I Gave Him My Heart

by Krystal Armstead

“Got damn!” was all you heard, echoing throughout the crowded room, as I pushed my way through the crowd of people, making my way out of the door.

  Chapter Four

  Three Steps Back

  “I hope I didn’t ruin your wedding, Nina-pooh.” I sighed through my cell phone the night of Nina’s wedding, leaning back against the fluffy pillows of my warm bed in Casa de Carlos.

  “Nah, boo, you didn’t.” Nina’s voice chimed through the phone. “I’m just calling to check up on you before I head home with Ricque. We’re not leaving to go on our honeymoon until next weekend. Uncle Dom surprised us with a week-stay vacation in Jamaica. Not to mention, right before the wedding, Saint handed me the keys to a Porsche that he got for me that he says is parked outside of the hotel!” Nina waited for me to share in her excitement. “But, I guess you already knew that, too, huh?” Nina sighed through the phone.

  I rolled my eyes, eyeing the few flowers that I managed to save from Nina’s bouquet that fell in my daiquiri that afternoon. “Yeah, he told me. He also told me that Ricque was bold enough to ask him to be his best man at y’all wedding. You’re lucky that this boy bought your spoiled ass a gift, boo, then your nigga had to go and rub salt in old boy’s wounds.”

  Nina got quiet for a few seconds before letting out a long sigh. “Kourtney, I’m pregnant.”

  My eyes widened, and I immediately sat up in the bed. It was funny because just as soon as I got happy for my cousin, I got sad for her just the same. “You okay, boo? I mean, how do you feel?”

  “I-I don’t know yet.” Nina admitted. “I miss London.” Nina started crying.

  “I know,” I whispered to my sister. “What about Ricque? What does he think?”

  “I haven’t told him. I’m going to tell him tonight,” Nina responded.

  “So, what, you’re gonna give him some head and then tell him, ‘hey, bae, I’m pregnant’?” I joked.

  Nina chuckled. “Maybe.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Nina.” I smiled through the phone. “My boo got her boo back. I didn’t mean what I said to you a few weeks ago, you know, about love not existing. You just don’t know what I’ve been through with men. I’ve never had a decent relationship with any man in my life. The only guy I can even call my friend is Saint. He gives it to me straight. He’s like a brother to me; shit, he is my brother. I just want what’s best for him. And I want what’s best for you, too. And I see that Ricque is what’s best for you. Now, all I gotta do is find Saint a girl, and everything will be perfect. I wish you two all the luck, peace, and blessings in the world.”

  “You say that like you’re going somewhere.” Nina laughed a little.

  Before I could respond, there was a knock at my hotel room door.

  “Well, you have a good night, Nina. Fuck that nigga to sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning, okay? I think this is that burger and fries that I called in. No offense, but your caterer was whack.” I listened to Nina burst out laughing through the phone.

  “A’ight, boo, good night. See you at the shop.” And Nina hung up the phone.

  I got up from the bed, going to the door in my tank top, panties, and knee-high socks. I grabbed my wallet from the computer desk and then opened the door. I nearly pissed on myself at the sight of Niq’ standing at my hotel room door. He was dressed in a tank top and sweats, glistening like he’d just finished working out.

  “Get dressed and meet me downstairs.” Niq’ looked me over.

  I scoffed, looking up into his face. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “You gonna meet a nigga downstairs or what?” Niq’ looked down into my face.

  I folded my arms. “What is it that you want, Niq’?”

  “I want you.” Niq’ grabbed my arm, pulling my body against his.

  I tried to pull away from him, but pulling away only pulled him into my hotel room. “It didn’t look that way at my sista’s wedding. Where is your wife?”

  “Apparently not here, Kourtney.” Niq’ grinned, those perfect white teeth gleaming. “You comin’ with a nigga or what? You know half of your friends are staying in this hotel, too. You want them seeing me coming to your room?”

  “You had no business bringing your ass to my room in the first got-damn place, muthafucka.” I pulled away from him, pushing him in the chest.

  Niq’ sighed. “After the reception, a few of the fellas got together to play some ball. Just about everyone is headed out to the club tonight, including a few of your girls. I just wanted to come talk to you. C’mon before someone you know comes prancing down this hallway, on their way to the club. Get dressed, Kourtney, and meet me downstairs.”

  Why did I throw on my Pink sweats, grab my purse, jacket, and Nikes to go downstairs to meet this dude? He pulled up to the curb of the main entrance in his polished silver Lamborghini Aventador. I sighed before rushing over to his ride, opening the door, and jumping in the passenger seat. And just as I closed the door behind me and went for my seatbelt, I looked up to see Brittanie standing at the entrance to the hotel, arms folded.

  “Oh my goodness!” I yelped, looking over at Niq’ as he grinned, pulling off from the curb, speeding around the roundabout. “Where the fuck are you taking me?” I huffed, folding my arms, slouching back in my seat. “I hope it’s somewhere that’s gonna make me forget about one of my best friends just seeing me rolling off in the car with her home girl’s husband! Oh my goodness, what am I thinking, going anywhere with you, after you played me the way that you did?”

  Niq’ laughed out loud. “Yo, you’re the one who left me, remember? I begged you to stay, begged you not to leave me…” Niq’ looked at me, “But you left me anyway. I wasn’t about to leave my kids, especially when I barely got to see them in the first place. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like a side-chick. I just couldn’t do my kids the way that my father did me. You know what it feels like to have your father move the fuck on with another woman and forget about you, like you never existed, don’t you? I remember sitting across the street from Mr. Chamber’s house with you at that got-damn playground. You used to cry over that nigga.”

  I looked at him, the frown easing its way from my face. “Well, turns out Eddie wasn’t my father. Turns out my father raped my mother. My father was my mother’s stepfather.”

  Niq’s eyes widened. He looked at me a long time before looking back at the road. “Damn.”

  “Yeah.” I rolled my eyes, fighting the tears from forming in my eyes. “He raped Nina’s mother, too.”

  “Hold up!” Niq’ laughed at the craziness of the situation. “So, y’all are—”

  I cut him off. “Yeah, we’re sisters. Sister-cousins to be exact.”

  Niq’ glanced back at me. “Damn, I missed a lot.”

  “Nina’s Aunt Toni, who turned out not to be her aunt after all, was sick. She had schizophrenia among other mental illnesses. I moved to Goldsboro when I left you so that I could be with Nina and help her take care of Aunt Toni.” I started telling Niq’ about my life. “After a year of living with Aunt Toni, her husband raped me on their kitchen table.”

  Niq’ slammed on the breaks at the stoplight. He looked at me, his eyes tracing my face. His eyebrows lowered, face grimacing. “What?”

  “Aunt Toni shot the nigga but didn’t kill him. Aunt Toni got put in a mental institution, and all they did to that nigga was move him to another unit out of state! I went to Goldsboro to take care of my sista’s heart, and look what happened to mine!” I exclaimed.

  “Babe, I’m sorry.” Niq’ apologized, something I’d been waiting on for years.

  “Why is someone always trying to hurt me, Niq’?” I cried out as Niq’ grabbed my hand, intertwining it in his.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kourtney Love,” Niq’ whispered. “I loved you; you know I did. Kourtney, I still love you.”

  “Why’d you come here?” I slipped my hand from his. I looked at him, drying my face.

  “I vacation here all the time. Peanut asked m
e to be her date for the wedding, so I came. The twins wanted to come meet you, too. They’ve been following up on you and Nina for years. Talkin’ about becoming tattoo artists for years. There’s this cat in California named Trench Carter. He works for Reelz TV and wants to do a reality show based on the Nicolas’ life. My daughters are friends with Sophie and Willimena Nicolas, daughters of Carlos Nicolas. They go to UCLA with my girls. My daughters wanna be in the show but won’t do it without you or Nina, so…” Niq’ watched the irritated expression appear on my face.

  “So, that’s what this is about? You want me to talk to my sista’s husband about a reality show? That’s the reason why I’m in your ride with you? That’s the reason why Brittanie is probably telling Peanut right now that she saw me hop in the passenger seat of your ride?” I exclaimed as the light turned green, and Niq’ burned rubber, taking off down the street.

  Niq’ laughed. “Nah, but doing this would give you the exposure that you need. You’re just as talented as Nina, if not more. I’m not here to try to convince you to do the show; I’m here to see how you are doing after all these years. You left me; I just wanted to see what your life is like without me.”

  “I’m fine as you can see.” I scoffed. “I’m living in Punta Cana with my sista and her celebrity family. They treat us like we’re a part of their family. I have maids and shit doing my hair every morning. I have people to do my makeup. I have people to cook my food. I have people to do my shopping. I don’t have to do a muthafuckin’ thing but help my cousin at her tattoo shop and look pretty. I started taking classes online. I started drawing and painting again; I even have my tattoo license. I sell my paintings online. I work for Saint as his press representative. I travel the world with the Nicolas’—they treat me like I am a Nicolas.”

  Niq’ laughed to himself. “Sounds like Nina’s life to me. Doesn’t sound much to me like you’re as independent as you should be. You’re living in her shadow like you’ve always been. Do this show and make a name for yourself. I believe in you; I always have.”

  I looked at him, not about to let him have me all in my feelings. I could’ve been sitting in my bed, enjoying a fat-ass juicy burger and fries, but instead, I was reminiscing with him. My heart was cold but apparently not cold enough. There I was, leaned back in his ride, hair blowing in the wind, cruising down the street on my way to who-knows-where-he-was-taking-me. We ended up at a beach house on the other side of the beach. I’d been to that house. Diego Cruz, who played for the Huracanes del Atlantico, a professional basketball team based in Puerto Plata, owned it. That boy partied harder than anyone I’d ever met. And he loved the ladies. He was white as cotton, but that boy loved him some chocolate. Every girl he fucked with was some shade of chocolate, from caramel to black coffee, no sugar, no cream. He was something like Saint, not too fond of redbones unless it was for sexual activities. I played in the sheets a few times with Diego when he felt the need to add a little almond cream to his coffee. You know, a threesome. I wasn’t about that life, but Diego was one of Saint’s regular customers. He thought of going elsewhere for product, and I got my girl, Chelsea, to help persuade him otherwise.

  “Why does it not surprise me that you know Diego Cruz?” I rolled my eyes as we pulled up outside of Diego’s place.

  Niq’ grinned, throwing the car in park, taking his keys from the ignition. “He’s at his other house in town, getting ready to roll out to the club. I’m about to go out with them, too. I have to get back to New York; my flight leaves in the morning. I just wanted to spend some time with you before I go back home.” Niq’ looked me over before getting out of the car.

  I sighed, sinking back in my seat, watching Niq’ stroll his way over to my side. My heart trembled in my chest as Niq’ opened the door on my side. I looked up at him as I unbuckled my seat belt and then got out of the car. I stepped aside as he closed the door behind me, looking me in my face.

  “Spend time with me? What will Peanut have to say about that?” I folded my arms. “Does she even know about us?”

  Niq’ nodded. “She does. I told her about us years ago. Every time we get into an argument, she brings you up, calling you ‘the girl who got away’.”

  I shook my head at Niq. “Yeah, right. I know Peanut, and that doesn’t even sound like her. She’d say something like, ‘lemme find out you’re still talking to Kourtney, the bitch who got away from your lyin’ ass.’” I watched Niq’ laugh because he knew I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t been around Peanut, but I knew her enough to know her ways. If she knew anything about the two of us, she sure as hell never approached me.

  “She knew about you back when we were in school. Back when she was pregnant. Christmas, 1996.” Niq’ watched my eyebrows lower. “I told her that I was seeing you, and that’s when she told me that she was pregnant.”

  “I can’t believe this shit. She knew about us? And now that y’all are married, how does she feel about me now? What’s she gonna say now that she knows I rode off with you? She loves you, Niq.” I watched him shake his head in disagreement. “She knew that me and you were seeing each other, and she didn’t say anything. She kept it a secret as long as I kept you a secret. She wanted you, she trapped you, and she kept you from me for all of these years, friendship or no friendship. She hasn’t confronted me about you because I left you alone. I don’t know why y’all are getting a divorce, but I don’t want any parts of this. I have my own life now, Niq’. I moved on from you years ago.”

  “So, where’s your ring?” He grabbed me to him by my arms, unfolding them.

  “At the store waiting for my future husband to buy it, asshole.” I rolled my eyes.

  Niq’ smiled, looking me over from my hair to my neck. “I missed your face, those freckles, those lips, those hazel eyes, that mole over your lip. Come to New York with me.”

  I shook my head, watching his eyes linger all over my body.

  “Our divorce will be final in two weeks, Love.” Niq’ looked back in my face.

  “So, what? You think I’m not seeing anybody?” I resented the fact that he just knew I was alone.

  “Are you seeing anyone in particular?” Niq started unbuttoning the buttons on my jean jacket.

  I hesitated, his hands swiping across my cleavage, lingering for a few seconds. I scoffed, pushing him away, watching him smiling, biting his lip. That face was still amazing. I missed it so much, but I still couldn’t shake the fact that Peanut knew about us and never confronted me. It was almost as if she took pride in their relationship, like she was happy that her having his two kids pushed me away from him. I bet she felt real stupid though when the nigga left her and took the kids.

  “Didn’t think so.” Niq’ grinned. “So, come inside with me; let’s talk for a few minutes. I’m living in New York now; I left Cali’ with my girls years ago. Peanut is living her life, and I’m living mine. We tried, and it didn’t work.”

  “So, what, you thought I was just gonna sit around and wait for your ass? What happened to all your groupies? Don’t laugh.” I watched Niq’ chuckle. “Every basketball player has groupies. How the fuck do you think I know this nigga’s house that we’re at right now?” I watched Niq’s laughter fade. I pursed my lips, looking him over.

  He looked me over just the same. “You’re one to talk, Kourtney. You got a nigga beat. Your head game skills have been ringin’ from coast to coast.”

  I folded my arms. “What I do is my muthafuckin’ business. I don’t belong to anybody. Fuck niggas, love no one—that’s my motto. I’ve been on this status for years. I’m tired of getting my heart broken by those who said they’d never do that shit. You told Peanut about me but didn’t tell me about her. Then, when you saw that Ernesto was feeling me, you thought you could just swoop in and take me from him. And then when I thought I had you back, after dating you for three years, you let me go so that you could work things out with her! And the bitch knew about me the whole time!”

  Niq’ sighed, shaking his head. “Come on, let’s
go inside. I’m hot, sweaty, been playin’ ball and shit. Let’s just go inside and shower. Shit, you wanna come to the club with me? These are your friends; I could give a damn what they think about me.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. Hell nah, nigga, I’m not going anywhere with you. You haven’t changed. I don’t even know what I was thinking, coming here with you. You’re just like everyone else, thinking I’m just a quick and easy fuck!” I pushed him.

  Niq’ shook his head, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. “Nah, you know it ain’t even like that.”

  “Do I?” I looked into his face as he moved in closer. “Do you think I miss you, muthafucka?”

  Niq moved closer to me, backed me up against his Aventador. “Yeah, you miss a nigga.”

  My heart leaped inside of me. Why was he playing with my emotions? He knew I missed him. “Do you think I still love you?” I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

  “I know you still love me. You still got my name tattooed on your thigh? You still got that ‘N’ stud pierced over your clit?” Niq’ kissed me on my cheeks.

  And I clenched my eyes closed with all of my might, bracing myself, thinking he was going to kiss me on my lips. But he didn’t. I looked back into his face. “I shouldn’t even be here with your lyin’ ass. W-why don’t you just take me back where I belong?”

  Niq’ grinned, nodding, backed away from me, pulling me up off the car. “A’ight.” In seconds, this nigga had me over his shoulder, ass in the air, kicking and screaming, carrying me into the house.

  “Niq, oh my goodness, put me down!” I squealed as Niq’ unlocked the front doors to the extravagant beach house. I kicked and swung, and he laughed the entire time, carrying me in the house, arm wrapped around my waist, hand cupping my ass cheek.

  “Girl, shut’cha ass up.” Niq’ chuckled, letting me down to the ground.

  I panted, watching him close the door behind him. “Take me back to the hotel, Niq’! Better yet, take me back to my house! I know you know where I live, ol’ stalkin’ ass!”