I Gave Him My Heart

by Krystal Armstead

  Despite of the complications of that morning, everything had calmed down by that afternoon. Nina gave birth to a healthy, plump, curly-haired, bright-eyes little girl. After Ricque calmed down from his medical team’s fuck-up, they let him be with his wife through the delivery. They let Aunt Rayna in as well. She got the entire thing on camera for me because I was too weak to go in. I couldn’t see Nina like that, being cut open.

  I sat in the waiting room, crying, as Aunt Rayna let me see the video of my boo on her iPhone. Ricque was crying, cutting the baby’s umbilical cord. Little Princessa was screaming at the top of her lungs from the moment they cut her out of the womb. She was grabbing onto Ricque’s hands and arms before they could even wrap her hollering ass in the blanket.

  Aunt Rayne cried, smiling at me as I watched the video. “She is so beautiful, isn’t she? Oh, she looks exactly like London!”

  I couldn’t even talk; I was crying so much. I nodded, watching the video, watching Ricque bringing the baby to Nina’s face so that she could see her baby. Nina cried out as the baby grabbed her face, screaming at her mommy. Ricque cried, kissing both his big baby and his little baby. “Awe!” I cried out, watching my family together.

  Our girls from the shop showed up to see my boo that evening. I sat in the corner of the room to give everyone the chance to see Nina and her baby. I’d cried with Ricque and her enough that day. It was time that I gave our girls a turn to shed some tears. Nina was in pain, but she was so beautiful. That curly mane of hers was everywhere until Ricque helped her brush it up into a ponytail. Aunt Rayna only let everyone stay for about an hour before she rushed everyone but me out of the room. Watching Nina laying in that hospital bed, holding that baby close, crying with Ricque, really had me feeling some type of way. Ricque kissed both of his babies— Nina and Princessa. You already know I was happy for Nina. She’d lost so much. She deserved happiness. But watching her there with a man who was willing to fight for her only made me realize that... I wished someone would fight for me, too. Someone that belonged to me and nobody else. Where the fuck was he? And when I found him, would I be ready for him?

  I let the three lovebirds spend some nesting time together, while I did my daily runs. July 4th wasn’t just the day our country won its independence. It wasn’t just the birth of my beautiful niece. But it also marked the birth of Ivan Santiago Nicolas, aka Saint Dominguez. You can imagine the pain that he felt when he got wind of Nina giving birth to his niece on his birthday. The party that we were throwing at the hotel was a surprise party for Saint. He was always doing for everyone else; it was time everyone else did for him. There was nothing that dude wouldn’t give you if you asked. Nothing he wouldn’t do for you if you needed him. And when he helped you, it was always with no strings attached. My brutha-in-law was most definitely better than yours.

  “Hey, boo.” I rolled up on Saint at his bar that night. I knew he was going to be at the bar because he had a business meeting with one of his partners from South Korea, Yin Young, the most gangsta Korean you’d ever meet. If it weren’t for the slanted eyes, you would have thought the muthafucka was black. His family was richer than life. He had been hanging around Escorpión a lot for the past few months. Saint was thinking of opening a club in Baltimore, Maryland. He wanted Young to run the club for him.

  Saint grinned when he saw me strolling into his club that evening. He was dressed to impress as usual, his curly hair grazing his pressed buttoned-down shirt. “Hola, senorita. Como estas?”

  “See now, I learned that phrase back in school. Now we can talk Spanish!” I laughed, sitting in front of him, on a stool next to Young’s sexy ass at the bar. “Muy bien. Y tu?” I looked at Young, who was checking out my thighs in my Daisy’s. I rolled my eyes.

  “Hey, Young.”

  “What’s up, Chambers?” Young grinned.

  I grinned from him over to Saint, who shook his head at me. “What?”

  “Pretty told me about the party y’all are trying to throw for me tonight.” Saint watched me sighing, rolling my eyes. “No voy a la fiesta; I’m not going to the party, Ma. Sorry.”

  “Oh my goodness; Pretty’s ass can’t ever keep a got-damn secret! I’ma go curse that bitch out!” I was about to get up from the table when Saint grabbed my arm.

  Saint laughed out loud. “Chill! It’s not her fault. I went to Uncle Carlos’s hotel, looking for my uncle, when I saw her and Yandi coming out of the ballroom. I caught them mid conversation, talking about how much I was going to love the party. She didn’t purposely tell a nigga; I walked into it. When I asked where they were headed in such a hurry, she told me that she was headed to the hospital to see Nina. So…”

  I looked at Saint, who didn’t have to say a word. I knew he wanted to see the picture of the baby, even if he didn’t want to really see the picture of the baby. I sighed before taking my cell phone out of my pocket. I flipped through the gallery until I got to a picture of Nina holding the baby. I handed Saint the phone. I watched Saint’s eyes glistening as he flipped through the pictures. I didn’t want him to see the pictures of Ricque and Nina together, but since he wanted to be nosy, he saw them on his own. Saint exhaled deeply, going through the pictures of his family.

  “Did-Did you give her the present I bought for the baby?” Saint choked a little, kissing a picture of Nina and her baby before handing my phone back to me.

  I wanted to cry, watching that dude hold back the tears over Nina and his niece. “You mean, that big box of baby clothes and toys, the crib, the bassinet, the infant car seat, the stroller, and the playpen?”

  “Got-damn, nigga!” Young laughed out loud.

  I laughed, too. “Yes, boo, she got everything. The embroidered sheets and comforter with Princessa’s name on them were her favorite. She cried. Didn’t you get the thank you card that she was supposed to send you?”

  Saint grinned. “Nah.”

  I sighed. “Well, you should have by now. That girl is too afraid to confront you, but I guess that’s to be expected. You did good though. The award for Uncle of the Year definitely goes to you, boo. But please, come to your party tonight. I worked so hard to put this shit together! Don’t leave me hanging! Nina won’t be there. Ricque won’t be there. Just my girls and my homies. A few celebrities are rolling through. I think that muthafucka, Trench, from Reelz TV will be there. He’s still trying to convince me to do this reality TV bullshit.”

  “Why not?” Saint’s eyes searched my face.

  “You can’t be serious.” I scoffed.

  “You said you wanted to open your own business, right? Why open just one? Why not a bar here and open the bar with my nigga, Young, up in Maryland?” Saint watched me fold me arms. “This is a great business opportunity for you. Being on this show can give you the exposure that you need to promote your artwork. You’re scared to compete with your cousin here in the DR, so open up a shop in Baltimore. You said you wanted to go to art school. Well, there’s a great college up there. You ever heard of the Knoxberry School of Arts? I can get’cha in, Ma.”

  Saint was the only one who knew I was tired of just being Nina’s sister. I felt the same way that my mom felt when she was alive when it came to Aunt Rayna. She hated being compared to her sister. When it came between the two of them, the only thing my mom managed to do before Aunt Rayna was get pregnant. She was sixteen when she had me, and Aunt Rayna just twelve when she had Nina. Grandma blamed Mama for Aunt Rayna’s behavior. Turned out, Grandma knew the whole while that her fuckin’ husband—Mama’s and Aunt Rayna’s stepfather was molesting her girls. He had both of them pregnant. Instead of acknowledging his behavior, she punished her girls by sending them away. Mother resented Aunt Rayna. They both were sent to group homes as soon as their pregnancies were revealed. Mama said that our Aunt Megan, who lived in Nevada, took them in. She was the one who turned our mothers into gold-diggers. Aunt Megan had so many niggas it was ridiculous. Everything she owned was paid for with her pussy. While she milked her niggas dry, Mama said she
stayed home, trying to raise me, Nina, and Aunt Rayna. It was no wonder she loved Nina. She practically raised her. Yet and still, Mama resented Aunt Rayna.

  Mama hated being Aunt Rayna’s older sister. I hated being Nina’s sister-cousin. And I’m sure Saint understood my pain because he worked his ass off only to be known as Ricque’s half-brother. I think he worked as hard as he did to keep people from only looking at him as Ricque’s brother. He had just as much potential as Ricque did. Just because he didn’t sing or rap didn’t mean the muthafucka wasn’t entertaining. He was funny and crazy as hell. He could dress his ass off. He was charismatic. He had a smile out of this world. He had an eye for art and an eye for talent. He was a club owner as well as a promoter. And he helped plenty of people make it big in the industry. Outside of the time he slept with Ricque’s girl, he always put other’s needs before his own. He did everything to build his community. He made sure everyone he met wanted for nothing. From the moment Ricque gave Saint the keys to his father’s kingdom, Saint made sure his brother got everywhere safely. Ricque’s bodyguards were fired by Saint and replaced with Saint’s ruthless bodyguards. Saint would kill for who he loved. And Saint loved Ricque, even though he was jealous of him.

  I couldn’t help but grin at the idea of opening up my own bar. I already had the name and everything. “How do you say ‘drink it’ in Spanish?”

  Saint laughed a little. “Bébela.”

  “Bébela…” I whispered to myself, loving the sound of that. “You’re really gonna help me?”

  Saint looked at me like I was crazy. “What’s the use of having all of this money if I can’t help out my family? You’ve brought me in so much clientele, I have to return the favor. You wanna set up shop here? I’m down. You wanna set up shop in Maryland, so you can go to school? That’s cool, too.”

  I hesitated. “What about Nina? I need to run this by her.”

  Saint shook his head at me. “You ain’t learning shit going to school online, Ma. The Knoxberry School of Arts is one of the best art schools in the country. Why don’t you just move up there? Make a life of your own. You’re never going to be able to live with yourself if you don’t spread your wings now. You’re beautiful, you’re young, and you’re free. Go live your life without her. Just say the word, and I’ll have your house built. I can have it done by New Year’s.”

  I sighed. Hearing about striking out on my own was exciting yet scary as hell.

  “You really wanna talk to Nina about this? She’s gonna tell you to stay your ass here; you know she is.” Young shook his head at me.

  Saint cosigned. “Nina doesn’t want you anywhere that she can’t call you to come over when she needs you to help book her clients.”

  I smacked my lips at Saint. “Boy, bye. My sista would be glad to see me venture off on my own. Are we partying tonight or what, Saint? A bitch cooked hot-wings and shit for your ass, muthafucka!” I watched Saint laugh.

  “I might roll through;play like I’m surprised. But I can’t stay long. I havebusiness to attend tonight.” Saint grinned.

  “It’s your birthday, boy. Do you ever take a break?” I shook my head.

  “I can take a break when I die, Ma. Until then, I’m about my business. You better get about yours, too, Kourtney, and think this business venture through. Reality show, tattoo shop, bar, and all.” Saint tried to convince me. “But, I’m telling you, when you mention this to Nina, she’s gonna shut you down. You might as well not even tell her, for real.”

  ***

  “Move to Maryland? You wanna leave me?” Nina exclaimed the next morning from her hospital bed.

  I guess Saint knew her better than I did.

  I sighed, slouching back in the recliner that sat in the corner of her room.

  Pretty, Lailah, Nancy, and Chelsia stood alongside Nina’s bedside.

  “Nina, I can’t be your assistant forever!” I explained to Nina, who wasn’t getting where I was coming from at all. “I have talent, too! I’m tired of living off of you! I need to make it on my own! All my life, people have taken care of me; it’s time I take care of myself! I’m fuckin’ thirty-two! And I’m living off of my sister and her husband!”

  “I understand you want to do some of your own things but moving to Maryland? Whose idea was this?” Nina asked, sitting up in her bed.

  “Saint’s,” I mumbled.

  “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” Nina scoffed, pretending not to hear me say Saint’s name.

  “Saint, okay? He’s opening up a club in Maryland and wants me to run it with Yin Young.” I watched the irritated expression growing on Nina’s face. “He’s also helping me open up a tattoo shop there and a bar here in Punta Cana. He’s helping me make major moves while you seem to want my ass to stay planted here in your soil, where you control all the moves.”

  Nina shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to do, Kourtney. You’re just so irresponsible. All you do is party! You wouldn’t know the first thing about running a business on your own!”

  I was really hurt by her lack of confidence in me. She sounded just like my mother when I told her that I was leaving California to go live with Nina and Aunt Toni. “What the fuck you mean ‘I wouldn’t know the first thing about running a business on my own’? You actually think you run that got-damn shop by your got-damn self? Who the fuck do you think brings all of your clients in, Nina?”

  “And what is it that you do to bring the clients in, Kourtney, huh? Do you call that responsible?” Nina called me out for being a hoe, something she’d never done.

  I gasped, at a loss for words for a few seconds.

  Pretty, my ride-or-die, loved Nina but wasn’t about to let her talk shit about me.

  “Whoa, Nina, okay, y’all need to chill. You act as if Kourtney is trying to be your competition. The girl just wants to try to make a name for herself on her own. Every idea this girl has ever given you, you have shut it down. The reality show, which would have made for good publicity, what did you do to that? Shot the shit down. When Kourtney wanted to open that strip club in that empty building around the corner, what did you say? You said no. One of our customers overheard the idea and went and opened a strip club in that same building, and that damn club hasn’t stopped hoppin’ since! This girl does miraculous things for you, and you wanna slick call her a hoe? That’s fucked-up!”

  Nina was vulnerable. She was hormonal. She was hurt. I understood all of that, but she was still wrong. “Kourtney, I didn’t mean it like that. I just—”

  I cut her off, disagreeing with her. “Yes, you did. You meant that all I am good for is getting down on my knees or laying on my back or riding a dick! I haven’t sucked, fucked, or even touched a dick since the night of your wedding!”

  They all looked at me, surprise crinkling their eyebrows.

  “What? No dick? Not even a little?” Lailah couldn’t believe I’d given my lips, ass, and pussy a damn near eight-month break.

  “While I was home studying or out with Saint planning major moves, y’all bitches thought I was out there fuckin’ niggas! Well, I wasn’t! Niq’ fucked that up for every nigga. I’ve been about my business; despite what you think I may or may not be capable of! I have made some irresponsible decisions, but I have always come through for you, Nina!” I shouted. “I’ve always had your back. Whatever you needed, whenever you needed it, I got it for you, no questions asked. No matter how I got the shit! Well, what about me? Who’s got my back? Who’s here for me? What about me, got damn it?”

  Tears slid down Nina’s face. “I don’t want you to go.” She cried. “You have a good life here.”

  I shook my head at her. “No, you have a good life here! I wanna live my own life; I want a life that is mine, not yours! I’m not a Nicolas; you are! Nina, it’s time for me to find my own way. I need to move. Come January, I’m going back stateside. I gotta do this. You have a life here with Ricque. He is your life now. I can change. I can be responsible. I want to find love again, somewhere. I
can’t keep watching you get your happy ending. Where is mine? I gotta step aside and get a life of my own, too. I’m not leaving you, boo; I’m just going to find me… Okay?”

  Nina didn’t like it, but she had no choice. She nodded, drying her face. “Okay, boo.”

  ***

  I should have known that anywhere that I was going, Pretty was taking her ass with me. When I told my girls in Goldsboro that I was moving back stateside, they were psyched. They couldn’t believe their bitch was coming back. Though I told Nina I was moving back to the states, I was scared to death. I’d never been without my mother or Nina. It was scary. So, I took my time. Saint did as promise and opened up that club for both Young and I in Baltimore. We simply called it Young Chambers. On top of that, I’d been back and forth to Baltimore, recruiting girls and guys to work in my tattoo shop, Insertion. Daniella wanted to leave the DR so bad that she quit working for Nina and came to work for me. She held the spot down while I traveled between countries. I recruited six bomb-ass tattoo artists: Fallon, Kya, Chyta, O’Shea, Chae, and Marcel. Three girls and three guys.

  “Girl, look at these fine ass niggas up in here!” Pretty fanned herself, looking at all the cuties that rolled up in the Tattoo Expo in Raleigh, North Carolina on December 12, 2016.

  “Girl, focus.” I rolled my eyes, sitting down beside her at our table that afternoon in the Skylark Arena. “We’re supposed to be promoting my shop, and you’re over here, drooling over these niggas, most of the niggas who I’ve ran through over the years. Where are Chyta and Kya with our goodie bags? And I thought Fallon was supposed to bring the Starbucks?”

  “Girl, you already know every store in the area is packed because of this expo. Not to mention, you know Starbucks is always packed. I think there’s crack in that fuckin’ coffee, for real. Muthafuckas be fiending for that shit.” Pretty watched me getting frustrated about volunteering to take attendance for the people who showed up to showcase their businesses. “Has everyone shown up for their tables?”