grace sat one side of her, with Elliott next to her. She knew Joel was sat with them, as he’d said hello, but nothing more than that. The sermon started and Faith leaned back to listen. She knew the story of Job only too well. She was living it.

  God, where are You in all this? I moved miles away to get away from Damien and he found me anyway. And now You’ve taken my sight too?

  Pastor Jack began the application part of the sermon. “God has a way of using people we’d never expect, in a way we don’t expect. He can even take a really bad situation and work it for good.”

  Good? She scoffed, mentally pointing at her eyes. How is ‘this’ a good thing? Why did I live and others die? Why did You leave me like this?

  Pastor Jack kept speaking as if to her personally. Faith knew without a doubt God was answering her. “I’m not privileged to the way God works in our lives. I don’t know why He allows things to happen the way they do. I do know He doesn’t bring us trials to teach us a lesson. He doesn’t work like that. I also know that He is right here with you in whatever is happening in your life and will stay by your side through thick and thin, until the end.”

  Faith took a deep breath, reigning in her emotions. That’s a little hard to see right now. No pun intended.

  Pastor Jack’s smile came through on his voice. “The way I look at it, our whole life is a story. When you read a book and the main character is in a real mess on page thirty-two, he or she has no idea where the author is taking them. They can’t see any way out of the situation they are in. But as the story and their lives move on, their creator makes sense of the situation and turns it around.”

  Faith petted Patches head. We don’t all live happily ever after.

  Pastor Jack’s tone took on a gentle tone. “Maybe there’s someone here in the chapel or listening in online right now, who is on page thirty-two. You’ve had the whole carpet ripped right out from under you, and you don’t know which way to turn or what to do. You may think you’d be better off dead, but let me tell you something. If God wanted you dead, you’d be in heaven, not sitting here listening to me preach. Trust Him to take you past page thirty-two, onto page thirty-three and beyond. Let the rest of
your story unfold, safe in the knowledge that He is writing it and knows the way it will end. He tells us all things work together for good. That means His good. It’s all for His purpose.”

  Pastor Jack took a deep breath. “There are many people here that could tell you how God changed their lives when and in ways that they least expected. Pastor Carson is a prime example of that. He found God in a prison cell. You just have to trust God to work every situation for the best. Just like it says in Romans eight, verse twenty-eight. And we’re going to sing about that now. Our last hymn is 251 in the books. There’s a wideness in God’s mercy. We’ll stand to sing when the music begins.”

  Faith sat as they sang, her mind whirling, tears falling fast at the line about God’s grace being deep enough to make the blinded eyes see. As the post service murmuring started, Grace put a hand on her arm. “Are you OK?”

  “Yeah, but what if page thirty-three is months away. Or never?” Faith asked.

  “When God closes one door, He opens another one.”

  “It’s the long hallways in between you have to watch out for. Was thinking, I should at least be friends with Joel, right? I mean, we are going to be related.”

  Grace laughed. “Come on, let’s go home. We’re taking Elliott as Joel needs his car.”

  ~*~

  Joel drove home via the only florist open on a Sunday. He hadn’t liked to ask Grace if he could raid her florist. He parked on the side of the road. No backing out now. Gripping the flowers firmly, he locked the car and walked up the path. He rang the bell.

  Grace opened it and smiled. “Faith, it’s for you.”

  Faith’s voice came from one of the inner rooms. “OK, one minute.”

  A wet nose pushed against his hand. He bent down and petted Patches. “Nice to see you, boy. You been looking after her, have you?”

  Faith’s voice came from the hallway, but he didn’t look up. “Grace? Who is it?”

  “It’s for you, told you. Now I have to go supervise Elliott carving. The man may be able to build houses, but he can’t carve a joint of meat to save his life. Excuse me.”

  Faith moved over to the door, her fingers running across the wallpaper. “Hello?”

  Joel straightened up. His heart pounded and threatened to leap from his chest at her nearness. He could smell her perfume and his arms ached to hold her. This was a mistake. “Hi.”

  Her sightless eyes looked straight ahead, one hand on the door frame, the other on Patches. “Joel. How are you?”

  “I got you these.” He held out the flowers, touching them to her hand.

  “Flowers.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t raid Grace’s place. Instead I drove miles trying to find somewhere that was open on a Sunday.”

  She took them, her fingers running over them. “Roses, if I’m not mistaken.”

  “Blue ones. I know you said you liked them.”

  Faith raised the roses to her face and took a deep breath. “Thank you. They smell wonderful.”

  Joel shifted from one foot to the other. “I’m glad you like them. I’ve come to ask Patches if he’d like to go for a walk with me.”

  “My dog.” She raised her eyebrows. “You came over to ask my dog out?”

  Joel ignored the laughter in the kitchen from his brother, who was shamelessly earwigging. “Yes. I’ve always liked dogs, and yours is particularly attractive in a doggy kind of a way. If I remember correctly, you said he was kind of miffed that I was paying his owner more attention than him, so I want to rectify that. And if said owner would like to come along as chaperone, I’d like that.”

  Faith paused for a moment, a hint of a smile on her face. “I’ll do that. Just give me a minute to get my jacket and keys. And get Patches ready.”

  “Do you want a hand?”

  Faith paused for a moment. “If you could put his flowers into water, it’d save me a few minutes. The vases are in the kitchen— third cupboard from the door on the right.”

  “Sure.”

  Joel headed down the hallway into the kitchen “Shut it,” he hissed to the others.

  Grace took the flowers. “You’re doing great. Now just go woo the woman and make her see sense.”

  Faith came into the room, her fingers feeling the way. “They really do smell wonderful.”

  He looked over at her. “You can smell them from over there?”

  “Yep.”

  “It’s true what they say, then. If you lose one sense the others are enhanced.” The words were out before he could stop them, and Joel kicked himself, an instant before Elliott thumped him. “That was tactless, I’m sorry.”

  Faith didn’t miss a beat. “But apparently it’s true as well as tactless. Well, Patches is ready for his date, if you are.”

  Grace hugged her. “Have fun. We’ll wait dinner until you get back.”

  Faith shook her head. “Just plate up two more and shove them in the oven to keep warm. I’m sure Joel will be hungry after his date with Patches.”

  ~*~

  Faith walked slowly through the park, her hand on Patches harness. Joel’s heavy footsteps echoed beside hers. Birds sang in the trees and the warm spring sunshine blazed down on her shoulders.

  Had she picked up the right shoes to go with her dress? Did her jacket clash? Her skin prickled and her heart ached with Joel’s nearness and she wondered what he wanted. “How are you?”

  “Doing OK. The stiches have gone now. Elliott says my scar is very attractive.”

  “That’s worrying. Brother’s aren’t meant to find each other attractive.”

  “My thoughts exactly. I’d expected him to tease me, not compliment me.”

  The chinking sounds grew louder and Faith knew they’d reached the Inn on the Park. Joel’s hand touched hers, sending waves of heat cascading through her body. His deep voice, just as wonderful as she remembered, sent shivers down her spine. “Sit here and I’ll get us something to drink.”

  Faith sat at one of the tables, one hand petting Patches. Lord, why are you doing this? You know I still have feelings for him, but it can’t be. It’s not fair to him.

  Someone sat beside her. The waft of musk and spearmint confirmed it was Joel. “That was fast.”

  “There wasn’t a queue, which makes a change.” Joel pressed a cup into her hand. “I got you some hot chocolate.”

  Faith smiled. “Thank you.”

  He swallowed a couple of times before answering. “How’s your sight?”

  She shrugged. “Most likely gone forever.”

  “How’s work?” They both spoke at the same time. There was an awkward laugh then they both spoke again in unison. “You first.”

  Joel touched her hand. “Are you still drawing?”

  She sipped the hot drink, taking in its scent, the chocolate hit making her head spin almost as much as Joel’s presence was. “No. I can’t see. It’s like part of me is missing, but nothing I can do.”

  “Do you remember that first drawing you did for me?”

  “A pencil sketch of Angus and Nessie. How can I forget?”

  “You did it with your eyes shut. I stood and watched you. You didn’t look at the paper at all until you’d done the basic sketch. You simply saw it in your mind’s eye and transferred that image to the paper.”

  “Wow. OK, maybe I’ll try it one day.” She paused, taking a long drink of the hot chocolate. “What about you? Are you writing still?”

  “Writer’s block.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Goes like that at times.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  Faith ran her fingers around her cup. “It feels like it is. If I hadn’t gotten you involved in all this, then you wouldn’t have been put in danger and hurt the way you were.”

  “Hey, I hate to burst your bubble, but you aren’t personally responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in this world.” He was smiling at her. She could hear it in his voice.

  “Joel, think abo
ut it for a minute. If I hadn’t gone on the book tour with you, you wouldn’t’ve been put in that situation with Damien and the lily of the valley’s and wouldn’t have been hurt.”

  “If I hadn’t asked you to come with me, or I hadn’t decided to go off tour and go to Cardiff, then we wouldn’t have been caught in that rainstorm. We wouldn’t have had to stay overnight in Caergele. Then we wouldn’t have been in the landslide.”

  “I can go one better. If I hadn’t dated Damien in the first place...”

  Joel laughed. “Oh hushed, woman. If Eve hadn’t eaten the apple and given it to Adam, then sin never would have come into the world. You want the blame for that one, too?”

  Faith laughed. “No. OK, you can have that point.”

  Joel touched her hand. “Thank you.”

  Faith gripped his fingers. “To quote the sermon earlier, God has a way of making things happen and often uses people we’d never expect, in a way we’d never dream of. If we’d both been in the room at the same time, we’d be dead. But you left and came back to save me. We have to wait for God’s timing to get on to page thirty-three.”

  “Think I’d rather skip to the next chapter. Or actually, I’d use writer’s prerogative and hit the delete key and just wipe out the whole of page thirty-two. Or hope my editor hated it and took it out. Or used her red pen liberally on it, leaving me a comment in the margin along the lines of this stinks, rewrite it.”

  “Yeah, me too.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. No time like the present to be honest and tell him how she really felt. Things couldn’t get any worse, could they? “Joel, in the hospital when I told you to leave and not come back, I was wrong. I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore, now I’m blind.”

  He gripped her hand tightly, his other hand cradling her face.

  She wished she could see him as his touch burned into her skin, imprinting itself on her heart. The icy wall she’d built around herself was melting faster than she wanted.

  His voice was warm and tender. “Hey, I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

  She shook her head. “You loved the woman I used to be. The artist who broke your taillight.”

  Joel’s thumb covered her lips. “I don’t care that you can’t see. Actually, it’s probably just as well, right now.” He lifted her hand to his face.